A Tribute To The Standup And Music Of Bill Bailey, Comedy Wizard

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Hello my fellow travelers on the world wide web. If you know not of Bill Bailey, then I hope this page will serve as an introduction to this great man's unique blend of surreal comedy and music.

Bill Bailey was born in a cave thousands of years ago part troll part wizard all hippie. In the somerset area of what was to become England. Raised by a kindly family of barn owls, he had a keen interest in music and comedy from an early age.

Ok so I may have made some of that up although he was born in somerset, If you are really interested in his bio you can read his Wiki page here. Bill Bailey - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

So on with the comedy.

Dr Qui, Bill Baileys French Version Of The Dr Who Theme

Very very funny

C'est lui, dans la nuit- Docteur Qui
Il voyage dans le Tardis. Le boite de telephone. Fantastique d'espace!
L'interieur est beaucoup plus grand que l'exterieur
Et ca, c'est le mystere de Docteur Qui
L'enemie, il s'appele Davros, le capitain des Daleks
Il est demi-Dalek et demi-homme- incroyable!
Il veut controller le monde, toujours controller le monde
Il se leve le matin, il veut controller le monde!
Apres le petit-dejeuner, il veut controller le monde!
Mais ilne controllait le monde jamais! Ce n'est pas tres realistique
Avec les Daleks, le Docteur est superieur.
Exterminez-vous! Exterminez-vous encore! Ah, zutalors!
Le docteur gagne, il rit 'Ha, ha, ha- j'ai gagne parce que je suis Docteur Qui

Bill Bailey On Kinder Surprise Eggs

A chocolate egg with a small toy inside , for those who dont know

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. I call them the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability. And when I buy them, I always ask for them in the third person: "Bill Bailey would like the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability." I did that the other day and it answered me back, and he said to me: "No, I am Bill Bailey. You are not Bill Bailey, you are just a mere doppelgänger. I am the true Bill Bailey, in another dimension." And I went, "Oh, I hadn't planned on that." Then I thought the only way to solve this, I have to run at my doppelgänger, then we will be fused forever. So I ran full-tilt at it, and just before I got there I realised it was the highly polished side of the cheese counter.

“Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.”

“It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.”

Bill Bailey's Tribute To Krtaftwerk

That's what it's all about

Bill Bailey's very funny version of the hokey kokey, if it was performed by Kraftwerk.

Enjoy
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On The Welsh National Dish

Welsh rarebit , or cheese on toast

The national [Welsh] dish, cheese on toast, that's fantastic. "That's no bother". "We're having a big ambassadorial reception." "All right, I'll get the grill on shall I? You want a bit of chutney on it?" "No, don't go mad Rhodri, it's only Fiji." I think though that it has actually hampered Wales's cultural diversity, because if you think of the other national dishes, like Ireland - Irish stew, bubbling away for hours on end, during which time poems are written, plays are written, fine linen is crafted, the whimsy is spun; Scotland, you have haggis, many many days it takes to pulverise the eyes, lips and all the toes, every [part] of the animal, the hooves, the shirt, the trousers, the abbatoir worker's laundry, everything goes in there, and it's bubbling away for days on end under the ground in the lung of a small burrowing animal, during which time electric light is invented, penicillin, a fine legal structure, those little things you lick, press down and they ping back up, 'Oh, I forgot about them, oh yeah'; England, roast beef, roasting away for days on end, during which time poor, defenceless countries around the world are brought under the relentless yoke of imperial oppression; Wales, cheese on toast, "Right...oh, it's ready. Shit."

Bill Bailey DVD's and Stuff

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“* Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!”

Bill Bailey - On Being A Vegetarian

* I'm a vegetarian. I'm not strict; I eat fish, and duck. Well, they're nearly fish, aren't they? They're semi-submerged a lot of the time, they spend a lot of time in the water, they're virtually fish, really. And pigs, cows, sheep, anything that lives near water, I'm not strict. I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically.

* You're absolutely right, Hitler was a vegetarian. It's very unseemly to think so, but there he was. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide

Who photographs kebabs?

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“God save the Queen: Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?”

Comments welcome, If it's funny even better!

  • theraggededge Sep 8, 2010 @ 3:50 pm | delete
    Very good. I love him too!

    Blessed by a Welsh rarebit-loving Squid angel :-)
  • NanLT Feb 13, 2009 @ 11:51 am | delete
    I love Bill Bailey. Would love it if you added a link to his Kraftwerk Spoof. Absolutely hilarious.
  • Margo_Arrowsmith Sep 20, 2008 @ 4:29 pm | delete
    Good quotes lol

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