Autism's Gifts
Ranked #5,089 in Parenting & Kids, #167,484 overall
It does not need to be a devastating diagnosis!
Most people are so concerned with the challenges ASD brings. Too often we forget the little benefits -not saying it's the best thing since sliced bread, but if you don't try to see some positive, you will miss out on so many wonderful things! People ask me if I feel like autism has "robbed" my child. Not at all. I feel that in some way it must have contributed to his warm, loving personality- every experience in life helps to shape us....
The single most important thing you must NOT let escape your memory... your child is a CHILD first, autism is secondary. Do not let the challenges define your child or your family. You will adapt and things may not be as you had imagined them, but hearing that diagnosis did not change anything about your child at all- they already had autism, now you have a name for the symptoms they have been showing you.
What exactly is Autism?
Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning that no two people with autism are exactly the same and there are MANY different ways in which the disorder can effect someone.
The Autism Society Of America (ASA) defines Autism as: "Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life and is the result of a neurological disorder that affects the normal functioning of the brain, impacting development in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. Both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities."
In order for a child to be diagnosed with autism, the Triad of symptoms must be present- although always varying in degrees.
A marked impairment of social understanding
A marked impairment in communication
Rigidity of thinking
Impairments in social understanding include inability to read facial expressions, sense the mood of their loved ones, behave appropriately for their age and difficulty with inference.
A child with marked impairments in communication may be able to speak- they may be using the words incorrectly for example; if you ask a child "is the juice yummy?" and they say "CAT"- they are not communicating effectively. Communication also includes the ability to make their needs known through gesture.
Rigidity of thinking means that they are resistant to change or even minor disruptions in routine. They may have difficulty transitioning from one activity to another, and everything is black and white with no in between. Kids with rigidity of thinking also prefer tangible topics, anything that they can not see, feel or hear is difficult for them to understand and they often have difficulty pretending.
People with autism tend to take things literally as well, so if you say something along the lines of "it put a spring in your step", they will often start looking for a spring around their feet- also if some one says "I need to take your blood pressure" they may panic, not knowing where the person intends to take it. The best way to state that by the way is "I need to CHECK your blood pressure".
Some kids with autism may be severely effected in one of the above categories but just mildly or moderately effected in the others- some kids are severely effected in all three areas and some mildly across the board.
Please link back if using this online
Your Parenting Skills ABSOLUTELY did not cause your child's Autism. Never doubt that.
You will likely have to learn alternate methods of discipline and parenting to help improve your child's behavior, but you probably have felt the "nothing seems to work" feeling already if you went to the doctor seeking answers.
Help is available for the behavioral problems- often it is provided for free through a local school (many of which offer Early Intervention for Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers) otherwise, you can get referrals to behaviorists, psychologists or if the problems are really mild, ask your child's Speech Therapist or OT if they have any special techniques that they use to get the children to cooperate better.
What ASD has brought to my family....
Strength, the strength to live among people who don't understand you, the strength to fight big insurance companies, the strength to step outside your comfort zone and meet other people in the same situation. The strength to learn, to be heard and to demand to be taken seriously. The strength to face your fears head on and take issues to congress. The strength to love an individual unconditionally, without being sure that they know you do. The strength to know when it is too much and to ask for help. To give up your dreams to provide for someone with ASD only to learn that you were meant for this, and develop new aspirations! The Strength to speak, knowing you will be misunderstood and to be persistent.
Some of the positives!
- Lots of laughs- The littlest things can be funny! Let them be!
- Huge rewards for accomplishments- no, not an x box, the EMOTIONAL reward:)
- Memorization Skills
- Smiles that light the room!
- Religion: Some people on the spectrum have a profound connection with religion.
- Animals seem to really understand and love people with ASD
- Special interests- a lot of people with ASD are really really good at something in particular- Math, Music, Art etc. Some are Savant, some are super talented! Cutie's talents are reading and science.
- Friends: Although ASD affects social aspects, it is not uncommon to find one or two friends, not the people you nod at weekly, but people who support you no matter what, are not offended by foot in the mouth comments, understand abrupt ending and interruptions and truly appreciate your Truth before feelings mentality. Friends this true are hard to identify. ASD helps them appear with a blinking neon sign!
- I spend more than 40 hours per week doing therapy with my son, one on one, no distractions. We use play during therapy, and then even after we are done we continue to play! I get more time with him than any of the parents that I know with their neurotypical children and most of them have said that they wish that they were as close to their kids as Cutie and I are. He is my best friend and I am his!
What has ASD brought to your family?
Tiling the bathroom floor
My son's Autism came in handy! I was tiling his bathroom floor when I realized I had no spacers, he laid down almost every tile in that bathroom, eyeballed it all and when I measured afterwards... every single tile was laid almost exactly 1/8 of an inch apart and not one is crooked!
What happens when you can not remember any of the positives?
I wrote this lens because I remember reading the saddest story a few years ago on About.com. Here is an excerpt...
You can find the rest of this on About.com
" I prayed before I ever had kids that god would give me children that have no mental or social problems. I believe that god ruined him."
"How does one accept your child is doomed, ruined, a waste of human life?"
It is truly sad that a mother was so distraught, that she would not only think these thoughts, but be so deeply depressed that she would actually write them. Obviously this is terrible for the child, but the question is WHY would someone feel this way. Obviously it is not an exciting moment when you receive the diagnosis (unless you had feared a terminal disorder). I don't suggest that people should feel as if the entire disorder is a gift, but there are both positives and negatives to it.
Not enough info was given in the comment to analyze her reasons for posting... perhaps she had received the diagnosis that day and this was just her initial reaction. Maybe she has known for years and has reached a breaking point. Perhaps it was just a very bad day and she was venting. Hopefully the feelings she expressed were fleeting and a way to blow off steam.
Often, children with ASD are neglected or abused by parents who are exhausted, angry, or un-educated about the disorder. Sometimes, a parent is desperately trying to do whatever it takes to help the child, and just does not know how to get through to them- and they may resort to extreme discipline.
If you find yourself feeling depressed, stressed or struggling to cope with the diagnosis.... PLEASE get some help. You can enjoy spending time with your child... they do need your love. Consider joining some online support forums or groups as well as seeking a psychologist, behaviorist or social worker.
You can feel the way you did the first time you held that beautiful baby all over again.
Got a friend who has a kid with ASD?
You can help reduce or prevent stress!
If you know someone who has a child with ASD, you can help!!!! Often people are afraid to offer in this situation because ASD is complex, and no-one wants to insult another's parenting style! Here are a few ways you can help!!!
Often a babysitter with specialized training is required... If the child knows you and there will be no safety issues, offer to watch them for a while! Honestly to me the most beneficial help I got was when a friend offered to watch him for a bit while I was home!- I was able to take a nice bubble bath- so very rare. She and I got to spend time together while "she was in charge"- Just having that weight lifted for 30 minutes a few days a week made all the difference! If the child needs a specially trained sitter, offer to help with the expenses!
Ask them if they are they struggling with anything? If they are having difficulties finding providers, you can help with that!!!! Offer to spend 30min-1 hr researching local providers (what insurance do they take, do they offer anything unique, licensures, phone #s, requirements, availability etc.) and compile some lists! Have a list for each of the services -ABA, Speech,OT,ST, Floortime, SID -sometimes combined with OT, psychology and tutoring services. This will make it easier for them to compare when calling around!
You won't be able to set the appointments, but compiling those lists sure does save time, energy and stress for your friend!
Talk to them, offer your support, let them cry on your shoulder for a while. Sometimes a good cry releases the pent up stress. If they are sounding really depressed, consider suggesting a support group. If you feel that the child is in danger, don't settle for "I'll call someone next week...". You should intervene. A school psychologist can be invaluable- they can help your friend get in touch with a private therapist or settle any un warranted concerns that may have been adding to their stress. Reminder, If you think the child is in danger..... ACT you may need to call police, the child's school or doctor's office... do something, it will only get worse until intervention.
Whenever you see the child... offer sincere, warm compliments in front of your friend- point out something very positive to them!!! Too often parents of kids with ASD only hear from other adults things like "what is wrong with him?, why is he doing that? blah blah blah..." We need to be reminded of the good every now and then- it starts to feel as if we are the only ones who see it.
Princess with Autism by Sidther
Browse other tees made on zazzle 
I have Autism and I'm smarter than you button by Sidther
Shop for buttons on zazzle
If you are feeling overwhelmed
please visit my purple star lens about Dealing with Stress and having a disabled child
Do you have a loved one with ASD?
Please, share your honest feelings here... It may help someone who is having a very hard time!
Fun Sensory Toys for kids with ASD
For update's on Cutie's adventures follow me on Twitter
Autism Awareness
And Practical products to help with Autism
Development binders, Autism behavior information cards to deal with bystanders during public meltdowns, visual cues cards for gift exchanges and information buttons are a few of the designs I have been working on. I am trying to create lots of products that I wish had been available to me when my son was diagnosed (his first diagnosis was more of an educated guess by a specialist at 12 months old.)
My son is now 7 years old and is doing very well. We work hard to help him "fit in" but please, remember that you must also be sure that your child knows that it is OK to be themselves as well. You are not trying to change the child- just giving them the tools they will need to survive and hopefully thrive in today's world.
Prevent Child Abuse
I know that there are more, let me know what I forgot!!!!
-
-
darciefrench
May 19, 2011 @ 11:18 pm | delete
- Thanks so much for writing about the gifts of autism - you are a special mom. Many thanks.
-
-
-
Momsbusy247
Feb 24, 2011 @ 8:56 pm | delete
- Another wonderful lens on Autism. Lovingly written and shared with everyone. The tactile toys have always been very good for the children with Autism that I have had in my classes.
-
-
-
06BlackHeart
Feb 24, 2011 @ 1:02 pm | delete
- You made it!! you submited this lens for the top Culture & Society Lens section and you made it to the top 5 ... Be sure to go check this page: http://www.squidoo.com/top-5-culture-society on the first of the month to see what your position in the top 5 is and tell your friends and visitors about it too
-
-
-
jasminesphotography
Feb 23, 2011 @ 10:03 pm | delete
- I have a younger sister with Autism. She will be 18 this summer and graduating high school.
-
-
-
AtHomeSource
Feb 14, 2011 @ 1:25 pm | delete
- Beautiful, inspiring lens, you've been blessed :)
-
New to the world of Autism?
read more of my lenses for a look into daily interpersonal experiences
by sidther
Check out
Kindergartenters for Congress by Sidther See other Political T-Shirts
I have a new Zazzle store! Sidther
I am...
more »
- 145 featured lenses
- Winner of 38 trophies!
- Top lens » De-Cluttering Made Easy
Explore related pages
- Free printable Chore Charts Free printable Chore Charts
- How we managed our autistic Son's tantrums How we managed our autistic Son's tantrums
- ABA Therapy For Autism ABA Therapy For Autism
- Special Needs and Schools Special Needs and Schools
- Diagnosing Autism Early Diagnosing Autism Early
- To medicate or not to medicate? To medicate or not to medicate?
