Bored does will be pleased to know that they finally have a day they can celebrate, "International Bored Doe Day", on March 8th.

Mind you, this is not the occasion for bird-brains or bored does to whimper 'woe is me' or mooch around the mall. This is not the time for boo-hoo!

Let's face it, there's one ripsnorting remedy that all "bored does" need -- that's oodles of ballyhoo and loads of udderly rambunctious revelry!

So make some colorful paper chains or snowflakes, blow up some big balloons or long ones if you wish, throw on your glad rags with a wacky hat, crank up the music, and put on your dancing shoes -- we're have a P-A-R-T-Y -- a Pretty Awesome Rootn' Tootn' Yippe-i-o Day!!!

Nothing like a few pesky party animals to liven up the "Hundred Acre Wood"! So, don't waste your time on a down-in-the dumps donkey named "Eeyore", or even bother swapping recipies with a rodent named "Ratatouille"!

It's time to welcome all those sleep-deprived, she-species who keep the world going round. It's a day to celebrate what's great about being a very wise, witty, and winsome wench!

So, forget about watching grass grow or waiting at the train station for your ship to come in! More to the point, it's time to toss your trials and tribulations into the nearest pitty pot and start shaking your booty girl! After all, you are the "Queen of Sheba" for at least one day a year, and don't you forget it!

The "Bored Doe Club" is open to any female who wishes to:

1) toss her cookies or her "to do list" out the window along with her domestic duds or corporate couture,

2) cancel her visit to the salon for a chance to let her hair down, and finally

3) laugh, play and exercise her creative genes as well as her funnybones with like-minded lollygaggers for a few hours a month.

Official Meeting Place:
Any "Bored Room" without a glass-ceiling!

Official "Bored Doe" Motto:
"Bambi is Boring Beyond Belief, So Suck It Up And Get A Life!"

Official "Bored Doe" Club Song:
"Mairzy Doats And Dozy Doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you? Yes! Mairzy doats And Dozy Doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you? If the words sound queer, and funny to your ear, a little bit jumbled and jivey, Sing "Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy" Oh! Mairzy Doats and Dozy Doats and liddle lamzy divey A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you - oo? A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?

Official "Bored Doe" Meal:
Real Women eat "Real Food"! (or something slightly sassy and sweet for those wild and wacky for wenches who need a little more wiggle room!)

Official "Bored Doe" Beverage:
"Bored Doe" naturally, (from South African winery, "Goats Do Roam")

Official Boredom Buster Book of the Month: "Amelia's Boredom Survival Guide"

Official "Bored Doe" Vacation Spot: Town of Boring, Oregon

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Note: Membership in the "Bored Doe Club" entitles you to membership in our affliate organization, the "Creative Loafing Institute".

Here's a winemaker's description of the one and only "Bored Doe" (made by "Goats Do Roam" Winery in South Africa):

Madame Chevre, an udderly gorgeous doe, bored but mischievous, serenely looks out over her neatly manicured vineyards. She reluctantly conforms to legislation and tradition, and only utilizes Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Malbec and Petit Verdot in her seductive blend. This she does vintage after vintage. Bored with tradition and legislation, she now uses her charm and seductive wines to add spice to her life. Beware, you are about to become her latest conquest!"

There are oodles of things a wicked wench can do to banish boredom once and for all.

1. Search for endangered species such as Nemo, the Ogopogo, Sasquatch, the Abominable Person of Snow or a Heffalump.

2. Tiptoe through the tulips (no, a briarpatch won't do as a substitute).

3. Pan for gold (or at the very least pennies, nickels or quarters lost at the beach).

4. Talk to plants (nicely of course, they like compliments).

5. Play hopscotch (on a busy sidewalk or while standing in line at the supermarket).

6. Sing in the rain (okay, with your gumboots on and an umbrella if you must); if that doesn't work (try the shower in the morning).

7. Yodel in the park (and don't forget to bring along those Swiss cough drops...you never know who'll need them).

8. Walk backwards for one hour (it will help you lose track of the time not to mention make a few progressive people scratch their heads).

9. Tickle someone else's funnybone or ear with a feather (without getting caught of course).

10. Smack your lips loudly (just for the sheer heck of it), and if anyone asks you to stop, just tell them it's healthier than getting botox injections!)

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Insert Photo Credit: "Hysteria - it's an acquired taste" by Susan Mrosek.