After Infidelity-How To Save Your Marriage

There are distinct stages a relationship goes through in the wake of an infidelity.

1. Roller Coaster Stage. This is the stage where strong emotions arise - emotions such as anger and self-blame followed by a period of introspection and appreciation of the relationship. Just like it says, your emotions go for a roller coaster ride, up and down, round and round and it's a bit hard to figure out exactly where you are.

2. Moratorium Stage. This stage is a less emotional stage, at least for the person who was cheated upon. In this stage, the person affected tries to make sense of the betrayal. They may ask for more detail about the affair or retreat into themselves or quietly seek help from others regarding the issue.

3. Trust Building Stage. This stage takes place when the couple has decided to stay together. During this stage, the couple really tries to make their marriage work. They decide that a continued commitment to their relationship is important and with time, eventually forgiveness and trust can be achieved.

- Your partner told you about the betrayal on his or her own.
- Your partner is willing to answer questions about the affair.
- Your partner expresses guilt or remorse.
- Your partner is willing to cut off all contact with his or her lover.
- Your partner asks for or agrees to marriage counseling.
- You are willing to let go of your resentment and look inside yourself for reasons that your partner may have sought fulfillment of his or her needs with someone else.
- Both of you are willing to make personal changes to get your marriage back on solid ground.

If your partner is unwilling to talk about the affair, refuses to cut off all contact with his or her lover, and accuses you of causing him or her to have the affair, you will have many challenges to overcome to get your marriage back together again.

If both of you're prepared to take part in a meaningful, sincere, and truthful discussion concerning your relationship and the way you would want it to develop, there's a good possibility you will be able to work through your problems.

If, however, your spouse just isn't open to discussing these things with you without demonstrating some of the possible reconcilement signs listed above, it might be time to cut your losses and get out.

Other signs that it is probably time to end the relationship are: your spouse appears to be more restless than usual and seems to emotionally and physically withdraw from you. They might go out alone more frequently and may even be making secret phone calls or working late hours. You might even get anonymous phone calls at the house. If more than a few of these things are going on, then most likely your spouse is having an affair. If you'll discover concrete proof of this affair, then it's perhaps a good idea to break up. A relationship that has been based on dishonesty lacks trust and lack of commitment is doomed to fail.

After an infidelity happens, pay attention to any signs that will indicate your spouse's eagerness to stay and work it out or clear intention to follow along the path of continued infidelity. Only be cautious and pay attention. Make the best decision for you.

If you feel like the affair has damaged but not destroyed your marriage then you need to know how to make your marriage better after infidelity. It is important to get help as it is near impossible to do it alone.

Find out what more you can do at Help Your Marriage.
Here are some articles that might interest you:

• How To Identify and Survive Infidelity

• Marriage Counseling : What To Expect

• What To Do After Infidelity: Make up or Break up