my poetry

I wrote this when I was 14 and recently found it on poetry.com

Do I let them take over me?
Why should I roll about acting when I could love tomorrow?
Should they carry me around on their fingers as I scream out,
or should I not and just worry about myself?
For nothing, I can leave and never come back,
but if I let myself go, what will I have besides my dignity?

sometimes I wonder if I wrote down everything I thought about you
how far would it stretch?
would my thoughts soar to the moon?
fragments of you would disappear into the horizon
your eyes landing in australia, your hands in peru.
miles and miles of glances, shuddering breaths scattered about.
the way I tingle when you look at me - the ocean would swallow whole.
that smile, dimples, shining eyes and heart - the moon is not far enough.
no, I must not mistake the amplitude of every thought, every feeling, every action and reaction.
the universe is said to be ever-expanding.

Onscreen, two characters fall in love.
Offscreen, I cringe.
The arms around me tighten.
She's distracted.
My mood shifts.
Why do I feel this way now?
Another battle ahead.
Why can't I ever win the war with my emotions?
I am with her.
She looks me in the eyes.
Scanning.
Knowing?
Kissing.
Can she read my thoughts?
I glance at the screen.
Commercial. Figures.
I sigh. Give up.
She looks at me again.
Her eyes shine, shift.
Put the world on pause.
Top.
Down.
Love.
She must have known.
Somehow, she always does.

all these thoughts of you pent up in my head
your subtle glances leave words left unsaid
your eyes shine bright and take the place
of every emotion crossing your face
your small, soft hands, the same as my own
casually glide over my left hipbone
i catch my breathe and wait for a sign
when those small, soft hands intertwine
with mine

karma knealed beside me and touched me with her cold, dark finger today
it hit me with a punch in the gut and i knew she wasn't there to play
she told me she'd be back after i had some time to heal
she left in a puff of lonliness and wanton sex appeal

karma knealed beside me and looked over me with cold blue eyes
i told her i didn't know what to think or who to despise
was it my fault, my actions, that caused my world to end
she smiled and told me she wasn't there to be my friend

what is peace?
is it physical?
emotional?
ethereal?
peace can't find you
you must find it
perhaps on a journey
through a garden of the gods
past the lizards who dwell
in between slabs of land
over and under the rocks
formations an engineer is jealous of
through the leaves of a forest
turning yellow and red
with the change of times and weather
peace.
peace.
peace.
i am at peace.
my journey takes me closer.
home will come soon, though
the stresses of life cannot invade here,
with leafy borders made of tall rock
no, peace will stay for now.
i am at peace.
nothing can break that.