Testicle Festivals

2 pounds bull testicles (or lamb/sheep, calf, or turkey testicles)
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste
Louisiana Hot Sauce
hog lard (or cooking oil)

Using a sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each "oyster". You may be able remove the skin easily if the testicles are frozen and this step preformed while thawing. You may want to watch one of the demonstration videos on youtube for tips.

Place them in pan of salt water - just enough to cover them. Let this set for an hour or so to remove some of the blood.

Next drain and transfer them to large pot. Add enough water to let them float and toss in a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let them cool and then slice each one into 1/4 inch thick ovals. Sprinkle both sides with salt and pepper to taste.

In a bowl, mix the flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder. Dip them in milk, then coat each slice with this mixture. Dip into wine quickly (so as not to lose what's on there). If you want a thicker crust, repeat these steps.

Immediately place the little suckers into hot cooking oil, and then add the Louisiana Hot Sauce directly into the oil.

Cook until they are golden brown or tender. Don't overcook...the longer they cook, the tougher they get.

Possibly of interest to testicle connoisseurs is Penis Stew.

This recipe is taken from The Two Fat Ladies, Full Throttle by Clarissa Dickson and Jennifer Paterson (New York, Clarkson Potter, c1998, page 101). The ladies say this was originally a Jewish recipe from Marcelle Thomal. Innards, including penis, once played a major role in Jewish cooking.

1 pound of penis of ram or bull (I'm not certain where you would buy this...the butcher may look at you funny if you ask)
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
1 teaspoon coriander seeds, crushed
1 teaspoon salt
freshly ground black pepper

Scald the penis, then drain and clean (preferably not in front of a window). Place in a saucepan, cover with cold water, and bring to a boil. Remove any scum (oh my god ewwww), then simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and slice.

Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add the onion, garlic and coriander and fry until the onion is golden. Add the penis slices (yes, the phrase penis slices makes me giggle, too) and fry on both sides for a few minutes. Stir in the remaining ingredients with a good grinding of pepper, add enough water to cover, and bring to a boil. Lower the heat, cover, and simmer for about 2 hours, or until tender. Add a little water from time to time if necessary to prevent burning.

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