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American attitudes toward the elderly

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Why don't Americans treasure the elderly?

The idea for this Squidoo lens came to me the other day when I took my 94 year old Mom out with me; I had to run an errand and had no one to stay with her so she didn't have a choice to stay home this time. Now, I don't mean to say that I don't take her with me anyway but, this particular day, she wasn't feeling up to getting dressed so we made an executive decision - we decide that, at almost 95 years of age, she could go out in her nightgown, robe, and socks. Yep, that's right. She's never going to make Blackwell's best dressed list anyway so, WTH?

The reactions we got were amusing and will be detailed further in this lens. And a disclaimer: the opinions in this Squidoo lens are strictly mine and I'm opinionated! So, if you have a beef, let me know. I'm a big girl - I can take it.

As with all of my elder care articles, I don't expect to make any money from this Squidoo lens, but I do hope to get some readership and spark some interesting conversation which you may add to later. Please leave me comments at the bottom of this Squidoo lens so I know you stopped by. And, if you're interested, you can see a list of my elder care articles by clicking this link: Caregiver and Elder Care Articles.

The accompanying picture is of my Mom (Gert) in what she calls her "double header" post. Gizmo and Matee are her almost constant companions in her easy chair. They move at the same speed she does - s-l-o-w.

Speaking of which, please read this excellent article Respect your elders.PeppyPatricia has some great ideas here about how to show respect to our elders.

A few books from Amazon that might interest you

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How the Americans we saw saw us.

American attitudes toward the elderlyMy errand was to run to the Benjamin Moore store and get paint for a room. Now, you might not think that this was an important enough errand to make my Mom accompany me on but it was. You see, we have a caregiver now living with us full time, and we had to get the room ready. So, off we tottled.

As we entered the paint store, there were two American women picking out samples. They were dressed well and obviously the kind of women who spent hours in a paint store. Not our kind of chicks. I'd do much better picking out paint if someone gave me just five colors and said "pick one." I hate picking out paint. Anyway, I've digressed...

As I wheeled Mom into the store in her thick white robe and pink polka dotted socks, the women looked up. Their faces registered a bit of shock at seeing us and then they both tried to force a grin. I forced one back.

The gentleman behind the counter, on the other hand, was Indian and greeted us very warmly. He came out from behind the counter, shook Mom's hand and asked how her day was going. He even helped me pick out some beautiful paint colors. He obviously was brought up in a culture that cherished the elderly. Americans? Not so much.

Nursing home problems in America

Why do we Americans allow nursing homes to be so problematic in dealing with the elderly? When I was young, my grandmother had to be placed into a nursing home for her own safety. I'm sure, looking back, she had Alzheimer's but there wasn't a name for the disease at that time. I remember walking in on a surprise visit to see her strapped in bed, half naked, crying. My father hit the roof, as he should. A search of Washington DC nursing homes showed us that the same problems existed over and over again.

We finally sent my Bubbie to live in the Jewish Home for the Aged - one of the nicest nursing homes in the area. It was quite pricey back then but you get what you pay for.

The below links are articles that may interest you. These articles are all about the state of nursing homes in the US.
Elder law answers website
Nursing home abuse - what it is and how to deal with it.
Law office of Beth Janicek
This lawyer has a nice website regarding nursing home abuse, how to spot it and how to deal with it. The website is well worth the read.
Illinois law education
This is a nicely written report on our Government's responses to neglect in nursing homes.

A few more good books on Amazon.com

These two books are about checking out nursing homes.
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How the Chinese people we saw saw us

elder careWhile the paint was being mixed, I rolled Mom next door to the Chinese grocery where we love to get our vegetables. Not only are the fruits and vegetables much cheaper than in the regular grocery store, they're fresher too. During our short visit, every single Chinese person we saw smiled at Mom first and then at me. And, these weren't forced smiles - there were warm smiles. One man even came up and asked me if she was my Mom and, in a very accented voice, told her how lovely she was. Now, remember, the woman was in a nightgown, robe, and socks! It was positively heartwarming.

Why the difference in attitudes between how Americans view elders and other cultures

I have my own theory about why we Americans tend to view our elders as lesser beings than other cultures. A few of my ideas are below.
  1. Other cultures live in extended families. I know my Chinese friends all had 3 generations living in the same home when they lived in Hong Kong. As they immigrated to the US, the pattern of generations living under the same roof was upheld. We Americans move out when we're young adults and that's that. Although, I will say, in recent times, I know of more and more "kids" living back with their aging parents out of necessity or laziness. Because we move out, we sort of lose touch with our elders. Visiting Grandma becomes a chore instead of the pleasure it should be. What a shame that so many young people don't know their elders.
  2. Other cultures see their elders as wise; we Americans tend to see our elderly as weak. Now, I know this is a stereotype but I believe it so it's ok for me to say (hmmmm...is that right?). Regardless, in talking with my friends of other cultures, they all ask advice of their elders. They may not always take the advice but they ask. This serves a two-fold purpose: 1) the years of experience give elderly a leg up in dealing with life in general so they are wiser and 2) asking the elderly their opinion keeps them engaged in life.
  3. The American culture glorifies youth and fears aging. All you have to do is pick up a magazine and look at the cover. How often is there a model over 30 on the cover? Almost never, unless it's, well, AARP...

    Americans are so interested in staying young they will do almost anything to appear that way - witness botox injections. I've had some friends get so much botox that their foreheads are frozen. I'd rather have wrinkles than not be able to crinkle my eyes in laughter.

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American attitudes toward the elderly

I may be totally off base here and would love for you to set me straight. Anyone who visits this Squidoo lens may comment (eg, you don't have to be a member of Squidoo).

In America, is the attitude toward the elderly better or worse than other cultures?

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It's way better - you don't know what you're talking about.

Right on, Sistah. Glad you brought it up. We Americans honor, love and respect our elders more.

Joan says:

We do need to honor our elders. It is really awful that elders are not respected. It makes me embarrassed, frustrated, and sad.

Steve_Kaye says:

We have an epidemic of rudeness in America that's directed toward all generations. Thank you for making this lens on such an important topic.

hotbrain says:

I don't have enough worldly experience for a true comparison... but I've found that elders are often full of wisdom, and I try to ask for advice frequently. I'm always amazed when I think of how much life has changed for the elderly - the introduction of TV, internet, etc - and how well they are actually dealing with modern society. I treasure the elderly and think if more Americans did, it would be a better country.

vallain says:

I'm getting into the age bracket myself (you don't have to be 90) where you start to be invisible or less valued. There definitely is some age discrimination going on. Sad.

kathysart says:

ohh your mom again... I so so get it

 
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gottaloveit

I used to spend most of my days caring for my adorable 95 year old Mom, Gertie; she died peacefully in my arms Feb 15, 2012.

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