1. Newborn baby gowns are a godsend. Especially during the first few weeks, when a) you're not yet as adept at changing the baby's diaper, b) you're doing it about 12 times a day, and c) your baby will probably wail the entire time you're doing it; gowns present the quickest and easiest access. The other benefit with a gown is that it will be loose against the umbilical cord stump (until it falls off after a week or so) and the tender spot that remains, unlike onesies and other outfits. Of course, you can't use gowns with a car seat, but since you're not likely to be particularly interested in leaving the house, they're the most practical option. Even snap crotches (see #2, below) do not compare, since someone (read "Husband") is bound to mis-match the snaps during a 3 a.m. diaper change, causing all three of you prolonged agony while he tries again.

2. If clothing doesn't have a snap crotch, you're not going to want to use it. Ever. If you do, then every time you pick up baby, the clothes will ride up and congregate just under baby's armpits. This snap crotch rule includes those items that do have a snap crotch, but, for some reason or another, do not unsnap at the ankles. This is just about the worst scam going, since you need to deal with all the inseam snaps, but still must maneuver a cuff over those tiny feet. Why would anyone think this is a good idea? I don't think we (or even our most willing babysitters) had the patience to use "regular" pull-on pants until around the one year point, when baby could cooperate a little AND the diaper changes were significantly less frequent.

3. If it snaps (or worse, BUTTONS) up the back, you're going to hate it. Newborns (and up until at least 6 or 9 months) cannot participate at all in the process of dressing and undressing. In fact, most of them hate it, and will LOUDLY voice that opinion every time you remove an article of clothing or a diaper. They're extremely floppy little creatures, too, so those of us with only two hands find that it's impossible to flip a baby onto its stomach like a flapjack - for the inane purpose of struggling with snaps or the more sinister buttons - without feeling like you're suffocating it. They can't hold up their heads!

4. Look for one piece outfits. You will find outfits that require dressing the baby in multiple pieces extremely aggravating early on. Sure, they're soooo cute, but they shouldn't even be manufactured for the 0-3 month set. Unless you need an outfit for a special occasion, like a wedding (and who expects a child that age to wear a tuxedo or gown?), go with a one piece. Just add an undershirt or a sweater if warranted by weather conditions or heavy air conditioning. Besides, when baby has yet another major diaper blowout, or spits up for the third time in one afternoon, you'll prefer changing (and rinsing, and pre-treating and washing) a single piece. It's a good idea to have lots of these available.

5. Lace, ruffles, patches and other appliqués are extremely irritating to baby's skin! No matter how cute that "Grandma's Boy" sleeper, "Got Milk?" onesie, or frilly princess dress, you're not going to want to subject your newborn to a stiff patch or a generally scratchy, irritating outfit - even for a short while. You know how it feels when YOU have an itchy tag in your shirt? Well, multiply that irritation by at least ten. It's terribly alarming to find a raised red area on baby's skin - and then realize that you're the one who caused it, by putting him in that dastardly outfit. The only way to get around this is to put on an undershirt first, but this only works in some situations. (And see #4, above.)

6. Collars only look cute on the hangers. It must be a conspiracy, but the size of the clothes and the size of the child don't allow collars to fall appropriately. That means they all stand up (especially after washing), like a throwback to the preppy polo shirt craze of the '80s, or a parody of Count Dracula. Not only will you find the look absurd on a child all scrunched up in a baby carrier or carseat, but you'll probably be irritated to find the collar in the way of eating as well as breathing and drooling. It will get soaking wet if your baby's a drooler. (Also see #5, above.) The same goes for hoods in tiny sizes.

7. Babies do not need shoes. As adorable as those teensy-tiny little Reeboks and Mary Janes may be, they will only be worn once. Buckles, ribbons, and (God forbid) laces that small are difficult even for dainty adult fingers to manage. Don't even think that your husband will have the dexterity to do it! If you must buy shoes (or exchange them), look for velcro. Nerdy? Yes, but baby doesn't know that yet. Convenience counts. After baby starts walking, that's the time to look for real shoes!

8. Babies do not need raincoats, windbreakers, leather jackets, jean jackets and capes. They don't have the faintest idea why you're stuffing them into such stiff, uncomfortable unnecessary clothing. It's not as if they're going to sit out in the rain! If it's really cold, then a one piece bunting (with either legs or a car seat strap slot) is all you'll need. If it's not that frigid out, just cover the baby carrier or stroller with a blanket when you go out.

9. For sizes 9 months and up (if you buy ahead, like me), forget about the pastels. Sure, these colors look adorable on babies, but as soon as they start to crawl (and roll around on your floors), you'll regret ever having discovered them. Instead, look for brights and darks. These colors will help disguise the squalor that your house has become. This is particularly true about socks. White socks = dirty floors. Dark socks = clean floors.

10. Do NOT remove size tags! All baby and toddler clothes come with these tags for a reason. It may seem like you're doing baby a favor by ridding yourselves of those annoying little tags, but you're actually doing yourself a considerable disservice. First, you won't know what size baby has grown out of in that particular brand, and what you need to buy next. Second, you won't be able to re-use clothes without making a considerable effort in determining their size, either in packing them away or unpacking them later. And third, you won't be able - in good conscience - to consign/lend/give those clothes to friends or charity. Remember ladies, size does matter!

Now that you've read through my advice, it's up to you to figure out what you want to buy, and what to do about all those well-intentioned gifts you're bound to receive. If it's really important that someone get see your child in a certain outfit, put it on him or her briefly and take a picture. Then send it to the giver as soon as possible. Or put the outfit on the baby for that person's visit or a special occasion. But be sure to keep a second, more comfortable and convenient outfit at hand as soon as a diaper change is warranted. After all, babies often mess up their clothes and require a change. Otherwise, try to exchange things you don't like, want or need. It's a shame to waste them.

Along those lines, if you do buy some things yourself before baby's arrival, don't take all the store tags off. Keep your receipts together. No matter how organized you like to be, don't wash everything ahead of time. Have a few things washed and ready, but remember: you could wind up with a monster baby (God forbid) or a preemie. With either extreme, your sizes and seasons could be off completely, so you need to have the option of many happy returns.

Finally, for baby gift giving, don't feel insulted if you don't know what works for one person over another. Everyone has their own personal preferences. Get a gift receipt when buying a baby gift, and include it in the package. And try not to buy newborn or 0-3 month sized clothes, unless it's a sweater, socks or hat. New moms get tons of these, and baby grows out of them extremely fast.