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Best Oxymorons Ever

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An OXYMORON is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms, such as JUMBO shrimp -- those words just don't belong together.

The word oxymoron is itself an oxymoron: from Greek oxus ("sharp" or "pointed") and moros ("dull" or "foolish"). The plural form is oxymorons, or oxymora.

To check out a great collection of terrific, entertaining quotes, sayings, amazing facts, and lots more, go to QuotableToiletPaper.

YOU are Cordially Invited to Participate

I have offered my choices for BEST EVER -- now I'd like to hear from you!

Please jump in with your votes and feel free to submit your own ideas. Eventually, the "BEST" will rise to the top and the "Less than Best" will drop down.


Here in Best Oxymorons Ever, you will find three categories of oxymorons: Quotations (author-attributed quotes), Sayings (non-attributed quotes), and Goldwynisms (a separate group that cannot be ignored). You may contribute to some or all of these with your own choices for Best Ever.


ALSO, I hope you will contribute to these other pages:

Best SAYINGS Ever
These are great anonymous (non-attributed) quotes in categories for Funny and Profound.

Best ATTRIBUTED QUOTATIONS Ever
These are quotes by specific authors in categories for Funny, Profound, Inspirational and Stupid!

Please Vote-For or Add-To the "Oxymora" in the Lists Below. Thanks!

It's easy! Find your favorite quote in each category, then click the "UP" arrow. That adds one point to your selection and raises its ranking in the list.

Add your own brilliant oxymoron for each category by clicking on the button at the bottom: "Add to this list." We really want and need your input here, so don't be shy. Thanks!
  1. Best OXYMORONIC Quotations Ever
  2. Best OXYMORONIC Sayings Ever
  3. Best GOLDWYNISMS Ever

Best OXYMORONIC Quotations Ever

Here are oxymora that are attributed to specific authors

1

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We have to believe in free will -- we've got no choice.

Isaac Bashevis Singer3 points

2

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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W.C. Fields2 points

3

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You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.

Dolly Parton2 points

4

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How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Dan Hicks, song title1 point

5

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If people don't want to come, no one's stopping them.

Sol Hurak1 point

6

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No one goes to that restaurant any more -- it's always too crowded.

Yogi Berra0 points

7

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With all its faults, the United States is still the greatest nation in the country.

Spiro Agnew0 points

8

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Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields0 points

9

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He hadn't a single redeeming vice.

Oscar Wilde0 points

10

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If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Else Who Will.

Delbert and Glen, song title0 points

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Best OXYMORONIC Sayings Ever

Anonymous Paradoxical, Self-Contradictory Statements

1

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I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.

3 points

2

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I told you a million times: DON'T EXAGGERATE!

2 points

3

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Eschew obfuscation

2 points

4

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Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.

2 points

5

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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

1 point

6

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Question: "What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?"

Answer: "I don't know and I don't care."1 point

7

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It goes without saying that some things are better left unsaid.

1 point

8

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May I ask a question?

0 points

9

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I'm not going to say "I told you so."

0 points

10

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Things aren't like they used to be... and they never were.

0 points

11

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We are not anticipating any emergencies.

0 points

12

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Help Stamp Out and Abolish Redundancy.

0 points

13

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It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

0 points

14

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Pygmy Mammoth

0 points

15

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This report is filled with omissions.

0 points

16

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A little pain never hurt anyone.

0 points

17

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If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me!

0 points

18

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I may be schizophrenic, but at least I'll always have each other.

0 points

19

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Don't let your will power get the best of you.

0 points

20

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Everybody generalizes.

0 points

21

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Dyslexics of the world, untie!

0 points

Goldwynisms

The Oxymoron Factory, Movie Mogul Samuel Goldwyn

Goldwyn is credited with dozens of the greatest ever oxymorons (paradoxes) and malapropisms (the substitution of an incorrect word for a word with a similar sound). He produced so many that dictionaries now list the noun Goldwynism: a phrase or statement involving a humorous and supposedly unintentional misuse of an idiom, such as "Keep a stiff upper chin," especially such a statement attributed to Samuel Goldwyn, as "Include me out."

In fact, many of his quotes were the invention of writers who worked for him in the film industry, such as Charlie Chaplin who claimed credit for this famous Goldwynism: "I'll tell you what I think in two words: im-possible!"

Best GOLDWYNISMS Ever

These belong in a category of their own

Here is my collection of well-known and more obscure Samuel Goldwyn quotes. Feel free to vote for your favorites, and add more if you can find them.

1

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I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

2 points

2

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Anyone who would go to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!

2 points

3

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What we need now is some new, fresh clichés.

1 point

4

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They stayed away in droves.

1 point

5

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I read part of it all the way through.

1 point

6

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You fail to overlook the crucial point.

1 point

7

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Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.

0 points

8

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I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.

0 points

9

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Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

0 points

10

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That's our strongest weak point.

0 points

11

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Gentlemen, include me out.

0 points

12

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Flashbacks are a thing of the past.

0 points

13

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A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

0 points

14

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Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

0 points

15

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I paid too much for it, but it's worth it.

0 points

16

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Why did you name him Sam? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!

0 points

17

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I want to go where the hand of man has never set foot.

0 points

18

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I don't want to be surrounded by "yes men." I want people who'll disagree with me, even if it costs them their jobs.

0 points

19

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How come you did what I told you to do, when you know I don't know what I'm talking about?

0 points

20

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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

0 points

21

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You've got to take the bitter with the sour.

0 points

22

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Never make forecasts, especially about the future.

0 points

23

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Destroy the old files, but make copies first.

0 points

24

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Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing?

0 points

25

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Modern dancing is old fashioned.

0 points

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