My Family, my happiness

I feel as if the heavy burden has been lifted off from my shoulders. My son, third in the family of 5 children ia finally married at he age of almost 35 years , all others had already married including his two younger sisters. Well it is better late than never. We held a simple solemnising ceremony (nikah) at our community mosque on the 14 th February. We hope to organise a wedding reception at our home sometime in late June this year.
With all my 5 children married I have fulfilled my responsibility. However as long as I live I will do my best to assist, advise and guide my children and their respective spouses to achieve happy and successful life

They were married in 2005 and now have two children , Nur Aliyah 3years + and Hamzah Yusof 2 months+.

My daughter, fourth in the family of five, married an american husband and interesting enough they met in internet. They barely knew each other for a few months, he asked her hands for marriage. My wife and I were stunned as we had never met this american man before apart from occasionally seeing his image in the internet chat.

He officially asked permission from us via email and produced all the neccessary documents to prove that he was eligible. We were worried and very anxious since this american man was married before and divorced with two sons, 5 and 3 years old. However since my daughter has agreed, with open mind we consented and knowing the possible risks involved.

We are malaysian, practising moslems and also bound by our malay culture and tradition. There are protocols to be followed in all malay marriages, but we brushed aside all these to accomodate the marriage, a clash of west and eastern cultures. So far the marriage has been blessed with happiness and two children.

They were married sept 2009 on 3 rd day of Eid, and expecting first child in april 2011.
Tony also did not follow our malay traditional practice of 'meminang' (or to get engaged). One day while he was driving my wife and I for a meal to his parents house, Tony said " I like to marry Safia" I replied "Is she keen to marry you?, He said "Yes". Well if both of you love each other and willing to be life partners, we do not object. He gave her the engagement ring.

The rituals of solemnising or nikah and the bersanding ceremony was conducted according to usual malay custom and tradition and was well attended by guests and Tony's relatives and friends from australia and new zealand.

Taken on 10 sept 2010 - first day of Eid. Lily Suraya, Shamsul Annuar, Nadya and Tony absent. Taken at our house in Damansara Heights, Kuala Lumpur.

Taken on 12 th Sept 2010 - 3rd day Eid. All present except Tony. Taken at our house in Bukit Jelutong , Shah Alam.

We may be from different race, colour and culture but islam has made us one big family. We are all decendants of Adam and Hawa ( Eve). Let us strengthen silaturrahim by whatever means, be it intermarriages, friendships or daawa islamia. Take this opportunity of Eid to visit and to know each other. Insya Allah islam will be stronger and more cohesive.

31 st march 2010 was the begininning of spring and for my in laws ,Salimi and Didar Belica (in malay we say besan) , this year they are missing the flowers blooming and the tomatoes and cucumbers sprouting in their backyard in Waterbury Connecticut USA. In stead they are going to sweat it out in the tropical climate of malaysia with the heat and humidity. On top of that I am asking them to work in the garden in our bukit jelutong house where they are staying for 5 weeks. Well it is a holiday plus work to keep them fit and healthy.

A real taste of malaysia , their first visit . (deep in my heart I was thinking this may be the first and the last - may be they do not like malaysia after all). Do not judge too quickly, see first and meet the people , after al the most interesting part in any trip is meeting the local people. Buildings are all the same all over the world. What so great about sky scrappers. Currently US is no more the owner of the tallest building in the world, malaysia, china, taiwan had their turn and now Dubai holds the record.

Initially my in laws find it difficult to adapt to our local cuisines, too hot curry and chilli deterred them. Slowly but surely they began to like roti canai and teh tarek for breakfast.

Since the house is near the masjid, they being staunch muslims preferred to perform solat in the mosque nearby and it took 5 minutes to walk. Salimi seemed to enjoy this routine and he made some malay friends in the mosque. Since I am busy working during week days, my wife and I join them there on weekends

I introduced them to some of my friends and our family members for sillaturrahim. They were impressed at strength of islam among the malays, they were happy to see most women in malaysia wearing hijab even in place of work and offices, something they do not see in USA or their countries of origin Macedonia and Albania.

Among friends who had opportunity to spend more time with Salimi and Didar were Halim and Gayah , Suprisingly Halim was very knowledgeable about the history of Turkey, Albania, Yugoslavia, Bosnia etc and they had lots of common topic to talk. Thanks to them for helping us entertain our guests.

It was only fair that we take them out of KL to see other parts of malaysia. We decided to go to Johor Baharu and Singapore. Incidently we were scheduled to visit my elder brother Bakar and Kak Sumiah in JB. My brother has not been well because his chronic diabetes with complication of neuropathy.

I drove my suv , four of us adults and our common grand daughter Nur Aliyah 3 years. It was a pleasant drive all the way to JB and the early morning traffic is not heavy so my uncontrolled instinct is to pressed the car accelerator harder. So the car went zoooom sometimes going beyond 140 k/h far exceeding speed limit. Salimi became nervous. He said to me ' Hey hey ..brother slow down, are we in a hurry? This happened many times. I told him 'relax brother Salimi. I do not speed .. those guys behind keep on pushing me forward, so I have to press harder' Ha . ha......

That night in JB, my sister in law Kak Sumiah cooked fantastic meal and all of enjoyed the foods. The next morning we drove into Singapore but since I am was not familiar with the roads I employed a driver to take us there. Wow! Singapore is really awesome, modern city , highly technological and fantastic road system and highrise buildings, clean and orderly traffic. But one has to pay for everything, parking, road tolls , name it , you need money to live there. Cameras are every where , you are being monitored constantly they can fine you for spitting, throwing chewing gum indiscreminately or for jay walking. We like all the places but not the expensive living cost and idea of being constantly watched.

I tell you one very funny incident . Salimi and I were sitting at the balcony one morning, both us of sipping coffee. I noticed Salimi was wearing a kind of funny T shirt , I kept looking on and off but I did not comment anything , but I know the shirt looked odd on him , but I just kept quiet. The next day Didar and Salimi were laughing away , I asked them why? She asked me whether I noticed something about Salimi shirt yesterday? Yes but I did not bother to ask, I thought it was a new fashion. They laughed laudly, ha..ha... Didar said Salimi was wearing her vest. No wonder he looked sexy that day. Ha.. ha... ha.. We all had good laugh. Funny..

Five weeks ended so quickly and they have to pack and fly home to New York. Hope they enjoyed and had good memory of malaysia.

At a BBQ lunch in Tony and Safia's house in Perth with in laws and friends.
Tony's parents , Mr and Mrs Kellows were originally from New Zealand and migrated to Australia many years ago when Tony was still a small child. Tony grew up and attended school in Perth , and he met my daughter Safia when both of them were working in Telstra.

The couple is definitely very happy to be married. In the pic above is the son of our close family friend who was recently married , the bride was carrying Nur Aliyah , my grand daughter just for a pose. After ramadan the new season of weddings is now beginning in malaysia. We have already received stacks of wedding invitations, almost all week ends are alraedy booked.

Of course everyone is happy to be married The question is how to be 'happily married' forever and ever and ' till death do us part' . Is it possible to sustain happiness throughout.? No doubt life has its ups and downs but if you could have more ups than downs you should be happy.

Relating my own experience of more than 40 years of marriage, I should emphasize that it requires lots of efforts, lots of sacrifice, give and take- better take little and give more, no harm. If both sides want to give little but take more , then that is the beginning of troubles.

Remaining 'happily married' is something special and only very select few can achieve that goal..But I must say many more couples are able to remained married but not neccessarily happy. But this is alright and at least better than divorce.

I must admit that there are as many heartaches as happy moments in married life. You are no more yourself, you have the other half. Whatever I do I have not only to think but also to involve her. Oh Boy! She is always late , to attend functions, go outing or travelling, even if I already told her that the flight is at certain time, she will be late. So what I did is to tell her the flight time is one hour earlier than the actual time. Only then you can reach the airport on time. But if I say we are going shopping , she is all ready half hour ahead of time. That is the reality.

Let me tell you, (I am addressing to men), women likes to talk , not a substance talk , all empty talk among themselves ( to friends or relatives). When they do that , find something to occupy yourselves, read newspaper or books or do gardening where you can find peace of mind . If they nag at you or complain about something , run away as fast you can. Do not try to answer or argue with her. You will never win. Why pick a fight?

Try to bring only good news whenever you come home from work or a trip or a meeting somewhere. The same applies to wives whenever they welcome home their husbands. Tell us all the happy news of the day, good things the children had done, and all the things that can bring cheers and happiness to the tired husbands. Never, never grumble, complain, moan or groan or announce bad news affecting the family as soon as he step into the house. I must admit these things did happen in my life, and made my situation worse. What I do is to freshen myself, take shower and perform prayer.

I can go on telling you do this and do that to make yourself happy. Find yourself your source of happiness. It is everywhere. There are millions of ways and all are very simple, just by saying or doing little things nice to your partner.

I wish all those my nieces, nephews and friends' children who are getting married soon ' A very Happy Marriage - May Allah Bless you all'

Family members at the wedding on 22 Sept 2009