Become an involved and active father.
Ranked #292 in Parenting & Kids, #10,695 overall
My lens on how I try to become involved and stay active in my 3 children's lives. I have 3 boys ranging from 3 to 8 years old. It can take trial and error to find the best ways to bond with a child. Each child is different. In all things, patience and understanding is needed. Yes, a lot of patience.
I am married with 3 wonderful boys who keep my own my toes. A 3 year old named Alexander, a 5 year old Ryan, and Howie who is 8. Children are a blessing but require attention and love. Discipline is also required in various ways, each child varies and parents can soon find out the best way to deal with each child. Now, I was raised on a farm where my father also worked a full time job and my mother was a stay at home mom. I had 3 other siblings and we were pretty close besides the normal sibling arguments over a toy, etc. I was close to my mother and she always kept us busy and was the affection giver in the family. She was the one who helped with the homework and you talked about your day at school with. My father was always tired and in his free time he just wanted to relax and not be bothered as he watched his favorite show. I was always trying to impress him and get him to play with me but it always seemed like I was in his way. This caused me to swear to myself while still young that when I grew up I would do whatever it took to make my kids feel loved and be the coolest dad ever. Fast forward 20 years and I'm a now a father. I've come to realize that my father had real life issues about finances and working all the time. We are closer than we have ever been now that he doesn't have the pressures he faced back then. It wasn't that he didn't love me, he just didn't feel comfortable showing it. His father was the same way towards him so he didn't really even realize that I was looking for more. Of course a child doesn't realize how a parent's upbringing and life's issues can affect the way they act.
My thoughts have wanted me to blog about how I want to be the best father I possibly can and ways I try to get involved with my children so they won't have the same feelings I did for an impressionable part of my life that I can't get back. I am not perfect by any means and make mistakes. I have to take a step back when real angry so that I don't act rashly. What I strive to do is talk with my children and try to understand them. You would be suprised how important something is to them that you think is silly, aka Elmo and the Incredible Hulk. I dedicated this to fathers and it doesn't matter if you are a single father, divorced, or married. The stereotype that the man's main responsibilty is to bring home the bacon doesn't apply in today's society. Some even think that a man isn't supposed to do a "woman's job" which is showing emotional involvement and dealing with the children. These stereotypes are ridiculous and way outdated. Us fathers are important forces and figures in our children's lives. I want us to be a positive figure. I put a list of sorts, of things I do to bond with my children. I hope it can give someone an idea or help them out with the struggle of being a good parent/father.
Emotional Involvement: Hugs and Stories
Ways I use to show affection and little things to make them feel loved
What is important is emotional involvement. Sometimes we have to drop the I am a man and we don't act that way routine. There is nothing wrong with giving your kid/s a hug and telling them that you love them and are proud of them. I do all of these and even the simple act of patting on the head and tossling their hair. Listen to your children and give them encouragement and praise when they do something they are proud of or feel is important to them. When your child shows you a picture they drew and it looks like scribble and say this is a T-Rex, say how cool and hang it on the fridge instead of saying that doesn't look like it and crushing their enthusiam. When your child says something silly like I'm going to be a space astronaut and find aliens I say, wow that would be cool being an astronaut instead of saying things like there are no aliens or you're going to be a lawyer, etc. When they mature they will realize certain life truths but crushing their dreams at a young age can hamper their imagination and may not be as communicative with their problems and goals when they get older.
Instead of yelling at them when they do something wrong try reasoning with them and explaining the consequences of what they did. Never discipline in anger. I have been guilty of yelling when angered and frustrated but it is a rare occasion because I have to stop myself and take a deep breath and walk out of the room, anything to calm down before dealing with them. I believe in discipline but when exercised with reasoning and not anger, it is much more effective and your children will be more willing to come to you when they did something wrong without being in fear. I knew how my father was so if I did something wrong, I would try to hide it/keep it a secret.
Telling stories are a great way to get your children involved with you and creates a great bond. I'll sit down regularly and tell my oldest Howie stories and he looks forward to them. When he is tired, he'll often ask for a story and in 5 minutes he'll be sound asleep. It doesn't have to be anything fancy: there are a few plot outlines I use regularly. Howie and I are space soldiers exploring new planets and we are in the Amazon jungle keeping an eye out for Anacondas and Piranhas and looking for treasures. With my middle son, Ryan, he loves Thomas the Tank engine so I am Percy and he is Thomas and make up little stories about the island of Sodor and where we try to avoid Diesel 10. Ryan and Alexander are also big Spongebob fans so I try to do stuff Spongebob related with them like coloring books. What young child doesn't like to color?
There are various other things that I use but some work better on one child than the other. All I know is that my kids tell me regularly they love me and are always clamoring for a story. It makes me feel good inside knowing I am more than just someone who works and hopefully will buy them toys on occasion.
Instead of yelling at them when they do something wrong try reasoning with them and explaining the consequences of what they did. Never discipline in anger. I have been guilty of yelling when angered and frustrated but it is a rare occasion because I have to stop myself and take a deep breath and walk out of the room, anything to calm down before dealing with them. I believe in discipline but when exercised with reasoning and not anger, it is much more effective and your children will be more willing to come to you when they did something wrong without being in fear. I knew how my father was so if I did something wrong, I would try to hide it/keep it a secret.
Telling stories are a great way to get your children involved with you and creates a great bond. I'll sit down regularly and tell my oldest Howie stories and he looks forward to them. When he is tired, he'll often ask for a story and in 5 minutes he'll be sound asleep. It doesn't have to be anything fancy: there are a few plot outlines I use regularly. Howie and I are space soldiers exploring new planets and we are in the Amazon jungle keeping an eye out for Anacondas and Piranhas and looking for treasures. With my middle son, Ryan, he loves Thomas the Tank engine so I am Percy and he is Thomas and make up little stories about the island of Sodor and where we try to avoid Diesel 10. Ryan and Alexander are also big Spongebob fans so I try to do stuff Spongebob related with them like coloring books. What young child doesn't like to color?
There are various other things that I use but some work better on one child than the other. All I know is that my kids tell me regularly they love me and are always clamoring for a story. It makes me feel good inside knowing I am more than just someone who works and hopefully will buy them toys on occasion.
Educational/Learning Involvement
We all want our kids to be geniuses but there's a difference between nudging them and forcing them to fulfill what is probably your ideas on what they should know or be able to do. Since my children are still young I can only describe what I do now and plan on doing in the future.
Reading to your children is very important. It helps them learn and helps take away the dread of reading a book to a bigger desire to read. There are numerous studies that show that reading is one of the biggest things you can do to stimulate your child's mind but I'll leave that up to you to research. I read Thomas the Tank engine stories to Ryan and with Howie, I read various kid stories like Treasure Island and dinosaur books.
I also help Howie practice his spelling words and look over his homework to make sure he understands it and is doing it correctly. Oh, its better to help them, don't give them the answer because that will only harm them in the long run. Get their mind working and they will learn the value of self satisfaction that they did it themselves and will make them more confident and self assured in the future.
Music is also a very powerful tool in your child's learning development. I plan on enrolling Howie when he is 8 to play the guitar. Foolishly, I had always thought that the piano would be the best for development and was trying to push that on him but why force a child to do something they don't want to do. He wants to play the guitar so I will support that. At work, how do you feel when someone gives you a daily task you don't enjoy? You do it because you have too but not because you want too. These are just a few things that I do and/or will do in the future with my children.
Reading to your children is very important. It helps them learn and helps take away the dread of reading a book to a bigger desire to read. There are numerous studies that show that reading is one of the biggest things you can do to stimulate your child's mind but I'll leave that up to you to research. I read Thomas the Tank engine stories to Ryan and with Howie, I read various kid stories like Treasure Island and dinosaur books.
I also help Howie practice his spelling words and look over his homework to make sure he understands it and is doing it correctly. Oh, its better to help them, don't give them the answer because that will only harm them in the long run. Get their mind working and they will learn the value of self satisfaction that they did it themselves and will make them more confident and self assured in the future.
Music is also a very powerful tool in your child's learning development. I plan on enrolling Howie when he is 8 to play the guitar. Foolishly, I had always thought that the piano would be the best for development and was trying to push that on him but why force a child to do something they don't want to do. He wants to play the guitar so I will support that. At work, how do you feel when someone gives you a daily task you don't enjoy? You do it because you have too but not because you want too. These are just a few things that I do and/or will do in the future with my children.
Physical activities/hobbies
This is the part I really enjoy and is the easiest thing for most men to do with your children. What I did is found things we could do together that we both enjoy. For Ryan and Alexander it is basically just building Thomas the Tank Engine Train Tracks and watching the trains go around and I've always liked trains so that is pretty cool. When the weather is good we all bike in the yard. Ryan with his big trike, Alexander has a small tricyle and Howie and I have regular bikes. We also throw and kick various balls to eachother. All the kids enjoy setting up a tent and camping in the backyard and each one has to have their own little flashlight. That's a lot of fun.
With Howie I had to experiment with things I liked and see how he reacted to them. These are the things we do together that we both enjoy: fishing, playing baseball, video games in moderation and collecting marbles. Of course I wanted him to collect football and baseball cards like I did when I was younger but that doesn't interest him, collecting cards that is. My sports that I love are baseball and football. He likes baseball and soccer and we go to Detroit Tiger's games on occasion and watch them fairly regularly on TV. Very rarely do we toss the football, it's putting on the mitts and throwing the ball and batting or my clumsy soccer self getting whooped on by Howie in soccer. I compromised here and have learned to enjoy soccer more than I thought I would.
What kid doesn't enjoy being pushed in a swing, playing catch, occasional light wrestling/tickling and the like. These are almost universal things that kids enjoy and can be great fun.
With Howie I had to experiment with things I liked and see how he reacted to them. These are the things we do together that we both enjoy: fishing, playing baseball, video games in moderation and collecting marbles. Of course I wanted him to collect football and baseball cards like I did when I was younger but that doesn't interest him, collecting cards that is. My sports that I love are baseball and football. He likes baseball and soccer and we go to Detroit Tiger's games on occasion and watch them fairly regularly on TV. Very rarely do we toss the football, it's putting on the mitts and throwing the ball and batting or my clumsy soccer self getting whooped on by Howie in soccer. I compromised here and have learned to enjoy soccer more than I thought I would.
What kid doesn't enjoy being pushed in a swing, playing catch, occasional light wrestling/tickling and the like. These are almost universal things that kids enjoy and can be great fun.
Overall thoughts
Kids will always love toys and the latest movies and video games. You can't buy love and in the long run, your children will appreciate your time more than material possessions. It's hard trying to manage your time and spending time with the children after a long day of work but just a little bit of quality time pays off. I err but I try to learn from my mistakes because being an involved father isn't always easy. I get frustrated just as easily as the next person but I have had to work on my patience a lot. Take a step back and breathe so I don't say or do something I shouldn't. Just because we're men doesn't mean we shouldn't show emotion and affection with our kids. This is just my little blog on being in my children's lives and hopefully it may give you some ideas for a closer bond with your children.
MY BOYS
Ryan, Alexander and Howie taken mid 2008
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bluewren56
Feb 5, 2012 @ 5:13 am | delete
- Loved reading your story. Well done.
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jimmyworldstar
Dec 10, 2011 @ 10:44 am | delete
- This is very true, a big problem with kids these days is a lack of parental involvement in their life which hurts their self-esteem and need to be loved. I have kids myself and I also read to them everyday, encouraged their imagination, and helped them with their homework.
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Jessica
Dec 2, 2011 @ 12:16 am | delete
- Nice read about importance of dads being in the lives of their children. Doing a great job and that influence will help them later on in life.
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crstnblue
Nov 13, 2011 @ 3:04 am | delete
- Great lens and sensitive topic.
Everything counts in life - after a while... you'll be the winner out of your diligence and care.
Thumbs up for you for thinking, feeling and sharing this way! :)
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JMaltman
Oct 14, 2011 @ 10:12 pm | delete
- #1 on my list of things for my life is to be the best Dad I can be, followed closely by best husband. :) Like you said - the return on time you spend with your kids is infinite, especially when they're young. I'm willing to pay or give up a lot of $ for that time. Can't wait to see what its like to have #2 in 5 weeks or so.
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- Sega Genesis, NES, Super Nintendo, and N64 video games and systems are available in my Atomic Mall store for your old school gaming needs. My name is Howard and I bring classic old school video games to the masses. Come look at my vintage video games and choose between rpg's, action, strategy, etc. If you seek Mario Bros, Zelda, Sonic, Metroid, etc I probably have it. My wife and I are fluent in Spanish as well with 3 wonderful boys. My username is classicvideogamesplus with store url http://www.atomicmall.com/classicvideogamesplus
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My Atomic Mall store
Where I sell classic video games at atomicmall.com
I sell old school video games and systems at my atomic mall store. My son and I kind of run it, actually I do but he likes to try and help out. It supports various hobbies and toys.
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I'm Howard, live in Michigan with 3 sons. I love old school video games such as the SNES and Sega Genesis and also sell them. I love baseball & collec... more »
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