Tips for dealing with alzheimer's
Ranked #1,898 in Healthy Living, #39,458 overall
Based on my personal experiences dealing with my grandmother
Dementia comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. My main advice is:
Take your cue from the patient
Let them determine how much they can hear and want to hear.
This lens is organized by question. Questions I had, and questions readers have asked. For now it's under construction.
I took this picture three years after my grandmother's Alzheimer's diagnosis. Her face really does say it all: she's very happy in the home where she is, very happy to be with me (even as I take the picture, which she does realize) but also very much confused about everything.
My personal testimony of dealing with alzheimer's in my grandmother
Me and my family are doing a great job I think...
But that does not change how hard it is.
My grandmother has alzheimer's do I remind her who I am?
A question about grandma
That question shows some sensitivity. I know my uncle makes sure he reminds his mother who he is almost the minute he walks in the door. But I was out with him and my grandmother the other day, and when he had gone to the bathroom - she asked where her husband was. Somehow this son gets put in the emotional spot of her husband, at least some of the time.
I'd say that you should tell her who you are, yes. Especially if she asks about it. But also just by and by. You know: remind her of your parents: who's kid are you again? Say something like 'my mother, Ann, always says'... That will put you in context for her, if she still remembers the names of her kids.
I'd say that you should tell her who you are, yes. Especially if she asks about it. But also just by and by. You know: remind her of your parents: who's kid are you again? Say something like 'my mother, Ann, always says'... That will put you in context for her, if she still remembers the names of her kids.
What do I say when I visit my alzheimer's grandma?
Yes, conversation can get pretty hard.
If you're not sure she knows who you are - just introduce yourself. "I'm Anette and I'm your granddaughter" or "I'm Peter I'm the oldest son of your daughter Mary".
My grandmother is used to having family around her be silent, reading the newspaper or a book or something. So when conversation falls flat, I often resort to just reading the papers. When I read something funny, I'll read it to her. I have to explain a lot, usually, but she's still capable of appreciating a good story. So for us, that works. But it depends on your family traditions what will work for you. Just experiment.
Putting on music she'll like, serving tea or asking for another cookie, talking about the weather - small talk will do in any case.
But don't be afraid of a little silence. I've often been silent with my grandmother and had her suddenly come out of reverie asking a question. Here I was thinking she'd dosed off, but actually she was probably thinking hard about something.
In the end it's your mood that will speak to her. If you're calm and accepting, preferably happy to see her (despite everything), she'll be calm too.
And don't feel guilty about leaving after 30 minutes either. Having visitors is a good thing for most Alzheimer patients, but they get tired of it quickly too: after all, a lot of information they do not understand.
If you're not sure she knows who you are - just introduce yourself. "I'm Anette and I'm your granddaughter" or "I'm Peter I'm the oldest son of your daughter Mary".
My grandmother is used to having family around her be silent, reading the newspaper or a book or something. So when conversation falls flat, I often resort to just reading the papers. When I read something funny, I'll read it to her. I have to explain a lot, usually, but she's still capable of appreciating a good story. So for us, that works. But it depends on your family traditions what will work for you. Just experiment.
Putting on music she'll like, serving tea or asking for another cookie, talking about the weather - small talk will do in any case.
But don't be afraid of a little silence. I've often been silent with my grandmother and had her suddenly come out of reverie asking a question. Here I was thinking she'd dosed off, but actually she was probably thinking hard about something.
In the end it's your mood that will speak to her. If you're calm and accepting, preferably happy to see her (despite everything), she'll be calm too.
And don't feel guilty about leaving after 30 minutes either. Having visitors is a good thing for most Alzheimer patients, but they get tired of it quickly too: after all, a lot of information they do not understand.
Alzheimer care tips: some books
Caregiver tips and guides
Should I lie to quiet my mother down?
A daughter asks an Alzheimer question
Yes, I do think lying may occasionally be necessary in dealing with Alzheimer patients.
In other words: if the emotional truth is served, that's whats most important. Tell her what she can hear, that fits your world best.
For instance my grandmother still can't grasp that she is in a home, taken care of daily. That she's been there for months and that everybody knows who she is. So when I assure her dinner will be taken care of (a daily worry for her), she may ask if I've talked to the staff about it. And most of the time I will say - yes, I've talked to the staff about it. Even though I've done no such thing and am not planning to.
My main concern is to stop her from worrying about where food is coming from. Worrying about whether what I say is the truth is less important. I do of course speak the truth where I can.
In other words: if the emotional truth is served, that's whats most important. Tell her what she can hear, that fits your world best.
For instance my grandmother still can't grasp that she is in a home, taken care of daily. That she's been there for months and that everybody knows who she is. So when I assure her dinner will be taken care of (a daily worry for her), she may ask if I've talked to the staff about it. And most of the time I will say - yes, I've talked to the staff about it. Even though I've done no such thing and am not planning to.
My main concern is to stop her from worrying about where food is coming from. Worrying about whether what I say is the truth is less important. I do of course speak the truth where I can.
Complaints Of A Dutiful Daughter
A movie about a daughter dealing with her mother's alzheimer's disease. Moving picture.
![Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter a film by Deborah Hoffman [Alzheimer's]](http://the.squidoocdn.com/images/nopicture.gif)
Complaints of a Dutiful Daughter a film by Deborah Hoffman [Alzheimer's]
Amazon Price: (as of 02/13/2012)
Should I really put familiar stuff in my father's new home?
A question by an adult son about his father
Yes. I know it may feel strange to not buy your father new stuff as he's moving. I know my family at first felt like buying my grandmother all kinds of new things. In the end though, one of my aunts managed to put some of my grandma's old stuff in the room in a way that looked decent and was practical.
We weren't too worried about my grandmother moving, because she's always liked change and gets bored at things staying the same. But I'm very glad we managed to put her old stuff around her, because now, when she's confused about where she is - I can assure her it's her room by asking her to look at all her familiar things.
Your father will need those reminders just as badly.
We weren't too worried about my grandmother moving, because she's always liked change and gets bored at things staying the same. But I'm very glad we managed to put her old stuff around her, because now, when she's confused about where she is - I can assure her it's her room by asking her to look at all her familiar things.
Your father will need those reminders just as badly.
The 36-Hour Day
A Family Guide to Caring for Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life
This book really covers everything, from where to put the bathroom to legal issues and where to get help.
This is also a plea for a new way of dealing with patients: allowing them to do as much as possible for themselves. I cannot agree more. The satisfaction on my grandmother's face when she is allowed to help with cooking by peeling potatoes is priceless.
This is also a plea for a new way of dealing with patients: allowing them to do as much as possible for themselves. I cannot agree more. The satisfaction on my grandmother's face when she is allowed to help with cooking by peeling potatoes is priceless.
The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life (3rd Edition)
Amazon Price: $5.88 (as of 02/14/2012)
How to celebrate a birthday
Two years after diagnosis
Like everything, this depends on how deteriorated your parent or grandparent is.
This morning I went to the nursing home where my grandmother is staying to celebrate her birthday with her. I brought cake and something for the staff (chocolates - enough so that not only the people on duty that day would have some).
When I got there my grandmother was asleep in her wheel chair. She'd already had her breakfast and was now sitting in front of her morning coffee. I woke her up (gently) and asked her if she knew what day it was. She didn't, of course, so I told her it was her birthday. Though happy to see me, she was not responding much.
The lady who was tending the women in the living room went for her morning coffee, leaving me to fend for myself. I cut up pieces of cake for everyone and preceded to give them to everybody. Then I grabbed a piece for myself and sat next to my grandmother.
She was not eating any of her cake. So I cut some up for her and left her a fork. That didn't help much either. She did talk a bit throughout all this, but it was nonsense - not quite gibberish, but close.
Having finished my own cake I decided to sing for her - you know 'happy birthday'. That brought the first real smile to her face I'd seen that morning. The singing reached her the way words and cake no longer could. She even took up her fork and ate a piece of the cake.
By the time I left she had had two or three bites of the cake. She was happy when I left, but I can really understand people giving up on Alzheimer patients. It's so much work, for so little reward.
This afternoon we, some ten family members, will be taking her out for a walk and High Tea. I wonder how well she'll take that.
This morning I went to the nursing home where my grandmother is staying to celebrate her birthday with her. I brought cake and something for the staff (chocolates - enough so that not only the people on duty that day would have some).
When I got there my grandmother was asleep in her wheel chair. She'd already had her breakfast and was now sitting in front of her morning coffee. I woke her up (gently) and asked her if she knew what day it was. She didn't, of course, so I told her it was her birthday. Though happy to see me, she was not responding much.
The lady who was tending the women in the living room went for her morning coffee, leaving me to fend for myself. I cut up pieces of cake for everyone and preceded to give them to everybody. Then I grabbed a piece for myself and sat next to my grandmother.
She was not eating any of her cake. So I cut some up for her and left her a fork. That didn't help much either. She did talk a bit throughout all this, but it was nonsense - not quite gibberish, but close.
Having finished my own cake I decided to sing for her - you know 'happy birthday'. That brought the first real smile to her face I'd seen that morning. The singing reached her the way words and cake no longer could. She even took up her fork and ate a piece of the cake.
By the time I left she had had two or three bites of the cake. She was happy when I left, but I can really understand people giving up on Alzheimer patients. It's so much work, for so little reward.
This afternoon we, some ten family members, will be taking her out for a walk and High Tea. I wonder how well she'll take that.
Does it help to make a memory book?
Yes, there's research to show that creating a memory book and having it as a talking point does help. It even helps people with Alzheimer's become more coherent. In other words, they use words others understand. This is of course a major help in their quality of life. And as they communicate better, they're also more likely to get along with staff in a nursing home. This too is essential to their wellbeing.
Here's more about how to make a memory book.
Aside from a memory book helping the patient, it also helps those around the patient. It can contain information about deceased family members, so that people helping out will know what the facts are and can point them out in the book if the patient should ask for those people. It is very usual for people to ask for their parents for instance. My grandmother also asks for her brother and her husband. Since they're all gone, it is helpful in the conversation to remind her of that.
Here's more about how to make a memory book.
Aside from a memory book helping the patient, it also helps those around the patient. It can contain information about deceased family members, so that people helping out will know what the facts are and can point them out in the book if the patient should ask for those people. It is very usual for people to ask for their parents for instance. My grandmother also asks for her brother and her husband. Since they're all gone, it is helpful in the conversation to remind her of that.
How do you deal with an alzheimer patient repeating himself?
Is this true: "when people with Alzheimer's disease repeat the same question or story several times, it is helpful to remind them that they are repeating themselves"?
No, that will just embarrass them. Instead, just answer the question in as few words as you can. If they recognize the answer, they will look at you sheepishly. If not, they are so far gone that reminding them that they've already asked that isn't going to help.
If they are repeating the same story over and over, you may get tired of hearing it. I would not tell them I'd heard it before, but that really depends on the relationship you have with the patient. It does give you something to talk about after all, and in most cases conversation will get pretty dry anyhow.
I'm personally happy when my grandmother talks at all. Silences are getting longer and longer. She's still happy to have me around, but she's no longer much of a conversationalist. But then, she doesn't really repeat herself all that much. And when she does, she usually asks me whether I've heard the story before.
Instead of reminding them that you've heard it before, you may try and change the subject. Or serve something to eat or drink. Any activity may help them get off the beaten track.
Just experiment with it and feel your way through.
No, that will just embarrass them. Instead, just answer the question in as few words as you can. If they recognize the answer, they will look at you sheepishly. If not, they are so far gone that reminding them that they've already asked that isn't going to help.
If they are repeating the same story over and over, you may get tired of hearing it. I would not tell them I'd heard it before, but that really depends on the relationship you have with the patient. It does give you something to talk about after all, and in most cases conversation will get pretty dry anyhow.
I'm personally happy when my grandmother talks at all. Silences are getting longer and longer. She's still happy to have me around, but she's no longer much of a conversationalist. But then, she doesn't really repeat herself all that much. And when she does, she usually asks me whether I've heard the story before.
Instead of reminding them that you've heard it before, you may try and change the subject. Or serve something to eat or drink. Any activity may help them get off the beaten track.
Just experiment with it and feel your way through.
How should you deal with aggression in an Alzheimer patient
First of all: aggression, whether verbal or physical, is caused by the confusion the patient is in. It has little to do with the people treating the patient. Still, there are things you can do that will help minimize aggression, and things you can do that will escalate the problem.
Stay Calm - this is probably the most important tip I could give. Your calm will reach the patient where words have stopped helping (because they're not remembered long enough).
Find out the triggers - keep a diary to find out what triggers aggression, so you can try and find a way of dealing with it that is better. A common trigger is confusion itself. Things like not knowing what to do with choice - so choosing for the patient. This may feel like babying them, but when the point comes that nothing makes sense, helping them organize their world by making them a sandwich instead of asking what they want is a good idea.
Soothing music may help - I once calmed my grandmother down by going outside with her (always a help in her case) and simply humming a tune. Like staying calm, the clue is that the emotions should and can be calmed even if the mind is in turmoil and confusion.
Nothing you can do will totally prevent aggression, because nothing you can do can prevent confusion in someone who's loosing their mind.
Stay Calm - this is probably the most important tip I could give. Your calm will reach the patient where words have stopped helping (because they're not remembered long enough).
Find out the triggers - keep a diary to find out what triggers aggression, so you can try and find a way of dealing with it that is better. A common trigger is confusion itself. Things like not knowing what to do with choice - so choosing for the patient. This may feel like babying them, but when the point comes that nothing makes sense, helping them organize their world by making them a sandwich instead of asking what they want is a good idea.
Soothing music may help - I once calmed my grandmother down by going outside with her (always a help in her case) and simply humming a tune. Like staying calm, the clue is that the emotions should and can be calmed even if the mind is in turmoil and confusion.
Nothing you can do will totally prevent aggression, because nothing you can do can prevent confusion in someone who's loosing their mind.
Does this help? Any more questions?
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Julie Castro
Jan 20, 2011 @ 10:33 am | delete
- You called my comment comparing the lack of sleep a parent gets with a newborn to the lack of sleep a 24/7 caregiver gets "irrelevant" but all that tells me is that it is irrelevant to you. From what I gather, your experience with personal, 24/7 caregiving was short-lived. As the moderator, you can decide what is "relevant" or not, but it's still just one person's opinion, and not necessarily what is "true." In my opinion and experience, the comparison rings true. If the type of care you are describing as normal for The Netherlands were available for the average, middle-class person in the United States, there would be no question that it would be better for both. In point of fact, it definitely isn't that way. I would encourage you to actually visit nursing homes in the United States (for average, middle-class Americans) before you promote them. Not googling; not reading statistics; not viewing videos designed to soothe anxious family members. Actually spend the day at one, observing, observing, observing. You are writing from an isolated experience and sometimes I feel you are trying to absolve lingering feelings of guilt. When people want to care for their aged parents (even if it's hard) you seem to try to dissuade them, again promoting the care your mother received in The Netherlands. How nice for the The Netherlands -- I wish that were a beacon for the world -- but most of your readers don't live there and American nursing homes are a far cry from that.
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Julie Castro
Jan 16, 2011 @ 6:39 am | delete
- "Or to put it more drastically: Don't you think your dad deserves someone helping him during the day, who had a decent night sleep?"
Sure, and the same could be said to a new mother:
"don't you think your child deserves someone helping him or her during the day who had a decent night's sleep?" YES, that child does, and YES that mother does, but you don't quit even if you need more rest. Just something you might want to consider.
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spirituality
Jan 16, 2011 @ 10:10 am | delete
- I'm not saying it's a crime or anything like that to take care of your dad at home. I just know I could not do it and that my grandmother is happy where she is. And now, when I see her, I'm able to give her quality time. I'd be continually exhausted if I had to take care of her for every little thing. And my business would suffer too. The result would be that we were both less happy than we are now.
Even when she was in a home we weren't happy with, I still felt like they took better care of her than I'd be able to.
To compare it to a mother and child is irrelevant. I wish on every new mother the care my mom had from a day nurse (was standard back then in The Netherlands) when we were infants. I'm sure she was more capable of taking care of us because she had that help.
Of course one factor here is the alternatives. In my case, here in The Netherlands, we were able to find a great facility to take care of her. She has her own room, the architecture is such that she can wheel around the place without bumping into 'not allowed' or walls, and the nurses are great. If that wasn't the case, I might have felt very differently.
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Georgie Holme joyceholme@btinternet.com
Jun 9, 2010 @ 8:15 pm | delete
- im scared my grandma has alzheimers i lived with since i was born and her memorey is getting worse and she blaimes me for thing and wakes up and thinks shes in another country and dosent rember who i am or where she is she came back from the hospital today they were holding her there and she was cring out for me so i couldent leave her she was telling me she saw murders in the hospital and they were coming to kill her but the doctors never diagnosed her with anything and im worryed what shes going to do next tomorrow morning :(
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spirituality
Jan 15, 2011 @ 6:36 am | delete
- I'm sorry to be responding so late. You need to get her diagnosed. ASK the doctor if they think it's Alzheimer's, don't wait around for them to come up with that on their own. Even if it's not precisely Alzheimer's, this is clearly a situation that you can't cope with without support. I know I could not.
I hope since you wrote this you and your family have resolved this in some way.
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Sha
May 12, 2010 @ 9:22 pm | delete
- I need to know if a person with Alzheimer's can perform a simply task like wiping themselves after going to the bathroom and the very next second forget how to do it. Help!
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Sasha
Apr 29, 2010 @ 4:36 pm | delete
- How do you cope when you hear your loved one saying negative things about you? I often walk in on my grandmother relaying a fictional story to someone about something I've supposedly done or said and it breaks my heart.
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Julie Castro (using a friend's email)
Feb 2, 2010 @ 2:24 pm | delete
- Visiting someone with Alzheimer's is vastly different from living with and caring for them. The caregiver can only get frustrated and exhausted with repetitive statements or questions. At first you DO try to be creative and then you try to keep your answers short, and then you try to distract, etc., but eventually, this trait will drive you positively OVER the edge. Some of the things my Dad says he has said within a three-year time span, about one thousand times, and that is not an exaggeration! You have to stay calm or you'll wind up blowing up at them; sometimes you have to just change the subject or let the subject drop and focus on keeping yourself from wasting your own energy. At some point, they have no concept of how many times they've asked or stated whatever, so they won't even remember you not answering them after five hundred times of answers. At some point, nothing you say will really make a difference. It's the emotional color of what you say that they're tuned into. If you're so frazzled you can't be emotionally kind, then it's better just to exit yourself for awhile (to another room, or whatever) to take care of yourself a little.
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calendarsblog
Feb 4, 2010 @ 3:43 am | delete
- Hi Julie, you're very right. It's more important to stay patient, than which words you use. And yes, taking care of yourself is very important, especially if you're a full time care giver (something I've avoided being).
In fact one reason I'd recommend putting Alzheimer patients in 'homes' is because it's just too much for an individual caregiver to deal with. When it's a job that needs to be done, and the caregivers get to go home after, it's a much healthier situation for the caregivers. Still hard as hell, but doable.
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Julie Castro (using a friend's email)
Feb 4, 2010 @ 12:24 pm | delete
- My Dad was in six different nursing homes. But unfortunately, the dietary situation and the prescription drugs actually made him worse. His taste buds are still pretty good. His Dad was a baker, so he grew up with good bread, and other healthy, wholesome foods. He could not stand "nursing home food." So, he would hardly eat it. Also, they'd give him one drug to solve one problem, and that drug would create another problem or two, for which they'd give him another drug, and so on and so on. Now that he lives with me, he eats wholesome food which he relishes, is not on any prescription drugs, and his blood pressure is at normal. His doctors have informed me that he's doing "great." Of course, his dementia is gradually worsening, and that's the hardest problem of all. But he is not sliding quickly downhill in a "nursing home." Until nursing homes realize that nutrition, exercise, sleep and fresh air are some of the core foundations of good health...I'm not going to put him there. But if there was a nursing home which focused on those core foundations, I would be happy to place him. I haven't found one which his insurance will cover, and we can't afford to pay for that privately. So...we forge on! Some days are better than others. I have been reading about the breakthroughs in niacinamide therapy and have ordered some. I have found that most of his other symptoms can be treated successfully with a variety of natural products. One of the drugs he was on, Seroquel, actually gave him tardive dyskinesia -- it's a serious neuropathy which the company's own website acknowledges. He does well with a blend of kavakava and other herbs to handle stress. As hard as it gets from time to time -- and it is hard! -- I have more peace of mind knowing what he's eating and taking into his body than visiting him at the "home" and seeing how much worse he was getting -- fast. I know this will step on some people's toes, but it's the reality I've found.
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