1. Thou shall not sit in thy neighbors lucky seat.
2. Thou shall not stare at thy neighbors card.
3. Thou shall not take the Callers name in vain.
4. Thou shall not call false "Bingo".
5. Thou shall not wish bad luck on thy neighbor.
6. Thou shall not threaten to kill the "Caller".
7. Thou shall not steal thy husband's money for Bingo.
8. Thou shall not brag about how much thou hast won.
9. Thou shall not whine about how much thou hast lost.

10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's winnings.

----------------------------------------------------
Cry Wolf
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for
the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

BIngo
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
===============================================================
Bingo banter
Betty, Ethel, Sylvia and Percy are sitting at a table at the local Bingo Hall when for the first time in 7 years Percy gets a full house. In the excitement of jumping up and down shouting Bingo, his trousers accidentally fall down, exposing him fully to the startled ladies! Betty and Ethel had a stroke, Sylvia couldnt reach!

The Details of this great game
1.Bingo board this is the place, which would display all the numbers called out during the game. Usually this board is electronically lighted for better visibility.

2.Bingo booklets this is a booklet, which has a series of sheets, each coloured differently that would be played during one game of bingo. The booklet has these sheets placed in the order in which the game would be played.

3.Buy-in and minimum buy-in buy-in is the admission packet or the minimum number of cards usually 3-6 cards - that would get you admitted into a game. The number of minimum cards varies with the type of game; minimum buy-in is the least amount that you need to spend if you want to be counted among the contenders for the prizes available.

4.Caller. This is the name given to the person who calls out the numbers as they are drawn. This person is part of the game however, he/she does not play the game.

5.Coverall. This is the term given to the type of bingo game, which requires that the whole card be covered in order to win. Not all games of bingo need to have a cover out to win.

6.Dauber: in order to get the numbers covered easily there is a special pen called dauber which has a foam tip and can blacken the whole number with a mere touch or daubing hence, the name.

7.Four corners bingo: This is a type of bingo game, which you could win if you cover the numbers, which are placed in the four corners of the card. There are other patterns that can win you the game, i.e. chevron, blackout, regular, postage stamp pattern, etc

8.On-player. A player is labelled as on when he/she are falling short of only one number from wining the bingo game.

9.Random number generator or the this is when an electronic machine, instead of the caller picks up the number for the game.

10.Six-pack/ nine-pack. These are the terms, which indicate how many numbers are there on the bingo card during a particular game.

11.Tickets. These are bar codes that are used for identification of the booklets when a claim is made. These tickets figure on each of the pages of the booklet on which the bingo game is played.

12.Wrap-up. This is the name of the game that completes a session. Other games are the speed game or quickie, which involves a very quickly called out coverall; then there is the moonlight bingo, which would commence usually when the moon is up not earlier than 10 PM. Lastly, you also have the early bird game, which usually starts much earlier than the normal scheduled

A line is 5 numbers in a straight row, across the ticket like this:

At the hall, you can buy your Bingo books from the sales desk. This part of the Hall is always clearly signposted. Or you can ask any member of staff, they are there to help. At the counter you can state how many books you require. One book will contain multiple pages, each page is a different game.

See the attached photo

A single bingo ticket

It has 15 numbers, arranged in columns 1-9, 10-19, 20-29, 30-39, etc. up to 90.

The more books you buy, the more tickets you have in play in single game the more chance you have to win . You can buy between 1 and 6 books. If you have 6 books then every number called is on your book. If you buy 3 books you will only have half the numbers between 1 and 90 per game, so not every number called will be on your book.
Ideally, 6 books should be sufficient to play and have a great chance of winning, as you know you have to mark every number called. As a beginner though, I would recommend trying 2 or 3 - remember though, the less books you have, the longer you have to wait for numbers to be called and less chance of winning. Bingo calling in the Bingo clubs is a speedy affair. There is some time with the clickety-clicks or 2 fat ladies in the modern game but, you cannot hold the game up asking for the number again. You have to concentrate and move fast otherwise you lose out!

Online Bingo is a growing niche of the online gambling industry. A popular fair website giving the cliental something they really can't ignore. Being a member of Bingo's growing program will ensure you maximize the earning potential of your online bingo experience. The revenue can really better your life!

Can you talk Bingo?

10x Thanks
2U2 To you too
?4U Question for you
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ASAP As soon as possible
ASLP Age, sex, location, picture?
ASL Age, sex, location?
B4N Bye for now
B4 Before
BAC Back at computer
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BC Be cool
BFN Bye for now
BF Boyfriend
BOT Back on topic...
BRB Be right back
BRH Be right here
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
CMIIW Correct me if I'm wrong
CUL8R See you later
CUL Catch you later
CU See you
CWOT Complete waste of time
CYA See ya
DIY Do it yourself
EOD End of discussion
EOL End of lecture
F2F Face to face
FCOL For crying out loud!
FOCL Falling off the chair laughing
FOFL Falling on the floor laughing
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G2G Gotta go
GAL Get a life
F Female
GFN Gone for now
GF Girlfriend
GG Good game
GJ Good job
GL Good luck
GMTA Great minds think alike
GM Good move/match
H&K Hugs and Kisses
HAGD Have a good day
HF Have fun
HOAS Hold on a second
IAC In any case
IAGW In a good way
IC I see
IIRC If I remember correctly
IKWUM I know what you mean
IK I know
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IOW In other words
IRL In real life
IRSTBO It really sucks the big one
IS I'm sorry
J/K Just kidding
J/P Just playing
JMHO Just my humble opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KWIM Know what I mean?
K OK
L8R Later
LMAO Laughing my a%u2022%u2022 off
LMK Let me know
LOL Laugh out loud
LTR Long term relationship
LYK Let you know
M Male
N2M Not too much
NMH Not much here
NMJC Nothing much, just chillin'
NM Nevermind, Not much
NOYB None of your business
IDGI I don't get it
NP No problem
N In
OIC Oh, I see
OMG Oh my gosh
OT Off topic / Other topic
PLZ Please
PPL People
QT Cutie
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a%u2022%u2022 off
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
S2R Send to receive
SCNR Sorry, could not resist
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
TCO Taken care of
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance
TMA Take my advice
TNX Thanks
TTFN Ta ta for now
TTYL Talk to you later
TYVM Thank you very much
TY Thank you
U2 You too
UR Your
W8AM Wait a minute
W8 Wait
WB Welcome back OR Write back
WOT Waste of time
WRT With Regard To
WTG Way to go!
YMMV Your mileage may vary
YW You're welcome
Y Why?

Bingo has been played and enjoyed for centuries, today it provides entertainment for all kinds of people of all ages, sexes and creeds. Bingo provides players with fun, friendship and excitement. Thousands of people are becoming fans of the game called bingo and even more numbers of players are being introduced through the medium of online bingo.

Corporate Lesson number one

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high

Bingo organizers have their own opinions on whenever they decide between prepared bingo cards and blank bingo cards. The former, of course, is more convenient. You won't have to do anything other than to distribute the already printed cards to all the players. The latter is much more demanding, as you would have to manually write down the numbers on the face of each card etc..
Prepared bingo cards are more expensive, since the manufacturer spent more effort and expenses in preparing the same.

Prepared bingo cards can display identical numbers on some of the sheets. The result can be disastrous, as there could be more than one winner per game. Though this isn't uncommon, it would be fatal for the house if it decides to shoulder the winnings when there is no rule about the winners having to share the total pot in case of a tie.

Prepared bingo cards are pretty much set on standard design templates which wouldn't give you the opportunity to be creative.

For these reasons, more and more people are starting to prefer blank bingo cards. These blank bingo cards seem to compensate for the limitations present in their pre-filled counterparts.

However
Blank bingo cards are inexpensive. Sometimes, they could even be gathered for free. You could even download some blank cards from the internet without having to pay a single cent.

Blank cards would also ensure that each sheet would be unique. The result? Only one winner can arise per bingo game.

Blank cards also allow you to put your own unique spin on their designs. Since you will have to manually finish the said cards, you could be as creative as you would want to be. You desire colorful numbers.

Bingo is a really simple game to play - and it's even easier to play online. The objective of any style of bingo is to complete the game pattern on your bingo card before any other player. If you do, you have a

Our blank bingo card templates can be populated at the click of a button. This template allows you to make numerous random configurations of bingo boards each time you click the "Create new cards" button. We have 4 bingo card sheets including black, blue, green and red. Once opened you can select from 4 different font colors to make your custom colored bingo game!

Bingo is considered a game of luck. There really are no special strategies to learn or books to read from to learn how to play Bingo and thus have a better chance at winning. There are however a few tips to increase your winning odds and enjoy while playing the online Bingo games.

Avoid busy Bingo games
Busy and over crowded bingo games, decrease your winning chances. Your winning chances are maximized in Bingo games where the number of players are correctly balanced.

Online Bingo community
Join an online bingo community which will enable you to receive a lot of advice and tips from other Bingo players.

Join >25 cents games
The games in which the cards sell for more than 25 cents usually have larger cash prizes.

Change cards
Mostly all online Bingo Rooms have the possibility to change cards if you don't like them; so make use of that opportunity.

Find the Best Bonuses
Bonuses can even double your playing money, so check out where the bonuses are the best.

Find a respected Bingo Room
Play only at well known and reputable where Bingo Rooms have been reviewed by independent Bingo portals and sites to ensure that you will be paid out if you win the game.

This is by far the most popular typeof bingo game in the UK. As the name suggests here you'll find ninety balls, numbered from 1 to 90. You will marl of a card, or ticket as it is sometimes called, contains three rows and nine columns to create twenty-seven squares. In each row, five of the squares contain random numbers.

The game is most often played in three stages with three chances to win. The first 'winner' is the person who can mark off a 'line' - usually five numbers in the same row. The game is then continued, and the second winner is the person who marks off two lines. The tension grows as the game continues again, until someone marks off every number on their own personal card. This is known as a 'full house' or 'coverall'. The final winner always recieves the biggest prize.

This is more popular in the states and offers more variety than the standard 90-ball game. This type with only seventy-five balls, numbered from 1 to 75. The card contains five rows and five columns to create twenty-five squares. Once again, the card is filled with random numbers.

As well as playing for the usual lines and full house, this card is more versatile, and you may play for a pattern or the shape of a letter or number. The pattern is announced at the beginning of each game. This games never gets old.

Lucky charms

Three out of four people carry charms according to statistics. Charms can be anything from lucky socks, special jewelry, or some other inanimate object. For some, a special friend can act as a lucky charm Troll dolls, favourite dice, four-leaf-clovers, rabbit's feet, pet rocks: bingo players have employed them all in the search for a win.

Lucky seats

This common superstition is probably due to a player simply feeling more comfortable, and therefore able to concentrate more when sitting in a particular seat.

Lucky money

While some players place lucky coins across the top of their cards, many others would never dream of putting money on the table, just in case it curses them with bad luck.

Lucky numbers

Simply pick a number in bingo and somebody will have a superstition about it. Birth dates, auspicious sports results and previous winning numbers all go into the hat.

Some Lesser Known Bingo Superstitions

* Never lend a friend money - it is a mortal sin to share winnings!
* Never sit at the same table as friends.
* Never yell "Bingo!%uFFFD? falsely - the evil eye will be directed at you.
* Borrowing a dabber will transfer the other player's bad luck to you.
* In land-based bingo, bring your kids to the bingo hall - it will show you are a good person ready for luck.
* Sit near older players - they tend to win more and their luck may rub off.
* Number 13 can be a lucky number for some.
* Avoid bingo if a black cat crosses your path on your way to the bingo hall.
* Avoid the number seven.
* Do not get up during a call - very bad luck.
* Do not leave a game until the final ball.
* Always sitting at the same table might lead to catching the curse left by unlucky players.
* Play on the same day of every week.
* Never wear black - the winds of fortune might run off you.

Does it all work?

The honest answer is we don't know.

According to superstition expert Vyse, the fallibility of human reason is the
greatest single source of superstitious belief. However, perhaps a definition for superstition could be, "a belief that a given action can bring good luck or bad luck when there are no rational or generally acceptable grounds for such a belief", according to M. Thalbourne

Bingo superstitions are what they are: Superstitions. And for many bingo players, they make playing just that little bit more exciting. Who are we to deny them?

Irish Maths

An Irish man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here is your first question, the foreman said.

"Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks? "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman , so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that r epresents a hundred!" The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree.

So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when do I start?"
1 Kelly's eye / At the beginning / Nelson's column
2 One little duck / Me and you
3 You and me / Cup of tea / One Little Flea
4 Knock at the door / B4 (and after)
5 Man alive
6 Tom's tricks / Tom Nix / Chopsticks
7 Lucky seven / God's in heaven
8 One Fat Lady / Golden gate
9 Doctor's orders
10 Tony's Den
11 Legs eleven
12 One dozen, One and two - a dozen, Monkey's cousin (rhymes with "a dozen")
13 Unlucky for some, Devil's number, Bakers dozen
14 Valentines day
15 Rugby team, Young and keen
16 Sweet sixteen / She's lovely / Never been kissed
17 Often been kissed / The age to catch 'em / Dancing Queen
18 Key of the door / Coming of age
19 Goodbye teens
20 Getting plenty / Blind 20
21 Key of the door
22 Two little ducks / All the twos
23 Thee and me / The Lord is my Shepherd
24 Two dozen
25 Duck and dive
26 Bed and breakfast / Half a crown / Pick and mix
27 Little duck with a crutch / Gateway to heaven
28 In a state / Over weight
29 You're doing fine
30 Burlington Bertie / Dirty Gertie / Speed limit / Flirty thirty / Blind 30
31 Get up and run
32 Buckle my Shoe
33 Dirty knees / All the threes / All the feathers / Two little fleas / Sherwood Forest
34 Ask for more
35 Jump and jive
36 Three dozen
37 A flea in heaven
38 Christmas cake
39 Those famous steps
40 Naughty Forty
41 Time for fun
42 That famous street in Manhattan / Whinny the Pooh
43 Down on your knees
44 Droopy drawers / All the fours
45 Halfway house / Halfway there
46 Up to tricks
47 Four and seven
48 Four dozen
49 PC (Police Constable) / Copper / Nick nick
50 Bulls eye / Blind 50 / Half a century
51 Tweak of the thumb
52 Weeks in a year / Danny La Rue
53 Stuck in the tree
54 Clean the floor
55 Snakes alive / All the fives
56 Was she worth it?
57 Heinz varieties
58 Make them wait / Choo choo Thomas
59 Brighton line
60 Three score / Blind 60 / Five dozen
61 Bakers bun
62 Tickety boo / Turn on the screw
63 Tickle me
64 Red raw / The Beatles number
65 Old age pension
66 Clickety click / All the sixes
67 Made in heaven / Argumentative number
68 Saving grace
69 The same both ways / your place or mine / Either way up / Meal for two
70 Three score and ten / Blind 70
71 Bang on the drum
72 A crutch and a duck / Six dozen / Par for the course
73 Crutch and a flea / Queen B
74 Candy store
75 Strive and strive
76 Trombones
77 Sunset strip / All the sevens / Two little crutches
78 Heavens gate
79 One more time
80 Gandhi's breakfast / Blind 80 / Eight and blank
81 Fat lady and a little wee / Stop and run
82 Fat lady with a duck / Straight on through
83 Fat lady with a flea / Time for tea / Ethel's Ear
84 Seven dozen
85 Staying alive
86 Between the sticks
87 Fat lady with a crutch / Torquay in Devon
88 Two fat ladies / All the eights / Wobbly wobbly
89 Nearly there / All but one
90 Top of the shop / Top of the house / Blind 90 / End of the line

Do...

Arrive early if you haven't played bingo before, or if you have guests to sign in. Binog staff will usually be happy to explain the game to you, if there is plenty of time. Try to arrive at least 20 minutes before the bingo game starts.

Be quiet if you enter the bingo hall whilst book bingo is being played! Otherwise you'll annoy other bingo customers and possibly disrupt the bingo game.

Buy bingo pens. You can use a biro to mark your bingo books if you wish, but the marks can be harder to see on the page. Special bingo dabbers are recommended for beginners.

Make sure that you're playing the right bingo book. If you're not, you won't get any prize money if you shout for a claim.

Be sure to shout as soon as you hear the winning bingo number line, line x2 or full house. Don't be frightend to put your hand up to help the bingo checkers find you. If you don't shout in time, and the bingo caller starts the next number, you may forfeit your right to the prize! .

Don't...

Be noisy! Apart from the bingo caller, bingo halls can be as quiet as libraries during bingo. Bring your own food or drink in! Unless the bingo club specifies that this is alright to do so.

Be frightened to shout loudly if you win. If the bingo caller does not hear you, you may not get your prize money.

Be afraid to ask other bingo customers for help if you get confused over something. Most are happy to help a bingo newbie and are very social.

Curse and swear too much - the little old ladies don't like it (although most could probably out-cuss you any day).

Bingo is so easy to learn and simple to play bingo online. Bingo is the ultimate lotto type game. Bingo can only be played in licensed bingo halls in the U.S. In the United Kingdom, there are Commercial bingo parlors throughout the country, whereas in the U.S, they are confined to Nevada and Atlantic City only.
Right now, they are membership based but they are easily found for the people who want to play online bingo. The internet is probably the best source of information for the location of these gaming sites. Also, many Indian tribal casinos also offer bingo gambling. Church fundraisers bingo games in other areas information about them is not always easy obtained. Churches do not advertise their bingo games that much outside of their own environment. Most likely, people find out by word of mouth so it pays to ask around.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
==================================================================
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!!

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open.. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a F*cking good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning....What part of 'broke' don't you understand?'

===========
I overheard two dissatisfied bingo regulars talking today, one was saying that he was going to work for Euro Disney because he was fed up with his present job and wanted to work for a real Mickey Mouse Operation.
=============================================================================

Labor or Hard Labor.....you decide!
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x 8'cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At work we have managers.
================================================================
That's not Ludo

Plain nurse to pretty nurse: "Have you seen that Welshman in Ward 3 who is tatooed all over? I was giving him a bath this morning and I noticed he's even got LUDO tattooed on his you-know-what." Pretty nurse: "That's not LUDO, that's LLANDUDNO."

A double line is like this -
Remember all around the hall, other games are going on. You need to make sure which times the main sessions begin, as there are many breaks throughout the night. When the main games are ready to begin, before every game an announcement to take your seats, and the hall will fall silent like a library.

When the game is ready to start, turn to the first page in your book. The caller will announce whether you are playing for a LINE ACROSS, TWO LINES ACROSS or a FULL HOUSE - he will also announce which colour page in which book you are playing - check you are on the right ticket.

This is very important as if you play the wrong ticket and win you will not get the money or prise so always check around you to see everyone is on the same ticket. If the game is about to start before you are ready, don't be afraid to shout 'hang-on' to give you time to get ready.

As the caller announces the numbers, mark them off clearly in your Bingo book, only on the page you are playing. Most games will be played for the line then the full house.

Although bingo halls are a fairly new invention, the game itself is a lot older, dating back to the 16th century. Right from the start it was used for gambling purposes, but it also saw use as an educational tool.

It reached the USA in the late 1920s, and as folklore has it, was originally named 'Beano', as players had to cover off the numbers on their cards by using dried beans, but it gained its present name when a player, excited at winning, shouted out 'Bingo!' instead of 'Beano'. Although originally a carnival attraction, by the 1930s in America the game was played as a means to raise money for charities, a practice that continues in the USA today. The American variant of the game is only ever played as charity games, and they usually take place in sparse church and community halls.

In the UK, the situation was quite different, and the game did not become widely known until 1960, when the Gaming Act passed by Parliament in that year permitted such games in members-only establishments. The following year the game of Bingo was brought over from the USA by Eric Morley, the man who was also responsible for the development of the Miss World competition. Bingo in the UK was a commercial proposition, and so the British bingo archetype was quite different to that found across the Atlantic.

Across Britain there were many large buildings that had been rendered obsolete by the rise of the Television; theatres, cinemas and dancehalls. Many of these required little modification to turn them over to bingo games, and certainly some buildings played a dual role as cinema or bingo hall, depending on the night of the week. As their former uses normally indicated, British Bingo Halls were far more plush than their American counterparts, and the theatrical feel was further enhanced by the preferred British method of coming up with the numbers. American clubs simply drew numbers from a bag - in the UK, glass cabinets were fitted with fans, filled with numbered ping-pong balls to produce the numbers. The effect was pure showbiz, but they were easy to rig and unsophisticated, which led to the widescale adoption of electronic Random Number Generators (or the RNG) during the next decade.

In 1968 another gaming act was passed allowing clubs to play prize and cash bingo via tabletop coin slots, as well as establishing a Gaming Board to regulate Bingo clubs, which were proving to be highly popular - far more so than bowling, another American craze brought over at around the same time, but far less profitable. By this time many clubs were being further altered by having floors levelled and cinema seats replaced by proper tables. In fact, the game proved to be so successful that in the 1980s there were several clubs opened in brand new purpose built halls.

When the game is ready to start, turn to the first page in your book. The caller will announce whether you are playing for a LINE ACROSS, TWO LINES ACROSS or a FULL HOUSE - he will also announce which colour page in which book you are playing - check you are on the right ticket.

If you play the wrong ticket and win you will not get the money so always check around you to see everyone is on the same ticket. If the caller starts before you are ready, quickly shout 'hang-on' to give you time to catch up.

As the caller announces the numbers, mark them off clearly in your Bingo book, only on the page you are playing. Most games will be played for the line then the full house. A line is 5 numbers in a straight row, across the ticket like this:

A line across the ticket
One line across

Once that has been won the game moves on to the full house (15 numbers on one ticket, 3 rows.) There will be no more prizes awarded for a line.

A full house
Full House

Occasionally there will be a game for two lines between the line and the full house - listen for the caller to announce it.

Two lines winning ticket
2 Lines Across (must be on one ticket!)

Once you are the first to have a line across, two lines across or a full house, shout out loudly. You can shout House! Bingo! Knickers! Here! Or whatever you want to stop the caller - just make it LOUD!

You must also shout fast. If the number you need to win comes up, and you don't call straight away you will lose the money. If the caller starts the next number by just a breath, you are late, have lost, and get no money.

Hold up your hand and a member of staff will come to check you have the winning ticket. You need to give them your membership card and sign for your prize money which will be given to you at the table.

Golden Rules For Playing Bingo!

The regulars of any Bingo club are renowned for their viciousness when it comes to the rules of the game and will give you a going over if you don't observe them.

The main rule is when a game is on - be quiet, even if you aren't playing. I can't stress how important this is! You will be strung up from the nearest fruit machine if you talk when the proper Bingo is on. However, it is fine to talk when the table/party Bingo is played in the interval.

As the tables are not officially kept for the members, its common for regulars to mark their territory - if you see a table that looks empty but has items such as a glass case or a couple of pens on it, stay away. That means the table is being kept for a friend... Otherwise beware!

Use thick markers or dabbers - if you try playing with a biro you will find it difficult to keep up! They can be purchased at the club. Circle or cross your numbers out as soon as they are called.

Bingo markers and dabbers
Dabbers & Markers (avoid black as it obscures your numbers)

Bingo can be good fun, especially if you win some money! It is a game of speed and concentration. However, Bingo is also an activity enjoyed and frequented by people from many walks of life and backgrounds...

Auto Daubing
' Auto Daub ' is a user option that will automatically mark off all numbers being called that match those on your tickets . This is great if you have purchased a large number of tickets, which can be difficult to manage , but you can always switch it off if you like to daub your tickets manually for a real-world feel!

It's worth nothing that if you miss a called number while manually daubing, it will not affect the outcome of the game if your ticket is the winner. Depending on your point of view that might take the skill out of the game, but it's quite a boon for the less beady-eyed Bingo fan.

Best Card Sorting
Another common player aid, ' Best Card Sorting ' is a user option to have your tickets automatically arranged on-screen in order of performance. When playing several tickets at once, this is a handy way to keep track of those that are the closest to winning.

Progressive Jackpots
Progressive jackpots have become a big draw in online Bingo over the past few years, offering the chance to play for big money with low stakes.

Where offered, the online Bingo hall on web adds a small portion of all the money played through its daily Bingo games into a single jackpot, usually displayed within the Bingo game and lobby area of its site. If the site's busy you'll see the jackpot grow very rapidly right up until the session where it can be played for.

Chat
Chat is one of the most popular aspects of playing online Bingo, and no self-respecting online Bingo site neglects this crucial feature. Through virtual 'chat rooms', players can communicate using text with other online friends and players, as well as have direct contact with a representative of the online Bingo hall itself (often refereed to as CMs or 'Chat Managers'). Chat isn't difficult to get to grips with, and each site will have guidance on how to use its particular software, as well as a glossary of some of the popular abbreviations and acronyms you'll come across during a chat session. Some online Bingo companies also offer Chat Games as a way for regular players to win bonuses during their online sessions.

Praying

What's the difference between praying in church and praying in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it!

These questions about Australia posted on an Australian Tourism Website - Obviously the answers came from a Aussie.

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of? 7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

18. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

19. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

20. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

21. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.