Having The Sex Talk with your child

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Time to talk Birds and Bees

Are you thinking of having "The Talk" with your child. Do you not know where to begin? What to say? How to start? Well I have made this lens to hopefully help with some of those questions. So be sure to look all the way to the bottom and I hope you will find some resources and tips to help.

 

 

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Oh my gosh "The Talk" 

So I decided to make this lens all about having that dreaded talk with your child - Why? because it is just about that time for me and I have no idea where to start. I figured if I am going to do some research I would document my finds here to help others in the same boat. I am freaking out at the idea of having to do this, but there comes a point where you want your child to get information that is accurate and not from the kids who only know stuff that is totally wrong. We should not let the TV, school friends, computer and bad magazines teach our kids about Sex (oh that word to think my child will know about sex). It is important as a parent that we give them the information they need and to know what is correct and not correct.
I cannot believe I am going from writing about potty training to having "The Talk" what a difference that is huh?
Well here we go, my research begins and you are coming along for the ride - so hold on....we are off

What is "The Talk"

What do you mean by that?

So what is "The Talk"? 

Now come on... did you have to read this? "The Talk" is when we tell our kids how babies get here. We need to tell them the truth: The Stork did not drop them on our door step.
Yup we need to tell them about - Gulp.....SEX

How old should they be?

What age is appropriate?

Age? Good question 

For me - my oldest is going into middle school - 5th grade (I cannot believe it) - he will be exposed to older kids up to the 8th grade. So I think now is the time for me - not that he will be involved in having - gulp...SEX, but I want him to understand what is about before he learns bad things from the older kids.
Really you can start talking at any age, but as long as it is age appropriate to their understanding and not over their heads. I think 10 or so is good - use to be older years ago, but so much has changed. I honestly think the real talk should come when you feel your child is ready and needs to know.

How do you start?

What to say?

How to get those first words out..... 

Geez you have had sleepless nights over the whole thing - trying to figure out all the right words to say. Saying them over and over in your head - you do not want to say the wrong thing. It is amazing on how crazy we get over "The Talk" - maybe some more than others. You think - how will my child react to all the information they are about to get.
Honestly you just do it, because will there ever be just the right time? If you are in a two parent household - then both parents should be there, that is important.
So now what you have your child in the room and you are about to start "The Talk". Your child sees you nervous - they have a weird face on - like what's going on and looking for the nearest exit out of the room sensing something bizarre is about to take place. And then you start...Sooo do you know where babies come from? You did it - the words came out "The Talk" has started - you can hear a pin drop. Now what? Well duh now you continue before they or you run out of the room.
Make sure you are accurate, prepared with the information, be open to questions and try to best answer them truthfully and not using the stork again. It will be strange for all and if your child shuts down and does not participate, be sure to get all of the information out because they will most likely never want to sit and talk about this again any time soon.

Some Dos
Be sure to talk about safe sex
Be sure to address NOT Smoking - smokings does not make you look cool
Talk about Peer Pressure
Address Drugs and to NEVER try them
Alcohol is bad and do not get in the car with someone drinking etc..

Some Don'ts
Do not use Porn as a source (although some husbands think this is easier)
Do not say things like - when I did drugs or when I drank

Just use your common sense Folks... Make sure your child knows that they can talk to you about anything - even stuff that may be uncomfortable. Just let them know right from wrong - kids will make mistakes, just like we all have - it is part of life. We will feel better as parents to know we armed them with good information so that when choices do come up - we hope they will make the right ones.

There is help

Be Prepared

Gather all available information 

A prepared parent is a great parent - so do your foot work. There is lots of help out there between books, websites and more to help in having "The Talk" with our kids. If it helps do not be embarrassed if you too need a refresher course. Take advantage of all the material out there to help you in this uncomfortable situation. I have added some great books and links available below.

Some books to help on Amazon 

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What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys

Amazon Price: $6.99 (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children About Sex and Character

Amazon Price: $10.36 (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex

Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Let's Talk About S-E-X: A Guide for Kids 9 to 12 and Their Parents

Amazon Price: $9.99 (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Books for the kids to help on Amazon 

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Its So Amazing!: A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and F

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Where Did I Come From?

Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Who Am I? Where Did I Come From? (Pop-Up Book)

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Me and My Body (Where Did I Come From?)

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009) Buy Now

Helpful LInks 

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Talking With kids: Sex
Most parents
want to do their best in talking with their kids about
Talking To Your Kids About Sex - WebMD
WebMD offers tips on talking to your kids about sex.
Reasons to Talk With Your Kids About Sex - Four Reasons You Should Talk with Your Kids About Sex
Many parents would prefer to not talk to their kids about sex. Find out some of the key reasons why you should be providing your children with age appropriate sex education, and talking with your kids about sex.

 

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Tips For Having "The Talk"

The It Moms get expert advice on when to have "The Talk" with your children and how to approach "the birds and the bees" subject.

Runtime: 3:36
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Readers Advice 

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Be Prepared

1 point

As soon as they start asking questions, answer them.

1 point

 

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So now talk to me and leave some feedback 

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Elizabeth26 wrote...

Great lens and very informative! I think this lens gives some great tips on how to approach" the talk".

ReplyPosted December 29, 2008

RolandTumble wrote...

Hooray! I don't have kids, but it's good to see someone talking sense. Kids HAVE TO get accurate information about sex. I still remember the talk I got from my (single) mom, nigh on 40 years ago....

ReplyPosted November 21, 2008

diggyisking wrote...

haha at the comment below me:)

Awesome lens!!!!

very well done:) It just comes down to being confident about yourself and your sexuality and then you will be able to talk about it openly:)

ReplyPosted September 12, 2008

Treasures-By-Brenda wrote...

We have been talking to our boys since they were little (appropriately). I think the worst thing is when a child does not even know the proper words for his body parts! Some of the words little boys use for penis are incredible. What is wrong with just saying penis?

Brenda

ReplyPosted August 31, 2008

sbucciarel wrote...

Great lense. Already had the talk but I enjoyed this lense. Glad you are promoting it on firestormforum.com

ReplyPosted August 25, 2008

 
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Just for your information - What does the Birds and the Bees mean? 

"The birds and the bees" (sometimes expanded to "the birds, the bees and the butterflies") is an English-language idiomatic expression which refers to courtship and sex, and is usually used in reference to teaching someone, often a young child, about sex and pregnancy. The phrase is evocative of the metaphors and euphemisms often used to avoid speaking openly and technically about the subject.

According to tradition, the birds and the bees is a metaphorical story sometimes told to children in an attempt to explain the mechanics and consequence of sexual intercourse through reference to easily observed natural events such as plant pollination.

The idiom could date back as far as Shakespeare, from these lines in Act 4, Scene 6 of King Lear:

Here, Lear is talking to Gloucester about adultery, telling him that he must not fear being punished for it, as animals do it all the time and it is therefore a natural phenomenon. The link with the second line and the modern day idiom seems to fit, as both regard the subject of copulation, and particularly, copulation in nature. In this case, the wren represents the birds, whilst the "gilded fly" may refer to bees; which seem to be flies "gilded" with gold stripes.

Word sleuths William and Mary MorrisMorris Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins, by William and Mary Morris (1977). New York: Harper & Row. ISBN 9780060130589. Cited in Where does the phrase "The birds and the bees" come from - alt.usage.english | Google Groups. hint that it may have been inspired by words like these from the poet Samuel Coleridge (1825): 'All nature seems at work ... The bees are stirring--birds are on the wing ... and I the while, the sole unbusy thing, not honey make, nor pair, nor build, nor sing.'"Work without Hope. University of Virginia Library.

Several sources give credit to Cole Porter for coining the phrase.Where did the phrase "the birds and the bees" come from? Yahoo. One of the legendary musician's more famous songs was "Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love." The 1928 standard contains the lyrics:[http://www.wicn.org/song-week/%E2%80%9Clet%E2%80%99s-do-it-let%E2%80%99s-fall-in-love%E2%80%9D-1928 ?Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love? (1928) | WICN Public Radio.] New England's Jazz & Folk Station.

Famous uses of this phrase come from the work of John Burroughs, a naturalist who lived and worked in the Catskills Mountains. He wrote a small pamphlet called "Birds and Bees: Essays"Birds and Bees, Sharp Eyes, Etc, by John Burroughs. Gutenberg. in which he explained the workings of nature in a way that children could understand. However, birds and bees are dealt with in separate sections; nowhere are they mentioned together. The phrase also had new meaning when it was adopted by singer Jewel Akens in the song, "The Birds and the Bees".

Now for a fun Video Song 

The Birds and the Bees

A little animated music video to the song by Patrick and Eugene. Man I love this song.

Runtime: 2:00
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