Keeping Your Face Off Of The Web

Before you take that extra shot of vodka out of that girl's belly button or off that dude's chest, think,"Will I be truly fucked up after this last shot?" Because it's that extra shot, beer, or mixed drink that will make you a prime candidate for a shot like this later on.
*Picture from TheChive.com*

Do you really know your friends and family? It is good to be aware of the people in your life that look for any excuse to capitalize on anyone's misfortune. I had a friend that kept telling my wife the same sorry story every time we got together about me being drunk one night and doing all types of inexplicable shit. Needless to say, I dropped that frenemy like a damn hot plate. If he had known about my latest drunken frenzy, you readers would be watching me on Youtube laughing it up right now. I'm not saying you have to drop your friends or family, just keep yourself under control around those people when you get the undeniable urge to fall flat on your face doing something ignorant. Somebody might be waiting with a camera...

This piece of advice is probably one of the hardest things to do. When you're having a good time it is sooo easy to forget that you might be in a forest, on a boat, driving a car, riding a bull, at the lake etc. Usually when we forget these things, that's when the unexplainable shit happens to us, and once again someone snuck up on your silly ass with a camera. Know where you are, what dangers (however stupid they are) are present, and how can you prevent someone from getting over 100,000 page hits from you getting hit in the face by a frickin' seagull.

When I mean don't force anything, I really mean it. That goes for living and inanimate things. It seems that when people force things, animals, people to do something that they would not ordinarily do, the results are usually priceless (not for that person of course). Take for example, the dumb kid that always tries to force the square peg through the round hole in the workbench toy. He knows that the peg won't fit, but he is determined to make it fit because it is a hole. Don't be a dumb ass kid forcing square pegs through round holes, you might end up like these nuts.

If you decide to post a video or picture online for the world to see, at least get a real honest opinion from someone who is "honest." Don't ask your mom, wife, or anyone who is sensitive to you, feels sorry for you, or is scared to tell you the truth. If you need to find out who will give you an honest opinion, deliberately wear some hideous article of clothing (old ass tie, polyester suit, etc) and ask people what they think of it. The people that tell you to take that tacky shit off are the same people you should ask their opinion about your video or picture before you post it online. Those people that tell you what your wearing looks great are the people you really need to bitch slap. Hard.