Tips for Adult Kickball

My job during the games is to watch the enemy. I watch them and I come up with strategies on how to beat them while I drink. I've come up with plays that you wouldn't believe could exist in a game like kickball. However, at the end of the game, only one thing actually mattered. No matter how skilled you are, no matter how smart you play, no matter what you wear...you are never as good as you are when you're drunk.

For that, I would say, drinking if the key to kickball. Now, don't get all crazy...there's definitely a strategy to it. First, start with something light. It gets hot out there and you'll not want to dehydrate yourself too fast.

So drink a few of those as fast as possible.

Oh, did I mention show up at least 45 minutes early to the game? That way you can be well intoxicated before your game.

So yea, drink some of those, then a little water, then follow it up with a shot or two that one of the friendly teams around you are offering. Now you're ready for my favorite part.

Right before you start the game, chug a Guinness. This way, as with all your running around, it wont have time to settle at the bottom of your stomach. If it starts to, chug another one.

At this point, as you stop at first, you'll be wanting to throw up. That's okay, that's what the first base coach is for. Have him pass you some water and another shot. You'll be crazy enough to run towards second even though your sober teammate just kicked a pop fly there.

The rest of the night it doesn't really matter what you drink. As long as you didn't throw up after the pickle they had you in on your way to third. You made it, but barely, and it looked impressive. Throwing up now would ensure you a new nickname for the rest of the season.

That's it. That's how you play. Good luck!