I have no real intention to breastfeeding my baby before he was born. Whenever people asked me if I have the intention to breastfeed, I will said I will try to. I still remember I have a discussion with my husband on which brand of formula milk should we get for our baby.

The day my son was born, the hospital nurse asked me if I want to total breastfeed, partially breastfeed or formula feed my baby. I told her total breastfeed and from that moment, I was determine to do so.

The first month of my breastfeeding career was terrible. I feel like giving up everyday especially at night when I got to wake up every hour to breastfeed my baby. People around me was not encouraging me at all. I was told to spoon feed my baby at the hospital if I need to feed him with formula so that to avoid nipple confusion. However, my conefinement lady said that this was the first time she had heard of such a thing in her 20 years of experience. My in-laws and my husband choose to believe her and they kept telling me to bottle feed my baby with formula milk. It was so stress trying to endure with tireness, pain from below, in the stomach and the nipples and all kind of comments from the people around me. They told me that my milk was not enough because my baby was crying for milk every hour. My lack of knowledge on breastfeeding was making me very stressful.

My baby was readmitted to the hospital on the third day due to high level of jaundice. I decided to pump out my milk regliously every three hours and manage to keep two big bottles of expressed milk in the fridge to be brought to the hospital for my son. My confinement lady saw the amount of milk I pumped out and commented that they were thick and creamy. She also said that I have produced a good amount of milk. She did not know how many session of pumping I have done in order to get that kind of amount. 

There was one time when my boy drunk 70ml of expressed milk from a bottle so fast that my conefinement lady and my husband believe that he has got not enough. Again, they wanted to formula feed him. I threw a huge temper at my husband and told him to get out of my room. My mom happen to call me on the phone at that moment and heard me crying. They believe that I am suffering from post natal depression. They got worried and decided not to mention the word "formula" to me again.

There were times when I felt really stress and tired from breastfeeding especially at night. There were also time that I wonder why am I abusing my own breast when I can choose to formula feed my baby. What was making me worst was that I cannot talk about my feeling with my husband knowing that he will suggest to formula feed my baby to solve all my problems.

I am still breastfeeding my son now and things has becomes easier as days goes by. Moreover, I have fight and win battles against  milk blister, sore nipple & engorgement.

I was glad that I found lots of informations and support in the internet that keep me going. I wish to share these information and knowledge on breastfeeding with anyone that is struggling to continue.