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How To Deal With Anger Issues

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Dealing With Anger Issues

Anger is a normal reaction after you've been hurt and betrayed. Dealing with anger issues can be a hard battle.

But if not dealt with, these wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance.

Anger will not benefit anyone around you.

It can lead you to high blood pressure, stress, hostility, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, risk of alcohol and substance abuse and so much more.

You don't deserve to treat yourself this way; nobody does.

Quiz

Losing your temper makes you look like the bad guy to everyone else, no matter who is really at fault.

Critical 3 Steps To Control Your Anger

All the things that take place right now will have an impact on your marriage, your kid's emotional stability, your emotional feelings, even your fiscal matters.

At the moment, you are dealing with one of the most unpleasant and most crucial part of your life and you have to be extremely vigilant in what is said and done. After an affair, controlling your anger is one of the most difficult task you have to learn.

The right steps have to be followed in the right sequence. If you delay, it will be more difficult every day to control your anger.

The critical first step to control anger is usually missed by most people:

1. Note down exactly what it is that makes you angry. Make a list of what comes to mind; let your feelings flow and write it down. Sometimes old past issues come up, if it does, write it down.

2. It's easy for the injured to point the finger at the cheating spouse as he's the one that caused all this hardship. You never asked to go through all this pain. But before pointing fingers at anyone, first take a good look inside of yourself. It's important that you confront the problem and not the person.

State the nature of the problem and how it makes you feel. Be clear that it's the problem - not the person - that makes you feel this way.

3. Take responsibility for your anger.

These tips will develop a joint definition and ownership of what's going on.

Never make big decisions when you are angry.

To make the right choices you must think clearly.

It will prevent you from carrying out or stating something you might regret for the rest of your life.

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4 Signs of Anger Issues

Below are some of the anger signs which could be affecting your health. Do you recognize these signs?

1. Anger keeps you awake at night.

2. You feel like putting his picture on a punching bag and punching him until your anger goes away.

3. Anger affects your life every single day; at work, at home, with your friends and family.

4. Are you wondering if this anger will ever go away as you don't recognize yourself anymore?

The Anger Workbook: A 13-Step Interactive Plan to Help You...

The Anger Workbook: A 13-Step Interactive Plan to Help You... (Minirth-Meier Clinic Series)

The Anger Workbook: A 13-Step Interactive Plan to Help You... (Minirth-Meier Clinic Series)

by: Les Carter, Dr. Frank Minirth

Amazon Price: (as of 05/28/2012)Buy Now

Protect your health and learn how to deal with your anger. Learn how to let off steam safely with this workbook which offers you a unique 13-step interactive program that will help you release your anger the safe way.

Why do you feel angry?

Think like a detective and track down clues about the kind of situations, people and events that trigger your anger.

5 Healthy Tips To Deal With Your Emotions

Once you are angry there is a period called a refractory period in which you are unable to think of anything that does not agree with your anger.

**The shorter this period is, the less likely you will act inappropriately.

You can shorten this period by observing your emotions.

Pretend like you are observing yourself instead of experiencing your anger, watch and study what it does to you.

1. Remember a time when you were very angry. If you were somebody else watching you, what would you have noticed about your face and body?

2. Once you are aware that you are angry and label it as anger, observe your anger, then you have a chance to choose what to do next.

3. Relax your muscles, breathe slowly and deeply.

4. Take a step back and question whether to go along with what you would normally do next, or choose not to respond physically.

5. Stare back at your thoughts so they don't bring on a chain of other thoughts.

Ask yourself - "Do I want to act on my emotion or do I just want to observe it?"

Forgive Me

If you are waiting for your spouse to apologize to you, there's a lot more going on below the surface than just hearing those two small words: "Forgive Me".

You may need to hear those words verbalized for a range of personal reasons:

- Acknowledgment of the pain that it caused you.

- Validation of the hurt and disappointment you feel.

- Recognition and admission of his or her culpability in contributing to your current state, including the negative thoughts and emotions that have left you reeling.

- Recognition that he or she has done wrong.

So without those words being spoken, you may feel stuck in limbo, waiting to move on, yet thinking you are unable to forgive because you have placed a heavy emphasis on hearing remorse, responsibility, and requests for forgiveness.

Tips To Cope With Your Anger

Countdown from 100 to 1.

Take deep breaths to relax.

Look at the beautiful picture kept on the wall.

Keep some flowers in the room and have a look.

Practice breathing exercises regularly.

Take a walk.

Have a nice bath with your favorite shampoo.

What emotions went through your mind when you found out about the affair?

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Control Your Stress Level

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You Are What You Think

The truly powerful person is the person who has power over his own thinking. They accept the challenge of controlling their emotional behavior.

You can treat this like a game, which you win if you can control yourself.

You lose if you do not control yourself. If this situation occurs again, how can you handle it differently?

There is a difference between controlling your emotions and holding it in until later.

If you are unable to avoid feelings of anger, try to release your bottled up feelings later in positive forms like art, exercise, or some other hobby.

The best way to control anger is if your standing sit down; if you are still angry lay down; this is the only way to help you in any situation to control yourself.

If at any time you are thinking about doing something that would hurt yourself or other people, get help immediately.
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Can The Damage Be Repaired?

It is difficult enough to repair the damage, even when the guilty person is authentically remorseful and apologetic, and you may still be haunted with images and memories.

These disturbing effects can be problematic even when the guilty spouse is doing his or her best to repair your marriage.

I am not going to tell you whether you should or should not forgive your spouse. That is your decision. But I ask you to examine what forgiveness means to you and to repairing the damage.

Release Your Anger

Relax and listen to the beautiful words in this video. If you fall asleep while listening, that's even better; the messages are still absorbed into your subconscious. The results are profound.
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Forgiveness Is A Loaded Word

There are many ideas that surround just what it entails to forgive someone. I challenge you to the following:

Step 1: Define forgiveness

What does the idea of forgiveness mean to you? Your ideas may be based on your religious background. You may feel torn between what you think you should do, and then how you really feel-even if you were to hear an authentic apology.

Step 2: Visualize your reaction to a truly remorseful spouse

If your partner were to come to you this very minute and apologize, what would that mean for you? How would your life change? What would those words release you to do, think, or feel?

Step 3: Visualize your spouse without remorse or an apology

Should your spouse never express regret or consideration of the impact his or her behavior has had on your life? What would that mean for you?

Would it change how you wish to live your life?

What You Can Control

Although some couples try to "move on" without remorse being expressed, My understanding of love includes each individual being vulnerable to the other and trusting each other with that vulnerability.

Can you imagine yourself moving ahead where there is subtle or even obvious encouragement for that big question mark of mistrust caused by inaction or hurtful actions?

The one that did the damage should apologize and beg your forgiveness, but that doesn't mean it will happen.

The only thing you can control is how you interpret the apology or lack of apology and how you let your interpretation affect your ability to forgive.

Do you have any advice for our victims?

  • ananymous Jan 29, 2012 @ 6:44 pm | delete
    I have been coping with an initial infidelity by my husband since 1983 where he convinced me he loved her, he gave me how it felt the first time he met her, all his breath left his body, etc. This affair marked me. He decided not to leave me and our four small children. She, as history has shown, was a predator, had no conscience, has cheated on all three of her spouses with my spouse and with others. I did not know until 2008 that they never stopped the affair, but rather that they were on and off for 15 years. But to add to that, he had five other affairs from 83 to 2008 when he confessed after being basically caught. The others were mostly my 'friends'. I say that loosely, I get it, they were NOT my friends, but it served them to maintain the former friendship and even deepen it with me. Added to this is the fact that our many associates, coworkers, ppl we hung out with and etc. knew, but no one told me, and some allowed him to use their homes. This confession has just about destroyed me. The last affair lasted 12.4 years, all in the back seats of trucks, cars and suvs. there are no words to try to tell you how it feels to know that your husband has been getting other women's phone numbers when you went to the bathroom or making detailed images of one so he can use that image sexually later. Yes, he has been diagnosed as a sex addict and in therapy straight on since and has embraced it and is fighting for me and our marriage. I am also in therapy as a codepenant of a sex addict and for individual therapy but I have no idea how to deal with past. I can stand on today and on the future but the past cuts me like a sword, it takes me to my knees, just a photograph of an event, our friends smiling faces, I sometimes have to throw up, and I can end up venting and raging over it. And it is very damaging to my husband. Yes, there was a time he deserved it but not a life sentence. However, I feel like I have one. I have been found to have serious health issues that makes my situation worse, and I do love him. I do forgive him but the past can slap me in the face and I cannot handle it. I an almost suicidal for this. I really felt that I had this under control. All the techniques and tactics that I learned, and would recommend to anyone who is recovering from an "affair" worked, (change the movie in your mind, start doing something else, remember how it was when you feel in love with him, have him provide you with even more transparency if you need it, etc). I did those things and they worked and I found my way home only to learn he was so sick. And now, it feels like ptsd. I feel out of control, I am just almost to the bottom. I have been in the hosp two times to try to get help and all that was in there were meth heads, crack heads and holding stations for the elderly. My state sucks.
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Control Your Anger Before It Destroys You

How To Forgive

How to Forgive and Work Through the Past will help you understand the true principles of forgiveness.

It's hard to move forward when you've been betrayed due to one major sticking point: You don't think you can forgive your spouse.

The hurt goes too deep. You don't trust your spouse anymore. What if you forgive and he or she betrays you again? What if he or she has another affair? You don't want to take a chance and potentially go through the pain all over again.

You know if you don't forgive it's going to be hard-maybe even impossible-to rebuild your marriage and have that close, emotional connection.

But you're terrified that if you do forgive, the consequences may be even worse.

Many people make the mistake of trying to "get back" to where they once were. What was so great about that, if that era was marked by lies and untruths? Instead, your focus should be on making your marriage better than it was.

Guestbook Comments

  • AkaProfessorMike Nov 5, 2011 @ 10:09 am | delete
    The natural tendancies to retaliate for the injury suffered is very human. The Ability to forgive is by some believed as a weakness but in fact is a sign of maturity and necessary to keep oneself free from Angers real and potentially deadly effects. This lens is quite well written and needed by many people in todays world. Thanks for sharing! Regards Mike ;D
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Anger And Rage

The difference between anger and rage. Here are the major differences:

Anger can be healthy, rage is never healthy.

Anger can be expressed in healthy, controlled ways for good outcomes, while rage is always destructive.

Rage always has some anger mixed in, but a lot of anger does not contain rage.

Anger can be simple and straight-forward, while rage is a complex mix of anger, fear, panic and desperation.

People often remember what they said and did while they were angry, but after an extreme rage attack they will frequently forget what they said and did--this is sometimes called a "blackout," similar to what happens when a person has been drinking heavily.

As you can see, there are major differences between anger and rage. However, when patterns indicate anger addiction, the differences become less clear. That is, when you're dealing with anger, you are very close to rage.

Anger-How Else Can You React?

Healthy Ways To Deal with anger after you've been deceived. You have every right to feel angry. The rage you feel is normal, after all you trusted and love this person, yet they betrayed you and lied to you. How else can you react? But keeping anger locked inside is not healthy. There are ways to deal with your anger.
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Is Your Toxic Relationship Depressing You?

Could you be in a toxic relationship? Do you feel depressed around your partner? Are your needs being met? Are you always trying to please your partner? Know the warning signs of a toxic relationship.
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Anger is the hardest emotion to deal with after you've heard your spouse had an affair . Living with anger inside of you without coping with it can d... more »

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