So often we go through the day dealing with problems and people, but never really understanding the feelings that those encounters elicit.

This exercise is designed to assist you the exploration of hidden feelings. If done properly, this exercise will help you to get in touch with your feelings, pinpoint the origin of the stress, and help you alleviate the negativity surrounding the discomfort.

This is Disk 1 of a series of self-help tapes brought to you by
Bridges to Health
And
Dr. Linda Mundorff, MPH,MSN,ND,RN,CNC,CTN
Registered Nurse/Naturopathic Doctor

© 2006 Bridges to Health. All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws. Printed in the U.S.A.

According to The Encarta World Dictionary, hope is defined as:
1) to have a wish to get or do something or for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely; 2) A wish or desire: something that somebody wants to have or do or wants to happen or be true; 3) Source of success or relief: somebody or something that seems likely to bring success or relief.
No matter how difficult one's situation is, to have hope is trust in faith that things will get better. When hope is lost, despair is sure to follow. Despair is depressing; it is encased in shrouds of pessimism and isolation. Despair is a result of prolonged hopelessness, an emotional state whereby life becomes too much to handle and a feeling that no matter what one does, all roads lead to dead-ends. Once hopelessness and despair surface a sense of powerlessness is sure to follow. When we feel powerless to do anything, we become immobilized and incapacitated. The human body cannot remain in this conflicted state for long. Either the person must find a way to climb out of the hole they have found themselves in, or clinical depression will ensue.
At one point or another in our lives, we have all experienced a sense of despair, hopelessness, and a loss of power. Take a moment to revisit a time in your life when an experience made you feel alone, without hope, or encouragement. How long were you in a state? Were you ready to give up? How did you handle that situation? How long before you were able to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel? Did someone help you on your journey back to hope or did you find the course yourself? Now think about your family, friends, co-workers, and patients - do you believe that experiencing despair, hopelessness, and powerlessness can give you the tools to help those close to you climb out of their own holes? Alternatively, because of your own negative experience do you find yourself shying away from helping those in similar situations? It is ok if you have experienced the latter; it is human nature to protect oneself and to move to safer ground.
Emotional triggers can be very painful and it is always easier to remove the stimulus, than deal with the fallout. Sometimes an emotional trigger will result in anger or resentment. You might rationalize your emotional state by saying, "I had to deal with my problems without any help. No one came to my rescue. So why should I help?"

It does not make you a bad person to feel this way; it is a protective mechanism to keep you safe. Unfortunately, the response is not a healthy one and should alert you that perhaps you have not truly resolved your own issues. It is a good thing to become self-aware that something needs to be resolved within you. After all, we did go into nursing because we wanted to help others. However, you cannot help others until you help yourself. Think of the airplane analogy, when the oxygen masks come down, you are instructed to put yours on first, then assist small children and others who might be in need. This is not a selfish gesture but merely an intelligent one. If you do not put on that oxygen mask first, you risk passing out from oxygen deprivation and then you will not be any help to anyone else.
So the next time you find yourself in a situation that calls for helping someone else in despair, think about how you might restore his or her belief in hope once again. It is by restoring hope, that healing can begin. Remember it is difficult to see beyond pain, when someone is in a state of despair. Therefore making reassuring statements is not going to be enough. You must assist that individual in finding hope again.

I offer suggestions to restoring hope as follows:

1. Talk about the situation, encourage story telling about the situation as a way to push away negative thoughts.
2. Talk about the cycle of hopelessness and despair- that as long as the cycle continues that change is impossible.
3. Explore alternatives and help others focus on re-establishing goals.
4. Assist others in finding new ways to circumvent the barriers of despair.
5. Find alternatives to functioning within the limitations of their situation so that they can find love and peace once again.
6. Talk about misconceptions and uncertainty and look for solutions.
7. Knowledge is power, we are our own master's of life, there are always choices, and solutions. The only thing that is certain in life is death and taxes.

We all must grieve loss before we can return to a healthy mental state. Therefore, do not try to shelter others from the pain of grief, but encourage the process. The world can be a scary place at times, we see pain and suffering all around us. It is easy to fall prey to despair and hopelessness. However, amidst all the pain and suffering in the world are also beauty, meaning, and perspective. It takes courage to grow and experience all that life throws in our path. Who said life was ever going to be easy? We were put on this planet to live. There are no guarantees that by living we somehow can cheat the pain. I believe in the phrase, "every cloud has a silver lining." You just have to take the time to find yours.

Disclaimer: Dr. Mundorff is a Board Certified Naturopath, and not a medical doctor. The information in this column is for educational purposes only and should not be used to self-diagnose and treat diseases. Naturopathy is a complementary practice to health care and should be used in conjunction with a competent health care practitioner. Many herbal and homeopathic remedies can actually be contraindicated in many health conditions, with certain prescriptions, and over-the-counter medications. Please consult your physician before starting any alternative modalities.