12 Step Plan For Graceful Aging

Have you ever noticed that some 50 year olds look and act like they're 80; and some 80 year olds look and act like they are 50? Now, I'm not talking about folks that have serious or crippling illnesses, I'm talking about seniors that seem to think they are supposed to "act" old-----you know who you are.

Try this; Put a big smile on your face, stand up tall and walk around the room two times. I'll bet you already feel better. See, attitude has so much to do with how we feel. Okay, so sometimes we have to fake feeling great, but if we do it, pretty soon we'll actually start believing and feeling it.

Attitude: This quote by Charles R. Swindoll should be something we live by; "We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude." A favorite quote of mine is one by Abe Lincoln who said, "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." We really do have control over our attitude. We may not be able to change a situation, but we can control how to react. Be positive, not negative.

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No doubt, you do have aches and pains. That's part of aging. I don't remember where I heard this, but somewhere I heard that if all the people in a room could lay their problems out on the table and then choose among those laying there, most folks would pick up the ones they laid down. Chances are you've learned how to live with the problems you have, and wouldn't want to have to learn to live with new ones. Remember the adage; the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence? If you cross over to the other side and look back, the grass is greener on the side you came from.

So, now we have to figure out how we are going to go about this aging gracefully. Well, to start out, there are a few things you can start doing immediately. Put that smile on your face. Make your eyes twinkle and turn up the ends of your mouth. That wasn't so hard, was it? I'm already feeling better. Then sit or stand up as straight as you can. Suck your gut in a little and imagine you're balancing a wine glass on your head. (We're imagining this, so we might as well imagine wine in the glass and take a sip or two.)

Remember, when someone asks you how you feel------they're just being polite and starting a conversation, they really don't want to know about your last sickness or hospital stay. The only time you want to talk about an illness to someone that asks, is if they have started the question actually asking about the illness. For instance, if someone should say, "I heard you were in the hospital, how are you feeling today?" That person might actually be interested in your health, but be sure to keep the answer short and then talk about something else. The weather is more interesting than sore knees or any other complaints. The last thing we want is to be thought of as grouchy old crabs. No one---absolutely no one----wants to be around a whiner.

Two areas that are said to be avoided if you want to live harmoniously are religion and politics. So the following two subjects are "in my opinion," and are to be accepted or rejected by you.

Religion: Whether you believe or don't believe, it's best to keep off the subject of religion unless you know that the people around you agree with you. Practice whatever you choose and allow others to do the same.

Politics: There is a time and season for everything. We're now at the age when we can be concerned about something, but choose to let someone else make the waves. Then VOTE.

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If you are bored and find that you are sticking your nose into other peoples business, get a part time job or volunteer.

First and foremost it will make you realize that you are still a valuable person. I'm not suggesting doing something strenuous or stressful, but something you feel comfortable doing. Consider what you spent your life doing and then decide what kind of work you would enjoy. You still have a lot to contribute and there are so many places that would welcome volunteers.

Schools, churches and hospitals all need volunteers. And many stores welcome part time employees that are past their prime. Granted, the pay is usually minimal, but you'll profit by being around people and having something to do and somewhere to go.

Are you on your way to aging gracefully in regard to family relations? As we age, the importance of family is probably one of our top priorities. And because we have a lot of experience and have made all sorts of mistakes during our youth, we think we'll keep our family members from making the same mistakes by counseling them. Most, if not all of the time, we should only give our opinions when we are asked for them.

Keeping our noses out of the business of our children may be hard to do, but it can and must be done. They are the parents of our grandchildren and unless we want to admit that we did a lousy job raising our own children, it is best to let them raise their children. Chances are they are unconsciously duplicating our methods of child rearing.

So, unless we are expressly asked (by them) for our opinions about our adult child's job, their politics, their finances, their religion, or lack thereof, keep out of it. And none of these subjects is to be discussed with anyone else.

On the subject of money: I read somewhere that the best thing a parent can do for their child or children, in regards to inheritance, is to spend the money. Families have been torn apart, fighting over the fairness of an inheritance. Do them a favor, go on a cruise, buy a Cadillac and dine out every chance you get.

I'm not suggesting you do that unless you can actually afford it. I won't be going on any cruises. In other words, don't spend money you don't have. While we're on the subject of money, it's not smart to go into debt to buy your family gifts. You can't buy love---they'll love you without bribery.

This is one of the most important ways of aging gracefully. With your family members-----be the first to mend fences. Life is way too short (especially for us) to spend it angry at anyone.

Don't let "saving face' ruin a chance of reconciliation. If you said or did something to cause the riff-admit it and express heartfelt sorrow. If something was said or done to you, admit that your reaction was overly harsh or defensive.

Either way, staying angry isn't an option. What happens may be out of your control, but your reaction to it is in your control.

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We can't expect our families or friends to see to it that we are entertained. If you are bored, do something about it. Find fun things to do.

Go out and buy a Wii, have a grandchild set it up for you and bowl or dance to your hearts content. Your grandchild will love to show you how to set up and use the Wii and unless they have one at home, you'll probably have a buddy to bowl or dance with.

Invite friends to go dancing, bowling, out to dinner or to a movie. Ask friends to your home, play cards or get out the Wii and bowl. You'll be surprised at how much fun you'll have. One other thing, when your grandchild or your friends are at your home keep the visit upbeat. No complaining or whining.

Do you know how to age gracefully in regard to hygiene? This can be a tough and touchy subject to bring up, but are you bathing or showering daily? I know, some health experts suggest that because our skin is drier as we age that we shouldn't shower every day.

Since there are so many moisturizers we can use, that excuse "doesn't hold water." I don't know the reason for this fact, but if older folks don't shower every day, they stink or have an old people smell. I know, I don't like that either, but facts are facts and what we do about it is bathe and moisturize. Your family and friends most likely will not tell you this, so read it and believe.

Teeth: We need to brush or soak our teeth----you know which pertains to you. By this time in our lives that should be such a habit that it doesn't have to be brought up. But, health wise, it is very important to take care of our teeth and gums. Mouth wash will help prevent bad breath. No one wants to get close to us if we blow bad breath at them. It's also necessary to visit the dentist. I've found that using floss (I like the kind with the little handle) really does keep the plaque from building up.

Is your weight a concern for you? If you are overweight, change your eating habits. I decided to lose weight because my knees were hurting and I didn't want that to be the reason I wasn't doing things.

My doctor told me that for every pound that I was overweight, it put 7 #'s of pressure on my knees. Well, no wonder they hurt. I've taken about 280 pounds of pressure off my knees. This time I decided I was going to lose to be healthy and agile, not for looks. I found that going to Weight Watchers and learning what and how much to eat was the program right for me. I've lost almost 40 pounds and feel great. I'm 72 years old, so it's not too late to lose the extra pounds. If you would like to read more about how I lost the weight and to get the recipes that helped me, go to "A Diet That Works."

Now, exercise is not my strong point. I do my walking by parking away from the store, walking around in the store and walking back to my car. And on Fridays I'm on my feet most of the day because I volunteer teach art classes in the elementary school on that day. I do agree with the experts that we all need to get off our behinds, but I sometimes wonder if all that walking and running isn't the precursor to the knee and hip replacements we hear about. I feel that getting rid of excess weight through good eating habits is a better solution to knee and hip health. If you want to exercise, dance, bowl, golf or buy exercise equipment.

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Dressing to Impress: Do you choose your clothes style for comfort alone? Be aware that there are styles that are comfortable and stylish. If you find that you are still wearing clothes that you purchased five years or more ago------it's time to ditch them. They've done their duty and no doubt look awful. They aren't even suitable for everyday or at home wear. Go through your closets and drawers and pitch all the old and worn out stuff. Double knits have been out for years------you deserve better. Buy just a few new pieces that make you look and feel terrific.

Shoes: How many pair of shoes do you have that you haven't worn for years? First of all, trash any that are old and worn out. You don't need them and no one else wants them. Then take all the shoes that you haven't worn for a long time, but that are too good to throw away, and give them to a charity or the GoodWill. Someone will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Then polish and clean up the shoes you love to wear. Maybe you'll even want to buy a new pair or two.

Accessories: So many comfortable, attractive outfits are accessorized for public wear. I'm not too crazy about seeing gobs of rings on my wrinkled hands, but if that turns your crank, do it. We're old enough now to do our own thing when accessorizing. As Sandra Martz says in her book, "When I Am An Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple." I love long, ankle length skirts----now I shall wear them!!

This is a must read for all the beautiful, mature women who see this. That means YOU!!
How to Dress With Ageless Style: The Mature Woman's Guide to Fashion

Here is a great site that you will thoroughly enjoy. It has tips for how to use what you have in your closet, for a fashionable look. There is a quizz that helps you know what your body type is------for clothes that will suit you. This site isn't just about sales, there's lots of great information that you will enjoy reading.

Photo: Ambro FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ask Men fashions
Once again men luck out when it comes to mature fashions for men. There seems to be two categories of men's fashions: clothes for the guys in their 20's and clothes for the guys who are 40 and over. Above is a link to a website that has great suggestions for the mature man.
A quote from the Ask Men site: "Don't fall for today's fashion-marketing ploys. By now you should maintain a style that's timeless, not timely; you should avoid the latest trends at all costs."

Photo: Ambro FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hair: Are you still wearing the same hair style that you wore when you were 30 years old? Maybe now is a good time to change it. You'll feel like a new woman.

To Color or Not to Color: That's a choice you make. If you do choose to color your hair, make sure you do the touch-up when needed. Gray roots are not attractive and there are products to use between colorings. I went natural when I got tired of trying to keep the gray roots covered.
Makeup: This may come as a surprise, but some make-up is necessary for the older lady. A little lipstick and a touch of rouge will make you look alive and vibrant. As young girls, we may have been able to get by on our natural beauty; but with age, nature needs a little help.

Men: Shave. Only young guys like that English soccer player look good with a day or two shadow. Older guys look distinguished clean shaven, and they look scudzy with whiskers. Of course that's my opinion, so if your wife or friend thinks you look grand when you haven't shaved---enjoy.

As I get older I become more aware and concerned about how I'm going to do my own "graceful aging." There is nothing graceful about complaining and expressing discontent about anything and everything. As a younger person I used to admire the elderly folks who were busy and upbeat and promised myself that when I became a senior citizen that I would pattern my advancing years after those folks.
These are some of the actions that I admired and want to remember to imitate: Take care of your health and that of your spouse, have a positive attitude, keep busy, forgive, spend wisely and be responsible for your own happiness.