Easing Your Child's Back To School Worries

Starting at a new school can present an especially daunting challenge. Similarly, if your child has recently experienced an upheaval at home, such as moving or divorce, he may be especially susceptible to feeling stressed about returning to school.

If this is the case for your child keep your eyes and ears open and really listen. Asking open-ended questions can give your child the space to figure out his own feelings. If he expresses a specific worry, you might say something like: "What makes you feel that way?" and see where the conversation leads.

A new grade brings new challenges. Perhaps your child will be expected to do homework or write a research paper for the first time. With fears of not measuring up academically, the best defense is a good offense. Getting organized and establishing reassuring routines can go a long way to making a child feel competent.

With a young child, help her to:

1. Review where the school bus will pick her up or how she'll get to school

2. Visit the school grounds and if possible, make an appointment to tour the inside

3. Write an introductory letter to her new teacher

4. Calmly review safety procedures such as how to cross the street and avoid strangers

With a child of any age, encourage him to:

1. Lay out his clothes for the first day

2. Help prepare a tasty lunch (then tuck a secret note inside for him to find)

3. Gather supplies and pack his backpack a few nights before school starts

4. Set up an organized study area at home

Rumors of a particularly hard teacher may fuel fearing or disliking a new teacher. Do help your child keep in mind that one person's dreaded teacher can be another kid's favorite. While it's okay for your child to express her dislike of a teacher, she should be expected to remain respectful. You can encourage her to be open-minded and approach this as an opportunity to help her learn how to deal with a person she finds difficult. Listen to her issues and plan to attend parent-teacher night to get your own take on the situation.

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A new class roster can mean adjusting without friends who have provided a social base in previous years. Try to present this as an opportunity for your child to widen his group of friends, rather than a tragic loss of familiar faces. If possible, get the class list and set up a play date before school starts, so that your child will have a new friend to look for on the first day. Establish time for him to catch up with old friends too.

A new school or classroom may spark concerns about finding friends at all. An outside class or hobby such as ballet or a sport can provide a conversation starter and the opportunity to meet kids outside your child's usual circles. Talking to her about other challenging situations that she successfully navigated also boosts self-esteem.

If your child's anxiety impedes his day-to-day life, it is recommended asking yourself two questions:

1. How much of a change is this behavior from the norm?

2. How long has this changed behavior been going on?

Most back-to-school anxiety is anticipatory. If the level and type of anxiety seems a marked departure from your child's usual behavior and lasts well past the beginning of the school year, consider seeking outside help. Start by talking with his teacher. Next, a school counselor or psychologist can provide valuable tips and resources. Anxiety disorders do affect children and are often overlooked because such children do not tend to act out.

It is normal for every child to react to going back to school in her own way. This can make it tempting to apply your own experience to your child's life. Although harkening back can provide insight, don't forget that your child is not you. Be calm and matter of fact. Listen and provide reassurance, but try not to heighten anxiety with old memories and good intentions.

In the end, the most important tool you can use is to know your own child. Observe the situation, but also try to keep it all in perspective. For most kids, back-to-school jitters will melt away as easily as summer slips into fall.

Writing an introductory letter to the new teacher helps to encourage the child further.

What to do

1. If possible, find out your child's teacher's name before the first day of school.

2. Discuss with your child what she would like her teacher to know about her before the school year starts. Possible topics include: what she liked about last year, things she would like to learn about this year, hobbies, family members, friends, or even favorite colors.

3. Write the letter. After she finishes, your child might want to draw a picture to go along with the letter or decorate it with stickers.

4. Your child can take the letter with her the first day of school, or give it to her teacher after school starts.

Learning benefits:
1. Provides practice with letter-writing skills
2. Encourages taking the perspective of another

Back-to-school does not have to mean back-to-worrying. Though safety inside school is ultimately the responsibility of the principal and school staff, parents can take a few basic steps to ensure a safe school experience. These are recommended by the National Association of Elementary School Principals:

1. Learn the school's emergency procedures. Emergency plans and phone numbers are usually included in school handbooks and posted in classrooms. Taking a few extra minutes to familiarize yourself and your child with emergency information can give him the confidence he needs to act quickly in emergency situations.

2. Know travel routes to and from the school. Make sure you and your child know both primary and alternate routes. In an emergency, roads can be blocked and it's important to have a backup plan.

3. Know and follow school security and safety measures. These might include signing in when visiting the school, being escorted when walking through the building, or wearing a visitor pass. Following these procedures also sets a great example for your kids.

4. Talk with your child about safety. Be specific. Talk about instinct and paying attention to funny feelings of fear. Explain what to do if she doesn't feel safe. Make sure she knows how to contact you or a trusted neighbor who is likely to be at home.

5. Inform school staff about health and emotional concerns. Whether your child has a food allergy, a physical disability, or has been subject to bullying, make sure to keep your child's teachers and principal in the loop.

6. Get involved. Talk with the principal about what you can do to increase school safety, such as organizing parents to form a neighborhood watch before and after school. Sometimes parent groups are highly successful in making improvements in traffic safety during dropoff and pickup times.

If your child's idea of the perfect school lunch consists of chips and sweets, your job is to upgrade those brown-bag meals so they merit an A-plus for nutrition. Getting your kids involved is a great place to start.

As soon as your child can open the refrigerator and make a sandwich, she can make her own lunch for school. Encourage your child from a young age to make healthy choices. Keep nutritious options within arm's reach - on a low shelf in the refrigerator or pantry, for instance. This way, your child will be more likely to reach for trail mix, string cheese, and low-fat yogurt when she packs her lunch.

Even if he's too young to prepare it himself, engage your child in planning what he'll bring for lunch. Take him grocery shopping with you and ask what he would like to eat. Don't pack the same thing over and over. When you try different things, you may be surprised at what your kids end up liking.

A New Twist on PB&J
Sandwiches are the central component in most lunchboxes, and some kids will happily tote peanut butter and jelly day after day for years. That's perfectly okay, since peanut butter contains both protein and healthy fats. To sneak in some extra fiber, use whole wheat bread, pita, or rolls. If your child is resistant to whole wheat, try a few different brands - sometimes kids are turned off by the color and consistency of one brand but will like another. If they still don't like whole wheat, try making the sandwich with one slice of white and one of whole wheat.

Moving beyond PBJs, which are quick to make and don't need to be refrigerated, consider sandwiches made with lean ham, turkey, and roast beef. These are all pretty much the same in terms of nutritional value. They're a good source of protein, which is important to have in the lunchbox. Avoid bologna, salami, and other processed meats, since they're high in fat. Do tuck some lettuce into the sandwich for color and crunch. If your child likes tomato, pack it separately in a small plastic bag. (This helps avoid SBS - soggy bread syndrome.) Adding a little mayo is okay. Not only does it help preserve the sandwich and keep in the filling, but it also provides some healthy fat and vitamin E. If you have time and your kids are young enough to appreciate this, use cookie cutters to cut the sandwiches into fun shapes.

For a nice variation from the usual sandwich, try pinwheels, made by tightly rolling up a filling (roast beef, turkey, tuna salad) in a whole wheat tortilla, then cutting the roll with a sharp knife into three-quarter-inch rounds. Your child can also make veggie pinwheels by spreading a tortilla with low-fat cream cheese, arranging thinly sliced cucumber, tomato and grated carrot on top, then rolling up. Cut the roll into thin slices.

Or try making an "inside out" sandwich: first, spread slices of turkey or ham with low-fat cream cheese. At one edge, arrange a breadstick and some thin carrot sticks. Roll the meat around the breadstick, and roll some lettuce around the turkey if you like.

If your child gets bored with sandwiches, try a pasta salad that contains diced ham, hard cooked egg, and finely chopped vegetables. Substitute wagon wheels or bowties for the elbow macaroni, and moisten with a little low-fat mayonnaise. For a slightly different take on chicken salad, toss shredded cooked chicken, chopped celery, a little mayo, some salsa, and a little shredded cheese. Serve with scoop-style taco chips for dipping. Or pack a small container of hummus and baggies of cut-up vegetables and whole wheat pita crisps for dipping. Supermarkets carry so many brands of hummus now that there's no need to make your own if you're pressed for time. Try some of the new flavors, like sundried tomato or lemon and garlic. You may be surprised to see which one your child likes best.

Super Sides
To go with the "main course," pack some fruit or vegetables. Fill a small plastic bag of baby-cut carrots, edamame, cucumber slices, green pepper rings, or broccoli or cauliflower florets. Rather than whole apples and oranges, slice oranges into segments and apples into wedges. Dip the apple slices into water mixed with lemon juice (to prevent browning; orange slices don't need this treatment). Pack individually sized cans of diced peaches, pineapple chunks, or mandarin orange slices in juice or light syrup, or mini containers of no-sugar-added applesauce. (Be sure to add a plastic spoon or fork.)

No lunch is complete without dessert, but don't hand your child the bag of cookies and let him put a stack into the bag. Instead, include two or three small cookies, or maybe a little piece of chocolate.

Timesaving Tips
If you're like most parents, time is of the essence and you're best off making lunches (or supervising their making) the night before. No matter when or what you and your child pack for his lunch, keep it safe to eat by making sure it's well chilled. Insulated lunch bags or boxes with a reusable ice pack work well, but you can go more low-tech than that if you want. Fill a water bottle half full and freeze overnight. The next morning, fill the rest with water. It will keep your child's lunch cold, and the water will melt and be ready to drink by lunchtime. Or freeze a juice box and put that into the lunchbox. It doubles as an icepack and a beverage once it thaws.

And finally, don't forget about leftovers. There's no rule that says a school lunch can't consist of cold pizza. In fact, it may turn out to be such a cool lunch the other kids will be begging him to trade. Chances are he'll stick with the pizza - and resist the chips and sweets!

Whether your child is going back to school or heading off for the first time, the beginning of the year is a great time to encourage positive study habits at home. One of the best ways to encourage your child to complete his assignments competently and on time is to create a homework space that's all his own.

The Set Up
First, consider your child's study style. If she is easily distracted, a secluded, quiet spot is best, but if she's more comfortable working with other people around, choose a corner of the living room or kitchen. Make sure the area is free of clutter and that other family members respect "homework time." While music may be okay at low levels, TVs should be turned off - very few people can resist becoming distracted by TV. But no matter where your child does her homework,the space should have bright lighting, relative quiet, and close-at-hand supplies.

Two other essentials are a reasonably large work surface and comfortable seating, but these basics are more complicated than you might think. The most common problem I see with children's study areas is that the table is too high. The table should be about waist-level when the child sits down. When your child sits down to write or study, her arms should rest comfortably on the desk (or table) and her elbows should be bent at an angle of ninety degrees or more. It's also important that her feet touch the floor and don't dangle. If you can afford to buy an adjustable chair, that's great, but you can also adjust your existing furniture by stacking pillows or even telephone books on the seat. If your child's feet don't rest on the floor, use a footrest, boxes, or more stacked telephone books. Use a rolled-up towel or small pillow between the back of the chair and the child's lower back to provide lumbar support.

Finally, let your child take part in creating his study space so he'll feel more comfortable and be less likely to think of homework as a chore. Your child might feel less intimidated if he has a favorite stuffed animal sitting beside him to "help" study spelling words, or if she has a "magic thinking hat" to wear when stumped by a math problem.

Computer Smarts
A few additional ergonomic guidelines should be followed when your child works at a computer. The monitor should be level with his head, and it should be directly in front of him, about 18 to 30 inches away. Make sure there's no glare falling on the screen or use an anti-glare screen, as glare causes eyestrain. If your child is very young, consider getting a kid-sized keyboard and mouse or switching to a trackball, as little hands often have trouble using these adult-sized components.

Necessary Stuff
Once you've got the space and furniture covered, stock up on basic supplies. For younger children, also include arts and crafts materials. For older children, include a dictionary, thesaurus, and an atlas. Use colorful jars to hold supplies, or for a portable option, use plastic stackable cubes or even a sturdy shoebox. For kids working at a common area such as the kitchen table, bringing out the "homework supplies" is also a great way to indicate that study time has begun.

The other essential item for all ages is a wall calendar where your child can record assignment due dates and other important information. It is suggested that children display the phone number of one student in each of their classes so that they have a peer to call if they are stuck or miss class.

Routines

Going to school means getting into new routines with no more late nights or late mornings.

Find a set bed-time that lets your kids feel well-rested in the morning

Practice the back to school routine a few times before the first day (e.g., go to bed, get up, dress, eat breakfast, brush teeth, and be out the door by 8am).

Have your child help prepare what you can the night before (pick out clothes, pack healthy lunch your child likes, pack school bag, etc).

Talk to your child's school and find out what the routines are. Help your child to understand what is expected - practice new or difficult skills at home before school starts.

Focus On The Positives

Going back to school is easier for everyone if a child has something to look forward to.

Purchasing school supplies or clothes with your child is a good way to help your son or daughter become more enthusiastic about starting a new school year.

Check with your school to find out what your child will need this year.

Try to help your child get excited about school in other ways (e.g., see friends they haven't seen all summer, tell a favourite teacher about their summer vacation).

Talk to your child about the fun activities he or she will get to do and the new friends they will make.

New People And Situations

The new school year brings a new classroom setting, with a different teacher and new classmates. When kids know what to expect things are less scary for them.

Introducing your child to one or more of his or her classmates ahead of time will ensure making friends is a little easier and less scary (your school may help you connect to other classmates)

Visit the school and the teacher with your child. Ask the teacher to explain the school day to your child, and if possible ask to be shown around the classroom.

Give your child some ice-breakers that can be shared such as a healthy snack or activity (e.g., marbles or sidewalk chalk if your school allows them).

Find out if your child's school has a buddy or mentor system.

Performance Anxiety and Other Worries
Kids can have real worries about starting school. Attending school may be the first time your child experiences clear pressure to do well.

Respond to signs of anxiety by talking to your child about school concerns

Make time to listen when kids want to talk - review your child's worries one at a time and help them problem solve so they don't become overwhelmed

Try not to add to your child's pressures unnecessarily

Help your child to understand that no one is good at everything - both parents and kids do better at some things than others.

Be involved with school related activities or events - praise your child for positive efforts even if you don't see the results yet.

Gradual Entry

This is a method parents often use when getting children used to a new day care but it can also work with children who are extremely fearful of school. You will need to talk about this idea with your child's teacher to see if your school can accommodate this approach.

Examples of gradual entry include staying with your child for part or all of the first day or first few days. Then you gradually stay at school with your child a shorter and shorter amount of time.

For some kids gradual entry may only take one or two days. For others it may take a couple of weeks. Let your child be the guide, as every child is different.

Some children are happiest if mom or dad always stays while they hang up their jacket and put their bag away before leaving for the day.

Tell your child in advance how long you will stay and then stick to your plan.

Bullying

Bullying is a problem all over. Many children and teens have to deal with more than one school bully, and sometimes even friends can bully. Here you will find bullying resources for children who are being bullied and for those who bully.
Bullying at school is a serious problem and can, in extreme cases, result in injury or even death.

Warning Signs That Your Child is Being Bullied

* Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings
* Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches
* Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time
* Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs)
* Takes a long, "illogical" route when walking to or from school
* Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school
* Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home
* Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments
* Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
* Experiences a loss of appetite
* Appears anxious and/or suffers from low self-esteem
If your child comes to you because a bully is bothering him, you need to pay close attention to the problem. The worst thing you can do is ignore it. Too often parents feel children and teens need to 'work things out' on their own. While your child does need to develop his social skills by doing things independently, being victimized by a bully is not a social skill one needs to learn. If the problem is ignored, your child's self-esteem will become unhealthy, he will be hurt mentally or physically, and he could become a bully himself.

Five Steps to Take if Your Child is Being Bullied


Here are five steps you can take if your child is having problems with a bully:

1. Believe what your child tells you. This is an important first step and will help your child trust that you are able to help him with his problem. Accept what he has to say at face value by using your active listening skills.
2. Let your child know that he is not alone. Most children have to deal with some type of bullying behavior at one time or another. Reassure your child that he is not the problem. Nothing he did caused the bully to go after him.
3. If your child is being threatened in a physical or illegal way at school, report the problem. Your child may not want you to do this, or the school may not take it seriously, but violence cannot be tolerated. If you choose not to do anything, that is what you're teaching your child. You will need to model assertive behavior by alerting those in charge where the bullying is taking place.
4. Teach your child assertive behavior and how to ignore routine teasing. Let them know it is okay to say 'No.' Sometimes even friends bully, so letting your child know they can be true to their own feelings and say 'no' can go a long way.
5. Encourage your child not to give in to a bully. Giving up possessions or giving into a bully in anyway encourages the bully to continue. Identify ways for your child to respond to a bully - showing assertive but not aggressive behavior - and role-play them.

Other tips that will help:

* If your child is not involved in social groups, help him find some that he will enjoy and encourage him to become involved. The more social skills your child has, the easier it will be for him to stand up for himself.
* Children and teens who hang out in groups of 2 or more tend not to be picked on by bullies. Encourage friendships by allowing your teen to invite friends over or out for activities.

Many parents want their children to excel in the classroom but don't choose an at home solution that makes learning fun. If your child is having a great time learning to read, that experience and attitude will carry over to their school education and eventually lead to a great interest in learning and achievement at the highest levels.

You play an important role in that process. We have a responsibility as parents to get involved in our child's education from an early age. Research has shown that we can't simply place our children in front of a screen and expect good things to happen. As you know, your child loves spending time with you and you love spending time with your child. Funetics has created a proven system that will make it fun and easy for you to teach your child essential reading skills that will have a lasting effect throughout their school years.