Anti Jokes | Non Jokes | Anti Humor

Best Ever Anti-Jokes

• Q) What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor?
  
  A) Where's my tractor?
  
  
• Q) How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  
  A) One
  
  
  
• Q) A man walked into a bar
  
  A) His alcoholism is really worrying his family
  
  
• Q) Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
  
  A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest
  
  
  
  
  A) Real Joke : Because the parrots-eat-em-all
  
  
  
• Q) What's worse than getting a parking ticket?
  
  A) The Black Death
  
  
  
• Q) How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  
  A) It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.
  
  
  
• Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini?
  
  A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved.
  
  
  
• Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris?
  
  A) They didn't go!
  
  
  
• Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window?
  
  A) Cause it was completely broken.
  
  
  
• Q. What's the difference between a duck?
  
  A. An orange. <<< This is the ultimate tough anti-joke
  
  
  
• Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
  
  A: Red paint.
  
  
  
• Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas?
  
  A) Nothing
  
  
  
• Why can't Dinosaurs Talk?
  Because they are all dead.
  
  
  
• Did you know that Towels can cause Dry Skin?
  
  
  
• Two Chocolate Biscuits walk down the road
  One say to the other "Where do you live?" . The other replies "I'm not telling you, you might come round and steal my washing!"
  
  
  
• Q) Why did the plane crash?
  A) A loaf of bread was driving it
  
  
  
• See more Anti Jokes below

Anti-Knock Knock Jokes

• Knock-knock.
  Who's there?
  Doorbell repairman.
• Knock Knock
  Knock Knock
  Knock Knock
  Knock Knock
  Drat no-one there!
• Knock Knock
  ...
  ...
  Come in!

Do you know any Anti-Jokes?

• Q) Why was six afraid of seven?
  A) It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
• Q: Why are blonds so stupid?
  A: Scientific studies have found no conclusive correlation between hair color and intelligence.
• Q: What did Batman say to Robin to get him in the car?
  A: Get in the car
• Q) Whats yellow and cant swim?
  
  A) A Bulldozer
• Q) You know when geese fly in a V formation? Do you know why one side is always a little bit longer than the other?
  A) That side has more Geese! (This one creased me up!)
• Q) Ask me if I'm an airplane, OK are you an airplane?
  A) No
• Q) I've been on a seafood diet lately.
  A) I've been eating a lot of trout and shrimp
• Q) Why doesn't a blond need a wrist watch?
  A) The advent of the cellphone with a built in clock has left the watch largely redundant.
• Q) Yo Momma is so fat!
  A) She needs to go on a diet
• Q) Why didn't the blind girl go to the party?
  A) She wasn't invited!
• Q) What happened when a Fox and a Rabbit met one day on a narrow path
  A) The fox ate the rabbit
• Q) How do you fit an Elephant into a car? (from Joel)
  A) You can't Elephants are really enormous!
• Ask me if im a tree.
  (are u a tree?)
  No

Best Anti Jokes List

1. Q) Why do they call a horse a horse.
   
   A) Because they speak English
2. Q) Why do undertakers wear ties?
   
   A) Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
3. Q) Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.
   
   A) One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
4. Q: Why can't penguins fly?
   
   A: Because their wings are adapted to swim and not to fly.
5. Q: A Baby Seal walks into a bar
   
   A: The barman checks his ID and says "Too young"
6. Q: Why shouldn't you play cards in the jungle?
   
   A:) Because the smell and flashy designs may provoke animal attacks.
7. Q) What did one lawyer say to another lawyer?
   
   A) We're both lawyers
8. Q)..What would George Washington do if he was alive today?
   
   A) Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin
9. Q) What did Helen Keller name her dog?
   
   A) Fido
10. Q) A programmer, and engineer and an accountant meet up for an after work drink.
    
    A) Afterwards they go home to their separate apartments and think how socially inadequate they are.

Funny Anti Jokes & Jokes

More Anti-Jokes

• 1Q) A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "Why the long face?".
  
  A) The horse doesn't respond because it cannot speak
• 2Q) How do you confuse a blond?
  
  A) Paint yourself green and throw forks at her (took me a while to get this one!)
• 3Marines handbook:
  When the pin is removed "Mr Grenade" is no longer our friend! -- Don't know if this is an Anti Joke but it creased me up!
• 4Q) Do you you here about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero?
  
  A) He's 0K!
• 5Q) What is blue and fluffy?
  
  A) Blue Fluff!
• 6Q) What's green and has wheels?
  
  A) Grass. I lied about the wheels.
• 7Q) What's red and hurts your teeth when you bite it?
  
  A) A brick!
• 8Q) An Australian walks out of a bar.
  A) -
• 9Q) what do you call a black guy driving a plane?
  A) A pilot
• 10Q) If you say Gullible SLOW enough it will sound like Oranges

Chuck Norris Anti Jokes

• 1Q) What does it mean if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has $5?
  
  A) You both have 5 dollars
• 2Q) Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero
  
  A) Because it's impossible
• 3Q) Why is Chuck Norris no good at ballet?
  
  A) Because he has never had any lessons
• 4Q) Why did Chuck Norris eat his dog?
  
  A) Because he couldn't find the can-opener (that may be a real joke)

A Man Walks into a Bar Anti Jokes List

(or anything else walks into a bar)

• 1A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
  
  The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck
• 2A Man walks into a bar
  And gets drunk
• 3A Bore Walks into a Bar
  And finds many soul-mates
• 4Q) A Wild Boar runs into a bar
  A) Everyone panics while the barman calls Animal Rescue!
• 5Q) A duck walks into a Bar
  A) The local animal protection officials took it back to the park