Bad Relationships, Addictive Relationships and Just Plain, Dysfunctional Relationships

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Welcome...So Sorry You're Here. Bad Relationships Stink!

Bad relationships are no fun, but sometimes a fact of life. Chances are if you are visiting us your life relationships aren't going well. The good news is at least you are looking for some information and help on healing those dysfunctional relationships.

Our intention is to point you in the right direction, so your bad relationships can improve, or better yet, we are armed with knowledge and understanding to avoid the dysfunctional and bad relationships altogether.

We hope you enjoy your browse and find the answers you are looking for. We often find exactly what we look for.

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10 Signs Your Relationship May Be In Trouble 

Falling in love is a great feeling and for those who are lucky enough to find their soul mates, life can be a bed of roses.

However, not all matches are made in heaven and some relationships can make even hell seem like a better option. Oftentimes couples go through what seems like an eternal rough patch while being oblivious to the signs that their relationship is in serious trouble. It isn't uncommon for people to hang on to what seems like a relationship with no future just because they had a great past.

In fact this is quite a common phenomenon because we usually don't notice the negative qualities of an individual during the initial romantic stage of a relationship.

If you are going through a hard time in your relationship but don't know whether you should call it quits or not, here are the top ten telltale signs to let you know that you should:
Click Here for 10 Signs Your Relationship May Be In Trouble 10 Signs Your Relationship May Be In Trouble

Video Games Cause Bad Relationships 

A new study connects young adults' use of video games to poorer relationships with friends and family - and the student co-author expresses disappointment at his own findings.

Brigham Young University undergrad Alex Jensen and his faculty mentor, Laura Walker, publish their results Jan. 23 in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence.

The research is based on information collected from 813 college students around the country. As the amount of time playing video games went up, the quality of relationships with peers and parents went down.

"It may be that young adults remove themselves from important social settings to play video games, or that people who already struggle with relationships are trying to find other ways to spend their time," Walker said. "My guess is that it's some of both and becomes circular."

For the record, Walker did not stand in the way of her family's wish for a Nintendo Wii. Jensen had hoped to find some positive results as justification for playing Madden NFL.

Study participants reported how often they play video games. They also answered a battery of questions measuring relationship quality, including how much time, trust, support and affection they share with friends and parents.

But the researchers say video games do not themselves mean "game over" for a relationship because the connection they found is modest.

"Relationship quality is one of a cluster of things that we found to be modestly associated with video games," Walker said. "The most striking part is that everything we found clustered around video game use is negative."

Statistical analyses also revealed that the more young adults play video games, the more frequent their involvement in risky behaviors like drinking and drug abuse. Young adults who played video games daily reported smoking pot almost twice as often as occasional players, and three times as often as those who never play.

For young women, self-worth was low if their video game time was high.

And despite heavy involvement with the research, Jensen does not admit the results to his own family. For now he holds out hope that future research will exonerate consoles or games designed for multiple players.

He's also curious how video games may affect young couples. Nearly three-fourths of college-aged men in the study played video games regularly. By comparison, just 17 percent of their female counterparts played more than once a month.

"The gender imbalance begs the question of whether chasing a new high score beats spending quality time with a girlfriend or wife," Jensen said.

Walker teaches in BYU's School of Family Life. Her colleagues Larry Nelson and Jason Carroll are co-authors on the study.

The new study stems from Project READY, a broad effort looking at young people and the transition to adulthood. The project began in 2004 with an extensive survey of college students around the country. Researchers are beginning another phase of the project that will follow a new batch of students over time. Reports by Project Ready researchers have been published in academic journals such as Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Journal of Adolescent Research, Journal of Family Psychology and other peer-reviewed publications.

Dysfunctional Relationships 

The Good, Bad and the Ugly

Here are some links to life relationship articles. Tips for better relationships, signs of codependency and healing a codependent relationship, and handling abusive relationships.
The Ten Demandments
If you would like to test yourself out and see some dysfunctional, but possibly all too familiar rules for relationships, read on and see how many of the ten demandments ring true for you. Here are ten rules to insure unhappiness in any relationship:
Tips For Better Relationships
Here are ten tips you can take to help you do your part to smooth things over in the way you deal with other people, as well as help the people you know deal with each other.
Symptoms of Codependency
To a large degree the symptoms of codependence are about extremes. People who exhibit codependencies often do not seem to have a moderator, they go full speed ahead, or dead stop. We will discuss five essential symptoms codependent behavior.
Healing Codependency
Healing codependency does not mean curing codependency. Healing codependency is a process. Healing always begins with recognizing the problem. Knowledge is power and that is true when we talk about Healing Codependency.
Dysfunctional Relationships With Violence
Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other of you lash out physically toward the other? Do you want it to stop?
Tip on How To Handle Abusive Relationships
If we are experiencing an abusive relationship, then how are we to get out from such relationship?
Addiction Help
Strategies for Helping Your Struggling Friend or Loved One Who is Addicted

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Healthy Relationships Thrive On Good Communication 

Good Communication Just Might Heal A Bad Relationship

A bad relationship often has its problems rooted in poor communication skills.The key to any good, healthy relationship is communication. Relationships are all about the interaction of two people with each other, and the most basic form of interaction is communication.

I'm sure we can all remember times when a misplaced word, a misinterpreted gesture, or a misread action led to a fight, or the worsening of an already bad situation. To that end, we have to be aware of the simple nuances in communication that can help us to keep our relationships running smoothly.

Here are some attitudes that can inhibit good communication:

1. All or nothing thinking: You see things in extremes, everything is black or white. This can be obvious or subtle for example saying 'He is always late, but I never get angry over it'. This mindset can be that of the perfectionist also.

2. Minimizing or catastrophizing: You exaggerate the importance of small things. 'The entire meal was ruined because the desert was not served promptly.' Is this a catastrophe? An example of minimizing is taking a significant issue or event and reducing its importance so it appears inconsequential. People often do this so as not to have to deal with uncomfortable emotions or consequences.

3. Overgeneralization: You take a single event and draw general conclusions that it is universally true. If your date is late you say 'All men/women are always late'.

4. Minimizing or qualifying the positive: If someone says you did a good job, you respond by saying 'I could have done better'.

5. Jumping to conclusions: This one is pretty self explanatory. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that really support your conclusion. 'My boss didn't say Hi this morning, I'm in big trouble.' 'My girlfriend isn't home, she's cheating on me.'

If We Learn From Mistakes, I Should Be A Genius! 

I was once involved in an addictive relationship, which is not surprising because I have all sorts of addictions. This woman was the love of my life, I knew it from the first time I saw her.

That should been a hint of trouble to come, after a year of very little ecstasy and a great deal of agony, I came to learn something about myself and addictive relationships, I have to be very careful.

As I learned about life and dysfunctional relationships, it became apparent that true understanding comes with going through one and coming out with my head intact.

Here are some quick checks you may want to consider in evaluating your relationship and whether it is addictive or not.


1. Addictive relationships are not usually balanced 50/50. Most of the time one person is either doing all the giving or all the receiving, one party is working way too hard.

2. One the key factors of addictive relationship is the demand for immediate or instant gratification. Everything has to be done very quickly and in the present moment. This is a common trait in drug addicts and alcoholics also.

3. A dysfunctional relationship usually involves a great deal of control, obsession, and fixation on your partner. There is a tendency to 'make them change' or an idea that I will 'fix' them.

4. There tends to be a great deal of dishonesty about the relationship, either in trying to hide certain aspects of yourself you did not want your partner to find out, or presenting all false front to cover up who you really are.

5. The last thing I would mention in this quick checklist is the highs and lows. The few emotional highs seem like mountains of ecstasy, but the lows feel the bottom has dropped out. The lows last longer and go deeper than the highs ever could.

It took a lot pain to learn how to handle an addictive relationship or dysfunctional relationship. The old saying goes we learn more from our mistakes than we do our moments of victory.

I hope those quick tips can help you take a look you relationship and where the may be holding on to addictive relationship.

Setting Boundaries to Heal A Bad Relationship 

Dysfunctional Communication Help

Every relationship has boundaries, and this can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Contrary to the popular belief of most hopeless romantics, relationships are not "partners meet and live happily ever after" types of affairs. Real relationships are composed of two individuals with often differing mindsets, outlooks, and interests.

Setting boundaries seems to be a simple thing to do, yet it can lead to all sorts of problems on it's own. The first thing to do is to sit down with your partner and discuss the things that some people refer to as "hot buttons". Tell your partner clearly what your buttons are, and listen closely to what your partner has to say. Pay very, very close attention.

More often than not, these boundaries will usually be ones that require you both to hammer out a few details on the spot. Remember that for boundaries to work they have to be clear, reasonable, and agreed upon willingly by both parties. Expect boundaries to be challenged, and be ready to back up crossing the line with consequences. An example might be "We agreed that if you were coming home late and you didn't call you would have to fix your own dinner." No call, no dinner.

Lastly, after working out the initial details, you should remember that you will probably only cover the major issues and some minor but naggingly prominent ones in your first talk regarding boundaries. You can't possibly cover everything, so keep in mind that you'll need to have more periodic talks about pet peeves and such later on. Don't rest on your laurels after the first talk because the longer you wait to establish some sort of limits and boundaries, the fewer times arguments will escalate.

Poor Communication Makes For Bad Relationships 

Don't Hold Back Express Yourself Now

We all know that communication has got to be the most important aspect of any relationship. Quite frankly, if there is no communication, there is no relationship. If we don't express how we feel in everything that we go through, whether it is good or bad, then we are only hurting our self and our relationship.

As humans of either sex, we tend to hold things in a lot. I know that I have. I have changed that and it truly makes the difference in my relationships. Most importantly in my close relationships. Nobody is a mind reader, we need to let them know how we feel. We need to express how we feel and we need to do it in the best way possible. There is a wrong way to fight and yes there is a right way to fight. It isn't necessarily fighting, but it is disagreeing and finding a remedy for whatever the confrontation is about. It would be considered the more civilized
way to handle things.

Life Relationships News 

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Free Relationship and Self-Help Resource 

Helping people in addiction recovery

There is a gallery of sober living and life skill information available in the Free, 103 page Resource Guide. Lot's of '10 tips to...' and 'How to' articles. These are all solution oriented. We have been in the problem long enough.
Click Here: Free Addiction Recovery Help Guide,

Addiction And Relationships 

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Oh No! More Attitudes That Cause an Unhealthy Relationship. 

Communication errors in dysfunctional relationships

1. Mind reading: Couples are often guilty of this, if he/she loved me they would know what I want. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting in a negative way to you and don't bother to check it out. 'I know what you're thinking.'

2. Should and must statements: These are shame generators. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. This can be the product of inflexible and rigid thinking. 'I must not let them see me cry.' 'I should have been there'. The emotional consequence of failure to adhere to the rule is shame and guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you are setting up unrealistic expectations and if they don't behave they way they 'should' anger and resentment result.

3. Emotional Reasoning: While your feelings are valid, and they are your own, they do not necessarily reflect fact. Being frustrated at not being able to accomplish a task does not mean your are dumb. Feeling hopelessness does not mean you are hopeless.

4. Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative event for which, in fact, you were not really responsible. Your loan application is not approved; it does not mean the loan officer had it in for you. Your daughter does not get asked to the prom does not mean you are a poor mother.

Self-Help and Addiction Sites 

Self-Improvement
Self Improvement Email and Mini-courses
Hypnosis for Self Improvement
People In Over 30 Countries Achieve Results With Tom Nicoli's Audio Programs! You can too!
12 Step Help
Help for those involved in 12 step programs.
Help fo those in addiction recovery
A squidoo lens about addiction recovery.
Addiction Recovery Basics
An authority site on addiction recovery
Addiction Treatment Challenges
Addiction and addiction treatment
Getting Back Together Again
Review site of Getting Back Together Again Systems. Secrets revealed: How to get back with your ex and experience the joy of getting back together again.

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by billurell

Hello. I'm Bill Urell,an addictions therapist at a leading residential treatment center. I teach healthy life styles and life skills. I have 15 y...

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