A Tribute to a Mother's Love in Absentia

My mother had a zest for life and enjoyed it to the fullest. My childhood memories include much laughter and fascinating dinner table conversation. She was one of a kind to be sure! We were often in the company of other military families and she never missed an opportunity to create a festive event. In this picture she is standing on a chair at a New Year's Eve party in Germany. My dad is next to her. Their contagious smiles bring back memories of a very happy couple indeed.

She loved God, her faith, her family, her home, entertaining and being entertaining, animals, helping those less fortunate, lending an ear to lighten another's burden. She was the middle child in her family so she had a keen sense to help others 'in the middle' of life circumstances.

She was bigger than life to me when I was growing up. There was nothing she could not do from my perspective. Taking on challenges no matter how overwhelming they may seem was part of what drove her as a person. I would say meeting challenges head on was certainly among her favorite things. In fact, she forged her parents name for work release when she was not yet sixteen so she could help contribute financially.

Holidays and birthdays were definitely a part her favorite things arsenal. Each event was marked with decorations, special food and a sense that the day really was unique and to be cherished. Year after year no matter what was going on around her in her own personal world she would rise to the occasion and fashion a most special day for her family. Thanks, mom!

Growing up in the military meant that my dad was not with us for long stretches of time. During those periods my mother ran the household and took care of her family as single moms do today. I am sure it was not an easy task as we did not live near family.

Our relationship was tightly woven. She and I were always together in those early years. In her words she and I "were like bark on a tree."

I grew up and moved away as children do but she remained throughout my years away not only my mom but also my best friend. We "were like bark on a tree" though miles apart.

My parents were very close and weathered many storms solid in their commitment to each other. When either one was hospitalized the other was right there beside them. It would have never occured to either to do anything else but be totally present in times of need. Sadly, my dad passed away and mom was left without her lifelong friend and companion. This picture is the last one taken of them together before he died.

Did I mention she fell in love with him when she was twelve years old? He was her older brother's best friend and she loved to tell how she knew he was 'the one' at an early age. She did not make it easy for him however. He hitch hiked in winter from college which was over four hours away to take her out. When he was to leave to go to war they were married on a three day pass. She stayed and worked to support the war effort as so many did then. He returned and they went on to start a family.

They were together in marriage for over fifty five years before he died. When mom and dad got engaged my dad told her brother, Joe, that his sister would never want for anything. She told me she never did.

Dad's death took a toll on mom and coupled with her age she never really recovered from the loss. Mini strokes, failing health over the next twelve years greatly diminished her physically and emotionally. She pressed on but things were never the same-she was never the same.
Mom joined dad September, 2011. Her passing was bittersweet for those left behind but she is in a far better place and out of pain. For that I am at peace.

My desire is always to present things in balance. My mom and I were inseperable and best friends in my early years. Living away only strengthened that bond for me. She would make sure she and dad came to visit me on every birthday and I went home every Thanksgiving and Christmas. We remained "bark on a tree."

However, shortly after I moved to the town my parents lived in she began to have mini strokes which slowly altered her personality. Dad's death only exacerbated her increasing health issues. Relationships became strained for those around her. I was unable to get medical cooperation or intervention that might have helped her.

Although her behaviors were quite difficult at times I told her I would be there as long as she was here. She certainly had devoted her life to my well being and I tried my best to commit to hers. It was certainly not an easy ride. Our relationship had shifted far from what it once was and I often found myself wondering where my mom had gone.

She moved away to live with my sister in another state seeking a utopian experience in her final years. She was ultimately diagnosed with dementia (which I felt was so evident ten years prior), Sundowner's Syndrome and early onset Alzheimer's. It was tragic for someone so long on top of the game of life to meet this final challenge.

A chasm had developed between us over time. The 'bark' was shedding from the tree. No one really knows what takes place between two hearts except those two people and God. Often, only God really knows. He does know the heart and He can heal the heart when no one else can.

The greatest blessing after she had moved away was in our telephone conversations. She was surprisingly lucid with me and we reminisced over a life well lived. She shared so much from her heart during these months and our relationship was not only healed but enriched beyond measure. I thank God that despite the circumstance He restored our relationship to "bark on a tree."

Writing this Valentine tribute to my mom has been a most healing process to remember the very best things about her and what she gave to all around her. Thanks, mom! I miss you this Valentine's Day and always.

As I was decorating for Valentine's Day (I am my mother's daughter) I came across these chimes which belonged to my mom.

I remember her putting them up every year and when I saw them I knew Valentine's Day was not far off.

They still make a most melodious sound!

Thanks, mom for all the holidays and for all the days in between. I love you!