Self Destructive Behaviour

This is a condensed version of a story that began many years ago - over 30 in fact. It is the story of two incompatible people who got married far too young. They had a baby daughter 5 years after the marriage which broke up before the baby's first birthday. The person most responsible for the failed marriage was me but I was not the only one responsible. My biggest flaw was the slapping around of my ex-wife - her biggest flaw was the fact that she would never discuss anything with me.

The break-up was bitter. I was offered a one hour visitation to my daughter each week. I declined because, in my view, one hour was worse then none. Also, at that time, I took an overdose of pills and failed in a suicide attempt.

After a year or so, my life came back on track. Again, I approached my ex-wife for access to my daughter but was turned down. This situation never changed. At about 15 years of age, my daughter went through her mother's papers and found a way to contact me. She did so on the sly and her mother was never pro-active to see that our daughter's emotional needs (in regard to me) were fulfilled.

Just before our daughter's 21st birthday (in 1998), she took a large bottle of aspirin and left a suicide note. She died in her bedroom during the night and her mother found her the next morning.

I stayed away from communication for many years figuring that things would eventually straighten themselves out. Inheritances were set aside for my daughter and a letter was sent to my ex-wife around 2002 informing her of this. I had no knowledge at this point that my daughter was dead.

Even with that letter, nothing was done to inform me of the situation. In 2007, information came to me in a most unusual way that something may have happened to my daughter. Phone calls and letters produced no response from my ex-wife. There were 28 or so letters. I did eventually find out but only through a lot of effort on my part and some luck.

I pushed hard to know what had happened and got frustrated from the dead silence I encountered at each turn. My letters began with apologies for the things I did in the past and showed compassion for my ex-wife even as I began to realize that something was amiss. After getting no response but complete silence, my frustration turned to anger. I was being denied information that I had the right to know. My ex-wife's husband got involved as well warning me not to send any more letters. In the end, I found myself charged with criminal harassement and the police took my fingerprints and my mug-shot. I was treated as a common criminal because I was persistent in pushing for what every father has the right to know.

In the end, even the Crown which was prosecuting me, appeared to realize the strange case it was involved with. It approached my ex-wife and told her I had offered a Peace Bond in exchange for photos of my daughter - a most reasonable compromise one would have thought. But not so when it comes to my ex-wife - she refused the request! It seemed most reasonable to me to have a copy of photos of my daughter - it wasn't as if someone was trying to take the originals away. That caused a stalemate and both parties plodded onward toward the trial date. Finally, one day before trial (I had pleaded not guilty of course), I signed a one year Peace Bond.