Best Ways to Get Over A Breakup

When a partner chooses to end a relationship we are often left feeling dejected, unwanted and our self-esteem is threatened. We wonder what is wrong with me? What did I do to make him/her leave?

Sometimes the cause is completely outside our control. Sometimes we cross that invisible- no-turning-back-quicksand line and we have to deal with the consequences of our actions.

Barring any kind of abuse there is no reason to be ashamed of yourself and every reason to know you are still a good person. It is vitally important that you know you will survive the breakup.

You will be OK if you keep in mind that each of us has free will and that as human beings, we all make mistakes.

No relationship succeeds or fails as a result of the actions of one person. It takes two or more to be in a relationship.

You might be tempted to seek revenge, show him/her or some similar negative reaction to the breakup. Yes, I know Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats" might give you some satisfaction but carried out, it's a losing proposition. Listen -- watch the video if you like but stop there. And guys, any show of force will backfire and possibly land you in jail.

Keep these points in mind as we move onto the next subject: acceptance.

Together apart ©fpm @iStockphoto

Now, before you think I haven't a clue about the pain involved in a breakup, let me tell you I didn't achieve a happy marriage the first time out. Or the second. And marriage(s) came after other relationships so, I'm all too familiar with heartache.

The point is you have to validate the decision of your partner first. You have to accept the breakup and agree that it is probably for the best before you can move forward to mend the relationship. This may seem counterproductive but in fact, it is critical.

It would be ideal if love and romance was a puzzle whose pieces fit together perfectly so we all behaved and performed in blissful harmony. The fact is, love is a puzzle but the pieces are handmade. No two pieces alike. This is exactly what makes love so thrilling and exasperating at the same time.

Often, by the time the split actually takes place, there is a lot of hostility, negativity and finger pointing. How can you move forward as friends or even dream of rekindling the relationship if you don't open the lines of communication first? When one party (seems) more dedicated to reuniting, it follows that this is the person who must take this critical step.

Puzzle People ©onurdongel @iStockphoto

Remember what I wrote about self respect. No one responds favorably to a clinging, pleading, begging ex-partner or ex-partner-to-be. In fact, this type of behavior tends to send them packing faster!

I remember as a teen, calling up a boyfriend who had dumped me & blasting a song into the telephone receiver. (This was before cell phones, IMs or Txt.) That ploy didn't work. The guy ran every time he saw me. It took a few experiences like this for me to learn what was going on.

Here is a poem I wrote back then. CORRECTION! I am mortified to admit that I didn't write this at all! I was telling my sister about the poem recently & she said, "Ter - I wrote that poem!" Suddenly, it came back to me. I remembered that my sister was the more prolific writer in those days. I remembered a couple of other fantastic poems she wrote like "China Doll" and "Mr. Sandman" so, I stand corrected and promise it was an innocent and unintentional theft. But, she is a great writer:

Take your pick
a sexy broad or me-
I knew you'd choose her
a perfect walkie-talkie doll
and nothing more.
No great loss, I wouldn't
want a statue collector
for a lover anyway.

Of course, I got over it. I got over him. If you haven't heard this before hear it now:resentment doesn't do a thing to the person you feel resentment toward. It only hurts you.

The point is sad breakup poems like sad songs are a kind of therapy. They are far more useful for the seeker. DO read them, write them and listen to them- steal them if you must . ;-( (so sorry, Sis!) Love poems and songs of all kinds are food for the heart and soul.

Christmas Is All About Love ©Kativ @iStockphoto

Here are cool & convenient MP3 downloads. NOTE: Some titles may be available in "explicit" versions but my preference (& in keeping with Squidoo etiquette) the amended versions have been chosen for your enjoyment.

If you haven't heard one of these songs and want to, just click on the link & listen/preview (for free) at Amazon!

Scroll down through the many love song modules, MORE OR LESS ALPHABETIZED BY PERFORMER and/or FIRST NAME.

If you like it and want to own it, click on the link to BUY the MP3.

There are SOOOOOOO many phenomenal love songs in existance. They truly are timeless. I've chosen a small group of 60 songs for your enjoyment. I hope you find something that resonates with you.

Alanis Morissette
Avril Lavigne
Barry White
The Beatles
Akon
Bee Gees

You Oughta Know

Keep Holding On

You're The First, The Last, My Everything

If I Fell

I Wanna Love You

To Love Somebody

Beyonce
Boyz II Men
Bread
Beatles
Bryan Adams
Cat Stevens

Crazy In Love

I'll Make Love To You

Everything I Own
(LP Version)

And I Love Her
(Coverversion)

(Everything I Do) I Do It For You

How Can I Tell You

Lot Of Music
© U.P. Images @iStockphoto

Cher
Chris Botti
Christina Aguilera
Creed
Dave Matthews
Debbie Gibson

Believe

When I Fall In Love

Ain't No Other Man

With Arms Wide Open

Crash Into Me

Lost In Your Eyes
(LP Version)

Song of Love ©Tihis @iStockphoto

Dixie Chicks (x 2)
Don Henley (x 2)
Elton John
Eric Clapton

Easy Silence

Cowboy Take Me Away
(Album Version)

The End Of The Innocence

The Heart Of The Matter

Your Song

Wonderful Tonight

Valentines Background © da-kuk @iStockPhoto

Etta James
Four Tops
Gwen Stefani
James Taylor
Jessica Simpson
Joe Cocker

At Last

Baby I Need Your Loving

The Sweet Escape

Something In The Way She Moves

Irresistible

You Are So Beautiful

When You Fall In Love ©Pomidorisgogo @iStockphoto

Joni Mitchell (x 2)
Josh Groban
Justin Timberlake
Kylie Minogue
Leon Russell

A Case Of You

Blue

Home To Stay

My Love
(Single Version)

Can't Get You Out Of My Head

A Song For You

3d Music Notes © MarsBars @iStockphoto

Lonestar
Madeleine Peyroux
Madonna
Mariah Carey
Marvin Gaye
Mary J. Blige

Amazed

This Is Heaven to Me

Crazy For You
(Album Version)

Fantasy

How Sweet It Is
(To Be Loved By You)

Hold On
(Amended Version)

Piano Keys and Candles ©kurashov @iStockphoto

Michael Buble
Nora Jones
Peter Gabriel
Righteous Bros. (x 2)
Roberta Flack

Always On My Mind

Come Away With Me

In Your Eyes

You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

Unchained Melody

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
(Remastered Version)

Digital Music © U.P. Images @iStockphoto

Rod Stewart
Savage Garden
Shania Twain
Styx
The Supremes
The Cure

(I Know) I'm Losing You

Truly Madly Deeply

From This Moment On

Lady

Someday We'll Be Together

Love Song

music Improvisation ©BALDARI @iStockphoto

Stevie Wonder
The Happenings
The Marshall Tucker Band
U2
Whitney Houston
Willie Nelson

I Just Called To Say I Love You

See You In September

Heard It In A Love Song
(45 Version)

With Or Without You

I Will Always Love You

Always On My Mind

Valentines Background © da-kuk @iStockPhoto

Laura A.Munson's "This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness" is available at Amazon for Pre-Order with a release date of April 1, 2010. (No fooling!)

http://www.amazon.com

If you haven't had the chance to read Ms. Munson's New York Times Essay "Modern Love: Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear"

http://www.nytimes.com

or The Week's The Last Word "He Said He Was Leaving. She ignored him."

http://www.theweek.com

you really need to check them out.

Her keen insight that her husband's unhappiness was outside of her control gave their relationship the space it needed to grow.

Every human of dating age is familiar with dinner and a movie. It's an OK, run-of-the-mill date standby but not earth-moving or shooting-star-romantic, is it?

Acclaimed romance and relationship expert Michael Webb has written 300 Creative Dates to provide you with inventive ideas for first dates, long distance dating, rekindling romance, dates for specific celebrations and much, much more.

You will also find the Do's and Don'ts of dating and some hilarious stories of dating disasters. (OK, probably not funny to the participants but will keep you from making similar mistakes.)

Read the testimonials, enjoy free bonuses and relax with the knowledge of a money back guarantee. This man knows his stuff!

Get Creative TODAY!

There's a great book (or Audio CD or MP3) by Dr. Sue Johnson called "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for A Lifetime of Love. If you've truly made a commitment to your partner, invest emotionally.

According to the Amazon description of this book: "Dr. Johnson teaches that the way to enhance or save a relationship is to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other and to reestablish emotional connection." I'm enjoying the audio version and will more than likely buy the book as well. It's impressive.

Hardcover Book

Hold Me Tight:
Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Audio CD

Hold Me Tight:
Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

MP3

Hold Me Tight:
Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

A major complaint people report, when talking about stagnant relationships, is a lack of communication.
This may be quickly followed by the assertion that he or she doesn't listen to me.

Relationships thrive when we explore the thoughts, desires, hopes and aspirations of the one we love. Ideally, this partner of yours can be your best friend-the one you share most everything with; the person with whom you can safely confide your fears and worries, too. Michael Webb has created "1000 Questions for Couples" to help open the lines of communication for you and your partner.

He is the author of 300 Creative Dates mentioned above. If you are not familiar with him, he has appeared on NBC, Fox, ABC and CBS News, and Oprah and has been featured in magazines including: Modern Bride, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Redbook, World Traveler and many more.

This book is broken into sections so you can use it as a reference if you aren't one to read a book from cover to cover. Here are just a few of the headings:

-Personality, Feelings and Emotions
-Attractions
-Morals, Convictions and Beliefs
-Career and Education
-Health, Food and Well Being
-Relationships: Past and Present
-Children & Child Rearing
-Car and Driver Holidays and Celebrations

From a psychological perspective, people love to talk about themselves. Engaging in conversation of a give and take nature - which asking questions supports - provides both partners the opportunity to be in the spotlight. Asking the right questions gives us insight into what makes the other tick.

As a bonus to buyers of the ebook, Michael offers a 300 day email course and the ebook "101 Romantic Ideas." For more information

Ask Your Partner TODAY!