I Write Good ...... And You Can To
All's I can say is... "Look out, Megan Casey. Theirs a new Sheriff in town!"
Fumblerules of Grammar
by Etymologist Par Excellence, William Safire
- Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
- No sentence fragments.
- Proof read carefully to see if you any words out.
- Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
- Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
- Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
- Write all adverbial forms correct.
Grammar Tip
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
Laugh & Learn with William Safire
How Not to Write: The Essential Misrules of Grammar
Amazon Price: $10.04 (as of 12/07/2009)
This book was published years ago as "Fumblerules." A fumblerule is a sentence that teaches a writing principle by being a clearly and often humorous example of breaking the rule. You immediately see why writing that way is a mistake. He has fifty column length articles here; each devoted to clarifying one rule. I enjoyed all of them and had more than a few laughs as I read through the book.
Avg. Customer Rating: 
Rush to a Bookstore Near You!
Fumblerules of Punctuation
by New York Times Columnist William Safire
- Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
- Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
- Avoid overuse of "quotation "marks.""""
- Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!
- Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
Punctuation Tip!!!
Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
Why, Commas Really Do Make a Difference!
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: Why, Commas Really Do Make a Difference!
Amazon Price: $10.87 (as of 12/07/2009)
This book aptly illustrates why commas really do make a difference!
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Here's my favorite link:
Beep Beep!
Fumblerules of Style and Diction
by Pulitzer Prize Winning Author William Safire
- Do not put statements in the negative form.
- If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
- Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
- Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
- Always pick on the correct idiom.
- Eschew dialect, irregardless.
- It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
- Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
- Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Style Tip
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
One Can Only Pity the Heir-Head Apparent
Ode to Irregardless
A Few Facts About 'Irregardless,' Courtesy of Wikipedia
Irregardless is a term meaning in spite of or anyway, that has caused controversy since it first appeared in the early twentieth century. It is generally listed in dictionaries as "incorrect" or "nonstandard."
The origin of irregardless is not known for certain, but the speculation among references is that it may be a blend of irrespective and regardless, both of which are commonly accepted standard English words. By blending these words, an illogical word is created. Another possibility is that when people say "irregardless" they are following the pattern of words like irrational and irregular. Since the prefix ir- means 'not' (as it does with irrespective), and the suffix -less means 'without,' irregardless is a double negative.
In the comic strip Li'l Abner, throughout the 1930s and 1940s various characters used irregardless frequently, and may have even kept the word alive during those decades by causing enough people to think it was the correct syntax.
The Indispensible Thesaurus
Thesaurus Rex
No writer worth his salt would leave home without their pocket thesaurus. Thumb thru the pages and look for yourself. A world of synonyms are at your beck and call, ready to add pizazz to any text. You'll never be stumped for the perfect word in any situation... circumstance... predicament... condition. Plagiarizers around the globe know this to be true: steal a chunk of text from some other schlub writer, stick in a few replacement synonyms here and there to throw off the Google bots, and suddenly, you're Hemingway! And let us not forget antonyms. If ever you need to say the opposite of what you're trying to say, don't hesitate to put this awesome resource to work for you today. As my second grade teacher use to say, "A thesaurus is NOT a dinosaur." In conclusion, it will behoove you to keep one by your side at all times, particularly when composting text modules for your Squidoo lenses. Here's my favorite link:
Who Knew It Was An Actual Place?
Style Tip
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
It Bares Repeating... Don't Be Redundant!
Hey, Who Ya Callin' a Dummy?
English Grammar for Dummies
Amazon Price: $13.59 (as of 12/07/2009)
Five out of four English teachers agree that writing good will help you in everyday situations, such as making tons of Squidoo lenses. Editionally, you will get extra confidence in knowing your speaking or writing well, and you'll stun people whom aren't as goodly articulated.
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Don't be a Wise Guy with Words
I HEART Spell Check
Eradicate Spelling Foe Paws!
Luckily for us good writers, technology is the proverbial night in shining armor. Spelling perfection is just a click away with your friendly spell checker. When I first embraced my spell checker, this dude in my journalism class warned, "Beware of homonyms!" and I was all "whatEVER!" But I did'nt just fall off the turnip truck... the poor deer obviously new vary little about computers and hi-tech stuff. Suffice it two say, he was totally blown aweigh buy my supreme writing skills and expertises. But that was literally eons ago; its a mute point. Lets fast forward too the present wear anyone with a computer can whip up excellent syntax with professional results. Just press the trusty spell cheque key when your done texting and -- Ta-Da! -- those pesky typos are stopped dead inn there tracks! 
Too Cool For School
Queen of the Spelling Bee!
Spelling Bee Champion Womens Scoop Neck T-Shirt
Amazon Price: (as of 12/07/2009)
Say it loud and proud with a fashionable tank top. This heavyweight 100% cotton garment is preshrunk to keep it's good looks. The shirt has a bound neck, double-needle sleeves, and a bottom hem. Celebrate your inner champoin with style!
Here's my favorite link:
Don'tcha Mean Endeavour? It Doesn't Take a Rocket Scientist to Figure That One Out!
Eliminate Quotations
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
"Lord, what fools these mortals be!"
American Author William Safire
A Few Facts Courtesy of Wikipedia
William Lewis Safire was an American author, columnist, journalist and presidential speechwriter. Safire died from pancreatic cancer at a hospice in Rockville, Maryland, on September 27, 2009, aged 79. He was survived by his wife Helene; their children Mark and Annabel; and a granddaughter.He was perhaps best known as a long-time syndicated political columnist for the New York Times and a regular contributor to "On Language" in the New York Times Magazine, a column on popular etymology, new or unusual usages, and other language-related topics.
Never Stop Proofreading
And Finally... Without Further Adieu
My Most Secret Writing Tips!
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
- It is wrong ever to split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- One should never generalize.
- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
- Profanity sucks!
- Be more or less specific.
- Understatement is always best.
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical sentences?
- Avoid alliteration. Always.
- Employ the vernacular.
- Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
- No sentence fragments.
- Never use a long word where a diminuative one will do.
- Never ever use repetitive redundancies.
- Don't verb nouns.
- Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague! They're old hat.
Its Your Turn!
Don't Worry... I Except Criticism Good As Well
Rest Your Weary Wrists, Fellow Scribes!
Share You're Favorite Writing Pet Peeve in This Here Guestbook
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Reply
- arncyn arncyn Dec 2, 2009 @ 1:58 am
- This is a fantastic resource! I enjoyed reading all the tips *irregardless* of the fact that I was wincing at all the mistakes I'm guilty of! (:
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Reply
- Greekgeek Greekgeek Nov 28, 2009 @ 11:51 pm
- I just came back to absorb more wisdom.
ESCHEW OBFUSCATION!
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Reply
- drifter0658 drifter0658 Oct 15, 2009 @ 8:10 pm
- Eye always toad mahsef ,"If'n I becum a Skwid Angle I'd bless this hear linz."
Sew eye iz blessin' it.
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Reply
- JaguarJulie JaguarJulie Oct 5, 2009 @ 3:53 pm
- Some days I write gooder than other days and some days I'll have a brain f*rt. Once in a while, a few words will trip me up and that's the time I think, "I didn't write that!"
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Reply
- puterfreak puterfreak Aug 9, 2009 @ 6:45 am
- Love your lens! It reminded me of my childhood.
My uncle, who is an English teacher with a Master's degree frequently corrected me. I remember him looking at me with a grin on his face saying, "Ain't ain't a word!" Of course, he also used to smile at me and say, "The word is rabbit, not wabbit!" LOL
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Courtesies
Even Prose Need Help Now and Than
Laughter... The Best Medicine
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Thank you, chefkeem!
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Squidoo lensmasters work hard to provide remarkable, original content in beautifully designed lenses. This lens features the lighter side of it all - the funny stuff! Funny videos, funny stories, jokes, and pictures. Funny quotes, funny animals, game...
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© 2009 Kim GiancaterinoThis Squidoo Lens by Kim Giancaterino is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
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About the Author
Lensmaster KimGiancaterino has been a member since October 30 2006, has rated 8,214 lenses, favorited 4,037, and has created 291 lenses from scratch. Kim Giancaterino donates their royalties to Asante Africa Foundation. This member's top-ranked page is "Diary of a Squid Angel (2009)". See all my lenses
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