Uppity Women Unite

I've been watching the battle for health care reform while I listen to the stories of women everywhere:

- The young woman who has to raise money to continue her breast cancer treatments because her health insurance company doesn't pay enough
- The woman whose treatments were denied because the insurance said she took birth control pills before going on insurance and didn't "admit to it"
- The woman whose employer canceled their group coverage and was subsequently denied private health insurance because she sought mental health treatment after her husband physically attacked her and she had to go through the pain of dealing with the law, his fucking asshole of an attorney, being thrown out of his house with no where to go and no one to help her
- The woman who said that she had to choose between her husband's diabetes and her own health issues because "he's more important"
- And the hundreds of stories of women that have come out every single day about women are being denied insurance based on a claim because they are women! I'm SO ANGRY.

And then, this morning I read this article about a woman being denied insurance because rape is a pre-existing condition.

And what did I do? The anger burst out of me and I found myself screaming at my loving partner, who is a man of color, because he dared to tell me that President Obama is going to have some damn thing for Native Americans. Instead of celebrating that victory, I was reminded that while legal racism is no longer allowed in this country, and while people like me speak out against it every time we see it, it remains OKAY TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST WOMEN.

I was mad at him because he remains silent when faced with discrimination against women.

I was mad at him because he was here.

I was mad at him because he was the only person here that I could take it out on.

I was mad at him because as a man he'll never understand what it's like to endure legal forms of discrimination simply because of your gender - and then have politicians, Insurance CEOs, right wing conservatives and everyone else discuss it as if they were discussing the fucking weather. (spare me the speeches about being a man of color, I got that).

I was mad at him because if the headline said "Insurance Company tells Alaskan Yup'ik Man that being raised in a village is a pre-existing condition" people would fucking rise up and fight as a unit because that would NEVER be allowed to happen in the year 2009, but even he didn't seem to get that!

I yelled at him because I was so god damned mad I just had to yell at someone, and so I screamed at the person nearest me - and it was him.

I take responsibility for my behavior. It was my bad to scream at him for something that isn't his fault and over which he has no control. But can you begin to understand, President Obama and the rest of you, the many levels of wrong we are talking about here? Can you understand why women are angry? Ask your wife, your mother, your uncles, your aunties, your grandfather - remember back for yourself all the incidents of discrimination you've endured. Ask those who remember how angry it made them that the law stood behind acts of discrimination. As them what it felt like to have these issues be the topic of discussion when it was something that simply should not have even been a matter of public discussion.

This is not okay. Nothing about what is happening here is okay. I don't care about the political maneuverings. I don't care that the Democrats think they have to give. I don't care that you are trying to make friends. What I care about is the fact that it is the year 2009 and it is still legal to discriminate against women in this damned country. I'm so pissed off, and I'm so tired, and I'm so disenchanted that I want to go to your house and yell at you!

I want someone - you and everyone who works for you - to stand up and say God Dammit this is the stupidest conversation we could be having. Why do you people think this is okay? I want someone with power to be angry enough and impassioned enough and strong enough to do something about this. I want people to stop acting like gender discrimination doesn't exist or at the very least is unimportant. I want YOU to be just as pissed off about gender being a pre-existing condition as you would if being black were a pre-existing discrimination.

I want to know that you give a damn and I want you to stop using our private body parts as trading cards.

I want to see a promise of the change I was promised when I voted for your asses, and I don't want to hear the lousy excuses any more.

I want the battle to end, and I don't think that's too much to ask. But I don't know, maybe you should ask the children of civil rights activists and see if they think it's too much.

Except for that statement being made by the obvious groups, like the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, I'm the only person who has acknowledged that fact. And what's sadder yet is that people are more likely to respond to a quiz on FB than they are to that fact. Yes. It makes me sad.

No, I don't necessarily expect people to carry in their heart the same ideals and feelings about this topic as I. I don't even expect people to care on the same level. I don't. And I know that it's an ugly ugly thing that most people want to avoid. I get that. But I can always hope, can't I, that at some point people will start caring at least a little bit that people are being beaten, raped, battered, strangled, assaulted, emotionally tormented, and killed on a minute-by-minute basis in homes around this world. That at SOME point people will take this issue as seriously as they take breast cancer, or autism, or diabetes, or the swine flu. Or their damn shoes even! I'd be happy if they cared as much about domestic violence as they care about their shoes!!!

Why is it important that people start caring? Because when you care about something, you pay attention. When you care about something, you want to see a change for the better - and you want to be a positive part of that change. You want to learn the facts, and you want to do something about it. Attitudes toward domestic violence haven't changed much in the last 2,000 years. People hold on to the myths and don't make efforts to learn the truth. They tend to blame the victims by using statements like "well, she must like it, because he keeps going back; if it's so bad, why doesn't she just leave; she knows he has a temper, why did she 'let' him hit her, why did she push him; maybe she should stop pushing his buttons." They make excuses for the batterers with rich statements like: "well, for the most part, he's really a very nice guy; he just got a little angry, that's all; he's just jealous; she provoked him because she..."

It's important because people are getting hurt. On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day. 1 in 4 women have experienced domestic violence in her lifetime. 1 in 5 high school girls is abused by her boyfriend. Do the math on that. Your daughter? My daughter? Your friend, your sister, your mom? Put 25 women in a room, give them a safe place to talk with NO judgment, and you'll find out. Or heck, ask them individually. I dare you to ask them. Ask every woman you know, even if you think you know all of the most intimate details of her life. Trust me. I know some of the same women as you. Ask them...

It's important because it shatters lives and costs money. The cost to the medical, legal, employment, and court systems is astounding - $5 - 10 billion. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate the health related costs alone at $5.8 billion a year. Of that $5.8 billion, approximately $1.8 represents indirect costs such as lost wages and productivity. A survey on violence against women in Canada revealed that 30% of battered women had to cease regular activities because of the violence, and 50% had to take sick leave from work because of injuries. (and please, don't think that because it is a Canadian study it is irrelevant to citizens of the U.S. Domestic violence knows no borders). Companies in the U.S. lose $3 - $5 billion dollars annually from decreased productivity and absenteeism related to domestic violence.

And from a more human perspective, consider the devastation to the victims and families. The judgments they endure because they or their loved one is a victim, the embarrassment of having been a victim of domestic violence: of having "let" someone hurt you. Loss of job, self-esteem, home, children and sometimes - life. There are empty places at tables in too , any communities. Domestic violence causes a lifetime of reactions and memories you can't erase. You can learn to live with them. You can work so the reactions become less severe, (and some disappear entirely) but some things stay forever. You can accept they were part of your life. You can learn that it was not your fault. You can become a survivor in every sense of the word. But sometimes, out of the blue and for no reason at all, something is triggered, and the reaction is there, and you can't stop it before it happens.

If you think domestic violence isn't important, if you think it doesn't affect your life, if you think it doesn't matter, think again. Everything we do affects everything else. And everything we DON'T do. As long as we as a society insist on not discussing, addressing, or aggressively working to stop domestic violence, we'll continue to experience long-term ramifications that domestic violence visits upon us from generation to generation.

Here's a thought for you to consider: "At a global level the health burden from gender-based victimization among women age 15 to 44 is comparable to that posed by other risk factors and diseases already high on the world agenda, including the human immunodeficiency virus, tuberculosis, sepsis during childbirth, cancer, and cardiovascular disease." From International Labour Organization, Sub-Regional Office for South-East Asia and the Pacific.

You don't have to be an expert to figure it out. You just have to care...enough.

And oh yeah, it's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Seriously - how can people be SO gullible? How in the HELL can people actually believe the bullshit that the opponents of HR 3200, the Health Care Bill, are spewing. Death Panels? Oh My God! Forced abortions? Are you fucking kidding me???

Please people. Use some common sense on this. To help, I'm presenting some great info from Factcheck.Gotta love Factcheck. I'm giving only a portion of the article. To get the full truth and read about the twenty-six lies, please go to Factcheck.

Please note that the full article below is taken directly from the article located at Factcheck.

Summary

Our inbox has been overrun with messages asking us to weigh in on a mammoth list of claims about the House health care bill. The chain e-mail purports to give "a few highlights" from the first half of the bill, but the list of 48 assertions is filled with falsehoods, exaggerations and misinterpretations. We examined each of the e-mail's claims, finding 26 of them to be false and 18 to be misleading, only partly true or half true. Only four are accurate. A few of our "highlights":

* The e-mail claims that page 30 of the bill says that "a government committee will decide what treatments you get," but that page refers to a "private-public advisory committee" that would "recommend" what minimum benefits would be included in basic, enhanced and premium insurance plans.
* The e-mail says that "non-US citizens, illegal or not, will be provided with free healthcare services" but points to a provision that prohibits discrimination in health care based on "personal characteristics." Another provision explicitly forbids "federal payment for undocumented aliens."
* It says "[g]overnment will restrict enrollment of SPECIAL NEEDS individuals." This provision isn't about children with learning disabilities; instead, it pertains to restricted enrollment in "special needs" plans, a category of Medicare Advantage plans. Enrollment is already restricted. The bill extends the ability to do that.
* It claims that a section about "Community-based Home Medical Services" means "more payoffs for ACORN." ACORN does not provide medical home services. The e-mail interprets any reference to the word "community" to be some kind of payoff for ACORN. That's nonsense.

Analysis

This chain e-mail claims to give a run-down of what's in the House health care bill, H.R. 3200. Instead, it shows evidence of a reading comprehension problem on the part of the author. Some of our more enterprising readers have even taken it upon themselves to debunk a few of the assertions, sending us their notes and encouraging us to write about it. We applaud your fact-checking skills and your skepticism. And skepticism is warranted.

Chain e-mail: Subject: A few highlights from the first 500 pages of the Healthcare bill in congress Contact your Representatives and let them know how you feel about this. We, as a country, cannot afford another 1000 page bill to go through congress without being read. Another 500 pages to go. I have highlighted a few of the items that are down right unconstitutional.

So, this just pisses me off. The Democrats and Obama, apparently, don't realize THEY ARE IN POWER. Apparently, they missed the part where it was announced THEY WERE ELECTED and they have the majority voice. Apparently, not a whole lot has changed.

Not if you are a poor woman anyway...

So, what sort of egregious act have they committed? They're stripping the provisions to expand access to affordable family planning from the economic stimulus bill! God DAMMIT!. This is so important for millions of low-income women. We're talking family planning. We're talking birth control. We're talking having the ability to control your reproductive system and, thus, the number of children you bear. And, hello, for those of you who are opposed to abortion, here's a news flash: safe and accessible birth control reduces the rate of abortion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're talking about health care for Christ's sake!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a question for the politicians:

Which part of this is so damned hard for you moron's to figure out????????????

And I'm sick to frickin 'death of the damned politicians using my reproductive health as a trading chip for blue chips. I'm sick to death of them trading, period. I want all the politicians in power to understand: you are in power braniacs!

So listen you rat bastard politicians: Make some decisions that don't sacrifice millions of people. FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE DO THE RIGHT THING! Stop making deals as if people's lives aren't affected!

AAARRRGGGGHHH.

Ok Uppity Women and Uppity Women supporters. We have to start taking a stand. Here's the number of the White House comment line: 202-456-1111

Put it in your cell phone or your home phone or your Skype phone. Call when something happens that you don't like. Here's how you do it:

1. The White House switchboard operator will answer first. Tell the operator you have a comment about the (fill in the blank), and you'll be transferred to a White House staff member.

2. Give your name and say you are a constituent with a comment on the (fill in the blank)

3. Say that you are disappointed that (fill in the blank) and that you support (fill in the blank)

4. Thank the staff member for passing along your message and say goodbye!

Yes, it really is that easy, and it really does MAKE A DIFFERENCE. We've rested on our uppity laurels long enough. It's time to fight ladies... Here's the message to the politicians:

My uterus is NOT your bargaining chip!

Find a product with this message at my uppitywomen Zazzle store (see below)

I just came from an old friend's funeral. He died suddenly.

So it made me think. Life ends so suddenly. Sometimes your motorcycle
gets struck from behind, sometimes it's a terminal illness, sometimes
your heart explodes. For the lucky ones, they just go in their sleep.
But they go, nevertheless, leaving the rest of us behind. And unless we have warning, unless we know that person is on their way out, too often there are things left unsaid. That may well be one of the saddest things of all.

They gave people at the funeral the chance to speak, which happens more and more often these days. I don't speak, but I do generally enjoy hearing the stories people tell. They are always the good stories, and rarely does anyone get up and speak of their regrets with that person. But today it was different. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was different.

A friend got up and said that his intent was to tell our friend how much he meant to him, how much he valued him, and how much he influenced his own life. He never got to say these things, as death came before he could share his feelings one on one while his friend was alive. His chance to look at his friend and tell him the things in his heart was gone.

While what he had to say was a positive thing, it was that thing left unsaid nevertheless. Imagine if it had been something negative how that would have impacted him...

What I'm talking about are those cases that too often arise, and you probably all know of at least one, where two people have a disagreement or falling out and one of them dies before peace can be made. In every case I know of where that has happened, the living live on with regret and sorrow, even years later. Regret that they will never have the chance to set things right. Regret that in this particular lifetime, at this particular moment, that chance is gone. Sorrow for the loss of the chance and what could have been.

There are no do-overs once someone dies.

If you are hanging on to something negative, if there is a rift between yourself and someone you care about or once cared about, answer these questions. Is it so very bad that you cannot forgive? Is it so terrible that the chasm cannot be bridged? Do you even remember what it was about that you chose to cut off all communication and think of them only with anger and negativity? Most importantly, if that person gets struck from behind by a motorcycle, or they die of a terminal illness, or their heart explodes and you never get the chance to make it right, can you honestly say that you will have no regrets?

Don't answer it for me. Answer it for yourself, and then make the decision that you can live with for the rest of your life, with no regrets, even after that person is gone.

And so why, might you be asking, would I put this post on this lens? Because the personal is the political, as every feminist can tell you. I would take it one step further and say the politica et al is personal. Everything intertwines. I believe that the personal is reflected in everything we do, be it professional, or political, or social, or community minded. In this particular case, learning to forgive, to embrace something besides strife and domination and anger, must start at the most basic level - which is personal.

My uppity 4 cents worth (inflation).