stepmom, mom, remarried family life
Ranked #590 in Relationships & Family, #78,130 overall
Blending takes time
I find it very difficult to deal with my husband's ex-wife. I'm very easy to get along with & get along well with my ex-husband & his girlfriend(s). I cooperate with my ex & because of this the kids are doing great & my life is much easier. My hubby's ex does not cooperate & makes life hard for everyone. There's always drama. She just doesn't get that this makes her life more difficult, ours (which of course is what she wants), but it also hurts the kids & they are having some serious problems. They've always had problems since I've known them, but it's getting worse as they're getting older. You know the saying "when they're small, it's small problems; when they're big, it's big problems". I'm starting to understand this saying all too well.
The kids....I won't use names, but one of the twins steals quite frequently. Several people in the house have caught him. I don't trust him & think this is a real problem. He's only 9. He gets in trouble ALL THE TIME in school. He's fresh, doesn't listen, and as of last week we were told he was throwing rocks at cars. Ugh!!! It's hard to deal with since we have so little control over the situation & they're with their mother so much. Bad deal all around. Wish the judge could understand the full story & things could change. Unfortunately, family courts don't look into things as well as they should & it's biased towards the mom anyway. We are collecting evidence, but it may be too late by then.
The oldest daughter, she has rage. She attacked me a few weeks ago to the point I was crying & shaking the rest of the day. The attack was uncalled for. I'm a nice stepmom & don't hit the kids ever even though they're extremely disrespectful & difficult. I see many problems with her on the horizon. My conflict is: is this genetic, or because of her mom having so many problems??? I'm not sure.
The middle daughter is doing ok, but witnessing her Mom's behavior, us being disgusted & sometimes having a hard time not showing it, her sibling's attacks on her etc. I feel for this kid.
The mom to say the least is bitter, hostile & condescending.
She doesn't get along with her family, coaches have emailed or called us, there's always a fight. Fight, fight fight. tHe woman needs help.
I would like to use this blog to help me sort out my feelings on this & vent. It's difficult to be a stepmom & deal with hostile ex & you wouldn't believe how much stress it's caused in our lives. I'm so tired & worn out. It bothers me & people don't understand. they can't or they don't care. It helps to write though. I feel richer for the experience. All experience is useful & this will somehow be useful to me. I just don't see it being good for the kids, but we do our best here & hope for the best.
More about divorce
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Stemom Bill of rights
I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times.
People outside the immediate family, including ex-wives, in-laws, or adult children cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit, and how long they will stay.
I will not solely be responsible for housework - chores will be distributed fairly.
Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
I will be consulted on all family financial matters.
Have to have some humor!!
~ We all know this type of Ex!!
Is your 2nd husband's wife like this???
Link for where to get this:
http://www.zazzle.com/my_ex_wife_works_part_time_as_satan_bumpersticker-128672443281095444?gl=Tamathaa&rf=238574319027651313
Typical Hostile Bio Mom
Great site for those of you in the midst of suffering
http://innocentdads.org/alienator.htm
Great Site for dealing with remarriage issues
Every bit helps! ; )
Many have been here
It's a journey
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Christine Cacal
Apr 16, 2012 @ 3:56 pm | delete
- Please allow me to introduce myself. I am a casting associate with a Los Angeles-based television production company that develops television series for a variety of cable networks.
Our company is in the beginning stages of development for a new reality series that will center on the day-to-day life of a unique, modern day blended family. We are now casting a large, blended family that resides anywhere in the United States. Are you an outgoing, dynamic family comprised of interesting characters and spouses that have children from previous marriages? We are looking for this generation's wilder, more entertaining Brady Bunch. Although on-camera experienced is not required, all family members must have big personalities, be comfortable speaking on camera, and able to legally work in the U.S.
We are respectfully asking that you share and forward this information to any individuals, families, businesses, clubs, groups or organizations that may be interested in being considered for the project and encouraging unique, individual families to submit themselves for consideration. To be considered, please email us photographs of your family (both family photos and individual photos of each family member), describe the roles or jobs of each family member, tell us your story and why your family would make for compelling television, what city and state you live in, and include contact information (name, number, email) via: RVScasting@yahoo.com.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best wishes,
Christine Cacal
Casting Associate
Red Varden Studios
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thewifeshop
Feb 11, 2011 @ 11:35 pm | delete
- I am sorry you are going through this. I've been there and some days are better than others. But most of all, the toll of "their" divorce does not only affect those who divorced, but us and our children in the intact family. Most people do not understand. Sadly, unless they are in our situation, they will never understand. There are many studies that show that stepmothers are the ones most stepped on and hated in blended families, many times through no fault of their own. In addition, stepdads are usually loved and admired by society for marrying a woman with children. Bottom line is that stepmoms are always looked at by society as taking away from the "biological" children of the first marriage, while stepdads are always looked at as "saviors" of the single mom and poor kids...with that, we attempt to do so much to prove everyone wrong and in the long run, we wear ourselves out and no matter what, we are not truly appreciated. Yes, there are some stepmoms out there that are lucky to not be in this situation...those are only the ones who married a man with children and the biological mom is a loser, doesn't care about the kids, is a drug addict, etc...if the bio-mom is anywhere near a decent human being by society's standard (even if she is crazy to us and our husbands) , the stepmom will always remain the evil one...and thus will always be considered the one causing the trouble...period.
Anyway, I noticed you posted my zazzle store cards here...thanks!
Take care of yourself and your children...and your marriage...
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getbackup
Nov 16, 2010 @ 9:03 pm | delete
- Yes the real mom, it can happen to the Mom or Dad. Both parents have the right to equally raise the kids as it is both their kids. When one parent disparages this right, and unilaterally raises the child, alienating the other parent, that is wrong. I do believe though that the courts lean towards the Mother still, there is an inherent bias and if a woman is the alienator, it is more difficult as she can do anything & use false claims of abuse, restraining orders. This is very common. It's mostly sad for the kids. :(
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the real mom
Nov 16, 2010 @ 8:57 pm | delete
- Dads are now dumping wives they don't want and taking their children and alienating their children from the bio mom in revenge and selfishness. Is replacing a children's real mother who is a good and loving mother with a step mother any better? It is still l "rational-lies". Children have a right to be raised by their "real" mother. It boils down to it was disrespect by at least one spouse of the other which likely causes the breakup of a marriage in the first place. Dads are maliciously retaliating, playing the victims. Moms and dads can be alienators and alienated.
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THEY GREW IN MY HEART.....NOT MY BELLY....
Mar 2, 2010 @ 11:03 am | delete
- I am a STEP MOM....to 5 children. 5 children that I love dearly. We have custody of those 5 children. I know that I am not their biological mother. But I am a MOM to them. I wake them up every morning, feed them breakfast, make sure their homework is in their backpack signed (And I do sign their work, report cards, progress reports, etc. with a legal signed and notarized paper from the school by their father if he has forgotten or doesn't sign it. After he has seen it... if he hasn't seen it I make sure he is told about it..) I do their laundry, cook their food, take them to their doctors visits, counseling. I pick them up off the bus or go to the school to pick them up. I take the calls from their teachers regarding their actions at school. I help them do their homework at night, I make their dinner, I do their dinner dishes, I make sure they take their baths, get to bed on time. I read to them in the evenings. I talk to them about their problems, their worries, their concerns. The whole time I'm doing this their mom is out at the bars or with whomever she happens to be sleeping with at the time. My husband and his children moved into MY house and the minute that they did it became OUR house. When I married him in a way to speak I married them. NOT all Step Moms are mean and evil. I at times tend to do more for his kids than my own to make up for the fact that their biological MOM isn't there... She lies not only to the children's father but the children also. She has let men after men claim the children as their own, she has placed these different men's last names behind her children's name. She has let these men beat her children with cut up water hoses, belts, fly swatters and more. She has taken them away for months at a time from their father.
I resent the sentence, "Step moms take a rest and stop messing up kids' lives"
There are good MOMS & DADS and then there are DEADBEATS... Their are good STEP MOMS & STEP DADS and bad ones too.. DO NOT put ALL STEP PARENTS in the same catagory. That isn't fair and that isn't accurate. I would/and have been there for my "CHILDREN both biological and step" when they have needed me. I have stepped away and let them be with their "Real Mother" when they have needed her. I have set in an emergency room with an injured step child when the nurse directed all of the "This is what you need to do's" at their biological mother.. while sitting there knowing that she would walk out and not see them for two weeks to two months and said not a word to the nurse...but inside I wanted to say.. "Talk to me...I'm the one that takes care of them now, I'm the one that kisses their booboo's, that feeds them, cleans them, runs into the room at night when their scared".... I sat there and was completely ignored.
I can sit here and say that all EX-WIVES are bitches....jealous...and hateful but that wouldn't be right either would it????
I do not intend to "TAKE A REST".... I intend to do all and everything I can to make sure that they have a safe and happy home with us....so their biological MOM won't MESS UP THEIR LIVES...
I AM A STEP MOM..... I LOVE MY STEP KIDS....THEY DID NOT GROW IN MY BELLY...THEY GREW IN MY HEART
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Be informed & know there are others like you!
Help I'm a stepmother
Second marriage
For the World's Best Stepmom. Show her your appreciation.
Advice on Hate
Better a serpent than a stepmother!
- Euripides
For HOT stepmom!
Great Stuff on CafePress
Parental Alienation on Twitter ~
Zazzlific ~
A little humor. Wicked Stepmother.
by getbackup
New to squidoo & trying to "get it". It seems like fun if I knew what I was doing! I have a LOT of kids, 2 of my own, 3 stepkids & one foster. I also... more »
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