When the Tables Turn - Caring for Your Aging Parents

As your parents become much older in life, the time will come where you need to start thinking about where they'll live when they become too old to live alone. Many parents and adult children alike however, don't like the idea of nursing home living.

It's not uncommon for senior citizens to be healthy and active for many years even after it's no longer safe or practical for them to live alone, and nursing home living is not usually needed for those aging parents who still live active and somewhat independent lifestyles.

Thankfully, there are many alternative living options your parents will enjoy instead of nursing homes. Which living option you choose should be a joint decision between the two of you though. If your parents are not incapacitated enough to need nursing home living arrangement, then they have the right to at least participate in the decisions about where and how they will live.

According to the Administration on Aging, the number of senior citizens will more than double by the year 2030. Thanks to advancements in modern medicine, they estimate we'll have at least 70 million senior citizens in the U.S. by the year 2030. Because of this though, many communities have started looking at alternative housing options designed specifically for the needs of this aging population.

One example of nursing home alternatives for senior citizens is retirement living communities which have staff on hand twenty four hours a day in case of an emergency. Some of these communities have special features such as a communal dining and recreation area, while others have fully in dependant apartments or townhomes instead.

Another popular nursing home alternative for aging parents and their adult children is more of a family living arrangement. In some cases, the adult children will place a secondary small living space on their own property for their parents to live in. These secondary housing unit might be small modular homes, site built cottage or guest house style dwellings, and even Recreational Vehicles.

With this arrangement - often referred to as ECHO housing - the aging parents are still able to live independantly, while at the same time having loved family members close by for company, recreation, help, or in the case of emergencies.

Other families prefer to have their aging parents actually live with them in their home, but instead of simply giving them a bedroom, they create a full apartment contained within the home. The parents may live in an apartment above the garage for instance, or in a refinished basement designed specifically for them.

Some aging parents insist on living out their lives in their own homes though, and this is doable in most cases too - particularly if the parent stays fairly healthy and active all their lives. In these cases, most adult children simply hire a part time or full time caregiver to help their parents in their own home.

For a time, the adult child can provide the part time care themselves, visiting several times each week to help with errands, cleaning and laundry for instance. Over time though, it's usually more helpful to hire someone that can perform these tasks regularly, and eventually you'll want to consider getting a live in caretaker as well, so that someone is always around for your aging parent if an emergency arises.

The one thing most people don't plan for when considering eldercare is the feeling of guilt that will ultimately surface.

Guilt is a common human reaction in this situation because caring for an aging parent can be time consuming and hard work.

It can take away from your life as well as your own family. That guilt tends to bring on other negative feelings, such as resentment because you see them as a burden in your life, sometimes wishing you never took this on.

Guilt also comes from the anger that you may feel that your life has changed dramatically and you no longer have time to spend doing the things you want to do. This is normal and it doesn't make you a bad person.

You can find ways of releasing that guilt and reclaiming your sanity....

Meditate each day and embrace your new role as a way of giving back to the person who helped make you who you are today.

Keep a gratitude journal that recounts the good times you've had with your parent in the past, and let go of negative feelings.

Recognize that it's okay to be in a bad mood at times. If you need to isolate yourself in your room to watch a movie and indulge in some Ben and Jerry's for a break, go for it! Me time is a good diversion from life's chaos.

Some people have no other family than you to help in the role of caregiver and can't afford in-home nursing staff to assist them with a much-needed break.

If you're strapped for cash, you may qualify for some sort of social assistance. There are programs that can allow caregivers to get out and run errands or even take a break when they need it.

Volunteers in your area may be able to come into your home several times a week or month and help alleviate the stress. Don't feel guilty leaving them to take care of yourself.

If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be in any physical or mental shape to provide good care for your parent.

Your life isn't ending just because you bring an elderly parent into your home. It only means you're opening up a new chapter.

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Caring for your parent goes far beyond making meals and doling out medicine. Sometimes, even you are not enough to keep them safe. You may have to face the fact that your parents can't take care of themselves and you may not have room or time to do it yourself.

If this is the case, then you may need to check out other options for their eldercare. It isn't a reflection on you, because life changes for all of us and we can't always meet each challenge the way we want to.

Don't be afraid to get that extra help.

If your parent is able to live on his or her own, but just needs a little help each day on some tasks, then an in-home aide would be the perfect option. Someone could come to your parent's home at least once a day and help them with their medications or whatever tasks they need done that they can't do themselves.

If the parent lives with you, but they have more medical care needs than you can handle with your own life, then consider bringing a nurse in. Hand over the work to someone else who you know can do the job.

The time may come when your parent can't take of themselves and you aren't able to give the care that's necessary to keep them safe. When that time comes, a nursing home is your best option.

People are there 24/7 to take care of them and you can still visit them whenever you want.