Kinds of People

1. Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity

2. Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime

3. All toilet seats would be nailed down

4. Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car

5. For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks

6. All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator

7. Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pocket

8. TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute

9. A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing

10. Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 30 pounds

11. "Ms" Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models

12. Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas

13. Men would have to get Playboy for the articles because there would be no pictures

14. Men would get reputations for sleeping around

15. Men would learn phrases like:

"I'm sorry"
"I love you"
"You're beautiful"
"Of course you don't look fat in that outfit"

16. Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments

17. Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking

18. During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flushes and women would date 19-year-olds

19. Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly

20. After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot

1. Mr. Gwapings - mayaman, gwapo,
kilala, at higit
sa lahat may wheels. mataas ang confidence nya
na hindi sya mababasted, kaya pag
nabasted..maapektuhan ng husto ang kanyang
EGO. at teyk note, malas mo kung may sour
grape attitude pa yan. pwede nyang sabihing "sus
kala mo kung sinong maganda e pinagtyatyagaan
ko lang naman sya! pwe!"

2. Mr. Quickie - ang type ng manliligaw na kada
magkikita kayo e wala nang alam na sabihin
kundi "kelan mo ba ako sasagutin?" o kaya "i love
you na, ako ba hindi mo pa lab?" kahit na isang
linggo pa lang naman syang pumoporma. kung
baga dinadaan nya sa pangungulit para mabilis
ang pagsagot mo.

3. Mr. Everything - linya nya ang "sagutin mo lang
ako, ibibigay ko sayo lahat, lahat ng magustuhan
mo. kahit ang pa buwan o kaya mundo." tanga ka
na pag nagpauto ka. dahil pag sinagot mo na yan,
makakalimutan na nya ang linyang yan.

4. Mr. Stalker - eto yung type ng manliligaw na
pag nagkahiwalay kayo e sisimulan ka sa tanong
na "kumain ka na ba?" pagkasagot mo susundan
pa nya ulit ng tanong "nsan ka ngayon?" "sinong
kasama mo?" "anong ginagawa mo?" at kung anu-
ano pa. basta tungkol sa daily activities mo
kelangan malaman nya.

5. Mr. Take it or leave it - pag binasted mo ang
ganitong type ng manliligaw, asahan mo bukas
may nililigawan na sya ulit. at heto pa, hinding
hindi ka na nya papansinin. period.

6. Mr. Salesman - dadaanin ka sa matatamis na
salita. parang si Mr. Everything din kaya lang sya
mas matindi mang-uto. yun bang tipong.."ang
ganda ganda talaga ng mga mata mo.." o
kaya "ang kinis kinis mo" o kaya "ang lambot ng
mga kamay mo" at iba pang pang-uuto mapasagot
ka lang.

7. Mr. Good Dog - eto ang nakakatuwang
manliligaw. kase payag syang magpaalipin. taga
bitbit ng bag mo o kahit ng mga kaibigan mo.
kahit
magmuka syang buntot sa tuwing may gala kayo
ng mga barkada mo. napapakitang gilas kung
baga. pero pag sinagot mo na, for sure gaganti
yan.

8. Mr. Anonymous - motto nya ang "action speaks
louder than voice". wala kang kaalam-alam,
nanliligaw na pala. kaya pala ang bait-bait sayo. e
akala mo mabait lang talaga. hehe!

9. Mr. Second chance - sya ang pinakamasugid
mong manliligaw. kahit 100 tayms mong sabihing
ayaw mo sa kanya at wala na syang pag-asa ang
sasabihin nya parin "Please give me a second
chance"

10. Mr. Romantiko - jologs ang mga paraan nya sa
panliligaw. manghaharana, pakikisamahan mga
barkada mo, liligawan parents mo at laging may
dalang flowers and chocolates tuwing dadalaw.
pero madalas nakakapagpakilig sya ng nililigawan

GUYS: lam nyio na ba kung alin kayo jan?
GIRLS: Which do you prefer?

01. Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
02. Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
03. Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
04. Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
05. Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
06. Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
07. Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
08. Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
09. Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10. Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11. Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12. Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13. Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14. Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15. Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16. Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17. Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18. Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19. Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20. Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

9. may occassion sa bahay - (may lakad ang barkada)
8. ang dami ko pang trabaho - (bukas na lang pwede)
7. Di maganda yan - (di ko kayang bilhin yan)
6. Busog pa ako - (Gutom na gutom ko, kaya bilisan mo)
5. Ok lang - ( ano ba naman yan?)
4. Malapit na ko - ( mga isang oras pa di pa ko naliligo)
3. Pasyal tayo - (nood ng sine tapos..... hehehehe...)
2. Di ko ginawa yun - ( lagot ako pag nalaman niya)
1. Ikaw lang mahal ko - ( at si Aida saka si Lorna sama mo na rin si Fe)

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a "you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur every leap year.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

9. Instead of "beer belly," you'd get "beer biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick".

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer : "Have you any grounds?"
Pole : "Ja, Ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

Lawyer : "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Pole : "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar."

Lawyer : "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
Pole : "No. We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

Lawyer : "I mean, What are your relations like?"
Pole : "All my relations are in Poland."

Lawyer : "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
Pole : "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't like the music, but the answer to your questions is, yes."

Lawyer : "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
Pole : "No, I'm always up before her."

Lawyer : "Is your wife a nagger?"
Pole : "No, she white."

Lawyer : "Why do you want this divorce?"
Pole : "She going to kill me."

Lawyer : "What makes you think that?"
Pole : "I got proof.."

Lawyer : "What kind of proof?"
Pole : "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says, Polish Remover".

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

01. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone
02. Man who run in front of car get tired
03. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
04. Man with hand in pocket feel happy all day.
05. Foolish man give wife Grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
06. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going back to Bangkok.
07. Man with one chopstick go hungry.
08. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
09. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
10. Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
11. Panties not best thing on Earth,but next to best thing on Earth.
12. War does not determine who is right,war determine who is left.
13. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
14. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
15. It take many nails to build crib,but one screw to fill it.
16. Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
17. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
18. Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
19. Crowded elevator smell different for midget.

_________________

WARNING!!

Children playing outside the car can cause accident...and
Adults playing inside the car can cause children!!! BY ACCIDENT

01. That's not right.......................Sum Ting Wong
02. Are you harboring a fugitive? ........Hu Yu Hai Ding
03. See me ASAP............................Kum Hia Nao
04. Stupid Man.............................. Dum Fuk
05. Small Horse..............................Tai Ni Po Ni
06. Did you go to the Beach?..............Wai Yu So Tan
07. I bumped into a coffee table..........Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
08. I think you need a face lift............Chin Tu Fat
09. It's very dark in here...................WaoSo Dim
10. I thought you were on a diet........Wai Yu Mun Ching
11. This is a tow away zone.............,No Pah King
12. Our meeting is next week............Wai Yu Kum Nao
13. Staying out of sight...................Lei Ying Lo
14. He's cleaning his automobile.........Wa Shing Ka
15. Your body odor is offensive.........Yu Stin Ki Pu
16. Great...................................Fa Kin Su Pah
17. Ex-wife..................................Fa Kin Sau
18. Where´s the restroom?...............Ai Pe Nau
19. I absolutely agree!....................No Daut
20. Jesus child...................................Ho Li Boi
21. Dogshit under my shoe..............Stin Kin Puh
22. Stop teasing me!.......................Tat Nut Fun
23. Annoying kid................................Hit Tat Boi
24. Cough up some dough!.................Pei Nau
25. Go for a ride for free..................Hit Hai King
26. Funny................................Yoh Joo Kah