Work And Life Balance

I learned early on in my career never to assume that I know the values of the person I am coaching. It is easy to fall into projecting your own values onto another.

I was coaching an executive director of a blue chip multinational company. He was working 90 hours per week - from 5AM til 8PM Monday through Friday with another 15 hours over the weekend - every week. He hadnt taken a vacation in the last year.

My assignment was to help him to reduce his hours to an acceptable level. I thought to myself "He is a senior exec of a big multinational. He probably will not be able to reduce his hours to less than 60 hours per week. 60 hours per week has got to be the target". I was confident that could help him to achieve it.

We got to talking. He explained that his wife was very concerned about the number of hours he was working and also that the family had not taken a vacation. He had spoken to his wife and they agreed that he should bring his hours down from 90 per week to 75 per week and that he needed to ensure that he takes his vacation every year.

He explained that his wife was the daughter of a retired executive director of that business and that her father and the other executive directors had always worked extremely long hours from Monday to Friday. Working from 5AM until 8PM during the week was fine. It wasnt OK to also work over the weekend and it certainly wasnt OK that he didnt take a vacation.

That was the model for work and life balance for him and his wife. It was based upon the values of working very hard during the week with "play" time over the weekend and during vacation time.

I have seen circumstances where the values of a boss impinge on the work life balance of subordinates. I have seen situations where a boss worked extremely long hours creating an expectation, whether spoken or not, that subordinates do the same. The work life balance (or lack of balance) expectations of a boss can drive the work life balance realized by subordinates, if the subordinates allow that to happen.

I have seen circumnstances where people held very high values in connection with family and their church. They had life goals to spend large amounts of time with the family and on church matters. Yet they compromised these values and goals while climbing the ladder of success.

• They wound up working very long hours at the expense of spending time with their families and members of their church


• They became blinded by the trappings of success they achieved (monetary and status)


• They looked terrible physically-tired, washed out, and dull


• They didnt see that their ladder of success was placed against the "wrong wall" for them

These situations rectify when the individual gets back in touch with their values and begins to persue their life goals again.

Two of my clients - each was a very senior exec in different multinational companies - resigned their positions when they reconnected with their life values and goals, only to have their resignations refused. In both cases, they explained their work life balance conflict to their bosses. Their bosses created new jobs for them (roles that didnt exist previously) that were consistent with their values and life goals.