Controlling Anger: Tips, Techniques, and Resources
Ranked #1,574 in Healthy Living, #33,196 overall
Tips, Techniques, and Resources For Controlling Anger
Feeling and showing anger at the right time, in the right degree, and in the right way helps us to get along well with others while setting necessary limits and boundaries so that we can create and live our best life. Anger can also serve as a motivator to help propel us in the direction of our dreams.
However, anger that is excessive and/or out of place can lead us to take action that is not in our best interest. In addition, suppressed anger can fester and can lead to a host of problems, such as poor health, dysfunctional relationships, low self-esteem, inability to focus and concentrate, and so on. Anger management can help you with both of these extremes.
This lens is full of anger management tips, techniques, and resources that will give help you to develop strategies for controlling your anger so that you can respond to any anger-producing situation in a calm manner that will allow you to resolve the situation, instead of either ignoring it or making it worse.
Anger Management - Emotional Intelligence
Having the ability to soothe yourself and shake off anger and irritability are vital to your ability to do well in life.
Six Anger Management Tips
These seven effective anger management tips will help you keep your anger under control.
- Take a time out. If you can, remove yourself from the situation that is making you angry until you can calm down. This can mean going for a walk, taking a bathroom break, or stepping into the next room for a couple of minutes. Removing yourself from a stressful situation can give you time to restore some perspective. If you can't leave, try to count up to ten before you respond.
- Get physical. Physical activity is a great way to release the excess energy generated by anger. Participate in your favorite sport, whether it's tennis, jogging, swimming, going for a bike ride, or taking a Tae Bo class.
- Talk to someone about the situation. Psychologist Rich Walker of Winston-Salem State University explains that talking to others about a situation which has angered you reduces the emotional intensity of the memory. Walker says that storytelling works best when there is a lot of audience diversity; that is, it helps to tell the story many times to a variety of people.
-
Make sure you're assessing the situation accurately. Sometimes we get angry because we've misinterpreted a situation or someone else's actions. The next time you get angry ask yourself the following questions about your interpretation of the situation:
- What evidence am I relying on?
- What assumptions am I making?
- Is there another equally believable interpretation of what is going on here?
- What is the best action I can take given this situation?
- If my best friend were in this situation, what advice would I give them? - Take up meditation. The ability to enter levels of deep relaxation is critical to the reduction of the potentially damaging physical tension and psychological stress caused by anger. Meditation is one of the best ways to induce deep relaxation quickly and effectively.
-
Separate the people from the problem. Instead of telling your spouse "You never take out the trash, you just don't care about our home", you can tell them the following: "When you forget to take out the trash it upsets me because I feel like you're not listening to me".
This way you're communicating to the other person that you're upset with something they did, not with who they are. Once you separate the person from the problem you can both team up and attack the problem together, instead of attacking each other.
“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." Laurence J. Peter”
Excessive Anger
Anger management techniques will help you change the way in which you express your anger.
Anger produces a physiological response in the body:- Your heart rate increases.
- Blood rushes to your limbs.
- A rush of hormones such as adrenaline increases the energy necessary for action.
This physiological response creates tension, and letting anger out as aggression can momentarily provide some release from said tension. However, an aggressive response rarely solves the underlying problem; instead, it will likely escalate the situation and lead to even more anger, tension, and aggression.
There are many methods you can use to help you diffuse the anger caused by any given situation in which you feel that you've been wronged, taken advantage of, or otherwise treated unfairly in some way. You'll find several recommendations throughout this lens.
By lessening the intensity of your anger you will put yourself in a position from which you can act in a constructive and assertive manner, and communicate your feelings and needs effectively, instead of lashing out at others and acting in a way that does not serve you well.
Let Go of Anger - CafePress
Suppressed Anger
Internalizing anger can lead to depression and a host of other problems.
At the other extreme, some people cope with anger by suppressing it. They simply try to focus on something else and hope that by not thinking about it, the anger will go away. However, anger that is not allowed outward expression turns inward.This response to anger can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or even severe depression. In addition, many people who suppress their anger tend to have addictive behaviors, such as overeating, gambling, drinking, and so on. They also tend to be moody and have a low tolerance for even minor irritations.
If you have a tendency to suppress anger, you need to find ways to release the anger instead of burying it. Pretending that the anger is not there is a form of resistance toward the anger.
Hale Dwoskin, one of the founders of The Sedona Method--a method which consists of a series of questions you ask yourself that lead your awareness to focus on what you're feeling in the moment and gently guide you toward letting it go--, has the following to say about releasing negative emotions:
"The instant you stop resisting any negative emotion... is the instant it gives up its hold over you. So, welcome the feeling and then let it go. This frees up space for you to begin feeling good - feeling the peace that you truly are."
Anger Can Be Healthy
Anger Management - Three Extraordinary Programs
These are three of the best programs out there for relaxing, releasing negative emotions, and achieving tranquility.
- The Silva Life System
- The Silva Life System will help you slow down your brain waves to the Alpha level, the level of mind associated with meditation. By slowing down your mind you'll be able to regain control of your thought process instead of allowing your mind to go on an anger rampage.
- The Sedona Method
- The Sedona Method consists of a series of questions you ask yourself that lead your awareness to focus on what you're feeling in the moment and gently guide you toward letting it go.
- Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
- Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a self-help tool which consists of tapping on energy points located throughout the body with your fingertips in order to release negative emotions, memories, and beliefs.
Anger Management Stuff on eBay
Anger Quotes - Keep These in Mind When You Get Angry
- "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
- "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -- Gautama Buddha
- "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. " -- Malachy McCourt
- "At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled." ~Marshall B. Rosenberg
- "Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy." -- Aristotle
- "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." -- Mark Twain
- "If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?" -- Sydney J. Harris
- "When anger rises, think of the consequences." -- Confucius
- "Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and important question, every one should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm." -- Charles J. Ingersoll
Anger Log
Keep a log in which you make a note every time you get angry.
Can you start detecting patterns?
Is there a particular type of situation or a specific person that triggers your anger?
Are you more susceptible to getting angry when you're hungry or if you didn't get enough sleep?
The Sedona Method
Feelings of anger can be experienced in response to frustration, hurt, disappointment, and threats. The appropriate response to these feelings can help us confront threatening situations and make sure that our boundaries are respected and our needs are met. The Sedona Method can help you learn to deal with your anger effectively.
How to Control Anger With the Sedona Method
The Sedona Method teaches a very effective method for defusing anger.
The Sedona Method will help you to lessen the intensity of anger caused by any given situation in which you feel that you've been wronged, taken advantage of, or otherwise treated unfairly in some way.This will allow you to put yourself in a position from which you can act in a constructive and assertive manner, and communicate your feelings and needs effectively, instead of lashing out at others and acting in a way that does not serve you well.
This is the way in which Sedona Method Instructors explain the concept: Pick up a pen or pencil. Then hold it in front of you and really grip it tightly and pretend that this is one of your limiting feelings. If you hold the object long enough, this would start to feel uncomfortable yet familiar.
Now, open your hand and roll the object around in it. Notice that you are the one holding on to it; it is not attached to your hand. At any moment you can drop the object and it would fall to the floor. The same is true with your feelings, including your feelings of anger: they're not attached to you, and at any moment you can simply choose to let them go.
Although the course goes into much more detail, to summarize and simplify, whenever you feel a negative emotion you simply ask yourself the following three questions:
* Could I let this feeling go?
* Would I let this feeling go?
* If so, when?
You can try this amazing program simply by clicking here.
Work On Your Problem-Solving Skills
Anger can be diffused by working on your problem-solving skills, including the following:
1) identifying the problem;
2) generating alternative solutions;
3) considering the consequences of each solution;
4) selecting an effective
response; and
5) evaluating outcomes of that response.
Five Techniques For Dealing With Conflict Constructively
You can deal with conflict without getting angry and losing your temper. Here's how:
One way to manage anger is to realize that conflict is a natural part of life, and that it does not necessarily lead to fighting and negative emotions. There are ways in which to deal with conflict constructively in order to resolve disputes amicably, instead of allowing the situation to get out of hand.The next time you have a disagreement with someone, try to resolve the problem by appying these five techniques:
1. Sit Down to Discuss the Issue and Establish Ground Rules
2. Develop the Skill of Active Listening
3. Practice Empathy
4. Learn to Express Yourself
5. Look for a Solution to the Conflict that is Favorable to Both Sides
"Never attribute to malice or other deliberate decision what can be explained by human frailty, imperfection, or ignorance." - Rabbi Harold Kushner
Sit Down to Discuss the Issue and Establish Ground Rules
First Anger Management Technique for Resolving Anger Constructively
When you sit down with someone in an attempt to resolve a disagreement, you should start out by establishing ground rules to create a space of tolerance and respect in which you can both iron out your differences. In many instances the problem is not so much the nature of the dispute itself; instead, the problem is the way in which those differences are handled.Ground rules can include things such as the following:
- Each side will take turns speaking, and each one will get an equal amount of time to speak.
- When one person is talking they cannot be interrupted by the other. If the other person hears something that they want to respond to and it's not their turn to speak, they should write it down and wait until it's their turn to say it.
- Just try to resolve the issue at hand. If there are other issues that need to be discussed, set a later time to talk about them.
- Refrain from using phrases such as "You always . . .", or "You never . . ." People rarely "always" do something or "never" do something, and phrases like these just put the other person on the defensive.
- Try not to blame the other person, speak for the other person, or speculate about their motives; accept that you do not know the other person's intent.
- Refrain from name-calling.
- Each side should strive to take responsibility for their contribution to the conflict. Remember the saying: "It takes two to tango."
- Treat each other with respect.
-- Stephen Covey
Develop the Skill of Active Listening
Second Anger Management Technique for Resolving Anger Constructively
Active listening will help you to understand the message the other person is trying to convey. When it's the other person's turn to speak make sure that you remain focused on what they're saying instead of rehearsing in your head what you're going to say next.Use paraphrasing to make sure that you understand what the other person is saying. Paraphrasing basically means that when the other person is finished talking you repeat in your own words what you heard them say. You can use a phrase like the following:
- "I'm going to repeat in my own words what I just heard you say to make sure that I understand what you're saying. Please correct me if I misinterpret anything you've said."
Gandhi
"[W]hat may appear as the truth to one person will often appear as untruth to another person. But that need not worry the seeker. Where there is honest effort, it will be realized that what appeared to be different truths are like the countless and apparently different leaves of the same tree."
Practice Empathy
Third Anger Management Technique for Resolving Anger Constructively

Empathy As an Anger Management Technique
Learn to Express Yourself
Fourth Anger Management Technique for Resolving Anger Constructively
“The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress." - Joseph Joubert”
Look for a Solution to the Conflict that is Favorable to Both Sides
Fifth Anger Management Technique for Resolving Anger Constructively
During any conversation in which you're trying to resolve a disagreement, the aim should be to identify each side's interests. In other words, instead of focusing on positions-where each side takes a firm stance as to exactly what it is that they've decided they want--each side should express their interests; that is, the needs, concerns, desires, fears, and aspirations that underlie each side's position.Once you've identified each side's interests you can come up with creative ways to satisfy them. Stop looking for a single best answer-- come up with as many solutions as possible--and don't assume that there's a fixed pie.
The goal is for each party to walk away feeling understood and that an effective plan has been agreed upon for resolving the dispute and moving forward. Both of you need to have a clear understanding of exactly what the agreement entails and commit yourselves to upholding each one's side of the bargain. Try to think of ways to make sure that this problem, and others like it, won't arise again in the future.
Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control
Angry All the Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control
Amazon Price: $8.80 (as of 02/12/2012)![]()
From the book:
"You are habitually angry. You get mad so often you've forgotten what it's like not to be angry. Anger is your best friend; maybe your only friend. It's become just about the only feeling you have. Good-bye, happiness. So long, joy. Forget sadness and fear. What's love got to do with it, anyhow? Anger, anger, and more anger, that's what life is all about nowadays. You're angry all the time."
Using an 8-step anger management program, Ron Potter-Efron teaches readers how to:
- identify the causes of their anger
- stop making excuses for their behavior
- avoid violence, blaming, and threats
- change anger provoking thoughts
- deal with old resentment
- follow the 8 steps of anger management
Eleven Rules to Help You Climb Down the Ladder of Anger
These eleven rules are from the book "Angry All the Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control".
- Take time-outs.
- Wipe that frown off your face and relax.
- Quit trying to control others.
- Accept difference.
- Ask, don't demand.
- Reward, don't punish or threaten.
- Speak quietly and don't swear.
- Be responsible for everything you say and do.
- Treat others with respect.
- Tell others what bothers you. Be direct, specific, and polite.
- Use "I" statements.
More Anger Management Books by Ron Potter-Efron
“He who angers you conquers you." ~Elizabeth Kenny”
Practice Mindfulness
The Buddha would say: "Nobody is upsetting you. Nothing is upsetting you. You get upset because you are upsettable."
Anger is a by-product of our way of thinking. By taking control of our mind we can take control of our life; and the best way to do this is through meditation.
Anger Management and The Silva Life System
Let go of anger with the world's most popular meditation program.
The Silva Life System is a revolutionary home study program based on the remarkable principles of the Silva Method, the world's most popular meditation program which has been used with great success by millions of people around the globe for the past 40 years.Meditating will allow you to slow down your brain's rhythm, which is conducive to relaxation, stress-relief, creative thinking, and better problem solving, as well as for finding new ideas. To quote Albert Einstein: "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
When a person becomes stressed, fearful, angry, nervous, or feels any stirring emotion-which are feelings that often accompany an event that has a negative impact on your life--, the brain's rhythm increases and brain activity rises. The more stressed we become, the more rapidly our brain waves vibrate. All negative thoughts, as well as anger, fear, and compulsive cravings, tend to be fast.
On the other hand, slower brain waves are associated with people who are calm, confident, and at ease. Positive thoughts, like love, patience, and understanding, are slow.
You can download a free demo of the Silva Life System and begin using this method to help you relax and release negative emotions such as excessive anger.

Measure Your Level of Well-Being
More Anger Management Books
There are a number of helpful books on anger management. These are some of the best:
Rage: A Step-by-step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger
Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger
Amazon Price: $11.36 (as of 02/12/2012)![]()
From the book: "Too much anger! That's a big part of the rage experience. But what does that mean? When is too much too much? Here's one explanation. Imagine that everyone alive carries around an emotional container. The job of that container is to be a place we can fill with our strong emotions, in this case anger. The container is more like a balloon, though, than a box. When you're not angry, the balloon contracts. When you get mad, it fills up. It expands enough so that you can be angry, sometimes very angry, but still be yourself . . . At some point, you reach your limit. Your emotional balloon is full. But what if you still have more anger? How much more emotion can you force into the balloon? At some point, sooner or later, that balloon is going to burst."
Frederick Buechner
Laugh
Laugh at yourself; don't take yourself so seriously. Humor is often the best medicine, and it can help you to relax when you're angry. Laughter also releases the harmful stress hormones that are produced by your body when you get angry. Can you add some levity to the situation?
Release Stress Hormones Caused by Anger Through Laughter
by Marelisa Fábrega
Anger Management - Let Sandler and Nicholson Help You Diffuse Some Anger Through Laughter
Anger Management (Widescreen Edition)
Amazon Price: $1.24 (as of 02/12/2012)![]()
Mild-mannered Dave Buznik has an abrasive boss who's in the habit of taking credit for Dave's work. When a misunderstanding aboard an airplane goes haywire, Dave is ordered by a judge to undergo anger management therapy at the hands of Dr. Buddy Rydell.
Buddy's anger management sessions are filled with highly eccentric and volatile men and women, and his unorthodox treatment wreaks havoc on Dave's life. When Buddy goes to far Dave needs to decide whether to crawl back into his shell or stand up for himself.
“EFT looks strange at first, but it really does work.”
EFT
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a self-help tool created by Stanford engineer Gary Craig; it consists of tapping on energy points located throughout the body with your fingertips in order to release negative emotions, memories, and beliefs. Thousands of people have used EFT with excellent results.
Anger Management With Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
Release anger with EFT.
Releasing Anger With EFT
Three articles on releasing anger with EFT from the Emotional FreedomTechnique Official Web Site.
- Getting Behind a Successful EFT Anger Case
- She was afraid that if she let go of her anger, it would mean that it "didn't matter" what he did to her and he would "get away with it" without any consequences. The dilemma was that the only person actually being affected by her anger was her, but letting go of her anger felt like it would be to his benefit.
- Using EFT To Calm an Intense Temper Tantrum
- So there was Gary, screaming at the top of his lungs. I walked within his sight. He glared up at me still screaming. I tapped on the side of my hand. He lifted his hand and began tapping, still screaming. I tapped the points and he followed, still screaming. I tapped the side of my hand again and he followed me through a second sequence, still screaming, but not so loud this time. So we tapped through the sequence again. The third time is the charm and Gary stopped screaming and smiled at me.
- Anger Case History From a Client
- I realized that the anger was a defense mechanism to protect me from pain, so I released the fears that were causing me pain first.
Anger Management Tools
- Hostility Log
- Download this worksheet in which you can record what made you angry and how you responded. The purpose of keeping an anger or hostility log is to help you develop a strategy for dealing with the people and situations that trigger your anger.
- Find Your Conflict Zen
- Find Your Conflict Zen is a mini-series of tips and resources delivered by email. It's in five parts, each delivered a few days after the last.
The series begins with The Conflict Zen Guide to Talking It Out in Ten, a short worksheet and mini-guide designed especially to help you think through your most important conversations before you have them.
Anger Management Games for Kids
Bach Rescue Remedy for Anger Management
Every day our emotions are put to the test; whether it be heavy traffic, problems with a co-worker, or the thousands of things that need to get done. Whatever the situation, Rescue Remedy can help. It's natural and can be taken at any time.
Rescue Remedy contains five of the 38 Bach Flower Essences: Rock Rose for terror and panic, Impatiens for irritation and impatience, Clematis for inattentiveness, Star of Bethlehem for shock and Cherry Plum for irrational thoughts.
Follow Me On Twitter

- Marelisa
- aka Marelisa
- 5,118 followers
- 3,562 following
-
- RT @thehrgoddess: A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. ~Donna Roberts
-
- 35 Powerful Beliefs About Money: From Donald Trump to the Dalai Lama http://t.co/0xVN4xmz
-
- I've discovered that if I eat some nuts about an hour before I go to sleep at night, I sleep better.
-
- I just overheard a young girl saying to her little brother: "Turn your ears on."
-
- How to Sleep Better http://t.co/Q68D3yXV via @wikiHow
Thank you for stopping by!
Anyone can leave a comment, including nonsquidoo members.
-
Reply
-
thetreatmentcenter
Sep 21, 2011 @ 3:57 pm | delete
- Anger management is a part of dual diagnosis for those who are struggling with other addictions. What is so amazing is that with the right application of the right information anger can be managed. Thank you for your contribution of great advice!
We love SquidLikes! :)
Thank you!
-
-
Reply
-
ChrisDiamond
Jul 13, 2011 @ 1:34 pm | delete
- By the way, anger can be used for good purposes. It can motivate oneself to get out of the mess a person can be in.
It is a form of "enough is enough" temptation that's causing people to pursue better lifestyle, by creating it.
However, if the anger is misused, it can be damaging to relationships and social interactions.
Voted +1 for this lens, great stuff!
-
-
Reply
-
AgingIntoDisability
Jul 5, 2011 @ 5:53 pm | delete
- I've noticed anger management problems tend to run in families.
-
-
Reply
-
YourFirstTime
Jul 5, 2011 @ 5:50 pm | delete
- Surprising how many kids start school with anger control problems.
-
-
Reply
-
my_never_bored_hands
Aug 16, 2010 @ 3:10 pm | delete
- Very informative and helpful lens. Thumbs up!
-
- Load More
Love This Lens?
This module only appears with actual data when viewed on a live lens. The favorite and lensroll options will appear on a live lens if the viewer is a member of Squidoo and logged in.
Disclaimer
I am not a mental health professional. Should you need professional help with anger management, you need to consult with a qualified professional. Although I have endeavored to make sure that the information on this lens is accurate and up-to-date, by applying it you're acting at your own risk.
by Marelisa
Hi, I'm Marelisa Fabrega. I blog over at Abundance Blog at Marelisa Online.
I hold a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Georgetown...
more »
- 96 featured lenses
- Winner of 14 trophies!
- Top lens » Bucket List Ideas - 1000 Things to do Before You Die
Explore related pages
- Dealing With Anger Dealing With Anger
- Anger Management in Children Anger Management in Children
- Interesting Quotes About Revenge, Anger and Self-Destruction Interesting Quotes About Revenge, Anger and Self-Destruction
- Coping with Your Anger Coping with Your Anger
- How To Stop Your Anger | Anger Management Courses & Techniques | Rageaholics Cure How To Stop Your Anger | Anger Management Courses & Techniques | Rageaholics Cure
- Office Rage Videos - The New "Going Postal"? Office Rage Videos - The New "Going Postal"?


