Understanding tantrums in kids with Autism

There are a few ways to go about this. It depends upon your personality type and how assertive you can be WITHOUT causing a fight or increasing the tension. I have personally tried a few of these methods. I will include between 1 and 3 *** at the ends of the ones that I personally have done- 3 is most effective, 1 is least effective. I will also include # (same scale) for those methods that have been used by friends of mine. Please... list your experiences or suggestions in the comments (with # or *) to help other parents in this situation!

Free Printable Autism Information cards are helpful at times. These are the free version so they do not include as much info as some of the others. You can also create your own or purchase them. These cards are beneficial as you do not need to say a word- just calmly hand the gawker the card and continue what you were doing. There are a few potential problems. Most people will look at it and say "I'm sorry, I had no idea" and either walk away or ask if you need any help, there are a few out there though who will tell you "I know all about autism.... that might not be autism.... etc etc, blah blah." Then, there are the ones we are afraid of...."autism is just an excuse for bad parenting". Try not to hurt any rude people, ok. Usually, they work just fine, especially in public- very few people want to be the prick to argue the existence of autism in front of everyone especially in this type of situation.**,###

Here are some customizable autism awareness/information cards that are available to purchase on Zazzle

Autism Awareness Cards by Sidther
View other Autism Business Cards

Autism Awareness card by Sidther
More Autism Business Cards

Bring a friend (of course this is a temporary solution while you are working on behavior and your own ability to handle the gawkers). Choose a friend who is both diplomatic, firm and outgoing. Ask them if they would be willing to accompany you to the store specifically to handle the gawkers. If they are unfamiliar with Autism, have them read the above cards (they are free to read online- just click) to brush up a bit. They will not only help you with the gawkers, but you will feel more secure- often our own fears of this situation show, the child may pick up on those fears which causes the tantrums to become more intense or frequent. This tactic is effective but it's main limitations are that you can not rely on someone else to be with you all of the time- this is only a short term solution. **,##

Go to a small store that you visit frequently. Explain the situation to the manager, find out their least busy times of the day and week. Tell them you would like to do your shopping then AND simultaneously have your child practice being in the store. Explain the gawkers if necessary. If this is a store that you visit regularly and they have seen you before they often will be excited to be included in this exercise, also they may keep an eye out for you. I used this technique at one store- we went weekly for 6 months and when the tantrum began, the store manager came over, stood with her back to us, directed traffic, prevented gawkers and calmly announced "No, big deal, autism makes shopping very hard for children, please continue shopping". OH, I loved this lady!!!! Not one nasty comment AND we were able to focus on the most important issue- figuring out how to stop the tantrum! Also, often if you are near the registers, try to make eye contact with a cashier or manager when someone is gawking. Many times they will summon that person to another register.***,##

The most obvious and best technique is often the hardest! The best way is to simply handle the gawkers and commentators is not to handle them at all. Focus on the child (in your head- the therapy technique may not allow you to look at them!). Work on minimizing the tantrum without giving in to the child's demand. If someone says something, be polite, inform them that this is not a good time to talk as you are managing a meltdown caused by Autism.***,###

Every child with Autism has different challenges. Some struggle more with words while others struggle more with sensory problems. Some kids with Autism have tantrums because they are uncomfortable in their surroundings, don't like something, want something or sometimes even because they have learned it as an acceptable behavior.

No one can tell you a magic trick to make the tantrums stop. The closest thing to that though... if you find the root cause of the tantrums, you can address the cause and reduce the intensity and frequency of the outbursts, sometimes it is even possible to eliminate the tantrums altogether. Please do not think that a child who is more profoundly autistic can not learn to manage these behaviors! If you really work to understand the cause they will benefit whether a minor improvement or reversal of the behavior, the potential is there even if it is not obvious.

How do you determine the cause? Get the evaluations from every discipline. This includes Speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy (even if those services are not required, you should at least evaluate to monitor development) a child psychologist and an ABA therapist. If your child is not yet old enough for school ... great! The earlier you intervene the better! Check if your local school district offers Infant development programs for early intervention. They are becoming more popular, provide access to vital therapies and assist parents in managing challenges associated with developmental delays and disabilities, and are free! Do you have or need a case manager? If you are well educated on the subjects involved and can co-ordinate everything on your own while remaining objective you could be your child's case manager- otherwise, ask your doctor's office to provide one. It is usually a nurse who compiles the data for the doctor, helps co-ordinate, make goals etc and helps you understand etc. Also the nurse would ensure proper communication between multiple medical providers to ensure safety (prescriptions etc).

Follow the recommended schedule- if the therapist wants to do 3 days per week- do it! They do not need to add unnecessary appointments to make money- they are in short supply and often have waiting lists!

Make sure that either the occupational therapist or ABA therapist have had significant experience with sensory problems. Some professionals call it "Sensory Integration Dysfunction" others call it "Sensory Processing Disorder", some say that there are differences between the two, others say it is the same while some therapists deny it's existence altogether. This is vitally important- sensory problems usually play a roll in the meltdowns. Sometimes they are the sole cause of certain meltdowns, sometimes they are simply "the straw that broke the camel's back".... this is an area that you must explore.

The evaluations and services really are crucial. They must begin as early on in the child's life as possible to be the most beneficial (see my other article Early Intervention for Autism for further details on the importance).

You and the team can use the information from both the evaluations and the observations of the professionals to determine the underlying problems!

Because every child is different, no one can answer that for you definitively in this setting (online). I can give you advice and tips etc to try out and modify, but ultimately it will depend on your child. The best thing to do is research your available therapy options like ABA, floortime speech and ot /sensory therapy. If your school does not offer early intervention programs (for kids under 3) then see if you can find a special education teacher who "moonlights"- they would come to the store (or other trigger area), see what the triggers are and how you handle it- then they offer advice on how to manage it more effectively.

You must figure out what your child is trying to communicate!

Now that we have gone over the basics of understanding why the tantrums may be occurring, and because this page is getting too long.... I am creating a second page to continue from here.

See "how we managed our autistic son's tantrums" for info about the specific methods we used to stop the tantrums. - Now at age 7, he only allows himself to have a tantrum in his room- even those have become rare.