Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic by 16 people | Log in to rate

Ranked #1,359 in Health, #22,156 overall

Understanding the Anniversary Response

Coping with the anniversary of the death of a loved one, the loss of a public figure, dealing with the aftermath of a natural disaster such as Hurricane Katrina or the national trauma of September 11, 2001 can be difficult for the family, the friends and the loved ones left behind.

Whether it's the first, the sixth, the tenth or the umpteenth anniversary of a death or a tragedy, for survivors it can be quite challenging to make it through the days and even weeks leading up to the anniversary and then to make it through the actual day of the anniversary. Remembering, recalling and reliving a tragic loss or traumatic event can be very difficult.

This lens was written to provide general information about the normal anniversary reaction along with helpful suggestions for coping prior to and on the actual date of the anniversary.

Photo Source: Brian Lary. Blue Flame. Royalty Free Use.

Anniversary Dates Cause Nervousness 

Quotes on Anniversary Reaction

    Nervousness is building ahead
    of the one-year anniversary of September 11,
    and it's bound to continue
    until we get that date behind us.

    Art Hogan

Photo Source: Kevin Smith. Honor the Fallen. Royalty Free Use.

August to September - A Time for Many Anniversaries 

Times to Remember those who have Died

Within a time span of three weeks at the end of August to the middle of September we experience:
    * The 3rd year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina (August 29, 2005)
    * The 11th year anniversary of the death of Princess Diana (August 31, 1997)
    * The 2nd year anniversary of the death of Steve Irwin (Sept 4, 2006)
    * The 11th year anniversary of the death of Mother Teresa (September 5, 1997)
    * The 7th year of September 11th (Sept 11, 2002)
With the exception of the death of Mother Teresa, which occurred only days after Princess Diana's death, all of these events resulted in deaths that were sudden, unexpected and unanticipated.

Coping with the anniversary of the death of a loved one or a public tragedy such as the Fall 2005 hurricanes or the national trauma of September 11, 2001 can be very challenging for those left behind.

Anniversary Reaction - A Brief Definition 

Dictionary.com defines an Anniversary reaction as

A psychological reaction, as depression, occurring at a regularly fixed time and associated with the recollection of an emotionally upsetting past experience, as loss of a loved one.

Frayed Heart

 

Image Source: Franci Strümpfer. Red Heart on Fabric. Royalty Free Use.

The Secret Anniversaries of the Heart 

Quotes on Anniversary Reaction


    The holiest of all holidays
    are those kept by ourselves
    in silence and apart;
    the secret anniversaries of the heart.

    Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Photo Source: Sophie. Heart. Royalty Free Use.

Definition of an Anniversary Reaction 

An Increase in Distressing Memories of the Event

Anniversary dates of a tragic event, the actual date of the death, the birth date of a loved one, holidays or other special occasions are common triggers for an Anniversary reaction or a grief response; this is a sudden unexpected rush of memories, intense emotions and feelings of grief.

It is important for the person experiencing these intense feelings to realize these types of reactions are usually normal anniversary reactions.

Formal Definition - Anniversary Reaction
The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder provides the following formal definition of an Anniversary Reaction:
    On the anniversary of traumatic events, some people may find that they experience an increase in distressing memories of the event. These memories may be triggered by reminders, but memories may also seem to come from out of the blue while at work, home, or doing recreational activities. An increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is commonly known as an "anniversary reaction" and can range from feeling mildly upset for a day or two to a more extreme reaction in which an individual experiences significant psychiatric or medical symptoms.
Source: Hamblen J, Friedman M, Schnurr P. 2007. Anniversary Reactions: A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet. National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

More on Loss, Grief and Bereavement 

Understanding about loss and grief can make coping with it a little easier.

Common Responses with Anniversary Reaction 

Feelings, Emotions & Symptoms Experienced Before or Around an Anniversary

The anniversary reaction can involve days, weeks or even months prior to the anniversary date of anxiety, anger, nightmares, flashbacks, depression or fear.

Common Anniversary Reactions Responses may also include:
    * Regret
    * Sadness
    * Frustration
    * Anger
    * Fear
    * Nightmares
    * Depression
    * Flashbacks
    * Anxiety
    * Headaches
    * Sleep disturbances
    * Eating disorders
    * Avoidance of reminders of the disaster
    * Reflection on the way in which life has changed
Survivors of loss must learn how to cope with a variety of intense complex emotions and physical responses along with psychological, physiological and spiritual responses.

Anniversary Candles on Flickr 

Candle Tributes for those who have Died. Candles Lit in Memory of Princess Diana, Steve Irwin, Mother Teresa, September 11th and Hurricane Katrina

Memorial Candles by Sarah Quinn Armitt

curated content from Flickr

Basic Strategies for Coping with a Difficult Anniversary 

How to Make it Through the Days Leading Up to the Anniversary Date

Helpful coping strategies include:
  • Talk with others about your thoughts and feelings. Talking with others is one way that many people find helpful in the healing process.
  • Take time to relax.
  • Focus on rebuilding yourself and/or your community.
  • Take care of your health.
  • Make time to attend to the needs of family, especially children.
  • Limit your exposure to news reports about tragic events, especially if you find yourself becoming more anxious, sad or distressed by watching news coverage.
  • Focus on the good times you shared with your loved one, rather than the loss.

More on Coping with a Loss, Crisis or Life-Changing Event 

Keep the Flame Burning

 

Image Source: Richard McMillan. Candle. Royalty Free Use.

Ways of Coping on the Date of the Anniversary 

Activities and Ideas for Getting Through the Anniversary Date

The following list is a collection of suggestions that I have compiled with activities and ideas of what to do on the actual anniversary date:
  • Gather with friends and families reminisce and tell favorite stories or memories about the person who has died.
  • Plan a remembrance service, celebration of life or find a special way of honoring the loved one lost.
  • Take flowers to the grave site, memorial site or location of the tragedy.
  • Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with friends or relatives.
  • Create a road side memorial for a love one who has died in a car accident.
  • Make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays.
  • Build an ofrenda or altar with portraits, personal goods, clothing, favorite foods and possessions of the deceased family member.
  • Make a toast or say a prayer or blessing at the start of a family meal.
  • Listen to their favorite music.
  • Light a candle.
  • Look at old photos or videos.
  • Share memories over tea.
  • Plant a tree.
  • Establish a scholarship.
  • Dedicate a bench or plaque.
  • Write letters or a journal to the loved one to express your feelings.
  • Create a new tradition. This can be very helpful during the holidays. Instead of celebrating the same place and the same way as when the loved one was alive, find a new place and a new way.

Remembering the Anniversary Alone 

Quotes on Anniversary Reaction


    The next two anniversaries,
    I will be sitting
    at home
    by myself.

    Debra Shaw

Photo Source: Stephie S. DayDream. Royalty Free Use.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting - Remembering Children 

A way of remembering children who have died.

The Peace Tower - Remembering John Lennon 

A beautiful way of remembering John Lennon on his birthday in 2008.

Ways of Healing Following a Major Loss 

Many of the ways people find helpful for coping with the distress from an anniversary response, are also ways of helping with the healing process.
  1. Create a way of honoring the loved one who has died. (See the Coping During Times of Stress for suggestions.)
  2. Start new holiday traditions. Find a new place and a new way to celebrate.
  3. Find a way to symbolize or express grief--creatively or otherwise. Expressing the grief, even just in writing or in art, may be a better way of coping than than denying or avoiding it.
  4. Start an organization or cause in your loved one's memory.
  5. Volunteer your time and/or talents. Helping others can be very healing.
  6. Donate in memory of a loved one. Many worthy organizations benefit survivors and victims.
  7. Attend public memorials and ceremonies that mark the anniversary of the tragedy, disaster or other event. Organized ceremonies draw survivors together and allow them to share feelings with others who have been through the same traumatic experience.
  8. Allow yourself to experience feelings of sorrow, sadness and the sense of loss.
  9. Take time to be alone with your thoughts, in remembrance or in prayer.

Most People Feel Better Within a Week or Two 

    Most people will feel better within a week or two after the anniversary. Over time, the stress symptoms will decrease in both frequency and severity.

    People may find it helpful to make specific plans for the anniversary day so that they have other things to occupy their time besides memories of the event.

    Some may choose to participate in a commemorative ceremony such as visiting a grave, making a charitable donation, giving blood, helping others, or dedicating the day to spending time with family.
Source:
Hamblen J, Friedman M, Schnurr P. 2007. Anniversary Reactions: A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet. National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Image Source: Beniamin Pop. Composition. Royalty Free Use.

Remembering the Anniversaries of their Deaths 

A collection of lenses that I have created to remember those who have died, who had an impact on my life

Articles on the Anniversary Reactions 

Understanding Survivors Response to Anniversary Dates

As the anniversary of a disaster or traumatic event approaches, many survivors report a return of restlessness and fear. Psychological literature calls it the anniversary reaction and defines it as an individual's response to unresolved grief resulting from significant losses.

The anniversary reaction can involve several days or even weeks of anxiety, anger, nightmares, flashbacks, depression, or fear.
Anniversary Reactions
National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Fact Sheet on Anniversary Reactions.
Anniversary Reactions to a Traumatic Event: The Recovery Process Continues
An article on Anniversary Reaction from the National Mental Health Information Center, Center for Mental Health Services.
Anniversary Reactions: A Survivor's Guide on How to Cope
From the Gift From Within Website an article written by Angie Panos, PhD on Anniversary Reactions.
What Is An Anniversary Reaction?
Anniversary reactions predictably occur on the anniversary of a particular date. An anniversary reaction is an abbreviated version of your grief that comes as if to remind you that resolving a loss takes longer than any of us would like. From the Strength for Caring site.
What Is An Anniversary Reaction? - Strength for Caring
Anniversary reactions predictably occur on the anniversary of a particular date.

Helpful Books for Surviving Anniversaries and the Holidays 

Available on Amazon

A collection of books to help in coping with the holidays and anniversaries following the death of a loved one, written by some of the leading grief and loss experts in the field.

Surviving Holidays, Birthdays and Anniversaries (Grief Steps Guide)

Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Empty Chair, The: Handling Grief on Holidays and Special Occasions

Amazon Price: $9.99 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

How Will I Get Through the Holidays? 12 Ideas for Those Whose Loved One Has Died

Amazon Price: $6.95 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss While Others are Celebrating

Amazon Price: $10.07 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Ways of Remembering at the Holidays - Remembrance Ornaments 

Remembering on the Anniversary of September 11, 2001 

Quotes on the Anniversary Reaction

    On the fourth anniversary of the Sept. 11th attack here in New York City, we plan to mark this solemn occasion by asking siblings to take the lead in this year's ceremony.

    In this small way, we acknowledge the special bonds they share with their beloved brothers and sisters who died that day.

    Michael Bloomberg
Photo Source: Daniel Norton.

Ways of Remembering September 11, 2001 

Remembering September 11, 2001 on Flickr 

September 11, 2006  New York City, NY by Sister72

curated content from Flickr

Resources on Coping After a Tragedy 

Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
A helpful article from MayoClinic.com on grief. After someone close dies, reminders can reignite your grief. Learn to cope, heal.
NIMH: Coping with Traumatic Events
The National Institute of Mental Health conducts and supports research not only on a wide range of mental health disorders, but also on reactions to national crises and traumatic events.
CSTS (Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress) Resources
From the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress a collection of pdf file Fact Sheets on topics relating to Response and Recovery, Stress Management, Interventions and Treatment and Workplace Preparedness.

Two Widows Living Beyond the 11th 

Recommended Books from Those Left Behind After September 11, 2001 

Available on Amazon

Watching the World Change: The Stories Behind the Images of 9/11

Amazon Price: $20.94 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Love You, Mean It: A True Story of Love, Loss and Friendship

Amazon Price: $23.95 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

A Widow's Walk: A Memoir of 9/11

Amazon Price: $11.70 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Your Father's Voice: Letters for Emmy About Life with Jeremy--and Without Him After 9/11

Amazon Price: $13.67 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Closure: The Untold Story of the Ground Zero Recovery Mission

Amazon Price: $51.00 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Remembering September 11, 2001 Six Years Later 

Sixth Anniversary of The September 11th Tragedy

September 11, 2007: Commemoration Activities and Memorials
A listing of Commemoration Activities and Memorials planned for the sixth Anniversary of September 11, 2002, listed by State. From the Families of September 11.
Education World: Lesson Planning: Remembering September 11
Education World offers five lessons to help teachers commemorate the anniversary of the September 11, 2001, attack on the United States. These lessons will keep alive the spirit of patriotism and tolerance stimulated by the events of 9/11.
Remembering September 11 - CBS News
Remembering September 11 with images over several Anniversary Events from CBSNews.com
9-11 Anniversary Reaction
9-11 Anniversary Reactions, from an interview with Dr. Frank Ochberg, Founder of Gift From Within.

Anniversaries are Particularly Difficult 

Quotes on the Anniversary Response

    I do find
    the anniversaries particularly difficult,
    as do all our family.

    Charles, Earl Spencer
    Brother of Diana, Princess of Wales

Photo Source:
Nic Pepsi. The Round Lake. Some Rights Reserved. Creative Commons.

Remembering Princess Diana on Flickr 

flower globe by _sarchi

curated content from Flickr

A Lens on Diana Princess of Wales 

Deep Sorrow and Lasting Pain behind the Faces 

Remembering Steve Irwin

    Behind the positive faces they have shown the world since that dreadful day, there can be no doubt there is still deep sorrow and lasting pain.

    Sydney's Daily Telegraph

A New Tradition - Wear Khakis on Steve Irwin Day 

A fitting and unique way of remembering a passionate conservationist.

Remembering Steve Irwin on November 15 

A Day to Honor the Crocodile Hunter


Terri Irwin proposed November 15 as a commemorative day in honor of her husband, with suggested family activities including wearing khaki and camping in the backyard.

The day will represent the many things Steve was passionate about. Get ready to don you khaki's mate.
Steve Irwin Day - November 15
Steve Irwin Day, November 15, a day for remembering the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin. The day will represent the many things Steve was passionate about. Get involved in a number of ways including visiting Australia Zoo, having a Back Yard Campout or donning your khakis for Khaki Day.

Hurricane Katrina A Significant Anniversary 

Quotes on Anniversary Reaction

    I've heard some people say we can't do it.
    But it's a very significant anniversary and I can't imagine it going unmarked without some kind of parade.
    It's in our soul to have Mardi Gras.

    Arthur Hardy
    Voice of Mardi Gras

Photo Source: Amanda Barbarich. A Tribute. Royalty Free Use.

A Squidoo Lens Featuring the Book Relief and Book Relief Efforts 

Rebuilding lives...one new book at a time

The Book Relief Initiative, sponsored by First Book is putting books back into the hands of the children impacted by Hurricane Katrina.

Remembering Hurricane Katrina 

Two Years After This Natural Disaster

Resources and updates on the Hurricane Katrina.
Restoring Homes and Hope along the Gulf Coast
The American Red Cross helps keep people safe every day as well as in an emergency thanks to caring people who support our work in the community. Please support your local Red Cross
A Year of Healing: The American Red Cross Response to Hurricanes Katrina, Rita and Wilma
A downloadable PDF File brochure that is a tribute to the hope, dedication and relief that survivors of the 2005 Hurricane Season received in the days, months and year after the natural disasters hit the Gulf Coast.
NOLA.com: Hurricane Katrina Archive
Remembering Katrina Two Years Later from the New Orleans.com (Nola.com)

One Year Anniversary 

Quotes on the Anniversary Reaction

    I think the year anniversary
    kind of puts an end to
    that period of time when the mourning is over.

    Laura Dunham

Photo Source: Hillary Gracier. Me. Royalty Free Use.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross on Mourning 

Quotes on Anniversary Reaction

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross offered the following words of wisdom about the Anniversary Reaction:
    People in mourning have to come to grips with death before they can live again. Mourning can go on for years and years. It doesn't end after a year, that's a false fantasy.

    It usually ends when people realize that they can live again, that they can concentrate their energies on their lives as a whole, and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain.

    Elisabeth Kubler Ross, MD

A Yearly Tribute for Remembering Children Who Have Died 

More Lenses on Coping with Grief and Loss 

Learning to Live Again  

Slowly following a significant loss, the survivor learns to live again.
    Piece by piece, I reenter the world.
    A new phase. A new body, a new voice.

    Birds console me by flying, trees by growing,
    dogs by the warm patch they leave on the sofa.

    Unknown people merely by performing their motions.

    It's like a slow recovery from a sickness, this recovery of one's self.

    Tony Talbot
The grieving process involves learning to adapt and adjust to a life forever changed by the loss, a life that can change in many different ways. This may involve developing new skills, changing a circle of friends, moving, changing jobs, giving up activities and taking on new responsibilities.

The Violet Heart a Way to Remember 

Recommended Books for On Living After the Loss of Loved One 

Available on Amazon

A collection of books to help in coping with the holidays and anniversaries following the death of a loved one, written by some of the leading grief and loss experts in the field.

Living with Grief (Grief Steps Guide)

Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Living When a Loved One Has Died

Amazon Price: $9.36 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Living with Grief: Who We Are, How We Grieve

Amazon Price: $25.95 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies

Amazon Price: $11.56 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Turn My Mourning into Dancing

Amazon Price: $10.19 (as of 11/27/2009) Buy Now

Anniversary Response in the News 

Loading Fetching RSS feed... please stand by

Blog Posts on the Anniversary Response 

the body remembers what the mind does not: a nicu anniversary
it is likely based on these definitions that the back pain episode i experienced five years later to the date was an anniversary response, that my body remembered, even though my mind did not. the body remembers ...
remembering on the 8th anniversary of september 11, 2001
for more suggestions and ways of coping, you can read the blog post that from last year on what is an anniversary response or anniversary reaction? more resources dyer ka. 2009. coping with grief on the anniversary of september 11, ...
Coping tools for children dealing with the death of a grandparent ...
Realize that children can experience an Anniversary Response. Expect that the grief may recur as the child progresses from childhood to adolescence and even into adulthood. Strong reminders, such as the anniversary of a death, ...
anniversary response
i wanted to thank everybody who dropped by to say ?hi? and extend best wishes. incidentally, i'm missing some spoons, but wronwright left his wallet behind, so i'm ahead of the game. there are several comments i feel a need to respond ...

Blog Posts about the Anniversary Reaction 

Anniversary Reactions...
An increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is known as an anniversary reaction. They can be mild, as mine was, or they can constitute a more severe reaction with significant psychiatric or medical symptoms. ...
the body remembers what the mind does not: a nicu anniversary
the national center for post traumatic stress disorder defines an anniversary reaction as "an increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is commonly known as an 'anniversary reaction.' this reaction can range from ...
Holiday Blues, With Some Shades of Grey | World of Psychology
So does Meagan's ?anniversary reaction? over the death of her mother. But what do we really know about the ?holiday blues,? beyond hundreds of anecdotes and Internet postings? How do the ?blues? differ from SAD and other forms of major ...
anniversary reaction to my anniversary
ha! sometimes it just works this way. last night i wrote that i had not had any ptsd reactions for a very long time. interesting that i said that because i think i'm actually in the middle of a huge one! for about the last month i have ...

Reader Feedback on the Anniversary Reaction Lens 

Your place for comments, messages, suggestions, ideas and feedback

Be sure to leave your tips, comments, rank the site, pass on the word about the site (email) and leave a message (Reader Feedback).

submit
  • Reply
    BarbRad BarbRad Sep 15, 2009 @ 11:55 pm
    A very useful lens. I'm going to lensroll it to some of my own grief lenses.
  • Reply
    HorseFan HorseFan Jul 19, 2009 @ 9:10 pm
    This is a very interesting lens that approaches its subject in a way I hadn't thought of before. I like the organization and especially the photos, including photos of public people with whom so many of us identify. I am betting that on the year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death next year, there will be many people suffering from this reaction.
  • Reply
    ngio64 ngio64 Nov 6, 2008 @ 1:56 am
    Thanks for a great lens.5 stars, My daughter is affected by the approach of 9-11 every year. For several years she did not attend the memorial ceremony. This year she attended and said it made her feel better!
  • Reply
    JaguarJulie JaguarJulie Sep 8, 2008 @ 1:55 pm
    Kirsti, a touching and helpful lens and particularly timely for those dealing with losses from 9/11. Your creativity and sensitivity in crafting such fine lenses is appreciated. ;) Thank you for all of your kindnesses.
  • Reply
    drsallywitt drsallywitt Aug 18, 2008 @ 8:56 pm
    This is a perfect set of information to go along with my 9-11 Remembrance show.

    Wonderful lens.

    Sally
  • Load More

by Comfortdoc

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT is a respected physician, an expert in life challenges, loss, grief and bereavement, professional health educator, professor...

(more)

Explore related pages

Create a Lens!