PARENTING TIPS - Toddler through Teens the rules are the same!

Now, I know it's not possible to have a completely water tignt schedule, that is never broken... however having set times for naps and food gives the baby and child structure. It helps them understand what's going on in their world. If every day is like every other day, then they know what to expect... and that is comforting to them.

If you go out, go out around their schedule. Go out either before or after the all important nap. OR, schedule a long drive to go somewhere DURING their nap time, this way they sleep the whole way there, and are fresh as a daisy upon arrival.

I know that things happen, and it's not always possible. But there is really no reason that a person can't stick to somewhat of a schedule 85% of the time. And this advice is especially for stay at home moms. When there is a child care provider it is harder to have control, but you can try to have them do what you recommend, and it will help you during the weekends.

When I say "somewhat of a schedule" I mean this... they nap somewhere between 11:30 and 1:00. They eat lunch somewhere between 2:00 and 3:30. I know mothers that measure formula with freakin science beakers down to the umpteenth ounce... and have to have their kid in bed by seven... or the EXPLODE! But being TOO structured is just as bad, if not worse than having no structure at all. It creates stress, for you, and then as a by product... creates stress on your child.

Shit happens, and when it does, it does. But if brings great comfort to a baby or toddler when they are in a strange place like at a mall or a birthday party or zoo.. and you bring out their regular cup and their regular spoon and feed them in their regular position. It shows them that the ROUTINE is still in place, even though you are not in your normal place. It brings them comfort.

Also, having a schedule for eating prevents the snack and drink demanding behavior that I have seen so many children do. Some toddlers are even allowed to open the refrigerator themselves, or climb the pantry shelves..... umm.... no, no, no, no, no. What are these parents thinking? You eat when I give it to you, and you know when that will be... because it's the same as every day.

There are exceptions to everything, which brings me to my second rule:


Rule #2:KEEP A ROUTINE.....Have times for sleep, times for play and times for food, and stick to it whenever possible!
Part 2 of Rule 2: There will be times when the routine is not kept (going to parties, vacation, ice cream man, staying up late to watch a movie). It is CRUCIAL that you make a big deal out of these exceptions... so that the child knows that it is a "special treat". This makes them enjoy the specialness of it more.. and makes them less likely to act out when things go back to normal tomorrow.

1. Children don't know anything at all, unless you or someone else teaches it to them.

2. Children are pleasers, they want to do the things that please you.

3. Have a set schedule, and try very hard to stick to it. Children CRAVE and need routine!(this is especially true of children of divorce) you should have a routine in your house, and he or she (ex spouse) in theirs.. whenever possible, work together to make the routines as similar as possible.

4. Don't sweat the small stuff.

5. ALL children will do something wrong. They have no way of knowing it's wrong, unless they try it, and then it's YOUR responsibility to TEACH them that it's wrong. Only hold them responsible for it the SECOND time. (this rule obviously doesn't apply to really crucial things like touching an oven or running out into traffic... more like crayons on the wall, saying a bad word).

6. Your house is not a museum. Kids touch things... if you love it, and it's really expensive, MOVE IT! However, completely re-decorating a house to remove ALL TOUCHABLES is THE WRONG THING TO DO!!! Children need to learn, and be taught not to touch certain things, you can start this RIGHT WHEN THEY'RE BORN! This way they learn to recognize "untouchables" at other people's homes too (fireplace tools, outlets, candles on coffee tables) I just wouldn't (if I were you) take chances on SUPER DUPER expensive items... because remember, a child doesn't know it's wrong until AFTER they do the wrong thing once (see rule 5), and you TELL THEM it's wrong.. and you don't want them to learn that lesson on Grandmas antique Crystal.

7. There is no such thing as telling a child you love them too often. (I must say it to my toddler 500 or more times a day)

8. Kids get dirty, DON'T be so clean. (this advice not for mothers of preemies, or other children with pre-existing health condfitions)

9. Every single thing you do with your child is a learning opportunity.

10. It's never too young to start (sippy cups, potty Anything else you've heard is BULL !!! Peeing on the potty (if they can sit up on their own, and understand you when you speak.. fetch objects etc.) is like any other rule, here's the rule, "no more diapers" I am gonna teach you to follow it. YOU CREATE YOUR CHILD'S REALITY! Never worry about a child's reaction to "not having the binky" or bottle... the reaction is temporary, and the grief it saves to get it overwith quickly... is PRICELESS! Just DO IT... you are the Parent!!!!!

11. If your infant (or even older child) is fussy, they are probably hungry or tired. These two things are the cause of 99% of infant yuckiness. THey cannot really be rational at this time... so you need to stop the behavior (whining, crying) by providing the thing they need...(ie sleep, food).

12. Don't do something once, if you don't plan on making it part of the routine. For example: rocking a child to sleep, having them come into your bed, putting them to nap in an inconvienient place (shoulder, lap, car, outside). THIS IS A BIG RULE. JUST DON'T DO IT, NOT EVEN ONCE... BECAUSE THEY WILL BECOME ADDICTED TO IT, AND WHEN YOU DON'T DO IT NEXT TIME...THEY'LL FREAK OUT. Especially the in your bed thing... uh uh... no no.

13. Feed them what you want them to eat. Don't buy or keep in the house, things that you don't want them to have. If they don't know what something is, they won't want it (chocolate, candy etc).

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Q: What inspires you? How do you stay motivated?

A: I'm inspired by the people I meet in my travels--hearing their stories, seeing the hardships they overcome, their fundamental optimism and decency. I'm inspired by the love people have for their children. And I'm inspired by my own children, how full they make my heart. They make me want to work to make the world a little bit better. And they make me want to be a better man.

Q: You talk about how we have a personal responsibility to educate our children. What small thing can the average parent (or person) do to help improve the educational system in America? What small thing can make a big impact?

A: Nothing has a bigger impact than reading to children early in life. Obviously we all have a personal obligation to turn off the TV and read to our own children; but beyond that, participating in a literacy program, working with parents who themselves may have difficulty reading, helping their children with their literacy skills, can make a huge difference in a child's life.

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