Blinders in the Church

For over twenty years, Sunday mornings were the highlight of my week. I looked forward to them, desired to stay at length in the service that I attended, and usually went home highly fulfilled and happy to have worshipped in a most fulfilling way along with reconnecting with friends whom I adored. The music was meaningful and of high quality. The service and sermons went straight to the heart and mind, and there was no part of my life that was not touched by the entire service. If only it could have lasted. I know I am not the only one having such cantations with heavy sighs. That was in the midst of the charismatic movement, the "Jesus Movement" as some have called it, in the 70s and 80s. I was much happier with church then, and I have been seeking that experience ever since. It is nowhere to be found.

My Sunday morning experiences now have turned into dreadful experiences as I have sought to worship the Lord I so adore in the community of saints commonly called 'the church'. I have noticed several tendencies that continually are leading me to a new direction: possible abandonment of the church altogether although my very being depises the notion.

Several times and over several years, I have visited the church of my denominational heritage in my new town down the road from me. It chills me now to think about it. One can always tell the heartbeat of a congregation through its members. I have had a healthy dose of the liturgical congregations in my area. Liturgical churches, I am sad to say due to my favor for them, have a habit of turning to organizations in their need to relinquish guilt over assisting the needy. Rather than the very act of getting involved, "Who me?" they tend to fork over their dollars as a recompense for their share of actual dirty work. I have seen this countless times, and I have felt it from the other side when I was the one in need. As recently as a few months ago, I heard one liturgical member state, "Sure we'll help them just as long as they stay over there. We're over here, and they stay over there." I was horrified, I later decided to quietly speak after class to this person and ascertain I had understood him correctly. He then told me he regularly led a Bible study as he reaffirmed his position. I decided to never return to that church. I could hardly believe my ears. A leader of a men's Bible study group had the characteristic of divisiveness and superiority. His station in the church was elevated to my puzzlement and certainly, this went against scripture (James 1) that instruct against partiality.

There was once a time years ago in my own life that I encountered an extreme need. I immediately turned to the church believing it to be the family I had always been assured it stated. "Go there," I was told. "There is an organization down the street who can help you." As a member for a short time of that very church, I was shocked to have the door closed on me when I was in dire need, and ears suddenly turned deaf to my case. Did understanding the parable of the Good Samaritan have no hold on them at all? Or were my expectations too large in expecting the church to hold up to what it preached every Sunday?

On the other hand, I have known others who proclaim Jesus as Lord and Savior outside of the bounds of the church who have acted in better manner than those in the church itself. This should not be a surprise excepting that the church speaks so highly of itself. Generosity with abandonment has been experienced in my case. Understanding ears have come my way. These were situations when the church shuttered its doors with deafness or simply did not notice the void spot of the once highly visible parishioner. The scars left within became imbedded so deeply that trust in authority became a major issue. Many have wondered why I should continue to want to visit the church. I believe there is better, and I believe I will find it someday.

At another liturgical church down another road in my hometown that prides itself for being more understanding of people in need, I gaped in awe as members in the Sunday School class did not know that the only reason their classes on Sunday were different from any other civic group was due to its focus on Jesus Christ. For some strange reason, I, a visitor, gave the one true reason. Jesus is the focus of the church. Christianity focuses on God's Son crucified and risen from the grave, His hope given to all through the Holy Spirit a few days later. Yet the members of the group seemed oblivious to these facts as stated in the creed they recite every week. Are they blind?

It is interesting to note that in that same class it was noted that 'the church has turned in on itself'. I turned to my neighbor and assured her that, indeed, I was on the verge of an op-ed on the very topic. The topic was discussed for a few minutes, and thrown about in agreement. "Yes," the class decided. "The church has turned in on itself." And yet, I did not hear one member address the next step to counter the situation. As a visitor for the first time, and not of the denomination, I believed it wiser to hold my tongue and notice what this group would do. One can tell what a church is like by its members, I remembered.

What has the church come to? In the first church that I visited, others were so busy with "their things", they had little time to notice nor greet a visitor much less one who seemed confused by the affairs going on. I felt rather in the way. As I stood assessing the situation, I remembered the time in my church of origin when I had hostessed and taken aim to pull visitors in and show them around. More than showing newcomers around, it is the host/greeters/members mission to welcome into a home as if greeting into one's own living room. Perhaps women are better at this than men, but do we look the other way when we have visitors come into our homes? Do we turn our heads when long-lost cousins show up after having been gone awhile? Do we state, "I've got to go attend to ...." and give no notice or thought of gladness at the renewal of sight to the visitor?

These are the blinders of the church. Groups and cliques of various age and format run abundant in the church so dominating that the church has lost its main function, evangelism and maintaining a sense of caring for the poor and lost. What has happened to the church? It has become a social religious club of nice people coming to do a nice ritual for feel-gooders and regathering on Sunday mornings. It has lost its main venue of seeking the empowerment of God for going out to do His work in a world crippled by sinners and sin. Now, I don't doubt that I will be offensive to some in stating the above, but I adjure you to look deeply at your church and its habits within.

In my own life and in my time away from the church, I have countless letters as an author of commendation for my words of inspiration either spoken or written. I have countless care-receivers who have hugged my neck and thanked me profoundly for my services. Yet, I am not involved in a church. Funny. I depend on God for my strength. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I depend on His Spirit as the grace in my life for strength. Yet, I can find no church who is interested in me (or at least shows it), but I can find alot of people outside of the church who find me worthy as a writer and friend. Put all that together. Perhaps it's because I state too much, and the church does not like it. I just can't hide from what I believe is the truth. When will the church look?