What is a Grandmother?

Emmie as they called her, was born in January 1911. She turned 100 this year but unfortunately, after two falls, her health has deteriorated badly over the last few years. Both my brother and I have moved to other countries. Grandma is now bedridden, confused and can hardly hear so there is no way I can communicate with her except for thinking of her.

Grandmother was very religious. Some of my earliest memories are of learning bible verses for Sunday school while walking with granny to kindergarten. It was a long walk so by the end of the week we knew our verses pretty well. Here is one of her favourite verses, Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want."

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On the bedside table, granny kept a small plastic box, which contained coloured cards with bible verses printed on them. Each morning we would draw a card from the box as a message for the day. At first, granny used to read and give us a small interpretation of the verse but later, we read our own cards and gave our own interpretation of the verses.

I loved playing with the cards. I would tip the box out, mix all the colour cards and then pick a colour sequence for putting the cards back. Sometimes all cards of the same colour together, other times, one card of each colour and order all the cards in the box accordingly. I was fascinated by how the finished look of the box changed depending on how I arrange the sequence of the colour cards in the box.

As long as I can remember, 12 o'clock every day was prayer time. Grandma prayed at other times of the day too, but 12 o'clock was special. She said that the missionaries in Japan prayed that time of the day and that she joined them in prayer. I don't know if they prayed at twelve o'clock their time or if my grandmother worked out what time their prayer time was in our country but at 12 o clock she would pray on her knees beside her bed.

Whenever there was something important happening in our lives grandma would "think" of us. To "think" of us actually meant that she would pray for that specific occasion. Grandma always had a calendar on the wall. We wrote all the special occasions that required "thinking" on the calendar. Whenever we had a test or exam coming up it was written on the calendar. Grandma always reminded us the morning before the test or exam that she will be thinking of us. She always said, "If you have done your part God will do His"

It is probably no surprise that grandmas favourite sayings involved religion. Whenever live was good or something gone well for her or us she would say: "Praise the Lord!" She said this very often as she lived a life filled with gratitude and appreciated the smallest things.

When things did not go as planned, she would say, "The devil is walking around like a roaring lion"
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Grandma had a green thumb. She could take the smallest cutting, put it in the ground, water it well and it will grow. She always had many houseplants and whenever she had access to a suitable space outside she would grow vegetables.

Grandma believed the best water for her plants was rainwater or "Gods Water." We lived in an area where water restrictions were often in place. Grandma caught as much rainwater as she could by placing containers under the gutter downpipes. She used the rainwater for both house and outside plants.

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I think her secret to success was talking to her plants. At one stage grandma had a female pug dog called Ore. Ore followed her everywhere. When grandma prayed Ore sat next to her waiting patiently for her to finish. Sometimes it could be a long wait !

One-year granny was growing tomato plants outside which were just about ready for picking. On this particular day, Grandma touched one of the tomatoes and spoke to it as she normally does. Ore, as usual, was at grandma's side. She sat and watched, head turning this way then that way, listening intently to grandma encouraging the tomatoes. As soon as grandma turned to walk away Ore went straight for the tomato she touched and took a sizable bit from it. Grandma saw and gave Ore a good telling off but then, as soon as grandma turned her back, Ore went and gave just about every other tomato on the plant a bite too. Grandma was not impressed. Ore looked very guilty and stayed well clear of grandma for the rest of the day but the next day peace was restored and they were inseparable again.

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Grandma always ensured the cookie tins had something in for a peckish moment.

When it came close to school holidays grandma would bake big batches of biscuits using a special attachment on a hand turned meat mincer to shape the biscuits quickly. Our job as children was to turn the handle while granny fed the dough and took care of the long string of shaped dough coming out form the front of the grinder.

Some of the dough never made it to the oven especially if it contained a mixture of cinnamon and mixed spice. Some never made it from the oven to the biscuit tins. With the fringe benefit of eating dough, licking cake mixture off the wooden spoon and unlimited tasting of warm biscuits from the oven there were no shortage of volunteers when it came to help with the baking.

Birthdays was another big baking occasion for grandma. We all loved chocolate cake so whenever one of us had a birthday grandma would have a chocolate cake ready. She used any fancy decorations, just a plain chocolate butter-icing filling decorated with halved or quartered red glazed cherries or hundreds of thousands sprinkles. I still think of grandmas chocolate cake on my birthdays.

Later when I was all grown up, I moved to a city about 600 km away from grandma and the rest of the family. I tried to visit as often as I could. The last stop before the long car ride home was to say goodbye to grandma. She would always have a container ready, filled with something to "nibble" on the long way back home. Usually there were freshly baked scones, dried fruit sweets and assortment of loose chocolates and biscuits.

We always had pudding when we ate at Grandmas. For a quick dessert, there would be flavoured jelly. She would serve it with mixed canned fruit. Each can only had a few red cherries. Grandma divided the cherries equally between us to keep the peace. I know this is a very simple dessert but we liked it and were happy and that was all that mattered. Sometimes for a treat grandma would add a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

When I close my eyes I can still see grandma sitting by the desk with the late morning sun coming through the window, writing her letters. She received many letters and we mailed just as many, often on our way to the kindergarten so the letters would go out with the fist mail collection of the day. We always knew what we could give grandma for a present, a nice pen, writing pad and envelopes.

As I was growing up, we moved on average every two years. Grandma always made friends and met people at church with whom she kept in touch. She also wrote to friends and family and to the missionaries she supported abroad.

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When I traveled and lived abroad in my early twenties, I received a letter from grandma at least once every week. I had a ritual for reading her letters. When I got a letter, I would first make a cup of tea, then open, and read the letter while drinking my tea. Often I would read the letter or pieces of it more than once. When I came back from my travels people asked me if I did not feel lonely living and working in a country where I could not speak the language but although I was often alone I cannot remember feeling lonely. I always felt connected and I think part of that feeling was because I could always rely on hearing from grandma.

My letters back to grandma were a bit like journal entries sharing what I have done each day, new experiences and what I thought of what I experienced. She kept all my letters and gave them back to me a few years later saying that she enjoyed reading them again and think I should read them too. I did read them and was surprised at how much it felt like I was meeting me through what I wrote back then.

Later years the letters Grandma received got less and eventually stopped coming as friends and family could not write letters unassisted or have passed away.

A grandma is somebody who lovingly cares, provides security, continuity, and encourages her grandchildren to explore and grow as people in their own right. She does this by setting an example and having boundaries but still allowing her grandchildren to make mistakes, deal with the consequences and take responsibility for their own actions. This is my definition from the qualities I have seen and appreciated in my grandmother.

I do not think the qualities one expect to find in a special grandmother has changed over time, I just think the environment which surrounds grandmothers have changed. I also do not think there is any difference in the qualities a wealthy or poor grandma should have. They just use a different environment to achieve the same goal.