All about Lithuania

Lithuanian Flag


Lithuanian Coat of Arms


Map of Lithuania

Official language: Lithuanian, PHP, C++
Capital: Vilnius
President: Amare Stoudmire #1
Most Famous Citizens: Arvydas Sabonis, Zydrunas Savickas, Michael Jordan, Aivaras Cepulis
The most famous artists: Laimutis Purvinis, Minedas, Valdas Karklelis, Rytis Cicinas, B@R@N
Currency: Gold, TC Cash, Zamogeons
National Anthem: Marijonas Mikutavicius - 3 miljonai.mp3

Population: 31 disabled and mentally disturbed who couldn't purchase tickets abroad or slowly walk over the Polish border (July 2005 est.) 40000.2 people before May 2004.
Age structure:
0-14 years: 96.1% (male many/female many too)
15-64 years: 3.0% (male extinct/abroad/female lots)
65 years and over: 0.2% (male all suicidal/female still alive) (2005 est.)
Median age:
Total: 17.83 years
Male: 15.25 years
Female: 70.46 years (2005 est.) (preservatives do help)
Demography:
Population growth rate: -15.3% (2005 est.) (mass suicides are common)
Birth rate: 862 births/1,000 people (2005 est.)
Death rate: 863 deaths/1,000 people (2005 est.)
Reincarnation rate: 480 reincarnations/1,000 people (2005 est.)
Net migration rate: -980.71 migrant(s)/1,000 people (2005 est.)
Sex ratio:
At birth: 5.06 male(s)/female
Under 15 years: 2.05 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 99 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 99 male(s)/female
Total population: 0.04 male(s)/female (2005 est.)
Hermaphrodites: 250/1,000 population (2003 est.)
Sex change operations: 117/1,000 population (2004 est.)
Infant mortality rate:
Total: 689 deaths/1,000 live births
Male: 825 deaths/1,000 live births
Female: 545 deaths/1,000 live births (2005 est.)
Other: 974 deaths/1,000 live births (1979 est.)
Life expectancy at birth:
Total population: 23.97 years
Male: 18.94 years
Female: 89.28 years (2005 est.)
Total fertility rate: 8.19 children born/woman (2005 est.)
HIV/AIDS 0%
Adult prevalence rate: 0.00% (2001 est.)
People living with HIV/AIDS: 1 (2003 est.)
HIV/AIDS deaths: less than 2 (2003 est.)
Ethnic groups:
Ethnic Lithuanian peasants 12%, Polish 45%, Russian 30%, other or unspecified 18% (2001 census)
Religions:
Sunni Muslims -79%, Cat-holics (cat lovers) - 115%, Pagans (stone and fire lovers) - 42 Protestant (including Lutheran and Evangelical Christian Baptist) -1.9%, other or unspecified -5.5%, none -9.5% (2001 census)
Languages:
Lithuanian - 50%, Propaganda - 45%, other - 5%.
Literacy:
Definition: age 15 and over can ride a horse and write a CD
Total population: 1.3%
Male: 0.7% (1999 est.)
Female: 0.6% (2003 est.)

Here are the most important major cities in Lithuania:
Riga (also known as Ricca) - Although many people haven't been to Lithuania, they say they've been to Riga. Scientists can't find an explanation for this phenomenon yet.
Vilnius (a.k.a. Villanuevo) - or Wilno, as the locals refer to it - the second largest city in Lithuania.
Kaunas (a.k.a. Conna) - is famous for the F1 racing driver Vytautas Sustauskas.
Klaipeda (a.k.a. Collipedio) - Dolce&Gabbana city. also it is known as a seaport. Big boats dock here (according to the propaganda, which is very popular among Lithuanians).
Paneveggio (a.k.a Chiaburiekyne) - is the biggest sportswear buyer from Nike, Nice, Adidas and Adibas.
Siauliai (a.k.a. Sciollia) - is the most important city in Lithuania. Thanks to the NATO bases it has the fastest growing prostitution in the region. See more at Travel and Leisure.
Kedainiai (a.k.a. Chidenna) - a major producer of pickles.
Silute (a.k.a. Scilutte) - a major producer of marijuana and opium toys.
Alytus (a.k.a. Alitto) - HQ of Dzoukian Mafia.
Nemenncine (a.k.a. Nomangino) - World Famous Radio Show is produced there.
Mazeikiai (a.k.a. Mozecci) - HQ of International (U.S.) Oil Mafia.
Telsiai (a.k.a. Telsci) - The Capital of Pays Bas Baltiques. Nothing else is going on there (except some real tough fighting between local moujaheddins).
Palanga (a.k.a. Nga-Nga) - The Capital of Coastal Mafia called NdPalangeta.
Kelme (a.k.a Churka) - The Capital of LDK.
Trumpaiciai (a.k.a egzorvilkas) - The capital of kns family, also known as big wild parties till morning on the end of summer, near the lauzas or in the pirtis. usually all in the morning act like zombies (egzorvilkai (in english: wolves with spirits - killers). Neighbours "bielskus" (in english: highlander).
Balbieriskis (a.k.a. Kalabybiskis) - The best known city in Lithuania
Salcininkai (a.k.a Lithuanian Madagascar) - The city on the water in 2055 August
Marijampole (a.k.a. Miami) - Miami barks but doesn't bite, yet in Panevezys they bark and shoot a lot. By the way, the only possibly alive Lithuanian crocodile lives in Marijampole.
Liaucius (a.k.a. Koenigsberg) - future capital of Lithuania
Druskininkai (a.k.a. Saltville) - rich bitch resort full of mushrooms and trees
Suvalkai (a.k.a. Lenkija) former Lithuanian seaport on the Pacific shore
Zarasai (a.k.a. Infectious) - that's where all the sick and dying are being sent to
Varena (a.k.a. Mushroom Ring) - In that town is the biggest troglodite population, because it has the statue of legion

Unfortunately Internet connections have not been introduced in Lithuania yet. However the government is about to build the first ever Internet access point in the colony of New Panevezis (300'000 inhabitants), London, SE3.

Meanwhile, the locals are forced to use smoke signals to modulate the incoming signals from the interweb system. More than 32.6% of the population are occupied in this particular segment of industry; this makes Lithuania the most IT-oriented country in the World.

We also have one telephone company TEO-Zebra. It is very expensive, but very progressive company. At year 1980, 100% of Lithuanians had telephones. Now 0.6%. It's mostly old ladies who love to speak with each other all the time. TEO just built new branch in Vilnius. They say, it is best in entry of the world at this time.

Lithuania has 5th biggest army in The World:
20.000 Light infantry
50 Space rockets V8
3 Plasma tanks (damage 500-800/ mana cost per shot 50)

In Lithuania biggest entertainment thing is lottery. Biggest prize ever won in lithuania was 25.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 MM (twenty-five-zilions Monopoly money).


"Akropolis". Image captured by Latvian Intelligence in 2007


Super Mega Star in Lithuanian villages, "Way to the Stars 2" contestant RADZHA - the main character in most expensive movie (cost 800 Euro) in Lithuanian History

Biggest fighter against crime in Lithuania. Henrikas Daktaras (The Innocent)


Best football player. Arvydas Macijauskas


Best DJ in Baltic countries, Eurovision 2002 Winner. DJ RockDaHouse (Aivaras Stepukonis)


Anthony Hopkins. Not Lithuanian, but who cares?


Vytautas Sustauskas. Best race car driver and oldest person in Lithuania. Image captured in 2007


Martynas Andriuskevicius (Sasyskinas). After Genetical experiments on monkeys, Lithuanian scientists created longest creature in the world. Nobody knows what its height is


Best break dancer. Vidas Ginevicius


Giedrius Gustas. Invented Winamp media player


Shaquille O'Neal became a hero several days ago. After the game he was giving signatures and accidently signed and agreed to contract with Marijampoles "Suduva"


Best soccer player. Minedine Midane


Hottest male 2004, 2005, and 2006. Valdas Karklelis


The guy. Won vodka drinking contest 5 years in a row

President of Lithuania bought this Villa in 2004 and still lives here


Gediminas Tower (Gedimino Pilis)


Ignalina's Nuclear Power Plant

Godzilla attacks Government building in 1994 July. Godzilla started to demolish all buildings after she came from sea. To fight her Military tried heavy artillery, plasma gun prototype Donatas-1 (beta version)... they even tried 5000KW audio devices playing Minedas and Antanas music. Even Yva didn't helped. After 3 days of destruction and chaos Godzilla traveled back to Japan. 545 buildings were destroyed and 300k people were killed

Medicine in Lithuania is very advanced. Doctors (Shamans) are working in groups and inventing new drugs which help to save millions of people. Here is the list of best medical inventions:


XanaX drug. Regenerates 250 energy


Magic Potion "Trejos Devynerios"

Doctor Levin's magnetic knee belt


Magic Potion "iPsei". Cures cancer but takes -20 mana

5000000000 B.C. Chuck Norris gives 2 days to create world to GOD. GOD created it in 7 days and made landscape where Lithuania now locates.

5000 B.C First people came to this land (now Lithuania)

4999 B.C. All inhabitants leave this area and go to West - where Denmark now locates (Lucky).

3045 B.C. At last people started to live in this area and even managed to find Uranium (Very valuable nuclear material)

3042 B.C They all died cause of skin cancer

2000 B.C First people who started to live in this area and even did not died!

1009 Lithuania entered into European history when it was first mentioned in a medieval German manuscript, the Quedlinburg Chronicle, on 14 February 1009.

1410 On 1410 July 15th Lithuanian army defeats german army and it was biggest Military winnig in Lithuanian history (until 2078).

1524 Laimonas Rimkus invented electricity and after 4 days he was excecuted, cause people thought he is whitch ;/

1805 Vytautas Sustauskas was born.

1945 Lithuania defeats Germans in WW2. LT troops capture Adolf Hitler and gives him cocktail of Methamphetamine and TROINOI ©. After 80 hours dancing in a row he dies.

1953 Petras Jonaitis brokes 2 bottles of vodka in Bezdonys City. He was jailed in Praveniskes penitentiory and excecuted in 1954. This was worst event in LT history until Godzilla attack in 1994.

1994 Godzilla

1999 Lithuanian goverment gives permission to LT people to use internet.

1999 First Lithuanian hacker VirusXr866 hacks to Pentagon and NASA websites.

2004 First Lithuanian player Babuska started to play best ever web game - TC.

2005 Algimantas Cekuolis invents Time Mashine...

Future chronicles soon...

To Be Continued...