Saying I love you is one of the most wonderful yet oddly unnerving experiences for someone in a new relationship. It says that you care about a person to an extent that they need to take notice. It also says that you might think more of them than they think of you. Therein lies the problem!



As beings of conscience, we do not like rejection. It hits too close to home; too close to our deepest fears. Saying I love you is like asking rejection over for a cup of tea. It slips in the door rather quietly then slaps you upside the head so hard you can't be sure which way is up. All the while you're left wondering how and why it is you brought this on yourself. Beings of conscience have natural instincts to preserve their well being and making verbal gestures of love that could go unrequited sets this instinct off.

"I love you is the greatest thing one person can say to another."

Yet saying those magical words is just what you find yourself ready to do. Maybe it struck you when you were feeling tomatoes in the produce department at your local grocery store or perhaps it came over you while on the bus into work. Whatever the case, when it hit, you knew it was true. You probably weren't around this special person at the time of enlightenment, otherwise you would have leaned over and said I love you right away, right? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you were and you did and you got stunned silence in return or a tight 'I think you're really great, too.' The point is that only one thing matters here. That is that someone loves another person and has or should have the courage to say it.

How long is life? For most, not nearly long enough. In that time you can only say I love you so many times. Again, it's never enough. If you feel it in your heart, you owe it to yourself to say it. Love doesn't belong inside of you. Sure, you need to love yourself, but it's so much better to love someone else. Let them know when you feel it. Say it because there could be no tomorrow. Say it because it feels right. Don't look for it in return. It will find you in time.

The best advice that can be given is to be open about how you feel. Worrying about how it will be received isn't the point. Say it when you mean it. I love you is the greatest thing one person can say to another. Even fear of rejection can't stand in the way of that.

Get your free copy of The Relationship Artist Newsletter!

and visit The Relationship Artist! for more great relationship tips.

Listening is one of the most important skills you can learn in life. Whether it is with your family, work or with your friends, listening is the key to find out and understand information you need to know.

There are different kinds and levels of conversation. There are conversations that are like ping pong, a natural back and forth exchange. Some are light and some more in depth interactions.

These tips will facilitate a more meaningful conversation as well as show respect to someone who wants to share something significant with you. These skills will work in casual situations with family and friends or more formal situations at work.

1. Allow the person to fully express themselves and their feelings without interrupting. This takes responsibility on our part and humility. We humble ourselves when we set aside our own desire to be heard and listen to someone else. The interesting thing is when you are willing to listen to someone else, they usually return the favor and show interest in listening to you as well.

2. Be present with them. If you are in person, look them in the eye.

When you walk or eat together or on the phone and it would be awkward for continual eye contact, make sure you simply let them know you are with them. Let it come natural but be present.

3. Listen with your heart, not just your mind. Get a feeling of empathy for what they experienced or felt.

When you develop listening skills, you will have power in your relationships. There are many more tips to effective listening and ways to work though conflict and have peace in your relationships.

Get more great tips for a powerful relationship!

Visit: The Relationship Artist!

Frank, 100, and Anita, 99, today celebrate their 80th wedding anniversary, equalling the record for England's longest-ever marriage....
The pair met in 1926 at a YMCA dance in their home town of Plymouth. They married two years later, on May 26, 1928, and after the register office ceremony, popped to the cinema to catch a Charlie Chaplin film.

Most of us have wondered at one time or another (in one relationship or another) if that someone special was going to be "the one." While no one can be 100% sure where a couple's romantic future will lead, one researcher claims he can determine a couple's long-term prospects with a wildly high degree of accuracy.
John Gottman, Ph.D., a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, has been observing couples for three decades now. In one landmark study, he recorded 15 minutes of conversations from 700 couples, comparing the number of positive interactions they displayed toward each other (such as smiles or compliments) to the number of negative ones (eye-rolls, sarcasm, or criticism). From that data, Gottman determined that healthy couples generally adhere to a "magic ratio" of 5 to 1. That is, a minimum of five positive comments or gestures for every negative one. Ten years later, Dr. Gottman and his colleagues checked back with the couples they recorded to see who were still together. They found that their predictions were 94% accurate!
So, while you're probably not going to sit down and record yourself with your sweetie (and even Gottman doesn't suggest you do), what you can do to assess your relationship's chances is try to stay "generally positive." With that idea in mind, the ratio should take care of itself.

"Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest" according to the Love Doctor. This doesn't mean keeping your feelings to yourself though, Gottman explains. It means reframing the way you present them. So instead of saying: "We're not staying at your parent's this Christmas, are we? They drive me nuts," try this: "I'd love it if we stayed at a hotel over Christmas, it would make relaxing much easier for both of us."

Tips On How To Make Your Love Last....

Want More?....The Relationship Artist!

" ....when we held hands, a warm peace flowed through my soul.

The night I met Alex, I almost could tell there was something different in the air. I was just going to a get together with some friends, but I had a strange nervous feeling like something was up. It was like I already knew I was going to meet him. Alex is the brother of one my close friends and I had seen a few pictures of him, but this was far different. The minute we met I felt as if I had known him my whole life. There was a recognition....we both felt it. It was an instant comfort. A warmth that quickly encased my body..... something more intense than sexual attraction. As we talked, we found that we had so much in common. Not things like favorite teams or t.v. shows, but the way we felt about life, relationships, and spiritual beliefs. The very fact that I was even talking to someone I had just met two hours earlier about these personal things made me very emotional. I have friends I have known for years that don't know my views on alot of these issues. Talking to him.......it felt easy and natural.
There was an attraction in every part of my being. I felt a glow inside.

It's hard to put into words, but it was as if the attraction was literally beyond ourselves. It seemed to come from a higher place. It was almost as if our souls were falling in love in Heaven. I felt a wanting to be near him because I felt safe. There was an instinctive trust that felt more right than any feeling I had ever experienced. I offered my hand for his. When we touched it was electric. I felt as if we were one and that I understood him completely. When we held hands, a warm peace flowed through my soul. I could have stayed there forever. It was the most comfortable feeling I had ever felt.....like I was in a far away place. At that moment, I had no stress, no worries, no fears. All I could see was him. A beautiful light shined from within him. The background noise of the party sounded as if it was a mile away and I no longer remembered where I was. We were in our own world......our own universe, completely oblivious to anything around us. As our souls embraced in Heaven, Alex and I went for the ride of our lives. It was a feeling far beyond our control. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It took my breath away.....

In the two years since I met Alex, our relationship has grown deeper with every passing day. I love him unconditionally. And that, Colin, is the greatest of all feelings. To absolutely trust someone and to never feel judged, to wholly know someone so deeply and intimately, is God's greatest gift to us. I hold that gift close to my heart and soul with every fiber of my being.....the precious gift of being with my soulmate. We stand as one in our world. We share our deepest feelings and we embrace our warmest dreams. We will always be there for each other and we always have. We have been there for each other for a thousand lifetimes, and together we will share a thousand more. We make our lives as we want it to be.....together. We create our opportunities and we visualize our future.....together.

Sometimes I believe that this relationship is the true reason for why I was brought down to this earth, it is that important to me. What we have created, Alex and I, cannot be put into words. It gives my life meaning. More so than money, career, or applause. It is what it truly means to be alive.
So, Colin, I really have no questions to ask. It felt great to try and put on paper what a soulmate means to me. It is a feeling of beauty and awe so precious that it is my wish that everyone may fall in love to the ultimate degree as I have, and it means alot to have shared my gift with you. I've read all the weekly 'love magazines', and there is a How to Meet Your Soulmate article in every other issue. But there is no mistaking it when it happens. You'll be sure of it and you'll know it to be true down to the very foundations of your existence. Love creates a force stronger than anything in the universe. You are no longer alone....."

- Denise P. Orlando, FL

Thank you Denise for your beautiful e-mail. I thought I would share this with everyone.......it made a big impact on me. -colin...

What's your story? Share it with me and the world! - relationshipartist@writeme.com

Create The Lovelife you need!

The Relationship Artist Says: "No More Broken Hearts!"

When we grew up, we were exposed to all sorts of examples of relationships and romantic ideals from television shows, movies and music. Media has a big effect on how we think our relationships should be like. The most pronounced of these ideals is the "one true love". We tend to believe that there is only one true love for us. This is a big disappointment to the people who have already believed that they have had the "one", only for that relationship to end in divorce or break up. Alot of these folks really think that their shot for eternal love is over, and now they must resort to settling with a new partner........ a comfortable companion, but who will never match up to their lost love.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Any one of us has the possibility to connect again with another soulmate. There is not just one soulmate for each of us, but the real chance to know another soul as intimately as we did our true love. A soulmate is a person that you connect with on a spiritual level. Another person whose soul touches yours. It is not a lottery or crapshoot that you touch the soul of another, but a choice you make to do so. Too many people believe that they are not in control of whom they fall in love with, but like leaves in the wind, just end up where they may. A soulmate is a person that on one hand you may have known before in another life and you may instantly recognize, or on the other, someone you choose to reach out spiritually to and get to know on that level. Anyone around us has the possibility of being a true love. I don't believe there is just one of anything that beautiful.

If we do believe that there is only one true love, then we run into the possibility of becoming obsessed with that individual. You may end up sacrificing any part of you to be with or hang on to this lover. As we have discussed before, obsession is not an ingredient of a strong relationship. There is nothing more uncomfortable than thinking that we could lose forever the one and only love we can experience in our lives. That would make me a nervous wreck and I would not fully enjoy my relationship. I would put pressure on myself to be the best I could be. I may sacrifice interests, hobbies, friends, and beliefs to make sure the relationship stayed on a smooth path. Being the best you can be must be a choice you make, not a fear to be otherwise. It is all about choices. We have endless choices for happiness as long as we know it is up to us, and not at the whim of chance. We have all the power to make ourselves into anything we want to be. We have choices to discover, get to know better, touch their soul and fall in love with another person. We can heal from bad relationships knowing full well that the world is wide open to us and that we have learned many lessons that give us the wisdom to find an even stronger relationship.

Believe that if you made the choice, anyone around you could be the "one" if only you gave them the chance. Remember this......99% of the time we are only judging potential partners on how they look, what car they drive, how much money they have, quirks that get on our nerves or any number of risky first impressions. Why is looking at the soul of another only count for 1%? It should be the FIRST thing you look at in a potential lover and let the three dimensional chips fall where they may. Again, even if you believe that you have met your "one and only", do they really believe that of you? Relationships are funny in that one partner typically loves the other more. It is not equal in its intensity. Be careful that your perspective isn't running away with your sensibilities, meaning that from your perspective you know you have found your soulmate, but from his perspective you are just the "comfortable companion". Most couples can't communicate good enough to make it clear to themselves which is which. They keep their feelings to themselves because they are content with the status quo.......until they are gone. You have all the choices. Make the choice to look at the soul of anyone that may be around you. Give potential mates a chance. Even if no one else will do it this way, know that you will rise above the fray and express your power and belief that you will be happy. You will no longer be in the dark. Make your power of choice the shining light that illuminates your world for all to see. Light the path for others and inherit your reality. Make sure that you are "The One"........

Learn more about how to make your relationship the best it can be!

The world's best romantic tips! Check it Out!

Visit:The Relationship Artist!

"No More Broken Hearts!"

At the core of this article is how differently men and women view marriage. For starters, most women are preparing to get married from day one, when they first fell in love with their daddy. Didn't you and your friends pretend wedding? By contrast, how many little boys were playing wedding? For women, getting married is a dream-come-true; the culmination of the fantasy that began the first time they heard a fairy tale with a prince in it. Isn't that what princes are for, to whisk the beautiful maiden off to his castle to live happily-ever-after? Sure, some of you are into your careers and postponing marriage, but if you follow any conversation between women, eventually they'll get around to talking about men and their relationships with men.

In my research for my book, I discovered the two reasons that a man doesn't get married:

* He's not ready.
* You're not the right one.

That's it, there are only two. You could be the right one, but if he's not ready, he's very likely to let you go. He may come back, but by then, you've continued with your quest and found a man who is ready. You see, men don't fantasize about getting married. They know it will happen one day, as part of the process of growing up. But they usually don't want to rush it unless they're the type that lives in the moment and doesn't pay much attention to the consequences of their actions. Most men are outward; they set and achieve goals, solve problems, accomplish things in the world. They don't sit around and day-dream about what life will be like when they're married. They're too focused on being successful and creating security for the future. It's the hunter instinct. Plan ahead and make sure everyone is safe and well-fed. If either of those things aren't handled, he's considered a failure. Not okay for a hunter. That's why most men need to have a secure, stable job before they "take the plunge."

So when a man gets old enough to think maybe he should start considering settling down, getting married and having a family, it's a nuts-and-bolts decision, not a fantasy-come-true. Yes, he likes being married, likes the home a wife creates, his stature that grows among his peers and in his community and the stability it brings. But he also sees marriage as the time he gives up his freedom. Freedom to come and go as he pleases, to have sex with lots of beautiful women (his fantasy, by the way), and to focus on his career and himself. The biggest challenge, however, is the decision to take on the economic and emotional responsibility of another adult (you) and however many children the two of you have. For him, it's all about needing to be a good enough provider to take care of your needs, a house, two cars, and the expenses that grow as children grow. This is huge for most men. That's why, even though he may not want to even consider not having you in his life, he can't seem to get the proposal out of his mouth, or if he does, he breaks the engagement, too overwhelmed with what it means to take on all of those responsibilities.

What does all this mean for you? Mostly, you get to feel what's going on for him and how different his view of marriage is from yours. But even more, he now knows you understand what he's going through, and that you won't pressure him, at least for a while, so he can prepare himself for what he says he wants...to be married to you, the women he loves. This will make you indispensable to him because, more than anything he needs to feel understood. If he's the right one, give him time, let him know you support him in what he has to go through, give him the understanding that he craves and he'll think you're the most amazing woman on the planet.

Great romantic tips and ideas!

There are many, many women out there who won't give you any encouragement, even if they want you.

So if you wait around for HER to give you a sign of interest, you may miss a lot of opportunities.

Most girls won't open kino, for example. You have to go ahead and touch them first... really start to warm them up before they counter with their own touching. If you get that early-on, consider yourself lucky and take full advantage.

Unless a girl is REALLY taken with you, she probably won't put forth any effort to further the relationship. She'll make opportunities but YOU have to capitalize on them.

This is a natural TEST. Women offer openings, but unless they are extremely attracted they do not actively pursue. This is the female nature -- receptiveness.

The chump who has no self-confidence will sit and wait for a sign of interest and, not receiving any, will hem and haw and wait aimlessly until his self-doubt overcomes him and he walks away.

Or she'll glance over at him, but she won't smile and instead just looks the other way. He'll read that as disinterest and go mope in the corner.

Or he'll be on a date with a girl and put his arm around her but she won't react at all... she won't snuggle closer, won't look at him, acts like it didn't even happen. And he'll assume she's not interested in him physically and back off.

But the truth is he NEVER GOT REJECTED. He rejected HIMSELF because he took her lack of reaction as disinterest.

This is what Gunwitch and others mean when they say, "Make the ho say no."

Remember... girls can't give go-ahead signs to just any guy, because if they did, they'd have EVERY guy out there wanting to bang them. And often they feel uncomfortable giving those signs even to the guys they WANT, because even THAT can be seen as "slutty", and they don't want to appear too interested all at once.

You ever been at a party or in a nightclub/bar and seen a guy just walk right up to a girl you were trying to work up the nerve to talk to... and start talking to her, putting his arm around her, etc, and she seemed to be unfazed by it... and chuckled to yourself about how the guy was an ass and was just being obnoxious and couldn't get any?

Then later that night you find her warming up to him, seeking HIM out, smiling, giving out her number, etc... and you wondered how she could POSSIBLY be taken in by his lame "routine"?

She was into him from the BEGINNING. During the proverbial "7 seconds", she had already decided that this guy made the first cut. From then on it was simply a test of his persistence, to see if he felt confident that he was the real deal or if he would be overtaken by his insecurities in response to her indifference and take off.

Too many guys make that first cut, but the hot girl he's talking to offers little in the way of encouragement. This is the "mirror-test". With no positive feedback, a man receives no indication of his self-worth from the woman, so he has to derive it for himself.

If he looks at himself and sees one who isn't worthy of the woman in front of him, then he will reject himself. He will wait for a sign of interest or encouragement and, receiving none, he will give up on a woman that he could have easily seduced. If he truly BELIEVES that he has what it takes to seduce the girl, he will persist until outright rejected.

This is what's "hard" about approaching, about revealing interest, and about escalating. This is what most guys have so much trouble with... taking control of their OWN lives when encouragement is not offered to them.

Do NOT ask, "Is she interested in me?" Find out.

Do NOT wait for a sign of interest. Assume she is interested.

Do NOT wait for the right moment. MAKE it.

If a lack of encouragement forces you to quit at something as simple as picking up a girl... what is she supposed to think you're going to do when REAL problems come up, when you go through the hardship of raising kids and providing for their well-being?

Act like you've got a pair. Don't rely on other people to create your self-esteem for you.

Great Romantic Tips and Ideas!