How to Improve the Relationship with your Horse

Let me start by saying that I use many, many horsemanship principles. Each is a tool in your relationship toolbox. In order to get the most out of this site, let me outline some of the influences on my horse learning.

I have started and trained my own horse through long-lining. I have ridden thousands of trail hours and observed hundreds of other horse/rider combinations.

I have studied the educational videos put out by the Parellis, Clinton Anderson, the Lyons, and Tommy Turvey. I have read Horse, Follow Closely, the books of John Lyons and anything else I can get my hands on. I spent two weeks at the Parelli training center in Florida studying horse behavior. I have attended horse training demos and seminars that feature a variety of local and national trainers.

I spent an entire year being afraid of my horse after a lifetime of working with horses.

Pat and Linda Parelli have had a huge influence on my theoretical knowledge. I quote him A LOT because of this. Plus, he is very quotable.

However,the Parelli techniques have not so far had the biggest influence on my practical "hands-on" abilities. That credit goes to Leslie Rush of Partner-Up here in Orlando. She is a John Lyons-based trainer. The work I did in the round pen with my MFT mare Tampa Bay allowed me to start to use my Parelli techniques with confidence and effectiveness.

I then used my Parelli tools to overcome blocks in my John Lyons work since I understood my horse thanks to Linda, Pat and the instuctors of the Parelli organization.

As I talk to people, they have very strong opinions about various teachers and trainers out there. Especially Pat and Linda Parelli. People either love them or avoid making eye contact with me when I talk about them. For every Trainer/Teacher who is sharing their techniques, there will be people who are not fans of the personalities.

But what really matters in My Relationship with My Horse is my horse's opinion of me as a leader, not my personal opinion of the teachers and trainers out there. If my horse responds to the things Pat Parelli teaches, I love that new thing I've learned. If my horse doesn't respond, I will try something else.

As you travel along on your Horse Journey, pay attention to what works. You don't have to like the messenger to benefit from the message. And you have to admit that we all share A Love Of Horses. That's what is important.

When I was 18, I wanted to get an Inexpensive Broke-to-death Grade Gelding "just like the one I had when I was 12." I had been leasing a leopard Appaloosa gelding named Dipper and when the time came to convert the lease to a purchase, the owner Anne backed out and kept the barn-sour beast that I had come to love.

I didn't know that I had been under surveillance by several other members of the barn I was boarding at. Carol approached me to say that since the deal on Dipper had fallen through, they had a horse that I was "approved" to look at. An unbroken 2-year-old registered half-Arabian mare. (Please compare this description to what I thought I wanted.) Carol owned the half-sister to this mare and was VERY particular who would get the privilege of owning "family."

The only Arabian I had ever met stood in his stall and literally banged his head against the wall when he wasn't trying to buck off his trainer. Needless to say, I was skeptical. Carol smirked, promptly loaded me into the car and drove me out to meet . . . Amber. It was my "Black Stallion" moment. She took one glorious step out into the sunshine, tossed her long white mane, and I swear I heard harp music and a choir singing in the background. She was mine and I was hers.

Her previous owner, David, was described to me as a "ground person" by Carol. A what? "There are two kinds of horse people." Carol explained. Those who love to ride and those who are just as happy working with horses from the ground - handling, grooming, etc. I couldn't imagine owning a horse without riding it, but David had done a great job with Amber. She was well-groomed and her ground manners were well-started. David was going off to college, so with tears of sadness on his part and tears of joy on mine a deal was made.

I have thought about Carol's "two types of horse people" occasionally since then. But I would like to offer another way of looking at horse people - those who like to ride and are good enough to get the horse to do it their way exactly no matter what the horse is communicating, and those who want to have a relationship with the horse that is built on communication and natural leadership principles.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the first category - just that they are a different breed from us seekers of "My Friend Flicka." And within both categories there is a range of human behavior that ranges from kind to abusive.

If you are reading this lens, I assume you are the second type of horseman. I want to be the boy from King of the Wind riding his Arabian stallion into life. I want to be the kids from Misty of Chicoteague who have a friendship with a nickering pony. I want to hug my horse and have her hug me back. I know all of that is fiction, but how close can we get?

If you don't have a round-pen, get one. Beg, borrow (but don't steal) one. Use your neighbor's. Save your carrot money and know that you've bought your horse the best treat you can ever buy him. I love the round pen. It started my relationship with Amber all those many years ago and saved my relationship with my Foxtrotter Tampa Bay one year ago. I cannot say enough good things about my friend the Round Pen.

We all know people couples that don't seem to belong together. It happens with people-horse couples, too. Are you loud or timid? Is your horse loud or timid? Are either of you an extrovert, or an introvert? Do you guys even like each other? There is a way to find out the answer to some of these questions.

Start by observing your horse in its environment. Just observe - don't talk to her or try to interact. Sit in a chair outside her stall or paddock or pasture and just watch what she does. Ideally, observe how she interacts with any other horses around her. Since horses are herd animals, and you would like to establish your own herd with her, what is her social nature like when she is not with you? Does she push the other horses around? Does she get pushed around? Does she stand by herself?

Now onto Step 2. This can be the same day or another day. Go into your horse's paddock or, better yet, go into the round pen with him. If you have to, you can sit in the pasture but sometimes this can be too big of a space to get a timely response.

Sit down in a chair or on the mounting block. Take a book, this could be a long observation. Is your horse even remotely interested in why you are there and what you are doing?

If your horse turns his back to you and ignores you, think about what he is telling you about the relationship you two have. It could be "If you don't have food, I want nothing to do with you." Or it could just be, "I want nothing to do with you." This is neither good nor bad, it just tells you where you both are starting.

This is one reason I like the round pen. There IS nothing else to do so if you start here with disinterest, there is no other reason for it than your horse doesn't like you.

Now I've said the thing we all dread. We WANT our horses to like us. We want our horses to LOVE us. But if your horse isn't there yet, try to figure out why. Maybe it's not you. Maybe your horse is a grump that doesn't like anyone. You have learned this by watching her in her environment. Maybe she is okay with other horses but doesn't like people.

But she is a herd animal and needs a social network. No matter what has happened, you can be that social network. PParelli says that a horse Can Forgive but Never Forgets. Depending on the circumstances, and where you guys are starting from, this could be a long process. But if you know this, patience with the process will come naturally.

If your horse is acting interested in why you are there, notice if she just watches you or actually approaches. It's okay to pet her but no treats! There is plenty of time to "send flowers" later. Now you're just "spotting each other across a crowded room."

Some horses will hang out with you for a bit and then wander off to find something more interesting. Just neutrally observe all of this and think about what your horse is doing and how it fits in with what you know about her.

If you want to learn more about this topic, there are a number of books and videos that talk about horse personalities. There are compatability tests for both you and your horse. And the Parellis have devised a way to categorize and respond to your horse's "horseanality" in a new DVD series.

My Foxtrotter mare Tampa Bay is active and wanders around the round pen. I am interesting, but there is always something else that might be interesting too. With other horses, she is fairly dominant and has no problem hanging out by herself or near them. She wants what she wants.

My Gypsy Vanner mare Amy wants to stand near me and is not too interested in anything other than what I am doing. In the pasture, she is active and engaged with the other horses. Her motto is "Love me."

My Gypsy Vanner gelding Titus is interested in why we're there. He doesn't wander around too much but doesn't necessarily come over either. He has not been handled much but loves to watch what's going on around the barn. He is a "people-watcher" when in the pasture. He will boss the other horses around, but likes to be near them. Contrast this with Tampa, who doesn't necessarily care if she is near the other horses or not.

My new Foxtrotter gelding Doc Holiday has not been given the round pen test yet. I have spent quite a bit of time observing him with his peers. In the pasture he is highly social with lots of scratching and buddy-bonding. He is also interested in buddy-bonding with me and will come right to the gate to see if I want to take him out. Everyone is his friend.

How did the exercise help me in my relationships? I know that I need to be both constantly interesting and ready to maintain my leadership role with Tampa. I need to give Amy lots of reassurance and affection, but to use quiet leadership with her. Titus is going to be easily distracted and will require more constant reminders that I am calling the shots in our herd. Doc Holiday is going to always want to be with other horses and will look to many sources for guidance. I have to understand that he is quick to give his loyalty - to me or to another horse that is his "new best friend."

I will be adding to this lens. Add me to your favorites and check often for additional tips and techniques. Visit my links and enjoy your Horse Journey.

I am also going to start my horses through level one Parelli this fall under the video guidance of a Parelli instructor after the summer heat. I will keep you posted on this through another lens.

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