What Are Baby Boomers?
BABY BOOMER is a term used to describe a person who was born between 1946 and 1964. Following World War II, both North America and Europe experienced an unusual spike in birth rates, with troops returning home from the war, changes in lifestyle, better health care etc. This phenomenon is commonly known as the baby boom.
Now that Baby Boomers are starting to hit retirement age, this is causing concern for governments as regards their ability to fund healthcare and other needs as the percentage of the population that is officially old steadily increases.
It simply had to happen - we are all getting older, yet at the same time we are reluctant to let go of our youth. We are the generation that grew up with Woodstock and the Hippie years. We saw the introduction of the mini-skirt, the music and dance revolution of the 50's and 60's, and now us Baby Boomers are trying to hold on to our youth for as long as possible.
And so, you find men in their 60's sporting pony-tails and dressing like surfing-dudes, grandmothers wearing skirts so short and with skimpy tops that make even their children cringe, and a fortune being spent on revatilization products that will help us retain our youth, if only in outward appearance. This is the age of plastic surgery, Botox and a whole lot of other "solutions" for reducing the signs of ageing.
So welcome to OUR WORLD - the world of the Baby Boomer.
Getting older certainly has it's problems, but it also gives rise to plenty of jokes about getting old, ageing, the the problems people have dealing with it. This is what this lens is all about - BABY BOOMER JOKES.
I hope the jokes and stories you find on this page will help keep you smiling. Don't forget - smiling uses more facial muscles than frowning and helps prevent wrinkles!
Now you just sit right down and enjoy the jokes. No No. Not that chair. That chair is far too low, you will never be able to get up again. How about this one instead? That's better. I hope it doesn't hurt your back... Sit up straight now, don't slump... Ok, now be quiet and concentrate on the jokes...
Wow my lens got the Cool Site Of The Day award for 30th May 2008.
Table of Contents
Just so you don't get lost in the many sections of this lens, and as we get older we are mor elikely to become lost right!. Here is this handy dandy index. Use it to find your way around, or be brave and just go exploring...
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Drunk Old Lady
- Lost In Lowes
- Gas Problems
- The Definition Of Grandparents
- Always Wear Your Seat Belt
- Another Hearing Aid Joke
- Peanuts
- Who Makes The Coffee
- A. A. A. D. D. - Classic Retirement Syndrome
- You Are Getting Older When...
- 25 Signs That You Are Getting Old
- Keeping Busy When Retired
- Lost In The Park
- Doing The Dishes
- Living Will
- Nagging Mothers.....
- Feeling Old
- Hearing Aid
- Hospital Discharge
- Memory Loss
- Getting Married
- New Girlfriend
- Ice Cream Parlor
- Other Pages About Baby Boomers
- The Feedback Zone
Chocolate Chip Cookies
An elderly man lay dying in his bed.In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
Drunk Old Lady
This is a hilarious video clip,no audio, but the visual is enough.
I hope most of you never end up this way...
I hope most of you never end up this way...
Lost In Lowes
Two guys, one old timer and one young man, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when suddenly they collide.The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a
halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old timer says... "Doesn't matter about mine --- let's both look for yours".
Most Old timers are helpful like that!
Gas Problems
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
The Definition Of Grandparents
What Is A Grandparent? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.A grandfather is a man grandmother.
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."
They don't say, "Hurry up."
Grandparents don't have to be smart. But they have to answer questions like "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
Always Wear Your Seat Belt
This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him.He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!"
So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He walks up to the car and says, "Say, I noticed you weren't wearing your seat belt."
The rancher says, "I was too, but you don't have to take my word for it- my wife here is a good Christian woman, ask her; she'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything."
The cop says to the wife, "So? How about it, ma'am?"
And the wife says: "I've been married to Buck for twenty years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this - you never argue with him when he's drunk."
Another Hearing Aid Joke
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four hundred dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.''Really,' answered the neighbour, 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
Peanuts
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?",
The old lady replied,? "We just love the chocolate around them."
It pays to be careful around old people.
Who Makes The Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
A. A. A. D. D. - Classic Retirement Syndrome
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.This is how it manifests itself:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: they need to be watered.
I place the coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table.
I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
- The car isn't washed
- The bills aren't paid
- There is a warm can of coke sitting on the work surface
- The flowers don't have enough water
- There is still only one cheque in my chequebook
- I can't find the remote
- I can't find my glasses and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
You Are Getting Older When...
When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
Your back goes out, but you stay home.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Happy hour is a nap.
When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
25 Signs That You Are Getting Old
1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
25. People send you this list.
Keeping Busy When Retired
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.Wife: "What are you doing dear?"
Husband: "Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females"
Wife: "How do you know which gender they were?"
Husband: "Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone"
Lost In The Park
One day a police car pulled up to Grandmas house and Grandpa got out.The police officer explained that this elderly gentlemen had said he was lost in the local park.
"Why, Harold, "said Grandma, "You've been going there for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?"
Leaning close to Grandma so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, "I wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home."
Doing The Dishes
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Living Will
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a ³Living Will²"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
Nagging Mothers.....
Mothers look after us and care for us, but sometimes as we get older and are indeed old enough to take care of ourselves, Mothers still intervene in our lives - and often WAY TOO MUCH! This is one such story...
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?You're going out?
Yes.
With whom?
With a friend.
I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.
I didn't leave him. He left me!
You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybody and nobody.
I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.
There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
What are you hinting at?
Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
You're going to stay the night with him?
What will your husband say if he finds out?
My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!
So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
He's not a loser.
A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.
I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
Poor children with such a mother.
Such as what?
With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
ENOUGH !!
Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
Now you're worried about the loser?
Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
Goodbye, mother.
Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
Feeling Old
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'You know Bob, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'Bob replies, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!!!? Like a newborn baby?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Hearing Aid
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a hearing aid that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Hospital Discharge
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said replied, 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Memory Loss
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?', he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?', she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?', she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment, then says, 'Where's my toast?'
Getting Married
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy :'So I hear you are getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
New Girlfriend
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
Later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
Ice Cream Parlor
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Other Pages About Baby Boomers
Got a lens about Baby Boomers? Add it to the list below, or email me if you would like to set up some special links.
The Baby Boomer Generation -Trends, Research, Discussion, Comment for Baby Boomers.
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SquidBoomers - Baby Boomer Lenses on Squidoo
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Funny Jokes, Jokes for Women, Baby Boomer Jokes
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Aging Baby Boomers - How to Keep Us Healthy and Safe
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Bummed Out Boomer
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Cool Gadgets for Baby Boomers
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The Feedback Zone
I hope you enjoyed your visit. I'd love to hear what you thought about this lens, the jokes, or whatever...
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beeobrien
I love visiting your joke lenses. I'm printing some of these for my 80-something parents. Posted July 03, 2008 |
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spirituality
Congrats on making giant squid! so did I! Posted July 03, 2008 |
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youhavegottobekidding
HAHAHA Great Lens. I love those jokes. Posted July 02, 2008 |
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chefkeem
Haha - the part about memory loss - too funny. Ummh...there was something else I wanted to say to you...hold on a sec...it'll come to me in a minute....oh, yeah!...Great lens, Robert! Posted June 27, 2008 |
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Mickie_G
A Boomer, too. Enjoyed your lens. Posted June 27, 2008 |
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NancyOram
You do a great job! I'm not quite as old as some of these characters, but I am a baby boomer! 5 Stars. Off to read the other joke lenses. Posted June 25, 2008 |
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sellingnicestuff
Great lens...we love being boomers and fit right in here! 5stars! Posted June 24, 2008 |
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richgerman
this is fun! great definitions:D keep it up! well i hope im not old:D 5 stars for you! this made me laugh! Posted June 23, 2008 |
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ShannonC
lol...good ones, sending this to my mom ;-) Posted June 20, 2008 |
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romyraut
All of us will get old some day of course and yes I believe we should think about it and prepare for it. Posted June 20, 2008 |
