Based on my personal experiences dealing with my grandmother
Dementia comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. My main advice is:
Take your cue from the patient
Let them determine how much they can hear and want to hear.
This lens is organized by question. Questions I had, and questions readers have asked. For now it's under construction.
Contents at a Glance
- My grandmother has alzheimer's do I remind her who I am?
- What do I say when I visit my alzheimer's grandma?
- Should I lie to quiet my mother down?
My personal testimony of dealing with alzheimer's in my grandmother
Me and my family are doing a great job I think...
But that does not change how hard it is.-
Dealing with Alzheimer's - my personal experiences
-
This lens is a tribute to a strong, intelligent woman who struggles with an unforgiving disease - and to her kids (my uncles and mother) who fight to keep her life as fulfilling as possible. The lens is written in chronological order: it's my experi...
My grandmother has alzheimer's do I remind her who I am?
A question about grandma
That question shows some sensitivity. I know my uncle makes sure he reminds his mother who he is almost the minute he walks in the door. But I was out with him and my grandmother the other day, and when he had gone to the bathroom - she asked where her husband was. Somehow this son gets put in the emotional spot of her husband, at least some of the time.
I'd say that you should tell her who you are, yes. Especially if she asks about it. But also just by and by. You know: remind her of your parents: who's kid are you again? Say something like 'my mother, Ann, always says'... That will put you in context for her, if she still remembers the names of her kids.
I'd say that you should tell her who you are, yes. Especially if she asks about it. But also just by and by. You know: remind her of your parents: who's kid are you again? Say something like 'my mother, Ann, always says'... That will put you in context for her, if she still remembers the names of her kids.
What do I say when I visit my alzheimer's grandma?
Yes, conversation can get pretty hard.
If you're not sure she knows who you are - just introduce yourself. "I'm Anette and I'm your granddaughter" or "I'm Peter I'm the oldest son of your daughter Mary".
My grandmother is used to having family around her be silent, reading the newspaper or a book or something. So when conversation falls flat, I often resort to just reading the papers. When I read something funny, I'll read it to her. I have to explain a lot, usually, but she's still capable of appreciating a good story. So for us, that works. But it depends on your family traditions what will work for you. Just experiment.
Putting on music she'll like, serving tea or asking for another cookie, talking about the weather - small talk will do in any case.
But don't be afraid of a little silence. I've often been silent with my grandmother and had her suddenly come out of reverie asking a question. Here I was thinking she'd dosed off, but actually she was probably thinking hard about something.
In the end it's your mood that will speak to her. If you're calm and accepting, preferably happy to see her (despite everything), she'll be calm too.
And don't feel guilty about leaving after 30 minutes either. Having visitors is a good thing for most Alzheimer patients, but they get tired of it quickly too: after all, a lot of information they do not understand.
If you're not sure she knows who you are - just introduce yourself. "I'm Anette and I'm your granddaughter" or "I'm Peter I'm the oldest son of your daughter Mary".
My grandmother is used to having family around her be silent, reading the newspaper or a book or something. So when conversation falls flat, I often resort to just reading the papers. When I read something funny, I'll read it to her. I have to explain a lot, usually, but she's still capable of appreciating a good story. So for us, that works. But it depends on your family traditions what will work for you. Just experiment.
Putting on music she'll like, serving tea or asking for another cookie, talking about the weather - small talk will do in any case.
But don't be afraid of a little silence. I've often been silent with my grandmother and had her suddenly come out of reverie asking a question. Here I was thinking she'd dosed off, but actually she was probably thinking hard about something.
In the end it's your mood that will speak to her. If you're calm and accepting, preferably happy to see her (despite everything), she'll be calm too.
And don't feel guilty about leaving after 30 minutes either. Having visitors is a good thing for most Alzheimer patients, but they get tired of it quickly too: after all, a lot of information they do not understand.
Alzheimer care tips: some books
Caregiver tips and guides
A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's Disease: 300 Tips for Making Life Easier
Avg. Customer Rating: 
Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 11/28/2009) 
Unforgettable Journey: Tips to Survive Your Parent's Alzheimer's Disease
Avg. Customer Rating:
Amazon Price: $13.95 (as of 11/28/2009)
Caregiving Tips A-Z: Alzheimer's & Other Dementias
Avg. Customer Rating: 
Amazon Price: $21.86 (as of 11/28/2009)
Should I lie to quiet my mother down?
A daughter asks an Alzheimer question
Yes, I do think lying may occasionally be necessary in dealing with Alzheimer patients.
In other words: if the emotional truth is served, that's whats most important. Tell her what she can hear, that fits your world best.
For instance my grandmother still can't grasp that she is in a home, taken care of daily. That she's been there for months and that everybody knows who she is. So when I assure her dinner will be taken care of (a daily worry for her), she may ask if I've talked to the staff about it. And most of the time I will say - yes, I've talked to the staff about it. Even though I've done no such thing and am not planning to.
My main concern is to stop her from worrying about where food is coming from. Worrying about whether what I say is the truth is less important. I do of course speak the truth where I can.
In other words: if the emotional truth is served, that's whats most important. Tell her what she can hear, that fits your world best.
For instance my grandmother still can't grasp that she is in a home, taken care of daily. That she's been there for months and that everybody knows who she is. So when I assure her dinner will be taken care of (a daily worry for her), she may ask if I've talked to the staff about it. And most of the time I will say - yes, I've talked to the staff about it. Even though I've done no such thing and am not planning to.
My main concern is to stop her from worrying about where food is coming from. Worrying about whether what I say is the truth is less important. I do of course speak the truth where I can.
Complaints Of A Dutiful Daughter
A movie about a daughter dealing with her mother's alzheimer's disease. Moving picture.
Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter a film by Deborah Hoffman [Alzheimer's]
Amazon Price: (as of 11/28/2009)
Should I really put familiar stuff in my father's new home?
A question by an adult son about his father
Yes. I know it may feel strange to not buy your father new stuff as he's moving. I know my family at first felt like buying my grandmother all kinds of new things. In the end though, one of my aunts managed to put some of my grandma's old stuff in the room in a way that looked decent and was practical.
We weren't too worried about my grandmother moving, because she's always liked change and gets bored at things staying the same. But I'm very glad we managed to put her old stuff around her, because now, when she's confused about where she is - I can assure her it's her room by asking her to look at all her familiar things.
Your father will need those reminders just as badly.
We weren't too worried about my grandmother moving, because she's always liked change and gets bored at things staying the same. But I'm very glad we managed to put her old stuff around her, because now, when she's confused about where she is - I can assure her it's her room by asking her to look at all her familiar things.
Your father will need those reminders just as badly.
The 36-Hour Day
A Family Guide to Caring for Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life
This book really covers everything, from where to put the bathroom to legal issues and where to get help.
This is also a plea for a new way of dealing with patients: allowing them to do as much as possible for themselves. I cannot agree more. The satisfaction on my grandmother's face when she is allowed to help with cooking by peeling potatoes is priceless.
This is also a plea for a new way of dealing with patients: allowing them to do as much as possible for themselves. I cannot agree more. The satisfaction on my grandmother's face when she is allowed to help with cooking by peeling potatoes is priceless.
The 36-Hour Day : A Family Guide to Caring for Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life
Amazon Price: (as of 11/28/2009)
Avg. Customer Rating:
Does it help to make a memory book?
Yes, there's research to show that creating a memory book and having it as a talking point does help. It even helps people with Alzheimer's become more coherent. In other words, they use words others understand. This is of course a major help in their quality of life. And as they communicate better, they're also more likely to get along with staff in a nursing home. This too is essential to their wellbeing.
Here's more about how to make a memory book.
Aside from a memory book helping the patient, it also helps those around the patient. It can contain information about deceased family members, so that people helping out will know what the facts are and can point them out in the book if the patient should ask for those people. It is very usual for people to ask for their parents for instance. My grandmother also asks for her brother and her husband. Since they're all gone, it is helpful in the conversation to remind her of that.
Here's more about how to make a memory book.
Aside from a memory book helping the patient, it also helps those around the patient. It can contain information about deceased family members, so that people helping out will know what the facts are and can point them out in the book if the patient should ask for those people. It is very usual for people to ask for their parents for instance. My grandmother also asks for her brother and her husband. Since they're all gone, it is helpful in the conversation to remind her of that.
How do you deal with an alzheimer patient repeating himself?
Is this true: "when people with Alzheimer's disease repeat the same question or story several times, it is helpful to remind them that they are repeating themselves"?
No, that will just embarrass them. Instead, just answer the question in as few words as you can. If they recognize the answer, they will look at you sheepishly. If not, they are so far gone that reminding them that they've already asked that isn't going to help.
If they are repeating the same story over and over, you may get tired of hearing it. I would not tell them I'd heard it before, but that really depends on the relationship you have with the patient. It does give you something to talk about after all, and in most cases conversation will get pretty dry anyhow.
I'm personally happy when my grandmother talks at all. Silences are getting longer and longer. She's still happy to have me around, but she's no longer much of a conversationalist. But then, she doesn't really repeat herself all that much. And when she does, she usually asks me whether I've heard the story before.
Instead of reminding them that you've heard it before, you may try and change the subject. Or serve something to eat or drink. Any activity may help them get off the beaten track.
Just experiment with it and feel your way through.
No, that will just embarrass them. Instead, just answer the question in as few words as you can. If they recognize the answer, they will look at you sheepishly. If not, they are so far gone that reminding them that they've already asked that isn't going to help.
If they are repeating the same story over and over, you may get tired of hearing it. I would not tell them I'd heard it before, but that really depends on the relationship you have with the patient. It does give you something to talk about after all, and in most cases conversation will get pretty dry anyhow.
I'm personally happy when my grandmother talks at all. Silences are getting longer and longer. She's still happy to have me around, but she's no longer much of a conversationalist. But then, she doesn't really repeat herself all that much. And when she does, she usually asks me whether I've heard the story before.
Instead of reminding them that you've heard it before, you may try and change the subject. Or serve something to eat or drink. Any activity may help them get off the beaten track.
Just experiment with it and feel your way through.
How should you deal with aggression in an Alzheimer patient
First of all: aggression, whether verbal or physical, is caused by the confusion the patient is in. It has little to do with the people treating the patient. Still, there are things you can do that will help minimize aggression, and things you can do that will escalate the problem.
Stay Calm - this is probably the most important tip I could give. Your calm will reach the patient where words have stopped helping (because they're not remembered long enough).
Find out the triggers - keep a diary to find out what triggers aggression, so you can try and find a way of dealing with it that is better. A common trigger is confusion itself. Things like not knowing what to do with choice - so choosing for the patient. This may feel like babying them, but when the point comes that nothing makes sense, helping them organize their world by making them a sandwich instead of asking what they want is a good idea.
Soothing music may help - I once calmed my grandmother down by going outside with her (always a help in her case) and simply humming a tune. Like staying calm, the clue is that the emotions should and can be calmed even if the mind is in turmoil and confusion.
Nothing you can do will totally prevent aggression, because nothing you can do can prevent confusion in someone who's loosing their mind.
Stay Calm - this is probably the most important tip I could give. Your calm will reach the patient where words have stopped helping (because they're not remembered long enough).
Find out the triggers - keep a diary to find out what triggers aggression, so you can try and find a way of dealing with it that is better. A common trigger is confusion itself. Things like not knowing what to do with choice - so choosing for the patient. This may feel like babying them, but when the point comes that nothing makes sense, helping them organize their world by making them a sandwich instead of asking what they want is a good idea.
Soothing music may help - I once calmed my grandmother down by going outside with her (always a help in her case) and simply humming a tune. Like staying calm, the clue is that the emotions should and can be calmed even if the mind is in turmoil and confusion.
Nothing you can do will totally prevent aggression, because nothing you can do can prevent confusion in someone who's loosing their mind.
Does this help? Any more questions?
submit
-
Reply
- mbgphoto mbgphoto Aug 31, 2009 @ 6:46 pm
- Thanks for an interesting lens. My Mom repeats herself often. She also asks the same question four or five times during a short visit. I just keep answering her and like you said keep the answer short after the first time. It helps to read about how others handle the situation. Thanks for an informative lens.
-
Reply
- x3xsolxdierx3x x3xsolxdierx3x May 26, 2009 @ 11:27 am
- Many of my patients have Alzheimers....it's sad, and oftentimes difficult, to care for them because of the dementia......great lens and 5 stars :)
-
Reply
- Tipi Tipi May 15, 2009 @ 12:26 pm
- My grandma had Alzheimer and now an aunt has it too. It is a sad disease to watch unfolding and feeling helpless about. - Great topic and lens! :)
-
Reply
- spirituality spirituality May 8, 2009 @ 5:28 am | in reply to aj2008
- Well, many elderly people do prefer to just sit still actually. But just like it is with kids: make them feel useful & they will come 'alive' again more. No miracles, just more alive. Bringing in kids apparently works wonders too btw.
-
Reply
- aj2008 aj2008 May 8, 2009 @ 5:23 am
- Katinka and Mimi, you are both amazing people and I cannot begin to relate with what you are dealing with. I love your story Katinka about allowing your Grandmother to help with peeling the potatoes. I often think that the elderly are allowed to "just sit" because it just makes it easier for everyone else.
I look forward to seeing how this lens progresses and thank you for being so honest and open about such a difficult topic.
-
Reply
- GrowWear GrowWear May 2, 2009 @ 3:29 am
- I watched a documentary the other day -- Complaints Of A Dutiful Daughter. Her mother was more progressed than your dear grandmother. At a certain point, the daughter would just say, "Yes, I am your old friend from college." "No, I haven't heard from so-and-so in years." Totally the way to go if you want to keep your loved ones happy, I believe. Why upset them with clarifications when they'll forget them ten minutes later? I truly believe that this lets them have peace -- and the caregiver, too. Nothing to be done about the sadness I would suspect. My mom is losing her memory... Not going to try to straighten her out when and if that point comes that all I would be saying over and over again to her is that "I'm your oldest daughter." Lying is the best thing in a situation like that. I have no qualms or doubts about it.
Others giving dementia tips
- Tips for Healthy Dementia Dining This Thanksgiving
- Pick a day that you and the dementia person can spend the day together enjoying all the happiness has to offer. Now that you have read about the tips for healthy dementia dining, go have a great day The book Adorable Photographs of Our ...
- How to Talk to Someone with Dementia | Caring.com
- People with dementia may remember more than it first appears. Here are some tips on how to talk to someone with dementia to boost their understanding.
- Apple-shaped women more prone to dementia | TheMedGuru
- Deborah Gustafson, senior lecturer at the Sahlgrenska Academy, said, "Anyone carrying a lot of fat around the middle is at greater risk of dying prematurely due to a heart attack or stroke. If they nevertheless manage to live beyond 70, ...
More by me
-
Katinka Hesselink - my other lenses
-
I'm a lensmaster, webdesigner an oldest child, an eternal student, a former teacher and single. Most of you know me here on Squidoo as lensmaster 'spirituality' - but I've also got a life outside my interests in spirituality (though perhaps that's n...
-
Health and Beauty Lensography
-
Health and beauty go together - at least: health contributes to beauty. Ultimately, for most of us, health is more important. What follows are my lenses about both topics.
Thanks for all your support!
A big thank you to all of you who've supported my online work by:
- asking questions
- giving constructive feedback
- voting on my lenses
- buying stuff from my lenses
- linking to any of my web projects
- ... donating money :)
- and being generally supportive :) ;)
by spirituality
I'm a webmaster and student of religion and spirituality. See my website on religion and spirituality: www.katinkahesselink.net or my spiritual blog:... (more)
Explore related pages
Alzheimer's Disease Awareness T-Shirts and Gifts for Caregivers and Family- Learn about Alzheimer's Disease awareness and shop for Alzheimer's support t-shi...
A Visit from A Stanger -True Story of an Alzheimer's Patient- The knock at the door came about 7.45pm . . .A bit late for friends to be droppi...
Dealing with Alzheimer's - my personal experiences- This lens is a tribute to a strong, intelligent woman who struggles with an unfo...
Earplugs - sleep better despite noise, no more insomnia- I'm researching earplugs because I have city noise at night when I try to sl...
Green camouflage makeup to get rid of red skin- You could just camouflage of course, but it's even better to use a product (or p...
Healthy foods that make you happy- Chocolate and Chickpeas There are two types of food that I know of that are actu...
