A Barbados Wedding

Imagine a workaholic businesswoman meeting and then marrying a Rastafarian man, who truly practices the relaxed ways of the Rasta community. It is a most unlikely match and it is also a match made in heaven.

The Man Through My Eyes - Kathy

Setting the Stage
Our journey in life is filled with opportunity, with laughter, and yes even with pain along the way. I would say the last part of my current journey began when I moved to North Carolina in 2001, having newly separated from my 16 year marriage and began a new life and adventure. Life held lots of "I will NEVER do xxx again in my life" for me at that time. Naturally one of those things was marriage. As most newly divorced persons, I was determined that marriage was a mistake I never wanted to repeat in my life. And for seven years, that worked quite well. I became the quintessential workaholic, content to be home with my dog and simply focus on my professional life. I was quite determined to never let myself "need" someone because that just hadn't worked so well. And still, throughout that time, I continued to seek that elusive thing in life called balance, never quite finding it.

A New Adventure
In January 2008, I relocated to Barbados with the project of a medical transcription training school that our company had established here on the island. What a great adventure and a wonderful opportunity.

Being in Barbados, I began to learn from the people of this island. They are hard workers, and yet they know when to stop and relax. And in doing so, I began to see how very highly productive they were as well. I remember clearly being in my apartment on a Saturday night at 9:00 and realizing that I had gone the entire day without checking email, without working on something for work, and simply relaxing and being. And it was so refreshing! Amazing that I had to move thousands of miles away to discover that elusive balance in life. And so gradually the shift began. Friends and family began to notice some differences and I have to say I think there were times when they wondered "Who are you and what have you done with Kathy Rockel?" And yet it was a very good thing. I began to find new priorities in my life and to realign myself with that true person of who I am inside. Life became more about seeking small pleasures outside of my work life. A day sitting on the beach, with the sea breeze blowing, simply reading a book and "being" was most enjoyable. And then there were adventures never tried--like riding on a jet ski, things I never would have done before.

Enter the Man
When I met Henderson I was not in the market for a man in my life. I only wanted a good massage person as that was something I was missing since coming here. And yet I did find him interesting. I remember a time when I was sure that I would have nothing in common with this Rasta man who works on the beach offering massages to tourists. And then came his invitation for our first date--to see a cricket game. Those who know me know I am not particularly interested in sports, and yet it was something new so I went. We began to get to know each other. All the while, I was careful to be sure he understood I was not ready or interested in a long term serious relationship. I remember clearly the day he said "I love you" and responding with "no, you can't say that to me." He is such a patient man. He didn't say it again until one day when he expressed to me how he was sad because he loved a woman and couldn't tell her. I relented then and realized I cannot speak to what is on someone else's heart, only my own. So, as long as he understood I take words serious and I won't say something I don't mean just because someone else does it, then, as they say in Barbados, we were good. He continued to tell me it didn't matter how long it took, he wasn't going anywhere.

Henderson simply made it his job to take care of me and love me. It was at times uncomfortable, at times wonderful, and an amazing transformation for my life. And through it all, he has been consistent. He knows how to make me smile, how to be a comfort when one is needed. He reminds me all the while that he never wanted A girlfriend but the RIGHT girlfriend.

Life Changes
I remember clearly the day it dawned on me that I loved this man. His consistent love and caring, his wonderful smile, his love of the simple things in life (yes and even the fact that he's a great massage guy and a wonderful cook). Together we are, simply, good. He reminds me all the time that "all things work together for good" and is a calming force in my life. He's even pampered me so much that I am finding I love being a woman who can and does rely on a man for some things in life. He brings a calm strength to life that was missing before. Seeing him come into a room brings a smile to both my lips and my heart. Ours is, as he put it one day, simply a relationship without pretense and I love that about him. Life is truly good and I am blessed because he is a part of my life.

The Woman Through my Eyes - Henderson
In the process of maturing, five years ago, I decided to follow the Rastafarian faith, in which loyalty, respect, and love of your fellow man are a few of the characteristics related to this faith. In the process of following these characteristics, I decided not to be involved in a relationship unless the lady was truly the one. It is now my privilege, after such a long time alone, that I have found that person.

Since meeting Kathy in January 2008, every second, minute and hour of each day has been a new experience that feels so right. Her simple interest in the day to day lives of human beings is the number one characteristic that draws me to this woman so much.

As for the future, I look forward to one day at a time as both of our lives and stories influence other lives in a positive way.

The beach, of course, one might think! I learned in this planning process that having a wedding on the beach here isn't quite as simple as it sounds. Yes, if you are a tourist and you come to our island with a couple of friends and just want to stand on the beach and get married, it's pretty easy. But, if you want to have a wedding with any number of guests at all, then it gets a bit more complicated. But wait, all the beaches are public, so let's just throw up a tent and do it. Well, then you have to get a permit, rent the tent, rent chairs, etc., etc. And even the hotels aren't set up for groups of any real size.

Enter Holders House. Holders House is a traditional plantation house set among some beautiful gardens. It is the perfect setting for a wedding.

The gardens was a perfect place for the ceremony, and the house and surroundings were a wonderful place for our reception.

Holders House

Outsourcing the Wedding Dress

Those who know me will wonder why I picked this heading and what in the world does the term outsourcing have to do with a wedding. Well, you see, I outsourced the making of my wedding dress. I ordered it from China. I did the research, I looked for what I wanted, and I had MANY email conversations with this place. It seemed to be a good idea at the time.

And so the end of January, I placed the order. A special custom order based on a dress I had seen elsewhere. As soon as I hit the submit button to make the payment, I got an email saying the company was closed for the Chinese New Year and they would begin processing orders again on February 5. And so I waited...

Because the website says you will receive your order in 15 days or less, about the 20th, I wrote to ask about my order as I had not received a shipping confirmation. I was told it was coming soon...and so I waited

On my net inquiry, I was told that custom orders actually take 20 days, not 15, and so it would be a few more days but that everything was going well. And once again....I waited.

By the 25th, still no shipping confirmation. So I wrote again. This time I was told that the order processing department was sure my order would be there by the end of the month. Come on! We have three days left and it takes three days to ship from China to Colorado! But still, I waited.....

On the 28th, I wrote what I felt was my final email. It said basically, okay no more "it is coming" but WHEN will it ship. I was beginning to be really worried. What if it was a scam? What if my dress didn't come at all? What if it did come and was a mess? And how do you deal with problems when the company you are working with is on another continent?! The reply to this email came saying the order would definitely be shipped in the next three days. Yep, you got it, more waiting.

And finally I got the shipping confirmation. The dress was on its way.

On the day it was delivered, I talked to my brother. It arrived at his house. The conversation went something like this: Well it's here but it didn't come like I thought it would. What does that mean? I thought it would come in a box. Me too, how did it come? In a bag. What??!!! My wedding dress came in a UPS shipping bag? Yep. And no matter how much I tried, he would NOT open the bag (didn't want to get smoke on it as he smokes in his house, clearly he has forgotten that I am a smoker!). He did say, in typical guy fashion, "well it's probably okay because the bag feels fluffy." Great, what does THAT mean?

And so I appealed to my niece. She gets the dress, opens the package, and even kind of tried it on to she could send me a picture. She tells me it is fine, it looks good, and all will be well. What a relief!

Finally in March, I made a trip back to the States, got the dress, and it was wonderful. The minor alterations it needed were easy to have done in Barbados.

The Groom's Attire

We picked the tuxes for all of the guys. Those, too, were ordered online, except for the one for the groom, which was to be ivory and not black. Nope, that had to be sought for here on the island. So I sent him off to do that. How hard can that be? Find the tux shop, tell them what you need, set up the date,rent it, and the day before the wedding, pick it up and you're set!

He came home quite proud that day. The message was "I can pick up my tux in two weeks." What? He bought his tux. Okay that one was NOT on our budget list. The day he brought it home, however, made it all worth it. It was gorgeous and he made a dashing groom!

GUEST ATTIRE

You might think all you have to worry about as a bride is your dress and the attire for the wedding party. Not so in Barbados. Three months before our wedding, I got calls saying "WHEN are you going to tell us about the details of the wedding? We HAVE to buy our clothes!" Weddings are a big deal in Barbados. Everyone gets their outfits selected months before the big day. Men buy new suits for the occasion. And the women? It is an absolute MUSt to have a new outfit. When I suggested to a coworker that she just wear something she had (or even wear the dress she had just purchased for the wedding the week before ours), I thought she might have a heart attack. Surely she didn't understand me correctly because EVERYONE knows you cannot wear the same dress to two weddings, even when the guest list is different!

I love the colorful way that Bajans dress. Our wedding was full of bright colors and fun outfits, many with big hats.

I think the most adorable part of our wedding party was the kids. We had two flower girls and a ring bearer. They made the day so very special.

As plans began for our wedding, i began to think about walking down the aisle. I knew I didn't want to walk by myself, but what to do? This was a highlight for me. I called my brother and asked him if he would give me away at the wedding on behalf of my family. He and have always been close and this made the day even more special. I am blessed to have him as a brother and so glad we have this memory.

Ohe of the things that makes weddings special is the involvement of family and friends. My nephew plays the guitar and he played for our wedding, while one of our friends from the island sang for some of the songs. Others were done by a DJ.

Our DJ was great at helping us organize things. When we met, my groom basically said, "she can pick the music" and went to the other room. As we talked about the ceremony, one queston that came up was what song we planned for the signing of the documents. You need a song for that? How long could that take? His wisdom--oh yes, it usually takes 5-7 minutes. I had NO idea. In Barbados, the couple cannot be pronounced man and wife until all of the paperwork is done, which means that has to be a part of your ceremony; it isn't like in the States where we just walk out and sign the marriage certificate after the fact. That means you have to have a table set up for that as well. The DJ was playing music on his computer and put up a suggested song. From the other room we heard, "I want that song." What? I said, you want THAT song for the signing of our marriage license? Yep. Okay, he didn't make too many choices so had to give him this one. The song? "Signed, Sealed, Delivered"

We had quite a mix of music, with an attempt to blend two cultures. The bridal party walked into "The Wedding Song," done in a sort of celtic style (credit my Irish background). I walked to a Reggae song called "She's Royal" by Taurus Riley. It had become his "song" for me so it worked and was fun. From that, we went to "From This Moment On" for the pouring of our wedding sand. The last song, the one we walked out on, was Luciano's "Your World and Mine" which just seemed so fitting for the joining of our two cultures.

One of the differences with weddings in Barbados is the signing of the documents is actually a part of the ceremony. The couple cannot be pronounced man and wife until that takes place. It is quite a production. You have to have a table for the books, chairs for the bride and groom, and you take a ton of pictures during this time. Hence the need for the song (see above). Each person has to sign in three different places, the actual marriage certificate, a registry book, and the "temporary" marriage license, which you keep until you get the final one approved by the court system.

The tradition in Barbados is the Bajan "wedding cake." It is a sort of fruit cake, with the fruit soaked for days in rum. It has a heavy consistency and isn't really what I wanted for the wedding. This, of course, much to the dismay of the Bajans who were attending the wedding. Nope, "regular" cake for this wedding!

We had to find a new person to do our wedding cake one week before the wedding (no pressure there!), and still it worked out. But what about icing? I wanted "regular buttercream icing. NOT in Barbados! I quickly learned that wouldn't work because by the time we cut the cake it would be melted! Much better to have a fondant icing. And so that's what we did.

Cake Boxes

Two weeks before our wedding, a friend asked me if I had my cake boxes yet. Cake boxes? What in the world?? That's when I learned yet another Bajan tradition. Cake is not served at Bajan weddings. A separate cake is made, but into small squares, and put in a box for people to take home, much like a party favor. Fortunately I was able to find these online and my family brought them in. Then the groom's family took the "box cakes" and cut them up and put those tiny little boxes together the day before the wedding.

Our wedding cake actually only had the piece we cut for pictures taken out of it. We had that cake around forever after the wedding and finally ended up giving a good portion of it away! Yet, that's the tradition, save the actual wedding cake for family after the wedding.

Planning a wedding can be stressful. Yet, friends make all the difference. I have an awesome group of friends here from the States. They are a part of what we do here in Barbados and they stepped in without exception to help pull things off. From coming to fittings for my dress, to helping decorate, to simply listening and calming my stress, they were great. One friend was my wedding planner and went to every appointment with me to keep things coordinated so I didn't have to stress on the details. I will always cherish the memories of them being a part of our special day.

We had that question asked a lot as we planned! Here's what we did. We took a trip to Colorado and saw a bit of the US that he's never seen before. It was a great opportunity for him to meet family who couldn't attend the wedding and to meet my dog (my baby). One of my favorite pictures from our trip was at a meeting we attended for my professional association. This wonderful rasta man made a great cowboy as we visited Nashville!