agoraphobia ---"There's no place like home."

Hope you have nothing better to do? When I give details about me being agoraphobic..., It may be a long time?

When I was a little girl, I didn't say,"I want to be agoraphobic when I grow up!" I'd like to tell a little bit of when I was a little girl.
I hope I don't bore you.
I was born Nov. 23,1961. I was a 2 pound preemie. I already had an older sister that was eight months older. I guess I was a lot to take care of. My mother told me that I rolled off my changing table and onto a chair. That was my first injury. Then when I was two , she said I fell into a coffee table and have a scar on my upper lip. Then I took a bottle of aspirin , but she didn't notice.
When I was six, my father started coming into my room. He would touch me. That lasted until I was six-teen. My father said that if I told anyone that the family would break up and it would be all my fault! The thing is..., I blamed my Mother! How could she not know where her husband was for ten years??

In Catholic school, the teachers were very mean. They would knock over my desk. The students would make fun of me too. My mother's advice was to just,"Ignore them and they will go away." That just made me look like a coward. My life was a nightmare.
I had no family or friends that I could talk to.
The only comfort that I had was the ability to connect with animals. And I loved to walk in the woods.

When I was eighteen, my father said I had to be out. He had his brother's wife and I guess he didn't need me anymore! I asked my mother If I could live with her and she gave me a flat out "No!"
The man that I was dating at the time was Tim . We were just dating , but he took me in. I've been with him now for the past thirty years!
I've tried to work or run a home business , but I'm "Snake-bitten".
As every business idea has failed. Tim takes care of me and does the food shopping.
I have a twenty year old daughter. She can't understand why I don't ever leave the house. When she was little, all she ever wanted was for me to take her to the mall!
I had two problems with that!
1)----It's the mall!
Agoraphobics can not stand crowds or all that walking.
2)--- Agoraphobics have no money or a job, let alone a car to drive there.
I would sometimes drive my husband's car and someone would have to sit in the front seat with me and pour baby powder on my hands as I was driving because my hands would be sweaty!
My son is sixteen.
When I was pregnant with him, my heart rate was 250 everyday! The more milk I drank the worse it got! This went on for six months. It felt like being in the ocean and getting hit with wave after wave! I told my husband that if my heart gives out , to make sure the baby lives!
He was a preemie too at seven months. The doctor didn't like to do c-sections. I told her, "Well..., your gunna!" I wasn't going to push out a dry birth after my water broke !
The strain on my heart alone. GOD!

That's when I knew that I was on my own and that no doctor was going to help me.
I studied Herbal medicines and the computer became my new friend!
There is a man that runs a soup kitchen that gives me free food and free clothes.
My husband works and pays the rent and bills. I am not ashamed to say that I garbage pick! Yes! People put some nice things out in my town! I never leave my town .It has woods and deer.
I've collected (Clean stuff) Like furniture, books and a nice glass clock.
I look for Freebies online and free samples.
Craigslist will offer free stuff.
Also, when you have a box of cereal or other product, it will say on it that they will refund your money if you are not happy with the product.
Being an agoraphobic wasn't my choice. I have to do what I can to survive.
I also found that taking magnesium,vitamin B With C and passionflower with Valerian helps with stress and anxiety.
The world is a cruel place, so I create a world in my house and yard that is peaceful and useful. I call it , "Timothy's island."