Who is Alton Brown

Words of Wisdom & Quotable Moments

• "Now, wet stuff does not like sticking to other wet... stuff. It's one of those universal axioms that keeps the galaxy from ripping itself to shreds and dissolving into the void."
• "Allow me to present.. my bean board. Like it? I made it myself. Wouldn't Martha be proud?"
• "Behold -- the human eyeball. Okay, it's a kettle grill with a fancy paint job. Just work with me here for one second, okay, people?"
• "Hey, look! It's our old friends Tender and Flaky!"
• "With the possible exception of college-aged males, the acetobactors are just about the only critters on Earth who can actually thrive on alcohol."
• "Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt."
• On pearled barley: "It looks like me: pasty... white... starchy."
• "Ahhh, just smell that rosemary, I... Oh. I'm sorry. You can't. That was mean."
• "Remember, America: organization will set you free."
• Regarding a rice cooker, before throwing said rice cooker out the window: "The problem is, this is a unitasker. And we've got rules about that kind of thing here."
• "I approach cooking from a science angle because I need to understand how things work. If I understand the egg, I can scramble it better. It's as simple as that."
• "You know we fixate on the food so much itself: 'Oh, the ultimate brownie or the ultimate this or that' -- well, let me tell you something: It's all poop in about 12 hours, okay?"
• "Salted pork belly, yum. I'll get my angioplasty suite ready."
• "You've stumped me, and that makes me grouchy all the livelong day."
• "Goshdarnit, food-borne illnesses is one of my favorite things to get into, but personally, I eat the cookie batter, you know what I'm sayin'?"