Ativan, the little pill with BIG teeth

I have a bipolar personality and have taken medication over the years for sleep, depression and pain issues. For several years I took one Ativan pill every night before bedtime to help me sleep.

Of course, Ativan is addictive though so after sometime, it seemed to me as if the one little pill had lost its effect.

I'd decided that I was in a space in my life where I could discontinue taking the Ativan and rely on meditation for sleep- so I did, leaving about 5 Ativan pills in a bottle in my dresser drawer. But I discovered over the span of a couple of weeks that those little white pills have BIG white teeth- and they were after ME.

At least she did in this dream I had, about two weeks into the Ativan withdrawal, and right before it seemed to leave my system for good. For two weeks I slept for about 3 hours per night and during that pathetic time frame, had intense dreams about being chased. I had no fear, probably due to spiritual work I've been doing; I realized full well that my psychic mind was just working through releasing the programming it had previously bought about needing the Ativan for sleep. I was running from the programming that told me that without it, I would run twitching from a demon until the end of time. But I knew, both consciously and unconsciously, that that wasn't true, and the dreams were very lucid, of which I seemed to be in control of my actions. (However, I couldn't seem to stop running at first). They almost got to the point where I was just plain tired of running, tired of the twitching legs and eyelids that seemed to come on in Ativan's absence. I chalked it up to withdrawal, and a year later can tell you I am glad I discontinued it. But at the time, it was like running from a succubus in my dreams, an alluring monster that one just can't stop running from... but with every intention of being caught by it.

Those BIG white teeth almost got me, when they came one night in the form of a Cameron Diaz look-alike that was chasing me through the hallways of a sleazy motel on E. Hastings street in Vancouver. No matter where I turned, or how many doors I slammed in its face, this gorgeous blond-haired blue-eyed entity would not stop chasing me. And I knew why it was chasing me- it wanted to seduce me, in the meanest way possible.

So I ran and ran, but kept getting nowhere, then decided to face the demon straight on. Maybe even give it a little kiss and send it on its merry way if that's what it desired so badly. And while it was giving me a kiss, maybe I'd get my chance to put it out of it's magnetic misery. But just as it leaned into me, it smiled.

And suddenly it was no longer just a relatively innocent looking Cameron Diaz succubus, but one with really, really BIG teeth. And there was no way I was kissing those.

Of course, that was when I woke up. I actually shook my husband awake, and told him I definitely preferred kissing him over Cameron Diaz. And as for the Ativan- those 5 little left-over pills were flushed... before they could grow teeth.