Best Oxymorons Ever

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Hunting for the Coolest, Wackiest OXYMORONS Ever... with your heplful assistance

An OXYMORON is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms, such as JUMBO shrimp -- those words just don't belong together.

The word oxymoron is itself an oxymoron: from Greek oxus ("sharp" or "pointed") and moros ("dull" or "foolish"). The plural form is oxymorons, or oxymora.

To check out a great collection of terrific, entertaining quotes, sayings, amazing facts, and lots more, go to QuotableToiletPaper.com.

Best OXYMORONIC Quotations Ever 

Paradoxical, Self-Contradictory Statements

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We have to believe in free will -- we've got no choice.

Isaac Bashevis Singer1 point

2

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No one goes to that restaurant any more -- it's always too crowded.

Yogi Berra0 points

3

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How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Dan Hicks, song title0 points

4

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If people don't want to come, no one's stopping them.

Sol Hurak0 points

5

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With all its faults, the United States is still the greatest nation in the country.

Spiro Agnew0 points

6

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Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields0 points

7

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He hadn't a single redeeming vice.

Oscar Wilde0 points

8

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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W.C. Fields0 points

9

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If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Else Who Will.

Delbert and Glen, song title0 points

10

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You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.

Dolly Parton0 points

Best OXYMORONIC Sayings Ever 

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I told you a million times: DON'T EXAGGERATE!

1 point

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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous

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3

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May I ask a question?

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4

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Eschew obfuscation

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5

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I'm not going to say "I told you so"

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6

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Things aren't like they used to be... and they never were

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7

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I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left

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8

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We are not anticipating any emergencies

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9

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Question: "What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?" Answer: "I don't know and I don't care."

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10

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Things are more like they are now than they have ever been

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11

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JUMBO shrimp

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12

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Help Stamp Out and Abolish Redundancy

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13

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It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

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14

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It goes without saying that some things are better left unsaid

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15

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Pygmy Mammoth

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Goldwynisms 

The Oxymoron Factory, Movie Mogul Samuel Goldwyn

Goldwyn is credited with dozens of the greatest ever oxymorons (paradoxes) and malapropisms (the substitution of an incorrect word for a word with a similar sound). He produced so many that dictionaries now list the noun Goldwynism: a phrase or statement involving a humorous and supposedly unintentional misuse of idiom, as "Keep a stiff upper chin," esp. such a statement attributed to Samuel Goldwyn, as "Include me out."

In fact, many of his quotes were the invention of writers who worked for him in the film industry, such as Charlie Chaplin who claimed credit for this famous Goldwynism: "I'll tell you what I think in two words: im-possible!"

Best GOLDWYNISMS Ever 

These belong in a category of their own

Here is my collection of well-known and more obscure Samuel Goldwyn quotes. Feel free to vote for your favorites, and add more if you can find them.

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I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

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Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.

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I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.

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Include me out.

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What we need now is some new, fresh clichés.

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Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

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That's our strongest weak point.

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They stayed away in droves.

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I read part of it all the way through.

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Gentlemen, include me out.

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Flashbacks are a thing of the past.

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12

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A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

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13

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Anyone who would go to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined!

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14

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Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

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15

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I paid too much for it, but it's worth it.

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Why did you name him Sam? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!

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You fail to overlook the crucial point.

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I want to go where the hand of man has never set foot.

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I don't want to be surrounded by "yes men." I want people who'll disagree with me, even if it costs them their jobs.

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How come you did what I told you to do, when you know I don't know what I'm talking about?

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21

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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

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You've got to take the bitter with the sour.

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Never make forecasts, especially about the future.

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Destroy the old files, but make copies first.

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Why should people go out and pay to see bad movies when they can stay home and see bad television for nothing?

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Modern dancing is old fashioned.

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Here in Best Oxymorons Ever, you will find three categories of oxymorons: Funny, Profound, Inspirational, and Stupid. You may contribute to some or all of these with your own choices for Best Ever Quotes.


ALSO, I hope you will contribute to these other pages:

Best ATTRIBUTED QUOTATIONS Ever
These are quotes by specific authors in categories for Funny, Profound, Inspirational and Stupid!

Best SAYINGS Ever
These are anonymous (non-attributed) quotes in categories for Funny, Profound, and Inspirational.