by 9 people |
Do you guess at what normal is instead of reaching for emotional wellness? Do you vacillate between extreme ideas? Are you attracted to extremist organizations? Have you been told, "it's not that black and white" more than once?
You might be a person who knows only agony and ecstasy, and are out of touch with your in-between feelings. Perhaps you've been told you expect too much of yourself, and you impose edicts on yourself. Or you might be an underachiever--the flip side of the same coin.
If some of this jumps out at you, you may be an ACOA. If there has been alcohol in your family, whether you use the word "alcoholic" to describe your loved one or not, you may have been affected more than you think. It's not just the physical presence of the drink, or having been driven in the car by a drunk driver that effects people.
If you were raised in a household where there was a steady flow of alcohol or another addiction, you may have learned some coping skills that no longer work for you. In addition, you may be missing very basic social skills, and now you feel like a misfit.
Adult Children of Alcoholics are lucky. They have plenty of recovery resources available to them. And unlike substance abusers, they can do all the work of recovery and declare themselves cured.
A note of interest: Some families lack the appearance of alcohol, but mimic the traits of the alcoholic family anyway. These families are referred to as "dysfunctional." If you identify your family of origin as "dysfunctional," read on. You're an ACOA too.
See below what's known as the "laundry list" of characteristics of ACOA's. Then we'll list some resources where you can get help.
The ACOA laundry list
Take this test. You may be an ACOA if you have any of these traits.
You don't have to have all the traits to be an ACOA.But this is the general "laundry list."
1. Guess at what normal is.
2. Have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.
3. Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. Judge themselves without mercy.
5. Have difficulty having fun.
6. Take themselves very seriously.
7. Have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. Overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. Constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. Feel that they are different from other people.
11. Are either super responsible or super irresponsible.
12. Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.
13. Have money dsyfunction, such as hiding it or being disorganized with it.
Resources for ACOAs
- Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service
- Official site for the support group of people who grow up with an alcoholic parent.
- Adult Children of Alcoholics Resources
- Includes information, research, and characteristics, including relationships.
- ACA Teddys' Rule
- Information, encouragement, and materials. Includes list of meetings in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.
- Adult Children of Alcholics
- Details of how to get to English speaking ACA meetings in Tokyo, Japan, and information about the organization.
- Raiguel, Jill - Adult Children of Alcoholics
- Life skills and keys to effective living. Innovative teachings, exercises and books by award-winning author and personality Jill Raiguel.
- Dr. Janet Woititz's ACOA Resources
- Described as the mother of the Adult Children of Alcoholics movement, Dr. Woititz was a pioneer in the ACOA movement. The site offers insights into ACOA as well as information on Woititz books.
- Adult Children of Alcoholic and Other Dysfunctional Families
- Contains basic information on the ACoA program and has a current list of meetings in Victoria, Australia. People from any kind of dysfunctional family are welcome to attend.
- NACoA
- National Association for Children of Alcoholics is a non-profit organization supporting children of alcoholics.
- Adult Children Of Alcoholics
- A descriptive page regarding the symptoms of ACOA.
- Adult Children of Alcoholics: A Personal Story
- Story of an ACOA member who tells of her experiences.
- Miracles In Progress ACoA Group Chatroom
- Offers online ACoA meetings twice a week and 12 step support. Also provides 12 Step information and resources, mailing list and message boards.
- Jump Start: Recovery in the Fast Lane
- This site includes a look at ACA and ACOA, personal stories and jump-starts to recovery regarding acceptance and boundaries.
- Adult Children Anonymous - Inner Peace Group
- An informational site for individuals interested in learning about this organization and adult child recovery. Located in Ottawa, Canada.
- The problem
- Description of an ACOA
- Why ACOA traits stick around
- The Counseling Center at the University of Illinois offers this helpful information.
Books on Amazon
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Amazon Price: $9.32 (as of 12/05/2009) 
Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 12/05/2009)
Struggle for Intimacy (Adult Children of Alcoholics series)
Amazon Price: $8.76 (as of 12/05/2009)
An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'
Amazon Price: $8.60 (as of 12/05/2009)
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Amazon Price: $10.88 (as of 12/05/2009)
by stayathomegeek
Linda Moran is a licensed teacher and a trained crisis counselor. In addition, she has personal experience with Al-Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics a...
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