Cure Adultitis

What is Adultitis?
Adultitis is a common condition occurring in people between the ages of 21-121, marked by chronic dullness, mild depression, moderate to extremely high stress levels, a general fear of change, and, in some extreme cases, the inability to smile. Patients can appear aimless, discontent, and anxious about many things. Onset can be accelerated by an excess burden of bills, overwhelming responsibilities, or a boring work life. Generally, individuals in this condition are not fun to be around.

How many people have Adultitis?
Unfortunately, because it often goes undiagnosed, there is no way to tell how many people are currently living with Adultitis. If we had to put a number on it, based on our current research, we'd have to say... a lot. It's certainly an epidemic. So whatever number it takes to qualify as an epidemic, multiply that by at least three. In comparison, Adultitis makes the Black Death plague of 1347 look like a trip to Disneyland.

Who discovered Adultitis?
Although Adultitis has been around for centuries, it has only recently been discovered and named by Jason Kotecki. The first breakthrough came when he made the peculiar observation that children rarely complain about being stressed and seem to enjoy life way more than grown-ups. Further research unveiled that the average four-year-old laughs over 400 times a day, while the average adult laughs just 15 times per day. Kotecki found that this discrepancy between children and grown-ups was not caused simply by a decrease in exposure to Saturday morning cartoons and knock-knock jokes, but by a real, debilitating disease he ultimately dubbed Adultitis.

Is Adultitis lethal? What are the effects of Adultitis?
Yes, Adultitis can kill you. Adultitis causes stress -- lots of it. And stress has been linked to all of the things that kill us, from heart attacks to cirrhosis, suicide to accidents. In fact, 75% of all of our doctor visits are stress-related. People who are relatively Adultitis-free tend to live much longer, enjoy life much more, and are less likely to have co-workers and family members go out of their way to avoid them. Adultitis not only causes stress, but it can be responsible for a loss of vitality, sleeplessness, anxiety, and in some extreme cases, the complete inability to smile.

Get Informed! Learn More About Adultitis

If you exhibit one or more of the above warning signs in the list above, complete this new and improved intake to see if you have Adultitis.