The Boy List: 14 Keys to Raising Boys

You can tell a lot about a person by his hat. If the poster in this section (Go ahead, click it for an even better look!) didn't include Indiana Jones's face, you'd probably still be able to tell me whose hat it was. If I had placed a cowboy hat there instead, you'd have an idea about the wearer. A police officer's hat, or a firefighter's helmet. An astronaut's helmet, or a football player's helmet. A drum major's hat, or a soldier's helmet...they're all different. They're all distinctive.

And they all teach a boy some valuable lessons.

Wearing a hat allows a boy to participate in a fantasy and gives him a goal to strive toward, or an exemplar to emulate. In so doing he is given the opportunity to explore the qualities embodied by the hat's wearer, imagine himself in situations far beyond (or maybe not) his everyday experience, and at least imagine the victories and difficulties faced by a "hero."

What can a boy learn? What sorts of qualities will he explore? Perhaps bravery. Leadership is a quality displayed by many of these potential role models. Perhaps the wearer needs a strong study and work ethic that the boy will think about. Physical strength is displayed by some of the role models he may see. Fairness. Honesty. Love of the outdoors.

Give a boy a hat. Let him engage in a fantasy. And watch the boy grow.

It is impossible to overstate how important reading is for a boy, although most boys don't realize it, won't admit it, and will probably deny doing so, even if you catch them with a book in their hand.

Reading can be a boy's escape in times of trouble or loneliness, an avenue to adventure, a means of learning all sorts of wonderful facts, a guide to learning to complete an unfamiliar task, or a hobby in and of itself. Reading is a key to good grades and achievement. Learning to love reading at an early age is the beginning of a lifelong relationship with great thinkers from the past, the most influential of the present, and even the promise of a positive (or at least an interesting) future.

A Globe and a subscription to National Geographic.

When a boy looks at places other than his own home he begins to become curious. Who lives there? What are they like? What kinds of jobs do they have? What do they eat? How are they like me? How are they different? Or are they?

A map would provide the same stimulus with regard to the questions I've mentioned so far. But a GLOBE! A globe is something that brings up even more ideas. If nothing else, it allows a boy to see how night and day works. It allows one to see how summer and winter work when you look at the globe's axis and the angle of the light from the sun. The idea of being tied together because we are on a single planet with no way off is presented...so we'd better learn to get along. And to take care of what we've got, because there isn't any other readily available source for the resources we need to survive.

And National Geographic! There may be no resource better than National Geographic to show folks the culture, the art, the lifestyle, the resources, the faces, the buildings . . . the world. If the adult version of the magazine is too difficult to read, National Geographic Kids and National Geographic Little Kids are available to start that understanding while kids are still very young. (And if National Geographic is not your cup of tea, look at Smithsonian, or ,Discover, or Popular Science.

An arrowhead is a link to the past, to a taste of the exotic and to adventure. Something tangible to connect your boy with the past is beyond value. History placed right into his hand changes his entire concept of the world and of the past. Instead of the dry, boring ramblings of his teacher, Mrs. MacAnithingDul, a tangible relic from the past gives a boy something to identify with, something to relate to, and an understanding that history is real people...not just words in a book or an exhibit in a museum. It helps a boy understand not just the what of history, but the how and why!

Receiving an Electric Train Set is almost a Rite of Passage for a boy. Whether that set be the traditional Lionel Trains, or a smaller HO set, or even some of the larger gauge sets. A train set allows imagination to flourish as the fantasy of running an entire railroad is played out. Basic electric wiring is taught through many of the sets as you connect your track to the transformer and to the other tracks. How do the switches work? What makes the crossing lights flash? All sorts of questions to be pondered and answered.

Every boy should have a pocket knife. Whether it be a Swiss Army Knife or a simple folding blade, a pocket knife is a great way to teach about tools, safety, and responsibility. Used under proper supervision, a boy can use a pocket knife for a multitude of purposes. This is one of those things that you buy, you supervise, and you trust that the values you've instilled will cause the boy to handle it right. In most cases everything is just fine. I got my first pocket knife at age 7. I was allowed to actually carry it in appropriate places without having to ask my parents for it at age 11, when I moved from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. I carry one to this day.

A bike is one of those things that is essential to boys who live outside a major city. Easy, free transportation from place to place. The basis around which a great deal of play evolves. A chance to learn basic mechanical care and maintenance. Whether it is a simple street bike, or something more adventurous like the one in the picture (click it and take a look), a bike is the chance for a boy to feel the wind against his face and to take advantage of the fact that the world actually extends more than two blocks from his house. Again, a chance to learn responsibility and prove trustworthiness, a bike is a great stepping stone...and maybe even a way to have family fun if you'll ride with him!

A dog is a faithful companion., a friend when nobody else seems to care, a status symbol in neighborhoods where dogs are few. A dog teaches a boy so many lessons without him even realizing it! Everything from the responsibility of cleaning up the dog's messes to walking responsibly when others are around. If a dog won't work for your situation, consider a cat, or a hamster, a lizard, or maybe even a snake...something for him to care for of his very own. (But don't forget to monitor things. Boys sometimes get forgetful and animals get hungry.)

A bike is one of those things that is essential to boys who live outside a major city. Easy, free transportation from place to place. The basis around which a great deal of play evolves. A chance to learn basic mechanical care and maintenance. Whether it is a simple street bike, or something more adventurous like the one in the picture (click it and take a look), a bike is the chance for a boy to feel the wind against his face and to take advantage of the fact that the world actually extends more than two blocks from his house. Again, a chance to learn responsibility and prove trustworthiness, a bike is a great stepping stone...and maybe even a way to have family fun if you'll ride with him!

Whether that trip be 100 miles from home or just outside the back door, every boy dreams, has dreamed, or will dream of taking a camping trip. The chance to pitch a tent and sleep beneath the stars is something he will never forget. The opportunity to cook his own food over a campfire is a character-building experience that he will treasure all his life. (And the experience of eating hamburgers which have turned into a close relative of charcoal will urge him to learn the finer culinary arts.) Teaching self-reliance, and perhaps even courage in the face of a thing that goes bump in the night, is a character building experience your boy will treasure. Even if it's only once, the rewards earned by giving a boy a camping trip will far outweigh any expense (or discomfort of sleeping on the hard, hard ground) you encounter!

The opportunity to learn to play a musical instrument is one that will benefit anyone. Whether the purpose is to teach the fundamentals of music, or just to show a boy that he can do something that he never imagined, playing an instrument is a wonderful experience. Playing in a ensemble, a boy learns to cooperate with others and to be a part of an organized group. Working on rhythms and pitches, a boy gains insight into the physics of what it is that produces different sounds. And every university math department and music department will tell you that studying music gives a child an advantage when it comes to mathematical theory. So provide the instrument, and the instruction if necessary. Encourage regular practice to ensure progress. And enthusiastically attend performances. Your boy will appreciate it! And who knows, you may have the next Isaac Stern, Vladamir Horowitz, or Jimi Hendrix living under your own roof!

The Bible gives us wisdom. "Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. Almost every tradition, whether religious or secular, brings us a similar message. Provide training in what is right, and the child will live his life that way when he gets older.
So what is right? Here are some ideas to consider...
The Boy Scouts of America say that a boy should do her best to be:
* Honest and fair,
* Friendly and helpful,
* Considerate and caring,
* Courageous and strong, and
* Responsible for what he says and does,
* Respect himself and others,
* Respect authority,
* Use resources wisely,
* Make the world a better place
And notice that the Boy Scout Oath doesn't say a boy has to be these things. It takes into account the understanding that life is a journey. We stumble, and sometimes we fall. I have; you probably have too. I can almost guarantee the boy in your life will do so as well. All that's asked is that he "DOES HIS BEST." I like that!

Everybody does something well. And everybody needs to hear about it!

When I was young, my talent was that I was smart. I did well in school, sometimes without trying. I wasn't an athlete. I wasn't the rugged outdoors type. Heaven knows I wasn't a ladies' man. But I sure could get the grades.

Mom was really quiet. I know she was proud of me, I could see it in her eyes. Dad bragged on me to his friends, but in front of me he always seemed upset that I needed to do something better. My teachers were never effusive in their praise because I never was at the absolute peak of anything. But once a Quarter we used to get a certificate if we made the "Honor Roll" in school. I so looked forward to getting that certificate. I graduated from high school in 1972, but I still have some of those certificates from elementary school telling me that i did a good job. Those were my rounds of applause.

I earned my Eagle Scout award in 1969. That plaque and a picture from the ceremony still hang on my wall. That ceremony was a round of applause. They mattered to me...and I still treasure them. They were a round of applause.

Every boy needs a round of applause.

And every boy is good enough at something to earn that round of applause. Maybe he's fast as lightning and can win the hundred yard dash at the All State track meet...or maybe he's just faster than anyone his age at this end of the block. When you see him do something well, compliment him! It's especially effective if you find out what HE's proud of and compliment him on that!

And what's really good is if you can give him some sort of trophy to commemorate that thing hs does so well. It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive. A photograph. A certificate of some sort. Something unique to him that he can look at while he's alone. Something that will make him feel good when he's doing well, lift his spirits when he's down in the dumps, and help him remember that he's got at least one person in his fan club.

If you want to have an impact on a boy forever...give him a round of applause.

The word gang has taken a beating lately, figuratively and literally. It's not fair! I wish we could change the lexicon.
When I was in high school, our soccer coach was a man named Frank Rizzi. The man was a second father to almost every kid on the team. We looked up to him. We listened to him, sometimes more closely than we did to our own parents.

At least for the years I was there, the team had a tradition. I don't know where it started, and I don't know if it continued after we left. After the last game of the season the boys sang a song...

"I've got a gang,
You've got a gang,
Everybody's gotta have a gang.
But there's only one real gang for me...
Coach Rizzi's gang!"

And the Seniors cried.

That wasn't really my gang...I wasn't enough of a jock. I ran in two gangs...the orchestra/band nerds and the Boy Scout nerds. We weren't really that close, but we could count on one another.

Every boy needs a group of friends who he can hang around with...a gang of kids with whom he can celebrate victories and commiserate losses. A group of kids on whom he can count to be there when things are down, and who can count on him to be there for them.

Choose them wisely, choose them well, and relish the time you have with them. And hopefully even years down the line you can still celebrate and commiserate, play music and reminisce.

One of my band nerd friends contacted me this week. We haven't spoken since 1974. And we've corresponded about once a decade. But seeing his name in me e-mail in-box made me smile. This year's Christmas gifts from the Void was Bill Bekkenhuis and Linda Maryanov. Last year's was Carole Gerst-Reinwald. What will next year bring?