Guide to Becoming a Hippie

Natural foods are those with no processing (raw foods) and no manufactured ingredients such as hormones, antibiotics, sweeteners, food colors, or flavorings that were not originally in the food.

The reason that there is no standard for natural foods in the USA, no legal definition in the USA for natural foods, no certification, and no seal to indicate that an item has passed inspection as natural food is because there is no natural foods trade group to lobby for these things. By contrast, organic farming is recognized by the USDA and the FDA (because there is an organic farming lobby that pushed for it) and a non-organic farmer cannot pass his crap (I mean food) off as organic without being in violation of the law.

Hint: Get busy natural foods gardeners and natural foods non-processors! Form a trade council. Lobby the USDA and FDA.

Because of the lack of standards in the USA, any one can claim "natural" and be serving you artificial ingredients.

In other words, I am NOT endorsing Jyoti.

Don't bother to look for "clean food" or ":clean foods" in Wikipedia. It does not exist (though the page I landed on asked me to create the topic). This is despite the fact that there an entire clean foods movement.

Four points:
1. You want clean? You want clean enough for an obsessive-compulsive like Monk? Then eat glatt kosher food inspected by an ultra-orthodox Hasidic rabbi known for giving other kosher cops a hard time for not being clean enough. Yes, there actuallty exist "kosher cops" who are so-called because they inspect kosher food. Glatt kosher goes a step further and is super-clean. Or so we have a right to expect. Gentiles in general have pretty lax standards when it comes to food -- gentiles lack standards. If you can't obtain kosher food where you are, then in a pinch Muslim halal food will do.

2. The pots and pans in which food is cooked ought to be clean. Also, the trays which hold food before it is cooked should not be the same trays that hold food after it is cooked. Barbecue "chefs" often violate this rule of microbiology by plopping cooked meat back onto the tray where the raw meat was. The result is as predictable as leaving egg salad in a hot car: stomach pumps from food poisoning.

3. Hygiene. Watch public restrooms at restaurants (or anywhere). People go in and touch themselves without washing their hands first and then wonder why their privates get rashes and diseases. People come out of stalls and walk straight out without washing their hands a second time. In the case of people this nasty, they probably never washed their hands the first time. I don't care what your parents or teachers taught you: You need to wash your hands going in and coming out. Yes, I know you were about to burst. But look in a microscope powerful enough to bring the germs on your hands into sharp focus and then re-read the previous sentences. America is a nasty third world country because there are even executives who think that they are too good to wash their hands either before or after. Or they never learned hygiene in school because America is a third world country that cuts the budget on this essential class in school. Don't shake hands with people but tell them why. If they don't understand, then say: "look through a microscope at your hands and then you'll understand." And when will sinks with food pedals be more widely available? You wash your hands and then have to touch those nasty handles to turn off the water. Food pedals is the solution. Surgeons in hospitals use food pedals.

I am not saying this again: before AND after.

And squares say hippies are dirty.

4. This is the part where I freak out Jewish and Muslim people. There are unclean animals -- if you raise your livestock in unsanitary conditions and don't have a parasitologist on payroll. Pigs are most commonly picked on. They live in a pig sty (like some humans). Why do pigs live in filth? because the swineherds puts them in a sty. I have seen a swine operations where the porkers were raised in conditions better than most preschools for children. Several washes daily, the best feed, veterinarians, the works. Some people think chickens are unclean. "If you spit, the chickens will peck at it." Let us analyze that. Why would a person do that to an animal in his or her care? Chickens are like any domesticated animal. They are aware that a human looks after them. They trust you (up till the point you slit their throat) and with sheep they still trust you. [No doubt why Jesus chose sheep as a metaphor for good followers. Sorry, Jesus but you had that one coming.] The point is that livestock are like children. They are totally at your mercy. So you are a bastard if you abuse them. A good farmer will give his or her animals the best feed that they can afford. Not crowd them so that diseases hop from animal to animal. A good argument for free range chicken and a good argument against feed lots for cattle. Quite a few farmers (even non-organic farmers) will see that their cows get a wash every so often so poultry and other livestock could learn from them. Clean animals? Let start with farmers with clean minds. Don't infect or poison what you will be eating.

Chickens are used to having dry corn and other feed thrown on the ground for them to peck at. They don't have hands. My grandmother threw scratch feed for her chickens because chickens exercise and stretch their legs by scratching. It is a competition among them to see who gets to a grain of corn first. Probably the only fun they have all day long. So conditioned, they will run toward anything (even spit) because they trust you. Next time you are tempted to spit, God may cause a rooster to jump up and scratch your eyes out and that would be poetic justice.

On an unrelated subject . . .

I wonder if you can teach them to scratch away weeds but leave the vegetables? A pig would root up those carrots. A breed of chicken like that would be worth a few million. And I wonder if you could teach them to pick (and eat) bugs off tomatoes without damaging the tomatoes? Hmmm . . . more potential millions for a breed of chicken like that. Not as bird-brained as you think, chickens can be taught quite a bit with the right animal trainer and the right breeds of chicken to start with.

Food out of a big box store is stored because it came a long distance by train, boat, truck or plane. That means it is full of preservatives. Face it, good food is perishable. If it isn't rotting, then it may be because it can't rot. It's plastic! Or pretty near. That's why we hippies sometimes refer to square as plastic. Their lives are plastic, they use plastic cards, they wear plastic clothes, and they even eat plastic. [More on the subject of plastic in a future update of this lens -- when I find my notes on the topic.]

Fresh food is local food because the shortest distance to the market is food grown right in your county.

You probably knew that there are more varieties of apples than at your usual supermarket. What you probably didn't know is that there are a lot more than three varieties of potato. There are hundreds. Same for apples and just about any fruit or vegetable. Industrial food production cannot deal with this variety and so it narrows down the choice it offers you for their convenience. In practical terms, this means that of the thousands of edible plants on Earth, you are probably aware of only a few dozen.

Boring.

People in other countries don't eat what we eat, thank God. But all humans could end up eating less than three dozen foods if industry narrows the choices. That why people need to grow their own. And stop worrying about the "weird" appearance of new fruits and vegetables. Some varieties of potatoes don't even look like potatoes are "supposed" to look.

"macrobiotic" means long life -- and it also means we will outlive the squares because they are determined to kill themselves

The day will come when some square either says to you or implies in your presernce that all hippies are like Charles Manson.

Just accept it and let it go. You are wasting your breath to point out that:
1. Charles Manson by his own admission was never a hippie.
2. Charles Manson hated hippies.
3. Long hair does not make you a hippie (it helps but is not definitive)
4. Charles Manson shaved his hair off and became the first skinhead with all skinheads' propensity for violence.

Now we don't mind claiming longhairs like Jesus Christ, Lady Godiva, classical musicians and Rapunzel as our own but consider the logic here. If we were to judge all squares by say Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and Mao Tse Tung then off with their heads! Squares must all be bad. But hold it. We all have squares who are members of our families and, let's face it, there actually are one or two squares who are decent people so let's give the squares a break and forgive them for their stupidity in mentioning us and Charles Manson in the same breath.

Okay, you are ready for your next step into the gentle (and nonviolent) world of hippies.

And even crazier people like violent sex and sexual violence.

In case you have to be told, hippies are violent only in self-defense. Rape is bad no matter whether the victim is a prostitute, a sex slave, Lara Logan, the Queen of England, the First Lady, your mother, your daughter, your sister, your favorite aunt, your niece, the girl next door or even a man (yes men can get raped and not just in prison by other men). Rape is bad.

Oh right, supposed to be talking about the photo. Make love not war. Peace. Out.

[postscript: I decided to change the image on this module before I was asked to do so because I've been complaining to the Squidoo Ranger about censorship and I thought it would be polite to make a concession toward square sensibilities. Those with sharp eyes who saw the old image can chuckle. I honestly didn't think it was a big deal. And apparently neither did Squidoo but if they are watching me, then for the record I did the right (wing) thing.]

and some people have made Hobbit homes

and I think they had hippie realtors or real estate agents on staff

Do hippies hate society?
No, we don't hate society (seeing as how we are part of society). But square society hates hippies.

Does being a hippie work?
Yes it works out better than being a square. We know. Most adult hippies used to be squares though many teen hippies were born to hippie parents, took a look at square society, and said: "No thanks. I'll stay a hippie like my parents."

Do hippies work?
If we are not rich, duh yes because we have bills to pay. Only difference between us and squares in the matter of work is that we always chose a career that we love. We refuse to stick with a job that grinds us down. Some people like picking up trash. We call them recyclers. Some people like staying at home and looking after a family. We call them homemakers, househusbands and housewives. Other than oil industry, coal industry, toxic chemical industry and nuclear (fission) industry jobs (especially executives of these evil industries), there is no such thing as a bad job. There is just a job that you hate and are spiritually unsuited for.

What are hippie religious views?
We have a module on this.

What are hippie politics?
None. We are apolitical. That means we avoid politics. We vote but otherwise we leave politics to radicals, conservatives, liberals, reactionaries, and moderates. The closest we ever came to hippie politics was the Yippies. After Abbie Hoffman died, politics seemed even bleaker than it already was.

How do I become a spiritual hippie?
If that is what you really want to become, I got news for you. You are already one. You just need to catch up on your meditating and reading. Don't worry about clothes and growing your hair long. Time will take care of hair and as far as clothes are concerned, we hippies are not clothes conscious because we are not trying to keep up with the Joneses and buy the latest fashions. Those are externals.

Do hippies get girls?
Why? Oh! You are trying to make out. Well, half of us ARE girls. I hope that answers your question. If not, then the answer is yes, hippie dudes get girls. And hippie chicks get boys.

How did hippies get around back in the Sixties?
Our favorite vehicular choices were VW micro buses, old hearses, old ambulances, and old school buses. Back in the day, most hippies were poor college kids and runaway teens and we bought whatever was cheapest or even went to the auto junkyard and fixed up whatever they would let us haul off. Nowadays, we might drive anything from a Bugatti Veyron to a Trabant. I think that's the gamut from the most expensive to the cheapest production car. Back in the day, we liked to paint flowers and rainbows all over our vehicles. We spawned the whole custom car and funny car industry to some extent. Some squares are surprised that we got around then or that we still get around. Teleportation does not exist yet nor are there flying cars but we hippies will probably invent it first and try it first. Sir Richard Branson with Virgin Galactic is one of us.

Where is the famous hippie bus of the Electric Kool Aid Acid Test?
Someone help me out on this. It is not in a museum I don't think but I think it still exists gathering dust.

How do I become a hippie mom?
The same way squares do it. Get pregnant. Although with the world overpopulated, please voluntarily limit yourselves to one child please.

How do I become a non-standard hippie?
Easy. Do your own thing (as long as you don't hurt anyone else). We hippies are non-standard by definition. If we ever become the majority, then we will still be non-standard because we hippies come in different stripes. There are techno-hippies. There are hippies who avoid technology. There are hippies who are space entrepreneurs and there are hippies who are into greening Mars. There are hippies who are more concerned with restoring Mother Earth to pristine condition. I could name a hundred other types of hippies. Just concentrate on being happy and helping other people become happy and that "non-standard" stuff will take care of itself.

Wall Street is growth-oriented in a world with limits to growth. Last time I checked, NASA was still fighting tooth and nail to keep ordinary people like you out of space so we have to squeeze seven billion plus-sized people onto a little planet full of terrorists and torturers. The only economics that makes sense is sustainability. How did hippies become so popular? Easy. The alternatives suck.

Are there any statistics about being a hippie?
Not sure what you are asking. If you are asking if happiness is being measured, not in the USA. Happiness is measured in other countries. Bhutan was one of the first nations to have an official concerned with national happiness. If you are asking if there have been recent major studies of the hippie counterculture, then no. Not since The Sixties since we are supposed to be dead and nonexistent. The Census Bureau does not count us because it is only interested in gender, race and other classifications. We are a cultural group and that makes us even more nebulous than antiquated ideas of race.

What does being a hippie mean?
Whatever you want it to mean. But this is the becoming a hippie lens (not the being a hippie lens). Once you are a hippie you will be a hippie and no longer see a point to this question.

How do hippies earn money?
Working at a job that makes them happy. And since each hippie is an individual (unlike conformists), there are as many ways to earn a living as there are hippies. If you don't want a conventional job, then either find a hippie employer or perhaps some craft or trade that you enjoy. Then you can pursue your livelihood as a self-employed person. Or go to professional school and become a hippie architect or hippie doctor or hippie lawyer or hippie clergyman. Hippies generally avoid the military because they are not into violence but even there the term sticks to certain individuals. For example, the Coast Guard is more tolerant of individuality than other branches. And some special ops guys are said to be hippies and Rambo types. Or you can get into science as a scientist. Academia does not give a flip as to your hair length or unconventional ways as long as you do good science. You can become a hippie social worker as long as you manage your case load. You can become a hippie cop but going undercover for long periods of time or DEA work or investigating the drug lords can result in you getting bullet-riddled and leaving your spouse a widow and your children orphans. Or you can become a hippie professional athlete. Or you can do the whole corporate hippie thing and build a huge corporation like Ben & Jerry or Steve Jobs or Sir Richard Branson or Alan Newman or some other famous hippie business person. Many hippies in the hip business community refuse to recognize John Mackey of Whole Foods as a member of the hippie chamber of commerce.

Who is Alan Newman?
The serial entrepreneur behind Seventh Generation, Gardener's Supply Company, Magic Hat Brewery, and Niche Marketing.

Are there famous hippie businesswomen or hippie executives who are female?
I can't think of any. I am not sure if Anita Roddick, founder of Body Shop, would have self-described herself as a hippie. However, locally you have people like Taraleigh Silberberg and Elli Perkins.